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iAd vs. PWA! (MST3K 2.3)

YOU'RE FIRED!

DISCLAIMER: As always, we have nothing to do with any of the e-feds in this MST. Some of our best friends are drug addicts. Stay tuned and find out how do u fingerbang a girl sitting down! -Skeeter & Leary.


Some cheesy opening music plays as we get a shot of the Satellite of Love. As we go along through the lyrics, there are various shots of Seth Harker, Trey Vincent, Tom, Crow and Comabot doing all sorts of funny things from past shows and looking at old sports entertainment shows in the theatre.

Skeeter: In the somewhat distant future
Shortly after this song
Seth Harker and his buddy Trey
Are in a world that's oh so wrong
Taunted by some guy named Ed
A guy that both of them want dead
He packed a ton of gimmicks in his bag
And makes them watch shows from federations
That always make them gag

Ed Tenta-Shaw: What's my gimmick?]

I'll send them crappy wrestling
The worst I can find [LA LA LA]
I'll make them sit and watch it all
Until they all are blind [LA LA LA]
Now keep in mind they can't control
When the crap begins or ends
They'll have to keep their sanity
By making fun of their robot friends.

Leary: Robot Roll Call! Comabot!

Comabot: Poink!

Leary: Flatline!

[SCENE MISSING.]

Leary: Tom Servo!

Tom: And our brave hero roasts the disabled man!

Leary: Crooow!

Crow: Soylent Green is made from people!

Skeeter: If you wonder why they're all so mean
And other stupid facts [La La La]
Repeat to yourself it's the iAd's show
So shove it up your ass!
For Mystery Sports-Entertainment Theater 3000!

[Time for the first door sequence of the night. [1...2...3...4...5...6]

The bridge of the SoL. All our MSTers are there... yes, even Trey has arrived on time! He must have gotten banned from Hooters again.]

Seth: Hey, guys... Welcome to the ol' Satellite of Love! Ed says he's sent us a real nasty wrestling show today. Ooh, I'm shaking, Ed!

TV: Who are you talking to, Seth?

Seth: *shrugs* Well, y'know... Whoever watches our show.

TV: People interested in nude pictures of Cristina Aguilera, then?

Seth: Yep, that's our core auidience, all right.

Tom: What federation is this one from, Seth?

Seth: Too tell the truth, I have no idea... wait, there's a web-link on the video box. Let me just check it out on my Internet Crow-plorer.

Crow: Huh?

[Seth plugs a modem cable into Crow and begins typing on a cordless keyboard.]

Crow: Whoa... funky! I just became a "Yield" sign on the Information Superhighway! Seth, why is your homepage "Rate My Kitten Dot Com"?

[Seth ceases typing for a few seconds.]

Crow: AHH! Quit it with the Shift/Refresh, Seth.. the BZZThurts!

TV: Found it yet, Seth?

Seth: I think this is it... now!

Crow: AHHHHHH Pop-ups! Too many pop-ups! Blind links! Flashing text! Home-made Flash logos! Pull the PLUG! Help meeeee!

TV: Pull out, Seth! It's a trap! Get him out of there!

Seth: (Typing frantically) I'm trying! Hang on, Crow!

Tom: It's a bug-hunt, man! A bug-hunt!

Crow: Exclamation point overload! AH!!!!!!#$%^^&&*((#@!!!!!!!!Poinknarfweeble!

[*Plink*]

[Long, pregnant pause]

Seth: Oops. You okay, Crow?

Crow: You are in SO much trouble once I can see again, Seth...

[Lights flashing, camera shaking... Oops! We got WRESTLING SIGN! Word life!]

Seth: We HAVE to stop our Disembodied Narrator listening to hip-hop...

[Door sequence. You know the drill.]

TV: So, what we got today, Seth?

Seth: We got us some REAL originality! Roll it!

***PWA (Professional Wrestling Association)***

Seth: What the worlds' been snickering at for over fifty years!

TV: Ah, I like their sister league, the Unprofessional Wrestling Association...

***The Rules***

Tom: Rule Number 1: The President is always right, especially when he goes over in the Main Event.

Crow: Rule Number 2: To Main Event WITH the Presindent, you must ensure your payola checks are on-time and don't bounce.

TV: And number 3, I am GOD!

***In the past, PWA has been too nice to the RPers and they took advantage of it.***

Seth: (PWA) I feel so violated!

TV: I'm sure we'll all feel that way in a couple more seconds of this

***We still are nice, but there will be no more tollerance of not following the rules!***

Seth Great, I feel like I'm back in Wales, Tom...

Tom: No tollerance! And no taking lliberties in the llocker room, llads!

TV: Man, I hope he doesn't plan on taking of Germany

***if we see a reason to fire you, we will.***

Crow: Such reasons include complaining because the PWA President went over you in a match, complaining about the unwanted sexual harrasment by the PWA President, or coughing in earshot of the President.***

TV: Or, we might just fire you for fun to screw with your head.

