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The iAd Clip Show! (MST3K 1.10)

Sorry, I don't have time to write a funny line here....

DISCLAIMER: I want to see Britney Spears nude! As always, we have nothing to do with any of the e-feds in this MST. We have taste.-Skeeter & Leary

[The Satellite of Love. Seth, Crow and Tom are in shot.]

Seth: You're sure Trey hasn't turned up yet? I've got TONS of long-winded crap for us to MST!

Tom: Not a sign of him Seth...

Crow: Nada.

Tom: Zippo.

Seth: Okay, I get the picture. I can't face watching the Festival de mediocrity without Trey to help out. I DO have some shorter stuff, though...

Tom: Why do I get the feeling we're in for a...


[Door Sequence. Inside the theatre, Seth and the bots settle in. On screen, the words "A WWE Production. (Yeah, Right!)" are visible.

Seth: Strap it in, here we go...

****Smackdown results will go here****

Seth: And, as usual, sarcastic comments and witty asides will go here...

****As cops go off****

Tom: 90% of the audience switches to VIP, rather than watch the crap we're about to sit through...

****the wwe sign comes on and the wwe comes on,****

Tom: And the remaining 10% switches off...

****they play the video and the pyros shoot off and the lights come on****

Crow: Dude, buy a period! It's like a bad 60's beat poem!

Seth: (Stoner) And the birds go tweet, and the flowers bloom and I take the brown acid and... oh, wow!

****the picture moves up and down the rows of fans looking at them, the angle zooms down the king and jr.
Jr-welcome fans to the frist ever show of wwe,*****

Seth: (JR) And also our LAST ever show!

Crow: Thank God for small mercies...

****we are very happy to have you here there must be over 68 thousday fans****

Tom: It's Thousday already? Wow, what happened to Wednesday?

Crow: Man, I can't believe they're using stock footage of Wrestlemania 17 and pretending it's their crowd...

Seth: Believe it... it this show had more than sixty-eight paying fans, I'm Mao Tse Tung...

****here wow what a great night we have we have****

Seth: We have a severe stutter, we have, we have...

****a great main even****

Tom: A main even? That's odd...

****hhh vs Y2j with steph as the ref, that will be a slobber nocker, huh king.****

Crow: (King) Hey, if there's a chick in it, I put the "slobber" in slobberknocker!

****King-yes your right king a real slobber nocker, but you know what else i cant wait to see****

Seth: (King) The writer of this show make a public apology to England for mangling their mother tongue like this...

****brock lesnar vs the undertaker now that will be a awsome match if i do say so my self.****

Tom: Lying is a sin, Mr Lawler... you should be ashamed of yourself!

****The ttiantron flickers****

Seth: The titty-tron? Great, it's big-screen porn time!

Crow: I'm SO glad Treys not here for THAT!

****and vince mcmahons no chance in hell music hit's over the pa system,****

Crow: Summing up this federations chances of survival nicely... No chance in hell of out-rating "The Best of Barney and Friends" in the Neilsens...

Seth: (Sings) 'Cause they got... NO FANS! No plans as well!

****vince mcmahon walks out from the and struts to the ring****

Tom: Walks out from WHERE? The Cosmic Void?

****looking at nice and neat.****

Seth: "Nice and Neat"? Now there's a great name for a tag-team... If they re-packaged Lenny and Lodi again...

****he get's hatf way down the ring when he sees a sign, that says wweefed2k3 sucks and IWF rules.****

Crow: Well, I agree with the first part... Have we MSTed the IWF yet?

Tom: Nope, but let's add it to the list...

****he grabs the sign and rips it up and spits on it****

Crow: I'm intending to find the original script for this show and do the same...

****he walks the rest of the way to the ring he walks up the stairs and in to the ring he go's over****

Seth: One attempt at punctuation in the whole mammoth run-on sentence and he botches it... that's so sad.

****and grabs the mic and put's it up to his mouth.****

Crow: (Vince) I resign! There will be no refunds! Goodnight!

****Vince-hello fans, and welcome the the first ever live show of wweefed2k3!!!!!****

Tom: Oh, where do we start with THIS? The clunky, overly-vowel-endowed name?

Seth: The fact that 2K3 represents 2003, and there's NO WAY this fed is going to last three more months...

Crow: Or should we praise him for FINALLLY getting a comma in the right place! Maybe those "English as a Second Language" classes are working!

****i want to welcome you****

Crow: ...Or maybe not...

****, and by welcomeing you i mean by making the first ever main event in the wwe****

Seth: Okay, it's time Vince took the BLUE pill...

****triple h(cheers are heard)vs y2j(boo)****

Tom: Ahhh, the rabid fanbase of the wweefed.... listen to them go nuts!

Seth & Crow: (Monotonic) Dub dub E. Dub dub E. Yay team.

****with the ref my very own daddys litle girl steph****

Tom: And listen to THIS reaction!

[Crickets chirp in the background.]

Crow: Just like in REAL life!

****yea i thoght you might like that so, also i made the undertaker****

Seth: Hey, it's Vince McFrankenstein!

****vs brock lesnaer a cage match, and that should be one hell of a match****

Crow: Should be... but won't, because this IS the wweefed...

****, and on my way down to the ring i see the sign wwe sucks IWF rules yea your right****

Tom: Aww, it's no fun riffing on a fed that actually ADMITS how bad they are!

Crow: Yes it is...

Seth: I agree... riff on, MacDuff!

****but i put iwf out on the streets like i did ecw and wcw, so they all can just kiss my ass.****

Seth: Nice repartee, Vince... Potty talk = ratings, all right!

***but away a nuff talk lets get on with the show!!****

Crow: Must we? E nuff is e nuff!

Tom: Oh, come on! If a federations' interviews are this bad, their matches should be GREAT!

****Match 1
edge walks out and hit's sting with a spear 1 2 3****

Tom: Th' hell?

Seth: Woo-hoo! What a match! Five stars! Encore! Match of the Year contender for sure!

Crow: I blinked, what happened?

srry edge you were the only one that rped!****

Seth: Ooh, he just broke the fourth wall! With a wrecking ball!

****Match 2
the ttiantron flickers and the undertakers titantron hits over the pa system taker comes out on his bike and rides all over the ring****

Tom: Now THAT'S impressive! Stunt driving! It's like the X-Games!

Seth: With massive amounts of no-selling!

****he get's in the ring and taunts the crowd****

Crow: (Undertaker) You PAID to see this shit? Ha ha ha! I laugh at you!

****brock lesaners titantron comes on and he sneecks up on taker and hit's the f5
1 2 3****

Tom: Oh, come ON! Taker sold for Lesnar? We're in the wrong freakin' universe!

****srry guys i dont hvae time!****

Seth: Time for what, your second trip through third grade?

****Match 3

rock vs rvd****

Crow: Well, this should be a...

you only rped****

Crow: ...Good matc... HUH?

[Seth is convulsing with giggles by now.]

****Mathc 4

Winner hhh****

Tom: HEY! I didn't even have time to riff!

Seth: *snort*... And here's the kicker...

****srry guys i dont have time to run a e-fed!****

Crow: WHAT?!! Then why the hell did he start one?!!

Seth: Hey, we have to get our MSTing material from somewhere, Crow!


[We cut to black for a second, then back to the theatre. it's empty. Trey enters from the left and moves to his usual seat.]

TV: Tom! Crow! will you two hurry up! How long does it take to make a Manhattan? You're going miss this stinking crapfest of a wrestling show Seth gave me!

[The screen flickers into life.]

TV: Tom? Crow? Anyone?

Monday Night Mayhem Results****

TV: The Xtremely Worthless Organization?

****1st Match - International Title Tournament Billy Bathgate v.s. Christian Storm Winner: Billy Bathgate Via: Pin fall****

TV: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whatever happened to the end of the match coming at the end of the match?

****Highlights: Billy Bathgate took control of this match right away, with several hard shots to the head of Christian Storm.****

TV: Oh no, it's raining Christians! *Ahem* OK. I'm a little rusty, hold on. Umm. It's…uh…raining Christians! (Pause) D'oh!

****Bathgate seemed to be focused on the lower body of Storm,****

TV: (Bathgate) Would you look at his ass? And that bulge. Hoooga.

****hoping to take the element of high flying away from Storm.****

TV: Why doesn't he just pull out a baseball bat and whack his knee caps?

****Bathgate locked Storm in the Boston Crab, and had in on for about 3 minutes.****

TV: Three minutes? Bring on the FAT SAMOANS! Let's get this crap off the air!

****Finally Storm reached the bottom rope and the hold was released. Bathgate took Storm to the outside, where he slammed him back first into the ring repeatedly. He then threw Storm back into the ring, where he locked in the Boston Crab yet again.****

TV: Rest holds are for jobbers.

****Storm was able to reach the ropes again, and the hold was released. Then from out of nowhere, Christian Storm mounted a huge offensive flurry and began nailing Bathgate with several rights and lefts.****

TV: Eat this Nike! Eat this Adidas! Eat this Lugz!

****He sent him flying into the ropes, and hit him with a gigantic spine buster that took a lot out of both competitors.****

TV: Oh man, vomit, urine and crap is staining the ring.

****The referee issued the 10 count, but both fighter recovered at the same time.****

TV: Oddly enough, the match didn't end with a 10 count. For here, in XWO a 10 count isn't XTREME enough. So they have a 100 count.