***End of story.***

Tom: That'a not much of a story. That one I read yesterday, now THAT was a story! A few too many characters, though.

Seth: Tom, like I told you, you were reading the Telephone Directory for Chicago.

TV: But will they live happily ever after? I hope so. In hell.

***no more 3 strikes your out rule, if we see you disobeying the rules, as machine would say... DAMN BITCH! your gone.***

Seth: Why we're quoting someone who rides wrestlings Short Bus is anybodys guess...

TV: What about my gone?

Crow: I'll get it.. oh, your "Gone".. I thought you were going to start shooting the screen again.

TV: Either or is fine with me.

***reason we are cutting down on what we let you do is simply to keep this a fun environment and professional at the same tme.***

Crow: (PWA Staff) Yes, come to PWA and enjoy our fun-filled Nazi-esque restrictions on your creativity!

TV: You do less and have more fun. Damn, that sounds like my entire sports entertainment career. If they pay enough, I just might consider going there.

Tom: Our trees and flowers tell knock-knock jokes to die for. They'll make you laugh. Comes to the 'Fun Environment.' It's a hoot and a holler that'll have you in stiches...

***PWA Rules***

Tom: Oh, crap... It's looping! We're stuck in a Time Paradox! Where's Tom Baker when you need him?

Seth: Probably at a Sci-Fi Convention, signing autographs.

Crow: How much did you pay for yours, Seth?

TV: At least he didnt's say PWA RULERZ!!!

***- Failure to know these rules will obviously lead to punishment.***

Crow: And not the GOOD type of punishment, either. These handcuffs WON'T be the fluffy, padded kind!

TV: And violations of our no-violations policy.

***Make sure to read the rules before applying and of course RPing***

Seth: You could probably use a good laugh.

TV: Wait, what did we just read? Are there more rules after these?

Seth: Thousands... hope you brought some snacks, Trey.

Tom: Read the Rules of the Rules Rules.

***- Do not be a jerk to our members or staff!***

Crow: (PWA President) That's MY job!

***It's ok to be a jerk IN CHARACTER! but OOC you are YOU! and we'd like to keep our OOC environment just as nice as our In Character environment.***

Seth: This rule is suspensed in the event you ARE a jerk in real life. And if so, fuck off, Neige!

***- You should know what is right and wrong.. If something is not covered in these rules, please don't blame it on the staff for not including it in the rules.***

Tom: We can't cover every eventuality! We're way too busy working out how to work the President into every angle and segment of our show for that!

TV: Right. The president. Wrong. everyone else.

Crow: What are your thoughts on gum chewing?

Seth: Don't even THINK about it, Mister!

***- Remember that PWA is meant to be fun but we are in competition with others obviously and we'll keep it fun if you don't make our jobs hell.***

Seth: Say what? Writing crappy fake wrestling cards is a competion sport these days? I wonder where BOB ranks...

[Cut to the BOB BigBOSS]

BB: We're not in the "professional" ranks yet, if you know what I mean...

[Cut back to the theatre.]

Seth: And ANOTHER paycheck seems destined to bounce this month.

TV: Little does he know that when he goes to hell he'll have to write these shows for eternity to make the other lost souls suffer.

***- Please dont whine about every little thiing you dont like.***

Crow: Pissing and/or moaning is permitted, however.

TV: (Guy) Well, I don't like you, President.

Seth: (President) You're FIRED!

TV: (Guy) Hooray!

***We're not in grade school (well most of us aren't) so lets grow up and talk about our problems like men.***

Crow: The PWA seems to be some sort of New-Age Support Group, it seems.

TV: Yeah, most of them are middle school. With zit problems. So let's talk about problems like middle-school boys with zit problems...

Tom: Well, I hope that's the end of the rules...

***Roleplaying Rules***

Tom: CRAP!

TV: There are more rules than show here, I guess. Which I guess could be a blessing.

Seth: Try not to suck. The President is God. End of rules.

***- Deadline: Rampage will be on wednesday at 11:59 Central. PPV RPs will be due on the saturday before the PPV, 11:59 Central.***

Seth: That's 11:47 last Thursday if you're in the Canadian Stupid Time zone.

TV: If you miss these deadlines, you will job to the president.

***Punishment: RP not counted if after deadline, no excuses.***

TV: But...

Seth: (Guy) I broke both my thumbs!

Tom: (Prez) You're FIRED!

Seth: (Guy) Yay!

***- There will be 4 - 5 Rampages before a PPV. ***

TV: Kill everyone in sight!

Crow: Great, the Raiders fans have been drinking again...

***- No in ring or Arena RPs. In the past this has been allowed, however this is not the past.***

TV: And the future is not yesterday's present.

Seth: Someone get me a time machine... I'm going back to the past to kill the PWA President.

TV: The Sethinator.