****The two exchanged blows in the center of the ring****

TV: Why does every show have oral sex? Damn Clinton! Damn him to hell. He's corrupted our youth!

****with Storm getting the upper hand.****

TV: And hand jobs?

****Storm went for a superplex, but his back gave out, and Bathgate capitalized.****


****He hit Storm with three forearm shots to the lower back, and then hit the Stickup for the victory! After the match, HBK came down to celebrate with Billy Bathgate,****

TV: (HBK) Bend over Billy.

**** but their celebration was halted when***

TV: HBK realized what a scrub Billy was.

****the nWo 2000 Theme hit, and leaflets began falling from the rafters.****

TV: Which read: HAHAHAHA. I can't believe you paid to watch this crap. Love - the nWo 2000.

****The leaflets read; "Be Ready. . .For the Apocalypse. . .!!!"****

TV: Repent. The end is nigh.

****A stunned Billy Bathgate exited the ring, with HBK right behind him.****

TV: HBGay. Man, this fed is really developing that old angle.

****2nd Match - Winner Goes To World Heavyweight Tournament Hulk Hogan v.s. HHH w/ Stingray Winner: HHH Via: Pin fall Highlights:****

TV: None, as this was a Hogan match.

****Hulk Hogan seemed determined to defeat HHH from the very beginning.****

TV: (Hogan) I'm a bigger star than HHH will ever be. Just look at his big nose.

****Hogan began the match with a side headlock, which HHH countered by sending Hogan to the ropes. Hogan came charging back, and hit HHH with a huge clothesline that sent HHH over the top rope! Stingray helped his man to regroup, and HHH re-entered the ring, only to be welcomed by Hogan's fists!****

TV: Let's see a split-legged moonsault, Hogan. C'mon. Show me!

****A dazed HHH staggered to the corner, where Hogan pounded away at him. Hogan then pulled HHH out of the corner and body slammed him twice.****

TV: Seth, this is your idea of sports entertainment so bad it's good? Man. SETH!

****Hogan went for a cover but only got a two count.****

TV: When egos collide, who will do the job?

****He went right back on the attack, however, hitting HHH with several punches to the mid section. Hogan sent HHH to the ropes and caught him with a sleeper.****

TV: *Moan*

****HHH however grabbed Hogan's head and countered with a jaw breaker!****

TV: Which Hogan choked on and died. The end.

****HHH got his second wind****

TV: Whoa, nice flutterblast there. That boy's been eating his beans.

****and went to work on Hogan.****

TV: HHH is the XWO's David Hasselhoff. In: "Baywatch 2002: Plastic Surgery Disasters!"

**** He seemed to be systematically taking Hogan apart,****

TV: (David Hasselhoff) Damn it, where does this foot go? Whose chin is this? AHHH. What's THAT!

****but once again Hogan fought back, nailing HHH with several punches to the head.****

TV: And now Hogan's trying to reattach his own hand!

****The Game staggered into the ropes, and Hogan caught him with the Big Boot,****

TV: Which is still attached to his severed foot.

****followed by the leg drop!****

TV: Lazy bastard. Now he's ripping off his own leg so he doesn't have to move.

****As Hogan went for the cover, Stingray pulled the referee out of the ring, and Hogan gave chase to Stingray. HHH was waiting for Hogan on the opposite side of the ring, and hit Hogan with a high knee!****

TV: His knee is stoned, man.

****He then hit the pedigree on the outside, and rolled Hogan back into the ring. He covered Hogan, but somehow, Hogan kicked out just before 3!****

TV: Gee, just like every other match. I wonder how he did it?

****He then began "Hulking Up",****

TV: Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

****and mounted a comeback on HHH.****

TV: That was pornographic.

****He hit his Big Boot and leg drop again, but Stingray jumped up on the apron. Hogan hit Stingray with a hard right, and went back to HHH, but HHH hit Hogan with a low blow and then the pedigree! He covered Hogan again, but Hogan again kicked out! A frustrated****

TV: Audience turned the channel or knocked their televisions over.

****HHH, began to choke Hulk Hogan, then picked him up for a body slam. Hogan countered, sent HHH to the ropes, and hit his Big Boot and Leg Drop for the third time!****

TV: God forbid he try a move that might actually WORK.

****Stingray again interfered with the count, and the referee got out of the ring and ordered Stingray to go back to the locker room. Stingray slid a chair into the ring as he made his way around the ring. While the referee had his back turned, HHH hit another low blow on Hogan and pedigreed him on the chair.****

TV: Hogan kicked out, hit his big boot and leg drop and Stingray interfered, giving HHH the chance to his the pedigree again and this never ending nightmare to continue like Groundhog Day. What did I do?

****The referee got back in the ring, and HHH pinned Hogan to secure a spot in the World Title Tournament!*****

TV: *Relieved sigh*

****3rd Match - International Title Tournament Sinner v.s. Carnage Winner: Sinner

TV: Dinner: beginner: thinner: skinner…

****Via: Pin fall****

TV: Pinner?

****Highlights: Sinner and Carnage circled each other to start the match, but the paced soon picked up, with Sinner getting the upper hand and hitting several top rope moves on Carnage.****

[Trey throws popcorn at the screen.]

****Carnaged weathered the storm****

TV: Take that! I hit him so hard with this popcorn it made him forget how to spell his name!

**** and fought back to take control of the match. He hit Sinner with several slams, then hit a gigantic power bomb! All of a sudden, the lights in the arena went out, and the nWo 2000 theme song hit!****

TV: The song that's still cool two years past its prime, much like the group itself. No matter WHAT the fans say.

****The lights came back on, and the two competitors were standing in the ring, as confused as everyone else.****

TV: (Sinner) What kind of angle was that?

****Realizing what happened,****

TV: Absolutely nothing…

****Sinner quickly rolled up Carnage and got the win! After the match, Carnage grabbed a mic and called out the nWo 2000.****

TV: Is that the Nash, Hall, Jarrett, Hart version?

****After getting no answer, he took his frustration out on a cameraman, and several referees. After the assault was over, Carnage left the ring, still calling out for the nWo 2000.****

TV: (Carnage) I hate you guys! You're nothing but a bunch of scum! Ya hear me! Scum!

****4th Match - International Title Tournament Big Mann Shuler v.s. Frost Winner: Big Mann Shuler Via: Pin fall Highlights: The bell sounded,****

TV: WOW! What action!

****and Frost went right at Big Mann Shuler!****

TV: Didn't he used to coach the Miami Dolphins?

**** In an attempt to slow down Shuler's mobility, Frost hit him with a chop block, and locked in the Texas Cloverleaf! Shuler made it to the ropes and Frost broke the hold, but the damage had already been done.****

TV: Yes, the Nielsen ratings had crashed to new lows.

****Frost went back to work on Shuler's legs, and Shuler tried desperately to fight Frost off of him, but Shuler's lack of mobility and Frost's speed made it a very difficult task. Frost went to the top rope and landed a diving elbow right onto the knee of Big Mann Shuler! Frost then dragged Shuler the the corner, exited the ring, and locked Shuler in the figure four around the ring post!****

TV: (Bret Hart) Scum. That used to be MY move. SCUM.

****He the slammed both of Shuler's legs into the post, and got back into the ring. He went back to the top rope to attempt another elbow, but missed! Shuler had his chance to capitalize.****


****With the energy he had left, he used the ropes to climb to his feet, and tried to pick up Frost, but Frost countered and put Shuler in a stepover toehold! Shuler again powered his way to the ropes, and Frost was forced to break the hold. Frost began to get cocky,****

TV: But then remembered where he works and began to weep.

****and began taunting Big Mann Shuler. Shuler then shockingly jumped to his feet, and hit Frost with a phantom punch, covered him, and got the win in what had to be a very controversial finish to the match!****

TV: Um, what the hell just happened? Let's step into rhetorical mode for a minute: Was this a screw job or just a poorly booked match?

****After the match, Shuler "limped" his way to the locker room,****

TV: Embarrassed that he'd had a wide awake wet dream during his match.

****while Frost remained in the ring, seeming to be very upset over his loss. He held his jaw as if it were really hurt, and left the ringside area to the chant of "You're a fake!"****

TV: He then tripped over the sound system cord and the chant died. And there was silence.

****5th Match - Singles Competition Any Body Killa v.s. The Rock Winner: The Rock Via: Pin fall Highlights: The Rock came to the ring with the Entire nWo Wolfpac behind him!

TV: Aw, hell. Two nWo's. This isn't even entertaining bad. This is BAD BAD. When is the little girl getting powerbombed Seth? WHEN?

****However the referee made the ring announcer announce that for the remainder of the night, NO ONE other than the wrestler's involved in the match would be allowed at ringside. Stingray argued with the referee, but the referee reminded Stingray that he was the Senior Official,****

TV: Of this scripted garbage…

****in being such had the right to make match rulings as he saw fit.****

TV: Or as the booker decided selective enforcement is a cool angle.

****An angry Stingray led his troops to the back, and the match finally got underway. Any Body Killa took seemed to catch The Rock by suprise with his****

TV: Lack of literacy.

****offensive arsenal. The Rock was overwhelmed by the power of A.B.K., and seemed to be very frustrated.****

TV: Carrying this jabroney. The Rock says, The Rock says, The Rock is going to Hollywood, screw this sports entertainment CRAP.

****He could not mount any type of offense of his own, and A.B.K. began to feed off of The Rock's frustration.****

TV: Which oddly grew in proportion with his bulge.

****Rock was finally able to turn the tide, when A.B.K. missed a clothesline that could have ended the match.****

TV: Or not. But we'll never know.

****Rocky unloaded on A.B.K. with shot after shot to the chin, but A.B.K. nailed The Rock and quickly regained control of the match. The two ended up outside, where The Rock was dropped onto the guard barrier, and then choke slammed on the entrance ramp. By the time the two men made their way back into the ring, The Rock looked as if he were ready give it up.****

TV: No more teasing. No more blue balls.

****Any Body Killa hit a huge power bomb, followed by another choke slam! He covered The Rock, but he kicked out! The fans began to chant the Rock's name, and Rocky made a tremendous comeback! He hit A.B.K. with a power clothesline, followed by body slam, and clothesline off the top rope.****

TV: Ah, he finally conquered his fear of doing any so-called 'dangerous' spots.

****Rock then sent Any Body Killa to the ropes, and hit him with the biggest spine buster ever!****

TV: So big that ABK's body just disintegrated. Rock swept up the pieces and pinned them!

****He went for the cover, but A.B.K. was able to kick out!****

TV: Man, he got back together like he was the liquid terminator.

****The Rock then went to the referee, complaining that it was a slow count. He did not notice that A.B.K. had got back on his feet. Any Body Killa grabbed The Rock, turned him around, and went for a clothesline, but Rock ducked and hit the Rock Bottom, followed by the People's elbow! Rocky covered Anybody Killa and got the 1-2-3! After the match, The Rock called out Stone Cold Steve Austin, but what is got instead was the nWo 2000 theme, along with more leaflets from the rafters.****

TV: Which says "I hope you get paper cuts!"

****Rock took one of the leaflets, pulled his tights open, wiped his ass with it, and put it right in the middle of the ring!****

TV: Whoa! It's the people's chocolate frosting!

****The leaflets continued to fall as The Rock made his way back to the locker room area.
6th Match - 2nd Round - International Title Tournament Billy Bathgate v.s. Carnage Winner: Carnage Via: Disqualification****

TV: Carnage again! Bathgate again! Bastards!

****Highlights: This match was supposed to be Billy Bathgate vs. Sinner, but when Sinner's music hit, he was shown on the huge screen knocked out outside his locker room! The referee had no choice but to issue the 10 count, but Carnage came out and said that he had permission from the President himself to take the place of Sinner.****

TV: Ahhhh. That explains everything. And I know you can't see it but I just rolled my eyes.

****Billy Bathgate and Carnage began exchanging blows****

TV: Is that XPW guy booking this porn-wrestling?

****as soon as the bell sounded! The two went back and forth, punch after punch, until they both fell through the ropes and to the outside.****

TV: Man, this is some nasty gay porn here. Where's the chloroform and necrophilia?

****Once on the outside, the two continued to go at it!****

TV: *Smacks the top of his head* Last. MST. EVER.

****Carnage was able to take control, and power bombed Bathgate through the announcer's table!****

TV: GOOD. I hope his neck is broken!

****He then picked him up and rolled him back into the ring to inflict more damage.****

TV: Yeah. Cripple him. CRIPPLE HIM! Break his neck! Break his knees. Break his arms. And step on his toe, cuz that'll really hurt.

****Carnage tossed Bathgate around the ring like he was a rag doll for about 5 minutes,****

TV: This is a rather disturbing development. I hope he doesn't put a dress on. The fruity dancing is bad enough.

****then Bathgate began to battle back. He went to the tope rope,****

TV: And orders a Rum and Coke.

****but Carnage met him and sent him flying to the center of the ring. Carnage hit another power bomb, and it looked like the referee was about to stop the match.****

TV: Ah, finally, some mercy…for the viewers!

****As he made his way to Billy Bathgate, Bathgate grabbed the referee's shirt and sent him flying into the top turnbuckle! Iceberg came running to the ring, chair in hand, but Carnage saw him and hit him with the Big Boot. Killa Camron made his way to the ring, but was met with a huge clothesline. Next was Beanie Siegal, ****

TV: Rounding out Team S.H.I.T.

****who came stalking to the ring with a look of hatred in his eyes. He entered the ring and went toe-to-toe with Carnage. Carnage got the upper hand and power bombed Siegal out of the ring! Finally HBK appeared in the entranceway, with a steel chain wrapped around his fist.****

TV: He's threatening to come down there and use it. Look at him, all menacing.

****Just as Michaels was about to enter the ring, the referee realized what was going on, called for the bell, and declared Carnage the winner!****

TV: Umkay. If I cared, I'd wonder why, but I don't. So I won't. Get it?

***After the match, Michaels got in the face of the referee, and shoved him, but the referee shoved HBK right back! HBK turned to walk away, then hit the referee with a little Sweet Chin Music! He, Bathgate, Iceberg, Beanie Siegal, and Iceberg then went to work on Carnage!****

TV: And, the gangbang finale. Time for the money shots!

****All of a sudden, the nWo Wolfpac comes out and the Diplomats scatter through the crowd! Once they saw that The Diplomats were not trying to hang around, they turned and went back to the locker room.****

TV: I feel so incredibly drunk right now.

****7th Match - Singles Competition Dondo v.s. Big Show*****

TV: Is this the AMAZING DONDO?

****Winner: Big Show Via: Pin fall****

TV: Guess not, he jobbed to Big Show.

****Highlights: Dondo started the match by trying to overpower the Big Show, but the Big Show just sent him flying across the ring, laughing at him the whole time!*****

TV: Dildo.

****Then Dondo got mad nailed the Big Show with a right hand from the HEAVENS!****

TV: (Dondo) Thanks Jesus!

****It sent the Big Show reeling, and Dondo began his offensive attack. He hit the Big Show with everything he had, from every angle he could, as many times as he could!****

TV: Translation: One punch.

****Dondo got on the top rope and hit the Big Show with a missile drop kick that knocked the Big Show off his feet!****

TV: Ahh, Big Show stepped in some dry ice. I hate when that happens.

****He then hit the Big Show with a frog splash, but was only able to get a two count. Dondo continued the attack, firing away at the Big Show. He hit the Big Show with a series of drop kicks, the final one sending him over the top rope! He follows with a suicide dive through the ropes, and then shoves the Big Show face first into the ring post!****

TV: (JR) The Big Show sure could stand to lose a few pounds, that big fat lazy bastard.

****The Big Show climbed back into the ring, while Dondo went to the top rope to attempt a flying cross body. The Big Show caught him, however, and hit him with the Show Stopper! He covered Dondo and, just like that, the match was over!****

TV: And now he's flipping off Jesus. That's not right.

****After the match, the Big Show issued a challenge to any two members of the Diplomats. Before he could get an answer, the nWo 2000 music hit and a clip was shown on the huge screen of Kevin Nash Power bombing the Big Show!****


****The Big Show then began calling out Kevin Nash, telling him that he would take him on right then and there! There was no answer, just more leaflets from the rafters.****

TV: "The hottest porno today. Peep shows. Videos. Movies. Toys. Corner of 45th and 69th streets."

****8th Match - No Holds Bared****

TV: Bwahahaha! Thank God for THAT.

****Stingray w/ nWo Wolfpac v.s. Joe Winner: None Via: None

TV: Joe? None via none? This MUST be the main event.

****Highlights: JR: Well King its now time for our match between the owner and Joe. This is a no holds bared match and should be nothing but a fight.****

TV: WHOA. We have commentators?

****King: Oh its going to be a great match. Keep in mind the Owner will have the Wolfpac in his corner but Joe got the added stipulation, that should any member of the Wolfpac touch him the match is over,****

TV: And a sexual harassment suit filed.

****Joe gets the win and half the company!
(Stingray's music comes on and he comes to the ring. Then back in black comes on and Joe comes to the ring, as Joe enters the ring Stingray jumps him.)
JR: Stingray jumps the bell by going right after Joe****

TV: Wow. I've never seen anyone jump over a bell before the match. We should right a Mother Goose poem about it.

Hey Dildo Dildo, the pussy and the butt,
Joe jumped over the bell,
I'd rather be banging a chick, escort or slut,
I hope everyone in XWO rots in hell.

Yeah, I know it didn't rhyme. That's Haiku for you.

**** with lefts and rights. Joe just pushed him back into the corner and Joe gives him a big smack across the chest.****


****Joe now lighting the owner up****

TV: By sticking a Christmas tree up his ass.

****with lefts and rights! Now he gives Stingray a monkey flip out of the corner and it sends the owner across the ring and to the outside to regroup!
King: Stingray had to slide to the outside to regroup I think Joe is giving him more than thought!****

TV: Bwahahaha. I thought about thinking once.

****JR: Wait here comes Joe over the top rope with a flying shoulder tackle! Joe picks up a chair and takes a swing at the owner who moves and Joe makes contact with the ring post! Joe drops the chair and Stingray gives Joe a knee to the back and sends him into the stairs!****

TV: Give me an exclamation point!

****King: That's what makes Stingray the man he is, he waits for his chance then takes full advantage of it!.****

TV: Sounds like the King's also been to his fair share of parties where the women have passed out after a bit too much alcohol.

***JR: Stingray now with that chair smacks it across the back of Joe. Stingray takes that chair and pokes it into the ribs of Joe now!****

TV: (Pillsbury Doughboy) HOO HOOO!