Seth: I'll be back.. in black.

***We are looking for Creative and Original Talent.***

Tom: Too bad we got THESE schmoes...

TV: (Guy) But I'm not creative.

Crow: (Prez)You're FIRED!

TV: (Guy) Hooray!

***The type of RPs we expect can be known as "promos" or "character creation".***

Seth: Also known as "pormso" or "caarachta cr8tons" to most of our handlers

TV: It's kind of like human cloning. If you do not know how to clone humans or have a PhD in cloning, you will not be hired.

[pause]

TV: Pornos, Seth? Yeah, bring on the pornos...

***For more information on what we are talking about, visit roughkut.com, they give a pretty detailed explanation of the difference between in ring RPs and character creation RPs.***

Seth: One sucks the big Kahuna, the other... is what Trey does.

Crow: I can't tell the difference.

TV: You're FIRED!

Crow: Yay!

***I may also make a guide to help those of you who don't know what this is.***

TV: Unless I have a big exam in math.

Tom: Or my imaginary girlfriend calls.

***Punishment: RP not counted if it is a "in ring" or "arena" RP***

Seth: Or if it's by XXXtreme Machine and is therefore illegible.

TV: What's he trying to say? It just isn't sinking in.

***- we now expect TWO RPs every show!! We only have one show a week and that gives you 7 days to write more then 1 RP. You can write more, but we want 2 per show and double for PPV (so, 4 for PPV events).***

Crow: Crap, where's my calculator. Let's see, two RP's times four shows, divided by seven days...

TV: So that's 1 RP a day, unless there's a holiday, then you have to do 6.

Seth: Too much work for the iAd, huh Trey?

TV: There is serious drinking to be done...we're protecting the sober from temptation, that's what I say. We're superheros.

***Punishment: warning if you do not meet requirements the first time.***

Tom: There will be no more warnings... and this is your final warning!

TV: If you are warned twice, your parents will be notified.

***The 2nd time will result in 1 weeks suspension.***

TV: (Guy) Yes! A week vacation!

Seth: (Prez) You're FIRED! For one week. Then I'll fire you again...

TV: (Guy) Permanent vacation, woohoo!

***If you are under suspension you must contact one of the owners and tell us the reason you could not RP.***

TV: (Guy) Uh, because you wouldn't let me?

Tom: (GBH) Duh. Me was at me's remidial drawing class...

***If not contacted, or the reason is just dumb, you will be fired when the week is over.***

TV: (Prez) No excuses, flat, period, bottom line.

Seth: Does this fed have ANY members?

Tom: They live under the stairs.

***- If you can not roleplay for a certain amount of time, contact a staff member such as Myself. ***

Crow: OK, what's his e-mail address?

Seth: That's "John Myself", 14 the Terraces, Georgetown, Alabama

***- No OOC (out of character) posts on the RP board!!! if you do not like the way somebody roleplays, please contact them and help them out with their RPs.***

Tom: Help them get out of this crappy fed more like...

TV: (Sarcastic guy) You stupid, writer guy.

Seth: (Prez) No OOC posts! You're FIRED! And you write bad promos. You're fired too!

TV: (Guy) Hooray!

*** if you have a grudge against someone, take it out on the OOC board. ***

TV: Aww, what did the OOC board do to them?

Crow: Wow, an open invitation to start a flame war! Neige would LOVE this place!

TV: Take that, OOC board. And that! And that.

***If you want to compliment someone on their roleplay, contact them via AIM or Email.***

Crow: Or my MSN. Or ICQ. Or by carrier pigeon.

Seth: So, insult them in public, compliment them in private. Anyone else see a hole in that logic?

TV: That's life, Seth. Life in the Professional world.

***Punishment: If found doing this you will be warned. After the warning, if you do it again, I will be forced to suspend you and maybe even ban you from the boards.***

TV: Wow, if you compliment somebody, you get warned?

Tom: (Prez) A third time, and I'll be forced to spank you in public.Then you can spank me.

***Though I don't like doing this, the RP board is meant for RPs, not OOC posts.***

Seth: Oh, tell the truth... you LOVE firing people, you petty-minded little sadist!

Crow: (Prez) Hey! You're FIRED, Seth!

Seth: Hooray!

TV: (Prez) And though I don't like being here, I have to. Because I need an ego boost.

***- I have increased our line minimum expectations to 65 lines.***

Seth and Trey: That's a lot of coke!

***It's not that hard if you get a good RP going. In fact, it is less then most E-Feds require!***

Crow: Oh, yeah, most feds want 6 or 7 RPs a day. This is easy here.

Tom: (Prez) Work, damn you! Roleplay! I'll let your wrestler job to me if he's good!

TV: Kids, don't do drugs. Yet.

***You can do it!***

Seth: Hey, President Cheerleader! Bring it on!

TV: I'm sure he never heard that one from a girl in bed.

***Punishment: RP not counted if under 65 lines.***

TV: (Prez) So I'm gonna start loading up on coke now, see you in a while.

Crow: What, no suspensions or firings? What a gyp!

***RP Grading: RPs are graded on the following.***

Seth: How much coke I snorted before reading it...

TV: Heroin, marijuana, crack... Whatever I can get my hands on!

***Grammar: Commas, semi-colons, try to make your RPs as grammar perfect as humanly possible.***

Crow: Bonus points for using more than ten exclamation points per sentence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TV: Be; careful, guys.

Seth: Trey, you sound like Stephen Hawking...stop it!

TV: I speak grammar, good?

***Spelling: if you spell the word train like "Trane" you better get a dictionary out. Especially if you don't have a spell check (like myself).***

Tom: Oh, that's going to make his actual shows a real laugh, huh?

Crow: You lowly, non-having spellcheck guy. If you don't have spell check, you're FIRED.

***Flow of the RP: Does it all go together? Am I being lead to read or am I just reading this part which goes to that part and god damn that gets confusing!***

TV: You're not Mr. Clarity yourself, right now, Prez.

Seth: Huh? Was that an example of bad scentance structure? Or is he just a moron?

Crow: I'm guessing, MORON!

***Originality: Even the simplest thing like a copy off of The Rocks catch phrases (even if its meant as a joke) will be marked against you.***

Tom: (Guy) If you smell...

Crow: (Prez) You're FIRED!

Tom: (Guy)Yay!

Crow: No smackin, no smelling, no pie-eating, no strudle..

Seth: (Wayne) No struedel? Denied!

***We want you to be original. If you are not original, go join a WWE E-Fed. We're not them.***

TV: (Potential Applicant) Crap, I read all these rules for nothing?

Seth: Good, we already mocked the WWE E-feds cards... it's the PWA's turn now. Nya-ha-ha-haaaa!

***Fantasy characters means fantasy everything.***

TV: Pretty sad when this fed is ragging on anybody.

Tom: Even dragons?

Crow: This fed being close to half-decent is a fantasy in my opinion.

***Length: Yes, even in the worst of E-Feds they actually do check length.***

TV: Bwahahahaha.

Seth: Hey! No-one checks MY length!

***I hate to admit it but it's true. ***

TV: BWAAAAAAhahahaha.

Tom: (Angle) It's true, it's damn true... *zip!*

Crow: (Prez) Unbuckle your pants and I'll let you know if you've got a job

***The longer the RP (only do long RPs if you can keep us reading!) the better.*** TV: Lengthness equals goodness.

Seth: (Prez) That man can wrestle, but he's got a teeny-tiny little RP. And you know what that means! No push for you!

Tom: And if you're a on the small side, have we got the pill for you!

*** PLEASE!!! do NOT ask us when the next card is going to be up. the card will go up if it goes up. ***

TV: I like the sounds of that 'if'.

Seth: Yep, I'm full of confidence now...

***If it's not up on time then trust me we have a good reason. ***

TV: Homework, fight with my parents.

Crow: Sign me up forever! This sounds stable and fun...

***- No Racial or discriminative slurs and/or RPs.***

Seth: Or we'll fire your black ass!

Crow: No RPs? So, we can have racial and discriminative stuff as long as we drop the RPs?

***Punishment: Warning and then if it continues you will be fired! ***

Tom: Ooh, I didn't see THAT coming!

Seth: (Prez) No sarcasm! You're fired!

***- You must ask for permission to use someoone in your RP (and please tell them what its about so they can tell you if they agree or disagree).***

TV: Make sure you call Jay Leno and ask if it's OK to be on his show. I'm sure he'll say yes.

Crow: Just tell him it's for a fake, crappy efed.

Seth: (Guy) So, you're going to bend me over a chair and do me up the rear while singing show tunes? Sure, go ahead, Mr President.

***Punishment: Warning and then if it continues you will be fired!***

All: (sarcastically) NO!

***- Above all RPing is the main part of PWA.. If you do not roleplay, you will not be pushed, you will not get feuds, you will not get anything no matter how good you are.***

TV: Or how big your size is.

Crow: Shows? Who needs shows. Just RP to death.

***Joining the PWA***

Seth: And it aint over yet...

Crow: Man, I wonder how long it takes for their referees to explain the rules in their matches...

***- Your email address must be valid so we ccan get ahold of you if you are not following the rules. ***

Tom: is that why they want guys of a good "Length"?

Seth: (Guy) Let go of me!

Trey (Prez) If I do, YOU'RE...

All: FIRED!

*** if not valid you will be forced to replace it or be fired.***

TV: Yes, you'll be fired BEFORE you're hired.

Seth: *sigh* Is there any way NOT to get fired in the PWA?

***- You may re-apply if you got fired and have a good reason for not being able to tell Chase or Myself (example, computer crashed). ***

Crow: PWA: We'll fire you as often as you like!