****Stingray roles back into the ring and is chocking him out by pushing the edge of that chair into Joe's neck!****

TV: I've always found choking works better when you stick the chair into the throat.

****Stingray now makes a cover 1-2- and kick out! Stingray setting Joe up in the corner and comes charging and Joe moves and Stingray goes flying through and hits the ring post and falls the outside!
King: Someone help Stingray!
JR: Holding his back drops to the outside****

TV: OH MAN. His BACK FELL OFF? That I have NEVER seen before.

****and body slams the Owner on the ramp! Joe stops to hold his back.
King: See that's what Stingray did he wore out Joe's back so now he can try to get away!

TV: Take a period. Here . . . . . Have one of mine, I've got plenty. And for God's sakes, give him his BACK BACK.

****JR: Stingray and heading for the back. The ref is on the outside of the ring so now count is being given!****

TV: Oh boy, we're spiralling down to insanity. Now refs count on the outside of the ring?

****Joe is going after Stingray and grabs and slams him shoulder first into the support for the titan tron!****

TV: Man, first his back, now his shoulder. That guy is LITERALLY, tearing that other guy up!

****Joe went behind the curtain what's he got now?****

TV: I hope it's a SLEDGEHAMMER. That would be different!

**** He has a hot dog stand!****


****Joe grabs Stingray and sends him shoulder first into it! Joe stands over Stingray who sprays ketchup in the face of Joe!****

TV: And now Joe takes a hot dog, rubs it on his face and eats it!

****Joe looks away blinded!****

TV: Which begs the question, if one is blinded, can one 'look' away? And if a tree falls in the woods…

****Stingray grabs Joe and sends him down the ramp! What's stingray doing now he has that hot dog stand and comes charging at Joe with it and sandwiches him between the ring apron and the stand!****

TV: Sandwiches, hot dogs and slabs of human meat. XWO: Got ketchup?

****King: Oh yeah, that has to hurt Joe, that may have knocked the breath out of him!
JR: Stingray roles Joe back into the ring****

TV: (Stingray) You're really gonna love this part Joe. It's a great role. You get to play a washed up sports entertainer who has negative implications on the ratings.

****makes a cover again 1-2- and Joe kicked out! Stingray picks up Joe and body slams him down!****

TV: Has anybody been body slammed, UP?

****Stingray is going up stairs with the bell****

TV: And slams his bedroom door shut, angry at his parents for letting his sister play with his bell.

****and comes flying off the top with it and nails Joe right in the breadbasket!****

TV: He called that a breadbasket? That ain't no breadbasket son. That's a stomach fulluh cheeseburgers!

****Stingray grabs Joe and sends him off the ropes and goes for backdrop and Joe catches him with a DDT right on a chair! Joe roles the owner****

TV: (Joe) Got your wallet! Only seven bucks? Awww. Couldn't fight McMahon, could I?

****over makes a cover 1-2- and wait DDP came through the crowd and pulled Stingray's foot on the bottom rope!****

TV: Didn't he die?

****King: He can do that without this match being over he didn't touch Joe!****

TV: That's not what this little boy says.

****JR: Infact here comes the rest of the Wolfpac to the ring! Joe and Stingray trying to get up! Stingray grabs Joe and sends him off the ropes and wait Joe revers it and sends Stingray off the ropes and The Big Show pulled the top rope down thinking it would be Joe and Stingray lands lap first in that hot dog stand!

TV: (Customer) Hey, I didn't want mayonnaise on my hot dog. Hey wait, that isn't mayo…

****King: Someone help the Owner!
JR: Joe bounces off the ropes and comes flying with a flip over the top and lands on top of the owner and upsets the hot dog stand****

TV: Aww, the hot dog stand is crying.

****and Joe and Stingray are laying in pool of hot dogs and topings on the floor! Wait here comes the nWo black and white! What are they doing here?****

TV: Holy hell, how many versions of this group ARE there in XWO?

****King: They are attacking the Owner Stingray!
JR: The Wolfpac are trying to help him by attacking the black and white nWo! Remeber they can not touch Joe or else Stingray loses half the company!****

TV: (Singing) I will remeber you, will you remeber me?

****Stingray just got a jacknife from Nash!****


****as the Black and White have takenout the wolf-pac! Joe is behind the black and white and said lets finish off Stingray!
King: Oh no, somoene help Stingray...anyone in the back this is the man who signs your checks!****

TV: And berates you! And gives you your steroids!

****JR: Wait Joe just bounced off the ropes and double bulldoged the black and white! Joe is going to work on the black and white with the help of Stingray! Whats going on?

TV: I gave up asking pointless questions a few minutes ago.

****King: Wait, do you get it? Joe has joined the wolfpac!
JR: My god could it be? Was this whole thing a set up?
(Stingray grabs a mic.)
Stingray: Laddies****

TV: Aye, laddies, Stingray is a Scottish lad.

****and Gentlemen the newest member of the nWo Wolfpac and my personal body guard...Joe!
(Stingray and Joe raise each others hand in victory as the rest of the Wolfpac comes into the ring as they work over the black and white till the camera fades to black for a commercial.)
9th Match - For International Title Big Mann Shuler v.s. Carnage Winner: Big Mann Shuler Via: Pin fall Highlights: The bell sounded,****

TV: Yep. That'll probably be the best part of the match. Yet also the worst since it means they're gonna try to sports entertain now.

****and the two men stood nose-to-nose in the center of the ring.****

TV: Are they gonna lock lips?

****They locked up,****


****but neither man could gain an advantage.***

TV: Ugh! Enough lip locking!

**** The two men locked up again, with the same result.****

TV: XWO: We're Hardcore Gay!

****The then began a shoving match, which escalated into the two men trading blows in the middle of the ring!****
TV: NO. It only gets worse with every passing second.

****Shuler got the advantage, as Carnage went stumbling back against the ropes. Shuler moved in to try and capitalize, but Carnage countered, put Shuler against the ropes, and hit him with some shots of his own.****

TV: I could use a shot about now. Where is the SOL Bar?

****He then sent Shuler to the opposite side of the ring and went for his Big Boot, but Shuler ducked and hit Carnage with several forearms to the face. The two men again exchanged blows,****

TV: This match blows. Trey Vincent: Stating the obvious since, um, August of 2001.

****and this time it was Carnage who took control. He backed Shuler into the corner, and hit him with several body shots.****

TV: (Carnage) Do you have any more salt?

**** Carnage then put Shuler on the top rope and landed a superplex! It seemed to have taken a lot out of both men, as the two lay on the mat for a bit.****

TV: Get that blanket out of the ring ref!

****Carnage was the quicker of the two to recover, and went to work on Shuler. He pounded him into the corner again, then began to kick away at Shuler's mid section. Shuler tried to fight back, but Carnage just hit him with another body shot to regain control.****

TV: Carnage is stumbling. All that alcohol could come back to haunt him, especially if he needs to pee.

****Carnage then threw Big Mann Shuler to the outside, and went to get a chair. As he was about to nail Shuler with it, the referee snatched it from him! The chair slipped from the referee's hand and landed just inside the ring. Shuler then kicked Carnage in the gut and hit his patented Shop wrecker (variation of Marc Mero's TKO)****

TV: He hit him with Sable? What? She used to be a total knock out. Not anymore. But he did say variation…

****Shuler picked Carnage up and put him in the ring, but by the time he made the cover, he was only able to get a two count! Shuler picked Carnage up and sent him to the ropes for a clothesline,****

TV: (Stereotypical mother) And don't you come home until you get a clothesline.

****but Carnage countered and the two men hit each other! The referee issued the 10 count, and neither man was able to get up! The referee signaled for the bell and declared the match a draw! However, the Senior Official came to ringside and ordered that the match continue until there was a winner!****

TV: Then his teeth fell out and as he reached to pick them up, his wheelchair tipped over.

****The bell sounded again, and the two men went at each other, trading shots in the center of the ring! Carnage sent Shuler into the ropes, and hit him with a back body drop, and Shuler landed right on the chair! The referee was standing in an awkward position,****

TV: Does he…have an erection?

****and Shuler's foot hit him in the back! While the referee was down, Frost came to the ring and hit Carnage with the chair! He then revived Shuler, Shuler then hit the Mann Handler, and got the victory to become the new International Champion!****

TV: Despite the referee being down and never giving a three count.

****After the match, Carnage rolled out of the ring to regroup on this outside. Meanwhile, Big Mann Shuler celebrated his victory in the ring with Frost. A stunned crowd watched as the two celebrated. As Shuler made his way to the corner, the nWo 2000's theme hit! Shuler stood in the middle of the ring, and a voice boomed over the PA saying; "THE APOCALYPSE IS NOW! nWo 2000 FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!
What happens next??????????????*****

TV: There is a question mark shortage somewhere on the Internet. Now millions of Africans will now have to go without. Thoughtless bastards. Sally Struthers will have your heads! Thank you XWO. Thank you for making a World Wide Web punctuation shortage.


[We cut from the theatre to... the theatre. Seth and the bots are present again, but Seth is wearing a baseball cap to suggest the passage of time.]

Crow: What's next on the MSTing menu, Seth?

Seth: It's the WWWF... or as I like to call it... WWWWOOF!

****Justin Credible Vs Chris Benoit****

Crow: Hey, straight to the action! I like it!