TV: (Prez) If you have a bad reason, you'll be fired again.

***We will keep your information for about a month.***

Tom: Then it will get all moldy and we'll throw it out.

Seth: Or we'll send it to telemarketing firms.

***- This is not a rule but more of a tip upon joining. ***

Seth: RUN!

Tom: Rules? There are rules? Where?

TV: If you don't know the rules, well, you'll be fired.

Crow: There will be a pop quiz when you join.

***If you like writing and you like wrestling and hell if you just like putting characters in different places at different times and describing shit then E-Fedding is for you. ***

TV: I'm looking and the toilet, and today, it looks a little orangy-brown. It's very long. I think it's my biggest one ever.

Crow: More info than I required.

TV: He wanted it...man, the requirements here are strange.

***If you don't like any of these, you***

Seth: ...Will be FIRED!

***might want to reconsider.***

TV: Been doing that for a while, actually.

***- No real wrestlers, celeberties, or anything else that's real life unless we say otherwise. ***

Seth: (Prez Dredd) We are.. da LAWWWWW!

Tom: I'm even debating about bread. No bread in efedding!

***We want originality and creativism... So the answer is NO we dont have a Steve Austin yet and we never will!***

TV: (Prez) Since Austin is crippled.

Seth: And under a restraining order keeping him 200 yards from beer at all times...

Crow: Lee Majors faces unemployment...

***in other words (for those of you who have trouble understanding things)***

Tom: Whoa, ixnay on the arcasmsy, Chet!

TV: IF YOU WANT TO GET FIRED, JOIN US!

Crow: Your number one getting fired efed on the Net.

***you must actually think up a fantasy character and gimmick idea.***

Seth: (Guy) I am Blue Hot Stefan Aus..ten.

Tom: So, would Stone Deaf Aunt Edna not work then? The deaf Texas ass-kicking fat woman?

Crow: (Prez) You're both FIRED!

Tom and Seth: YAY!

***About PTC***

TV: They're boycotting this fed for good reason.

Crow: So should we...

***- There are rules about the E-Fedding environment of PTC that you should know, they are on the PTC site.***

Seth: Super, they even have rules for other feds...

***- One of them rules is you cannot join another E-Fed in PTC! ***

Seth: My mistake, it's an umbrella organisation. There's proabbaly ninteen pages of rules and a secret handshake...

TV: We can't have a sports entertainer in two feds. Damn fantasy to hell, we need some reality too!

***As long as you are in PWA (and I'm booking you in shows)***

Tom: (Prez) You shall job.

TV: And be fired.

***then you are contracted to the PWA. This is not only a PWA rule, but a PTC rule. ***

Crow: Any more rules we can find at the bottom of this barrel?

Seth: Someone call the NRA, thePTC is going AWOL!

***- As you know, you get no where if your just here to squit. ***

Seth: Say WHAT?

TV: You can't squit here either?

Crow: It's a No-squitting zone...

Tom: (Prez) Me, you're fired! No bad grammar!

***So if you want to help the PWA you can join in conversations on the PTC forums ***

Seth: (Prez) Preaze use the good England, or we be firing you.

***(please know the rules of their forums). ***

Tom: I wonder if the forums can fire them too?

Crow: Too many rules! Brain melting!

***You could put PWA in your signature too so that they know your from PWA. ***

Seth: They could probably use a good laugh, too.

Trey: (DWZ4lifer): You suck, mwahaha. PWA, who joins that fed.

***- Remember, the PTC is a place for fun also. Not only are you helping our fed but your helping them. ***

Tom: Keep that grammer cummin, Prz!

Crow: Anyone who joins the PWA probably needs help. Of the professional kind.

***It is meant to be a place where you can "chill" and talk to other E-Fedders and E-Fed subjects***

Seth: So he has "subjects"? Yeah, you're the King, Prez.

***If we get large enough (which comes due to your help)***

TV: And a combined length.

Crow: Help us by not getting fired...

***then the PWA can join in other places such as PTC PPVs! However we can't do that untill you guys get involved. ***

Seth: (Guy)I'm too busy to get nvolved...

Tom: (Prez) You're FIRED!

Seth: (Guy) Huzzah!

***NOW HAVE FUN!***

TV: Getting involved is kinda, involved.

Tom: And dont get FIRED!

***PWA Rampage***

Seth: I get to be the Giant Lizard!

TV: I got my gun loaded.

***The Rampage fireworks go off. The arena is full, fans are screaming.***

TV: Help, get me out of here.

Crow: (Fans) NOOOOOOoooooo! We're at a PWA show! ARRRRRRGGHHHH!

Seth: (Prez) You fans are FIRED!

***The camera moves in on commentators Joe Ice and Stoner Charles.***

Tom: (Charles) Yo, yo, what up and shit.

TV: (Joe) I am as cool as ice...

Seth: ...Ice, Trey-by?

Crow: Word.

***Stoner Charles: High, High, High, we're all getting high. High, High, High, we're all getting high***

TV: (Stoner) Dude, why is everything so far below me? Oh right, I'm high, high, high, high...

Tom: And the president must have been high, high, high, when he hired him, him, him...

Seth: Yeesh.. It's going to be a long, long night...

***Joe Ice: Not me...***

Tom: (Joe Ice) I forget.. is it "Losers aren't users"? Or the other way around?

Crow: Please, don't drug and commentate.

***Stoner Charles: psh... No one likes you.***

Seth: Hey, no pshing in the arena, buddy!

TV: (Cartman) Screw you, hippie!

***Joe Ice: Medusa likes me...***

Crow: Medusa? That adds to the "Everybody must get stoned" motif...

***Charles: SHE DONT LIKE YOU! TRIPPY!***

TV: (Cartman) Hippie

***Joe: I know. *cries* I have no friends, no medusa, no life...***

TV: And you're probably gonna be fired soon. But wait, that's good news.

Seth: There's always a silver lining.

***Charles: and let me guess, you sit on the internet all day looking up fat porn.***

Seth: Bertha Fayes' Hot Rolls O'Love dot com...

TV: Who hasn't looked at a little fat porn?

***Joe: *cries harder* YES!***

TV: What a comeback...

Tom: Thanks for sharing, Joe!

***"HAVE NO FEAR! CAPTAIN CHRONIC IS HEAR!" is heard***

Crow: Heeeere, I come to save the weed... uh, day!

TV: Man, is this the Pothead Federation?

***and "because I got high" by afroman plays on the PA.***

TV: Pause it Comabot!

Seth: (Sings) The PWA sucks balls... even when you are high.
You'll hear the boos and catcalls... even if you are high.
We have to watch this shit... and I don't know why.
I wish I was high, I wish I was high, I wish I was high...

Bots: La da dat da da da...

TV: (Sings) If I worked for this fed, I'd have to get high.
Just to make it through the day, I'd need to be high.
I'd get my ass fired, and you know why...
Because I was high, beacuse I was high, because I high.

Bots: La de dat da da da..

*Comabot rolls tape*

Seth: Yeah, mon...

TV: Not bad, eh?

Tom: We rock...

Crow: And rap.

***Captain Chronic comes out from the audience and jumps into a seat near Joe Ice.***

TV: Shotgun!

Tom: He called it...

TV: No, get me one. NOW.

Seth: I'm surprised he found the seat at all... pot kills your depth perception. Uh, so I hear.

***Joe: EVERY WEEK! YOU COME OUT EVERY SINGLE WEEK!***

Crow: So why does he seem so frickin' surprised?

TV: Do they have to repeat everything so the potheads can 'get it'?

Seth: (PWA fan) Uhhh.. huh?

***Chronic: Holy res off my chamber Joe! You need to get high!***

Tom: You need to learn English.

TV: (Chronic) Drugs solve everything, man.

***Joe: Can't you see I'm an emotional wreck and you guys trying to get me high every week is not helping!***

Seth: It couldn't hurt, Joe.

***Chronic: No problem Joe! Just get high and everything will be OK!***

TV: Once again, we don't condone the use of drugs. But...you know...all this drug advertising...is kind of convincing.

Crow: PWA: The Pro-Choice Wrestling Association?

***Charles: Its trippy cause... I feel sorry for Joe and his nervous break down...
Joe: really?***

Tom: Good boy, Joe... set yourself up for the witty zinger.

***Charles: No, that would just be trippy.***

Seth: *sigh* Anyone feel like a beer? Some crack? A noose?

TV: Wait. I'm confused. What the FUCK is going on?

Crow: You think you're confused NOW?

***Joe: Why does Machine get panties in his mouth but I don't?! *cries again***

Crow: Try THAT on for size, Trey?

[Trey falls to the floor.]

Tom: Oh man, he's foaming this early?

Seth: Trey?

Trey: I am the angel of death, the time of purification is at hand...*pulls himself up*

Seth: You're FIRED!

TV: Hooray!

***Chronic: Chronic is here to save you! DO NOT FEAR JOE!***

Crow: No-one fears Joe. Even Gillberg wouldn't fear Joe.

Tom: Yeah, Joe is a swell guy once you get to know him. He doesn't do enough drugs, but hey, nobody's perfect.

***Joe: Your too high to save me.***

Seth: Get out of the lighting grid, you schmuck!

TV: Is this a who's higher match?

***Chronic: *puts a joint in Joes mouth* ***

Seth: If so, Joe just took the lead...

TV: (Chronic) Smoke it, you pansy. When I was younger, we'd smoke three joints each way to school, through snow and rain...even though it was only a half a block away...what was I saying...

Crow: Check out the announce team. A joker, a smoker and a midnight toker!

Tom: Ahh, they don't wanna hurt no-one.