****On Saturday the 29th of July, the WWWF will have its first PPV event, Mayhem.****

Seth: Psyche!

Crow: D'oh!

****This week will set the standards for the this awaited event.****

Tom: The this standards won't will be low not high bad.

****The tickets have been sold out since the start of the WWWF in early July.****

Seth: Because I know _I_ run to buy tickets to an wrestling event three months before I even know who's jerking the curtain...

****Tonight the WWWF title will be defended for the first time since Chris Jericho won it.****

Tom: (Y2J) I'm the king of the WWWWorld!

Crow: WWWWoo-frickin'-hoo!

****The show opens with a display of fireworks and pyrotechnics,****

Seth: Ooh, fireworks AND pyrotechnics! No expense spared in the WWWF!

Crow: (WWWF Owner) And we DARE you to tell the difference between them!

****the fans wave their banners in the air, you can almost smell the atmosphere that's building in the arena.****

Tom: (WWWF Fan) Man, "Nickel Chilli Night" was SUCH a bad idea!

****JR: Welcome to Raw is War, live on TNN,****

Seth: (JR) I'm Jim Ross, and I feel like I'm Bill Murray in "Groundhog Day"! Why am I commentating on ANOTHER sub-par federation? Help me!

Tom: It's Jim Ross's personal Hell...

****tonight will set the standards for Mayhem this coming Saturday.****

Crow: Ross is so bored he's just reading the cards intro again...

****What matches will be made tonight for Mayhem?, what plans to the Chairmen of the WWWF have in store for the wrestlers tonight?.****

Seth: (JR) Will anybody care?

Tom: (JR) Will anybody get me the hell out of the WWWF?

Crow: (JR) Will anybody notice that misplaced period at the end of that last line?

[Seth picks up a suspiciously-convenient carton of milk and sips some.]

****One thing that must be on the mind of Chairman Welly,****

[Seth slides off his chair, laughing so hard the milk spurts out his nose.]

Crow: What's on his mind? Plans of vengeance against everyone who made fun of his name!

****aka Prez.Stu,****

Tom: Oh, Stu Welly ! That's MUCH better!

****is the matter of Diamond Dallas Page, rebeling against his authority.
King: Well I don't normal go with the owner's as you, know****

Crow: (King) I also don't normal speak the good England, but today I be talking good.

****Im inparshal****

Seth: *snort* Sounds painful...

****but I must say that i think Chairmen Welly is correct on this occasion. What will he have on store for the Page?,****

Tom: Tonight, the part of The King will be played by Sven Jurgenson of Sweden...

****we will find out tonight!. Out first match is a one on one match putting Chris Benoit against Justin Credible, we await their entrance.****

Crow: Of course, if this was the wweefed2K3, the match would be over by now...

****The fans wait for Chris Benoit's music to play, but there is silence for a few moments until..****

Tom: Welly.

Seth: Bwa-ha-haaaaa!

Crow: That could cave in his face!

Seth: (Amid giggles) Stop it! You're ruining my "bad-ass" reputation...

Tom: We're good, Crow!

Crow: You know it!

****( Breathe Prodigy - Owner's music ) JR: There is the Owner's music, and there is video playing on the titan tron,****

Crow: The video is "Con Air"! Let's MST that instead!

Tom: Nahh, that's like fish-in-a-barrel MSTing...

****lets see what they have to say.
The Owner's Chris and Stu****

Crow: Welly...

Seth: *barely repressed snort* Quit it!

****make their way down to the ring, they slap some fans hands as they come down to ringside,****

Seth: (Chris) Stop getting fresh! HEY! Don't touch me there!

****roll under the bottom rope. Prez. Chris collects a microphone from Howard Finkle.****

Tom: (Chris) Other people want to use this, you know....

****Prez.Chris: Once again we have another cancelled match for lack of commitment to the WWWF,****

Tom: (Chris) Because you HAVE to be committed to work here! Wait, let me re-phrase that!

****we will not take any more of this, warnings will be issued to both Chris Benoit and Justin Credible. So there wil be no match at this particullar time.****

Seth: (Stu) Instead, Chris and I will dress in drag and sing "Feelings"! Hit it, maestro!

****But I do know Prez. Stu has an issue he wishes to address.****

Seth: (Bad Stand-Up Comedian Stu) Global warming... uhhh.. like, what's that all about? Huh? Is this thing on?

Crow: You suck!

****Chairman Chris hands the Mic to Chairmen Stu
Prez. Stu: Now Im sure you have heard in the last week****

Crow: (Stu) ...About my incredibly small penis!

Seth: Whoa! Cheap Riffs 'R Us is now open!

Crow: Ahh, bite me!

****or saw me and a certain person have a disagreement. The WWWF employee I am talking about is Diamond Dallas Page. Page I tried reasoning with you, but you didn't listening,****

Tom: (Stu) Then I tried tried sign language, but you did not looking! I phoned, but you did not speaking. You're mean!

****I then demanded you listened, but still did not acknowledge me. So then I took matters from being verbal and made them physical. I cost you the IC title,****

Seth: (Stu) And I'm GLAD, ya hear me... GLAD! Bwa-ha-ha-haaaa! Being evil SO rules!

****you know it and so does everybody else, but I felt it was in the INTEREST OF FAIRNESS, you did need heed my words.****

Tom: I can't even comprehend his words! It's like a stream of consciousness!

Seth: Chill, Tom! You need weed, take heed before you bleed!

****But yet still after that match you still fun your mouth as if you own the organisation.****

Crow: Stu thinks DDP has a fun mouth? Ewww... it's gay soap opera time!

****Well fact is DDP, you don't, your looking at the owners right here. Now I did want to fire you, but Prez. Chris changed my mind,****

Seth: (Chris) Yes, but the new mind keeps rejecting Stus' body!

****you said you wanted a piece of me. Well your going to get it on Smackdown.****

Tom: (Stu) You didn't specify WHICH piece you wanted, so here's my spleen! Enjoy!

****Yes you heard right DDP and Me on TV!,****

Seth: Welcome to the WWWF Poetry Hour!

****this Thursday on Smackdown. DDP Ill see you in little over half an hour in your match up.
Breathe plays once again and the two Owners of the WWWF walk back up to the ramp and head backstage.****

Tom: And we segue to... Another thrilling 20-minute interview segment! I LOVE those! More! More!

Seth: Sorry, Tom... unlike the wweefed, this one HAS matches!

****JR: WOW, we all thought Smackdown was cancelled, looks like they changed thier minds.****

Crow: WWWF: Indecisive? NO! Well, yes! Possibly.

****History will be made on Smackdown when one of the owners of the WWWF will compete in a wrestling match!.****

Seth: Yeah, THERE'S some history they'll be teaching in a few years... The Declaration of Independence, World War I, Welly vs DDP!

****But now there is a match on now, for the Light Heavyweight title, Shane O'Mac the champion to face Christian one hlaf of the tag team champions.****

Crow: Shane's a lightweight? Have you seen him recently? He should be named "Shane O'Big Mac"!

Tom: Well, at least we're FINALLY getting a match!

****King: What a match that was, both stars giving it thier all there. We'll see you after this break.****

Tom: WHAT?


[Seth does an over-acted double take at the screen.]

Seth: Sorry, guys... I honestly thought this wrestling show would have some... y'know, WRESTLING on it somewhere...

****Raw is War comes to commercial Break The show comes back with an advertisement for WWWF Mayhem****

Crow: WWWF: Interviews and Adverts! And that's about it...

****Jr: During the break, we saw DDP attack Prez.Stu, then run for cover as the Rock shows his face.****

Tom: Oh, great... there was more action during the commercial break than there was during the first twenty minutes of the show and the entire wweefed card put together!

****Lets take a look****

Tom: Yeah, showing the action would be a novel concept!

Crow: Hey, why break a perfect record?

****During the break: Prez.Stu and Prez.Chris were seen walking backstage, heading for their executive suite.****

Seth: Man, if I got as much on-camera time as the WWWF owners, I'd be BSCW Champ by now!

****Then from behind with steel chair DDP hits Pre.Stu on the back, then the Rock runs onto the scene and scares DDP off.****

Crow: (Rock) BOO!

Tom: (DDP) AHHHHHH! (Sir Galahad) RUN AWAY!

****Prez. Stu lays on the floor, while the Rock and Prez.Chris shout for EMT's.****

Seth: A stretcher job after one chairshot? Pussy!

****King: DDP is sick, he's twisted,****

Tom: (King) But we have a chiropractor on standby, so he'll be fine...

**** and I think he'll get what's coming to him on Smackdown. When Mr.Welly wrestles him.*****

[Seth collapses in helpless laughter again. Coma pauses the tape until he regains control of himself again.]

Crow: Welly

[Several minutes later.]

****But now onto the next match,****

Tom: I'll believe it when I see it!

****we were meant to have Prez.Stu as a special guest commentator, but I don't think he is in any state to come down here,****

Crow: Awww! And we had TONS of "Welly" jokes lined up!

****but lets see.****

Seth: (King) ...If we actually have a match this time...

****Finkle: The next match is a tag team table match, but first****

Tom: (The Fink) A twenty-minute interview and a Hindi dance number!

****introducing the special Guest commentator President Stu. (Breathe - Prodigy) Music play but no show from the owner, the music plays once again, still no show****

Seth: (The Fink) That's it, cancel the match! In fact, cancel ALL the matches! They're taking up valuable interview time!

****but then, a different piece of music plays (If ya Smell...)****

Tom: Is he implying that we smell?

Seth: Nahhh.. *sniff*.. Hey, you DO smell! Are you wearing cologne?

Tom: (Advertorial Announcer Voice) Why yes, Seth! It's... (Holds up a bottle) ...Calvin Klein's' "Sarcasm For Bots!".

Crow: Well, that's this weeks cheap plug out of the way...

****The Rock walks out he has a T-shirt saying the GR8 1 on it,****

Seth: Hey, why is Dwayne wearing his cars vanity plate?

****he walks down to ringside with his eyebrow held high.****

Crow: It's detachable? That's the creepiest thing I've ever seen!

****He walks down to ringside walks to the commentators table****

Seth: Walks like a man...

Tom: Walks it like he talks it...

Crow: Walks this way.. talks this wayyyy...

****and puts on a set of headphones.
King: Rocky, it's a pleasure having you down here, but we wer expecting Prez.Stu?****

Tom: (Rocky) Wer we? Wel, blo me, jbrone!

****Rock: well thanks to the Jabroni Dallas Pussy, he's out, and asked me to come down in his place. So lets gets this match on the road.****

Tom: Does this mean...?

****( Raven screeching) Raven walks out with his hardcore title over his shoulder,****

Tom: YES! An actual match!

Seth: And the MST is only three hours old!

****he walks down to the ring ands starts bouncing on the ropes****

Crow: Okay, so it's not a match... it's a Hardcore Trampolining contest...

****(You think you know Me) Edge walks out from behinds curtains****

Seth: (DeNiro) You think you know me, Edge? You think you know me? I don't see anybody else in the room, you MUST think you know me!

****with one tag title and the European title. (Heart Beat-Tazz) Tazz walks out stops at the edge of the ramp and waits for DDP (BAND yo its me its me its DDP)****

Seth: Strangest sounding explosion I've ever heard!

****DDP sprints down to the ring followed by Tazz. All four men are in the ring.****

Tom: (JR) Wweefed rules apply in this match, so...

Seth: (King) Edge hits a spear 1 2 3 ding ding ding.

****JR:Tazz and Raven start off, they hook up, tazz performs a belly to belly suplex.****

Crow: Next performance at eleven!

****Raven with a back body drop to tazz.****

Seth: Whoa, he backdropped him all the way to Tasmania! That'll give the Aussies a shock!

**** Rocky: You know DDP, is moron, he thinks he can run his mouth, bitch and moan about titles.****

Crow: Rocky's mic skills have dropped a couple of notches, huh?

Seth: Just a shade, yeah...

****Well the Rock says he should know his role!
King: Raven with an arm bar now, got Tazz in the middle of the ring. Tazz break free,****

Seth: (Thicky King) Tazz hitty him with hurty fist. Hitty, hitty, hitty! Tazz got arm thing on. Duh. Lock. Yur.

****runs into the ropes, short arm clothesline by Tazz to Raven. Tazz bulding momentum here,****

Tom: (Informercial Announcer) ...Using the Home Momentum Maker Kit from 3M! Only $29.95!

****Tazz takes Raven to his corner, tag made to DDP. DDP in kick to gut by DDP.****

Seth: Anyone else suddenly wishing we were back in the 20-minute interview segment again?

Crow: Oh, yeah... this commentary makes my CPU ache...

****Rocky: Look at him the prehistoric jack ass. Spineless SOB!. Dallas Pussy with ddt on Raven now. Kick to right leg of Raven, this is what Im talking about!****

Tom: WHAT are you talking about? Rocky's inventing an entirely new dialect of Idiot today...

****JR: Think I better take over from you there rocky, getting a little annoyed.****

Seth: You're not the only one, JR...

****DDP with suplex to Raven. DDP with the cover,wont count table match.****

Crow: (JR) Won't count, table match, help me, life sucks, I quit!

****DDP tries to cover again, Raven gets back up though. Raven with a bit of momentum now,****

Tom: (Infomercial Announcer) Yes, the 3M Home Momentum Maker now comes in FAMILY PACKS! Enough Momentum for when those unexpected guests drop by!

Crow: Batteries not included...

****sidewalk slam from Raven, Raven crawls to try and make the tag, but DDP drags him back over. Edge gets into the ring allowing the double team on Raven. The Referee stoping Edge to get in the ring****

Seth: "Stopping Edge to get in the ring"? It's like deciphering badly-translated VCR installation instructions!

****No DDP talks trash to the Rock, Rock takes of his head set,****

Tom: Oh no... here we go again! It's "OFF"! OFF! OFF!

Crow: I agree... Coma, turn the show OFF! OFF! OFF!

****and stands up. Rocky signalling to Just Bring It. Even flow DDT to DDP****

Seth: While listening to P.O.D on his DVD...

****from Raven!, .****

Seth: Dude, pick ONE piece of punctuation, huh?

****Both men are down. Ddp looks as if he needs some help, Raven just waking up now,****

Crow: (Raven) *yawn*... Geez, what an exciting match... did I miss anything while I was asleep?

Tom: (DDP) Not a thing, man...

Seth: (Edge) Where's my feet? Eh?

****he crawls to Edge, and makes the tag.
King: Edge in now, stoping DDP from tagging in Tazz, smart move by Edge.****

Crow: A smarter move would be to quit the WWWF and emigrate...

****Edge putting DDP up on the top rope, he's going for the super plex, no DDP pushes him to the mat. DDP, top rope, flying elbow drop.But wait where the hell is the Rock going?.****

Tom: (Rocky) I'm getting the hell out of WWWF before my brain stop work, I talk like idiot, can't use adjectives. D'oh. Is too late. Brain hurty.

**** JR; Rocky has climbed on to the ring, he's telling DDP to just bring it?. DDP walks over to him, but the ref tells the Rock to get down.****

Seth: (Referee) Yeah, get DOWN witcha bad self, Rocky!

****DDP carries on with Edge, he tells Tazz to get the tables.****

Tom: Check it out, it's Diamond Dudley Page!

****Tazz gets a table only to have the Roc clothesline him.****

Seth: Wow, a giant mythical bird is in the ring! And here comes the Minotaur and a Chimera to make a run-in!

****Then what the hell its Prez. Stu walking down he's limping though. DDP doesn't realise yet.****

Tom: Doesn't realise what?

Seth: Doesn't realise that President Welly is stealing the limelight again... The guy gets more screen-time than Triple H...

****The Rock sets up a table outside the ring, Edge slugging it out with DDP. Prez.Stu slides in another table DDP thinks that Tazz did that.****

Crow: Page is just basking in his own ignorance, tonight.

****Prez. Stu climbs on the apron he distracts the ref,****

Seth: (Stu) Look at me! ME! ME ME ME ME! I'm the star around here, don't look at those so-called "wrestlers"!

****while the Rock gets in the ring, ROCK BOTTOM ROCK BOTTOM to ddp!. Edge sets up the table, he lays DDP on the table and climbs to the top rope. Leg drop through the table, the ref calls for the bell. Edge and Raven have won.****

Crow: And the crowd, like us, couldn't give a crap...

****As Edge leaves Prez. Stu gets in the ring with DDP laying in the table.
King: What the hell is he going to do?,****

Tom: A twenty-minute interview and an exhibition of Tai Chi...

****Prez. Stu picks up DDP, and slaps him across the face, and throws him out of the ring. Prez. Stu gets out of the ring picks up DDP once again, Full Nelson slam through the table.****

Seth: (Stu) That'll teach you to try to upstage me with your "sports entertainment"!

****There you just heard Prez. Stu say don't cross the boss.
Commerical Break Commercial Break, the show comes back and the carnage is shown,****

Crow: WWWF: 30% MORE carnage than the Vietnam war!

**** DDP has been taken away and ringside is clear.****

Seth: This WOULD have been where we had a few more matches... but...

****Prez. Chris was ment to do this match, I owuld have done them but I have been busy with family issues
Prez. Chris was ment to do this match, I owuld have done them but I have been busy with family issues****

Tom: (sings) OWuuuuuuulld... Werewolves of London! OWuuuuuuuuul! Draw blood!

****DJK Vs Big Show WEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLL , Well It's The Big Show... King-And here he is , The BIg Show****

Seth: (king) He's blg! He's blad! He's Blloody Blig Bloned!

****, I can't waith to see him crushing DJK , HAH.
Jr- Don't understemate DJK King , he is a great wrestler.****

Crow: (King) How can I? I don't even know HOW to "understemate" something!

Tom: I think you can get arrested in Utah for understemating with someone...

****King- Don't make me laugh Jr !
The Big Show get's in the ring and he waiths for the arrival of his opponent. DJK's music begins to play as he comes out , he slides in the ring and The Big Show kicks on his back . Than he takes DJK up by his hair and he trows him in the ropes ,****

Seth: Wow, if this writer can mangle the word "Throw", I can't wait for someone to try an enziguri or a hurricanrana!

****DJK comes back and he runs against the booth of the BIg Show ,****

Tom: Hey, when did the Big Show turn this into a funfair?

Seth: So long as it's not a Kissing Booth, I'm okay with that concept...

****and DJK smacks hard against the ring mat . Than the Big Show runs in the ropes ,****

Crow: ...Getting horribly tangled up as a result...