***Chronic: Just another job done by Duh duh duh duh REJECTION MAN! you like that joe?
Joe: no... ***

Seth: My brain hurts trying to think DOWN to this shows intelligence level.

TV: My brain rejects this show.

***Chronic: oh whatever *jumps in the crowd trying to fool everyone he disappeared* ***

Tom: Ooh, wow... where did he go?

Seth: I don't care, just let him STAY gone

***Richie Approal v.s. Triple X
Writer: Payne***

TV: Viewers, in pain.

Seth: And showing no approal.. or approval, either.

***>> "Halls Of Illusion" by ICP hits the PA as the fans begin to boo***

TV: (Fan) ICP SUCKS!

Crow: (Cousin Junior) Pa, is youu all okay? Theys hit ya perty hard...

***Richie Approal Jr, who is seen wearing his "100% Psychopath" t-shirt, walks down the ramp as the fans throw their food and trash at him***

TV: Back of the shirt reads, 90 percent stoned.

Seth: That's a novel approach to waste disposal. We must be in Detroit.

***Richie laughs at the crowd as they begin to curse at him.***

Tom: (RA) Ha ha ha... they think I suck! Cool!

TV: (Richie) Yep, my mother is a slut!

***Richie slides in the ring and climbs the turnbuckle. ***

Seth: (Movietone Newsreel Announcer) The first ascent of Mt St. Turnbuckle was acheived today by Richie Approal, local moron and wrestler.

TV: The heavy amount of sucking might collapse the ropes, he better be careful.

***He taunts the crowd, steps down, takes off his t-shirt and throws it in the audience.***

TV: (RA) There, you take my garbage now.

Crow: Causing a minor stampeede as the fans try and avoid touching it...

***Wicklund: Making his way to the ring weighing in at 235lbs Richie Approal Jr. ***

Seth: Way to miss your cue, buddy...

TV: Approal is beside himself. Literally.

***>>Richie waits in the ring for his opponent.***

Crow: While talking to himself...

Tom: Is this going to be a handicap match or a tag team affair?

TV: I would love to see somebody get bored and leave the ring before his opponent comes out, one of these day. I'll call BigBOSS to book that.

Seth: That guy'd do it, too...

***Charles: Oh god this is going to be one boring ass match.***

TV: An ass match, eh? Man, we haven't had one of those in a while.

Crow: Come on hot pokers...

Tom: Nice to see him hyping up the PWA fans there. Even Schiavonne could make Disco vs Lash Leroux sound exciting...

***Joe Ice: Yeah these guys suck I hate them. Where's my girlfriend at?***

TV: He HAS a girlfriend?

Seth: She got a puncture, Joe. Better break out the repair kit.

***Charles: Dude when are you gonna learn that Medusa isn't your girl.***

TV: (Charles) And, dude, where's my car?

Seth: Oh, great Trey... Now I have Ashton Kucher flashbacks...

TV: Well, you're joining most of the PWA roster...

***Joe Ice: Actually I was talking about your Mom fucker!***

Crow: Wow, one toke and Joe turned into douja!

TV: (Stoner) Duuuuude...

*** Charles: Damn you need to chill out with a nice joint man. ***

Seth: (Stoner) Duuuuude!

TV: So, I forget, was there a match here?

Crow: At some stage, when the weed runs out.

***>>Fold by Unloco hits the PA system, and the lights go dark***

Tom: (Cousin Junior) Pa, the lights went out? Do you fergit to pay the 'lectric comp'ny again?

TV: This is a vast improvement here...

***suddenly on the titantron his face appears and lights flash.***

Seth: What, is a train coiming?

TV: And everyone in the WWE wonders why they're seeing this crap.

***Then xXx steps out and walks to the ring. ***

Crow: Vin Diesel! Run!

TV: Where is the Cartel when you need them.

***He steps inside then both Richie and xXx begin starring each other down ***

TV: Wow, those construction paper and paste lessons from kindergarten have paid off here.

Seth: Huh? It's a Finger-paint Your Opponent Match, then?

***while talking trash on each other.***

Tom: (xXx) Garbage!

Crow: (Richie) Refuse!

Trey: (Richie) Hey, you can borrow some of the trash that was thrown at me.

***Once the bell sounds xXx pushes Richie to start off a shoving match between the two of them.***

TV: Ohh, a shoving match. Nice.

Seth: More like a sucking match...

Crow: (Spanish Soccer Commentator) SUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCccccccccckkkkkkkkk!

***Eventually the shoving match turns into a slug fest of one big right hand after the other.***

TV: Fans, joins us for Slug Fest, live on pay-per-view, next month!

Seth: (xXX) I could beat you with my left hand tied behind my back. oh, wait it IS tied behind my back! That explains all the right hands...

***When xXx starts to gain the upper hand ***

TV: Badum dum.

Tom: The right upper hand, naturally...