****he comes back and Elbow drop ! This one is over . The BIg Show go's for the pin .1...2.DJK KICKS OUT .****

Seth: Normally, I'd be complaining about the three hundred exclamation marks following that phrase... Now I feel kind of hollow...

Tom: Maybe we can spot him a couple... Crow?

Crow:. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seth: Much better...

****The BIg Show get's up and he takes DJK with one arm , than he is doing DJK in a arm lock****

Seth: He's doing DJK? What, here in front of everyone?

****as he kicks in his stomach ,****

Tom: That could cave in his stomach!

[Seth cracks up.]

Crow: Welly.

****Than the Big Show picks Shawn stasiak his other arm and he trows him again in the ropes ,****

Crow: Okay, where did Stasiak teleport in from?

****DJK comes back and Running Power Slam ! The BIg Show go's for the pin , 1....2.; No DJK haves enough power left to do his booth on the second rope !****

Seth: Hey, the funfair's starting to take shape...

Tom: Too bad DJK got such a crap location for his booth...

****The Big Show looks at the referee and then he looks at DJK , he wants to pick him again up but DJK gives him a low blow ! The Big Show crashes down .****


****DJK starts to kick on him , and a elbow drop , followed by a other elbow drop . DJK is getting up and he is doing a pose for the fans , and the crowd starts to cheer! BUt we all know why ,*****

Seth: The show has finished and they can all go home!

****because the Big Show is getting back up ! DJK turns around , The Big Show is on one knee , and he Takes DJK's neck !****

Tom: (Big Show) You're not using this, are you?

Crow: (DJK) *makes choking noises*

****He is ready for the Choke Slam ! BUt DJK kicks the Big Show between his legs , The BIg Show is on his knee's and DJK grabs his head , DDT! A DDT on the big man ! He go's for the pin , 1. And The BIg Show shows his powers by lifting DJK up****

Tom: (The Amazing Rando) RISE! Rise, I command you!

****and trowing over him , right on the referee .****

Seth: Man, this "trow" move is surprisingly effective... Maybe I should start using it?

****The Referee is out and DJK is going out of the ring , The BIg Show get's up . DJK get's a chair and he slides it in the ring . Then DJK wants to get in the ring but the Big Show picks the chair . But The referee is getting back up !****

Tom: And I think we can all see how this match is going to end...

****And The Big Show smashes the chair on the head of DJK and the referee rings the bell .****

Tom: And we were right.

****DJK has won this match ! The Big Show cant believe this and he grabs the referee with the neck , and CHOKE SLAM ! I never saw sutch a high Choke Slam ,****

Seth: Hey, he once chokeslammed X-Pac... that was a "High" chokeslam if I ever saw one...

****DJK is back in the ring , with the chair and he hits the Big Show on the back with it , but the Big Show isn't moving at all ,Then DJK hits him again and the Big Show just turns around , he takes the chair and he hits DJK again ,****

Tom: (DJK) Hey, can _I_ no-sell this?

Crow: (Big Show) No!

Tom: (DJK) Nuts! THUMP!

****Then The BIg Show picks DJK back up , and CHOKE SLAM ! The BIg Show is doing a pose to the crowd and then****

Seth: ...The cops arrive and make him put his pants back on...

**** he leaves the ring . While emt's are filling the ring to bring DJK to the hospital .****

Seth: Another stretcher job, huh? Well, he'll be in the Main Event if President Stus' "injury" is any precedent...

**** The King- HAH , I told you Jr that DJK is the man !
Jr- What , moments earlier you said ....
The King- Does it matter what I am saying Jr ?****

Tom: I couldn't have riffed it any better myself...

****Jr- Not exactly ... Annyway we are ready for our next match , both DJK and the referee has been brought to the hospital****

Seth: What, in five seconds? They ARE using a teleporter! Beam the jobbers up, Scotty!

****, and we all hope that they will get better.
The King- But DJK still won the match .****

Crow: Get over it, Lawler, the moment has passed!

****Main Event Kane Vs Y2J****

Seth: This match brought to you by Maxwell House: Ouch, that's HOT coffee!

**** Jr: Well its main event time here, last match of the evening here tonight, pitting two good friends against each other for the WWWF title.****

Crow: Whoop-de-Whoop-de-Whoop-de-Fuck!

****Chris Jericho the current champion defends his title against the current Ic champion Kane.
King: Both men are worthy of the title, but who will go to Mayhem as the WWWF Champion?, could it be Kane could he become a double champion?, IC and WWWF title, what an achievment that would be!.****

Seth: Man, I can't even get a riff in edgeways when Lawler talks like that!

****( Church Organs - Kane) Kane walks out with the IC belt strapped around his waist, he walks down to the ringside. He slaps some fans hands as they go past.****

Crow: Are the fans leaving already? The show hasn't been THAT bad! Wait, what am I saying? Yes it has!

****He rolls under the bottom rope, gets up and stands in the middle of the ring, he raises his arms in the air and crashes them to his sides, four pyrotechnics shot off into the air from the ring posts.****

Seth: PHFUT!

Tom: Damn that budget pyro...

****( 5.23... 4.68... 3.21...2.58...1.20...0.00****

Crow: I think that's their weekly ratings we're seeing...

****Y2J) Chris Jericho is standing on the ramp way in the crucifix position, with the WWWF title belt around his waist. Y2J slowly walks down to the ramp while the crowd chants y2j. He climbs the steps, gets in the ring and hands the title to the ref. The ref holds the belt in the air and signals for the bell.****

Seth: That was THE dullest intro I've seen in years. Someone say something funny, quick!

Tom: Welly.

Seth: *snort*

****JR: Both men look at each other, shake hands, and hook up. Kane towering of Y2J, Kane wipes Jericho into the ropes.****

Crow: He wiped him into the ropes? That's innovative, though messy!

****Short amr clothesline by Kane, suplex by Kane to Jericho. Kane picking Jericho up, and wow! Kane is military pressing Jericho,****

Seth: Yeah, big wow... now if it had been the other way around, THEN I'd be impressed...

****Kane slams him down, goes for the cover, 2 count only. Jericho back up attempt to wipe Kane into the ropes, Kane reveres it,****

Tom: (Kane) Dude, you so totally wiped me! I adore you! You are my GOD!

****Jericho with the baseball slide under the big red Machine. Drop Kick by Jericho. Jericho picks Kane back up, and start with the knife edge chops across the chest of Kane.****

Crow: (Kane) Don't START with me, sister!

****Kane pushes Jericho away, sending him over the other side of the ring.
King: Kane walks over the Jericho,****

Seth: If the Jericho is a river, I think Kane is the Messiah...

****Jericho with drop toe hold. Jericho starts hitting Kane now, punches to the head by the WWWF Champion. Kane back up, picks Jericho up, BAM side walks slam to Jericho. Y2J up before Kane, boot to the back of the head of Kane while he was still down.****

Seth: It's a No-Sell-a-thon!

****Jericho goes for the Lionsault, runs towards the ropes, connects with it, goes for the cover, 2 count. Kick out with authority there from Kane. Kane back up, Jericho DDT to Kane. Jericho building up momentum here now, this is why he is the WWWF Champion.****

Tom: (Informercial Announcer) And as the WWWF Champipn, he wins a FREE 3M Home Momentum Building Pack!

****Jericho wipes Kane into the turnbuckle, he climbs the turnbuckle and starts pumbling Kane,****

Crow: Is that LEGAL?

Seth: Only in Alabama, I believe...

****the crowd counting along with him. Kane falls to the fall, Jericho with the cover,****

Tom: ...On the cover.

****Kane gets his shoulders up before the count of three. Jericho frustrated now, Jericho locks in a sleeper hold, on Kane. Kane looks worse for ware now,****

Tom: Hardware? Whiteware? Beware of the dog?

****Kane sluggish now. Kane trying to break free, and does. Kane bounces of the ropes, clothesline to Jericho. My god Jericho span round mid air 360 degress!.****

Seth: (King) But I digress...

****WOW! Jr: Jericho in a bad way after that clothesline from hell,.****

Crow: He's also in a bad way after appearing on the Show from Hell... Anyone mind if I take a brief nap?

Seth: Stick with us, Crow... not long to go!

**** Kane going outside now, he climbs the turnbuckle, Jericho starting to get back up now, he doesn't know where he is!.****

Tom: (Kane) Psst... you're in WWWF, stinking up the ring with me... got it?

Crow: (Jerocho) Check, eh?

****Kane waits, and fly's. Connects with the flying clothesline, goes for the cover, no!. How in the hell did Jericho get out of that?,****

Tom: It was I, the Amazing Rando! You're welcome...

****Kane mad that Jericho didn't go donw for that.****

Seth: (Kane) I said blow me, bitch! (Does a double take) Yikes, I channelled Trey for a second there...

****But wait Jericho with Bulldog, he may have it here, 1,2 NO!.****

Crow: The British Bulldog did a run-in? That was unexpected...

****Ic champ holding out there. Both men pack up now,****

Crow: (Jericho) That's it, Kane... all the fans left. Pack it up, let's go home...

****jericho grabs Kane's legs, he going for the Walls of Jericho, he locks them. How long will Kane last.****

Seth: Six to eight weeks with proper refrigeratoin...

****The ref slides****

Tom: But the second baseman tags him out!

****and looks at Kane, Kane tries to reach for the ropes, he moves along the ring, can he reach them? Yes he's got them.****

Seth: Phew! The one second of suspense was killing me!

****Jericho realese the hold. Kane back up, big boot to the face by Kane.****

Crow: As No-Sell-a-Thon 2002 reaches it's 14th hour...

****Kane picks up Jericho, Kane signalling the end, he runs his hand across his throat. He grabs Jericho by the throat. He lifts Jericho.
King: My god Jerihco is almost 7 feet in the air, and Down with the Chokeslam, this has to be it. 1,2,3.****

Seth: Hooray. End now, please, while I still have one functioning brain cell left...

****We have a new Champion!.
Finkle: Your winner and new WWWF Champion Kane!.
Kane takes the title and helps Jericho to his feet. Then the Titan tron shows the parking lot, with a black Limmo****

Tom: Lllook! A Limmmo! Annnd a Lammbbabammmbaginnnnni!

.****The license plat says 'WWWF 2'. It's Prez. Stu's limmo. Then we see DDP, with a baseball bat, He runs his fingers along the side of the Limmo.****

Seth: (DDP) When was the last time that lazy bastard dusted this thing? It's filthy!

****DDP: Cross the boss?, Ill show him Cross the boss. Follow the rules, kiss my ass.****

Crow: Ahh, it's the Pat Patterson method of Management...

****Then DDP brings the bat above his head, he smashes the bat on the bonnet. He then puts one of the side windows through. DDP then walks to the front of limmo ad takes out the headlamps, and indicators. He then throws the baseball bat through the Limmo's front window.****

Tom: Oh, nnnnnno! He's dammmmmaged the bosess limmmmmo! What a Mmmmmonster he is!

****Page then takes out a can of spray pain from his pocket,****

Crow: Need pain fast? Try "Spray Pain"! Another quality product from;

Seth and Tom: 3M!

****and spray's his initials, D. D. P on the bonnet of the car. The scene changes to the suite where Pre.z Chris, and Prez. Stu are.****

Seth: Because we haven't seen QUITE enough of those two in the last hour or so...

**** Prez. Chirs: Ow shit!
Prez.Stu: That Son of a B*tch!, he's due for a fall and Ill make damn sure he'll get one!****

Tom: (Stu) Now flash a picture of our Franchise Player and fade out!

****The show ends with the angry face of Prez.Stu. The WWWF Copyright logo comes up on screen****

Seth: And the bots and Seth rejoice!




[Back to Trey. Crow enters, bearing a cocktail.]

TV: About time! You missed the entire XWO show!

Crow: I know, I was hiding in a cupboard until it was over. man, those guys suck!

*****Hardcore Wrestling Federation
HWF April Angst – Live at the HWF Arena****

TV: Oh no. There's MORE?

****[The show begins with repeating the main parts of the Jake Andrews v Iceberg bombs match at Revenge; freeze framing as the big explosion occurs]****

TV: Wow, at least they admit it was a bomb.

Crow: (CNN Announcer) A Pentagon spokeperson later apolgised for the explosion, saying "Oops! We were SURE there was an Iraqi miltary complex at the arena!"

****[Cut to Jake Andrews still in his wheelchair backstage being interviewed. He says he'll be back in action in 2 – 3 months, but may return earlier, because he is desperate to get his hands on Iceberg.****

TV: I hope he doesn't start talking about how he misses the way Iceberg kisses and runs his tongue over his naked body.

****As he says this, Iceberg emerges from behind him,****


****waves to the camera with a sick smile,****

Crow: (X-Games Dude) SICK! Gnarly! Rad! And like, stuff...

****and destroys Jake with shots to the head with a barbed wire baseball bat. He knocks over the wheelchair and leaves]****

TV: HWF: No Gay Here!

****[Teenage Angst by Placebo blares out of the loudspeakers, its time for April Angst to start!]****

TV: Isn't it October? The hell?

****Pual Honksaad v The Italian Stallion – Leather Strap Match****

TV: Pual? Is that pronounced like Pee-yew-al? Foreshadowing that this match is going to stink?

****Pual was aggressive early in this one, attacking the Italian with a very angry look on his face.****

Crow: (Drill Seargant) You eyeballin' me, punk?

TV: The Italian Stallion gets my vote as the 2002 Unoriginal Name of the Year. Although, Carnage might also get my vote...

****Using the strap, to whoop the Stallion****

Crow: WHOOP! There he is!

****he hit a piledriver and began to touch the buckles but was suplexed as he reached the first.****

TV: So he touched the buckles while never even touching one. Interesting strategy there.

****This gave the Italian Stallion a chance to hit a spinebuster and a big DDT. Looking for a clothesline over the top, Pual ducked and held the ropes leaving the Stallion in the air upside down.****

TV: OH GOD. He broke GRAVITY. Slam him UP. Slam him UP!

****The blood rushed to the head of the Italian****

TV: Who looked down at his tights and blushed.

****who kicked Pual in the back of the head, allowing him back into the ring.
Pual reversed a facebuster into a bulldog and hit the PualBomb.****

Crow: Whoa, I didn't see THAT coming! What originality! Not.

****He reached the first 2 buckles but as he touched the 3rd the lights went out for nearly a minute with sounds of fighting clearly audible in the ring, as I'm a Maniac plays.****

TV: I'm A Maniac? Now I'm scared. Any fed that uses songs from "Flashdance" are truly, HARDCORE.

****When the lights returned, Pual was down in the ring with MANIAC! Spray-painted on his back in red spray paint.****

TV: Why didn't he just use a knife to rip his flesh? That's would be HARDCORE! And save money in the spray paint budget.

****However the Italian was also down on the mat with his chest spray painted in the same way.****

Crow: (Pual) Dude, we match! We can be the Spray-Paint Twins! we'll be as popular as the Ding-Dongs or the Dynamic Dudes!

****They both got up at the same time but the Stallion hit a Thesz press and used the strap to choke out Pual. Italian Stallion touched the 4 corners, and wins the match.****

TV: Great.

****Guru Arjin & WhirlWind v Sir Exton + Able - Tag Title Match
This does not last long,****


Crow: Oh, it's being booked by the wwfeefed2k3!

TV: Huh?

****Guru Arjin destroying his partner before the bell, knocking Sir Exton over the top, and hitting the Guru Lock for the tap out in precisely 11 seconds.****


****[After the match there is a brawl between WhirlWind and Guru Arjin, and Sir Exton]
[Screen cuts to Mcguinn + Hempy celebrating backstage.****

TV: Hempy? Oh no.

****A small Mexican in a mask walks past,****

TV: Vince Russo must not be working here.

****and Hempy makes a midget comment.****

TV: Which was apparently deleted. Hmm. He must have said, "Hey, you small Mexican in a mask."

****The Mexican, who has El Diablo****

Crow: I think there's some pills available for that now...

TV: Oh, that's what happened to El Diablo? I missed him. I haven't seen him since WCW got rid of the foreigners.

****on his cape, gets in the champs face, which sparks a pull apart brawl with Chug coming to the aid of El Diablo]****

TV: Have Chug and Hempy had a Pot and Beer match yet?

****[Hempy immediately makes his way to the ring and makes the main event of the card on the 30th of April Hempy's Birthday****

TV: What? His birthday isn't April 20? He's not hardcore.

Crow: But he's got the 4:30! RVD look out!

****Spectacular! There will be a party****

TV: There better be weed.

****as he will again have the night off, and he will special referee a tag match between Mcguinn + Italian Stallion v Chug + El Diablo]****

Crow: And he will get smashed and upchuck in El Diablos mask to finish the night!

****Mcguinn v Chug – TV Title Inferno Match****

TV: Ah, a lost art, burning your opponent.

****This begins with many close calls near the flames, with Mcguinn's face inches away from the flames after a big suplex by Chug.****

TV: Less sports entertainment, more beer.

Crow: I could go mix you another Manhattan? Back in an hour...

TV: SIT, bot!

****Soon both men are bleeding, thanks to Hempy throwing in weapons, with varied results. One barbed wire bat rebounds knocking Hempy out cold.****

TV: Ah, a match with some irony. He's out cold in an inferno match.

****Meanwhile, Chug misses a Chugger train and nearly runs right to the flames. Mcguinn hits a dropkick and some martial art kicks to keep the big man off his feet.****

Crow: Judo-KICK! Judo-PUNCH! Judo-Blown-Spot!

****But out of nowhere Chug spears Mcguinn and hits the Chugger train knocking Mcguinn to the flames. But the referee has been knocked out by Hempy with the barbed wire bat that had supposedly knocked him out.****


****Italian Stallion appears and extinguishes The Irish Mangler.****

Crow: Yes, McGuinn is the Dublin Washing Machine of DEATH!

****Hempy riskily then jumps over the flames and nails Chug from behind with the barbed wire bat, and sets his ass on fire, and the ref rings the bell.****

TV: Does that mean Chug is a liar? Since his pants are on fire?

****[After the bell, Hempy and co run for the hills,****

TV: (Singing) RUN, FOR, YOUR, LI-II-IFE.

*****but are cut off by El Diablo + Pual****

TV: On horseback. They've got muskets!

****who brawl as the screen fades to black]

TV: Please be over, please be over…YES!

[Cut to the bridge of the SOL. Seth is reading a magazine as Trey enters from the left.]

TV: I hate you.

Seth: I love my work...

[Fade out.]

© 2002 iAd: Killing brain cells by the dozens with low quality entertainment.

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