***Richie gives him a swift kick to the gut causing him to double over.***

Seth: (Richie) I learned THIS move in jail, bitch!

TV: (Stoner) You know what would make him feel better? A doobie!

*** Richie is quick to fallow up with a DDT***

Crow: No, you should leave him fallow for at least on seaon...

Seth: Hoping for a good match would be "feudal", all right...

TV: Huh?

***and even quicker to go for the cover.***

TV: Hopefully the ref will count even quicker.

Tom: (Stoner) Go for it, dude!

***Ref: 1 ... 2 ... kick out! ***

Seth: Aww, not fast enough!

TV: (President) Referee, YOU'RE FIRED!

***>>xXx jumps to his feet with a not so pleased look on his face and in a rage he charged at Richie ***

Seth: He was so mad, he changed tenses mid-match!

TV: Well, he is full of PCP, no wonder he's full of rage.

***and takes him down with a closeline***

Crow: He follows up with a mediumly-distant line!

Tom: And the dreaded, long-distance line.

***xXx goes to pick Richie up and once Richie is back to his feet he delivers a jaw breaker to xXx***

TV: (Richie) Here, have some candy.

Seth: PWA: Sentance structre. Proper composition. Aww, fuck it! We have weed!

***xXx now hops around the ring holding his jaw with both hands***

Crow: It's the Native American "I Look Like a Fricking Gumby" dance!

TV: (xXx) Ancestors, bring me healing. And rain if you get the chance. Lawn's looking a bit brown.

Seth: And don't let the paleface get a Royal Flush!

***Richie throws himself against the ropes and charges at xXx with a closeline but xXx ducks under***

All: That was close!

***and lifts his body up in time to toss Richie to the outside,***

TV: He tries to smoke him before tossing him, but realizes he is not a joint.

Seth: Thank you for flying Total Jobber Airways. We'll get you high, high, high!

***but Richie lands on his feet and trips xXx causing him to fall face first into the mat.***

Crow: Who fell what where now?

TV: Paleface falls over there how

***Richie quickly climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes crashing down with an elbow drop to the back of xXx's head. ***

Tom: It's the Macho Dink! Oooh, yeah!

TV: (Richie) I think I just earned myself a line of coke.

Seth: Could we get Big Bad Dave from SCW to come out and eat both these guys?

TV: It'd be like eating a hamburger full of roofies for him. He'd get full and stoned.

***Richie grabs xXx by his head and drags him to the middle of the ring then turns him over going for the cover.***

TV: (XxX) Whoa, that's not my cover!

Seth: Onethree, it's over, end of show!

***Ref: 1...2...3!
Ding Ding Ding***

TV: Way to go, Seth.

*high fives*

Seth: (Stoner Seth) Dude! Rockin'...

***Joe Ice: What the hell was that? ***

Tom: A really crappy match...

TV: One of the worst matches of all time.

Seth: Still better than Hell in a Kennel, though...

***Charles: Well I was a little busy baking out over here but it looked like that was Richie just having his way with xXx. ***

TV: (Charles) It also looked like a bunch of squirrels ate a deer, man.

Tom: (Joe) Whoa. Cool.

Crow (Prez) You're both FIRED

*** Joe Ice: He didn't even have to try.***

Seth: (Joe) I feel all betrayed and shit...

TV: He's mediocre without even trying.

***Charles: See its trippy cause I think that's the same move I used to beat your Mom the other night.***

Crow: He elbowdropped her? That's some EXTREME foreplay!

TV: (Joe) That your famous erectile dysfunction move?

*** Joe Ice: Just shut the fuck up man!***

Seth: (Joe) I'll cap your ass, bitch!

TV: Ah, why be witty when you can swear. FUCK!

Seth: Jesus fucking Christ, Trey, want to get our motherfucking show tossed in the shitter? Chill, bitch!

TV: Fuck man, I'm fucking sorry. Shit, man.

Crow: Come back Mike and Joel! Pleeeeease!

***(Commercial: Advertising RJ Ripper. "he's spent 2 months on the lower part of the roster.***

TV: And we'll see how much lower we can push him. Stay tuned!

Tom: ...Now. he's about to get... FIRRRRED!

***Now, he will stand for it no more."***

Seth: (AJ) Aww, c'mon you guyyys! Gimmie a push! Awwwww! xXx got a push! Meanies!

TV: He's so pissed, he's gnawing off his own legs...in an attempt..to go to..the W...W..E!

Seth: Nice, Trey. Although I thought Gowen was a pushover in the ring.

***RJ Ripper: "PREPARE! TO BE! RIPPED!") ***

Crow: Yep, ripped off the next time PWA has a Pay-Per-View.

TV: RJ Ripper is Captain Hook in the PWA! This Summer!

Seth: PWA: You're Paying For This Shit? Only on Pay-Per-View!

***Joe Ice: YES!!! My girlfriends back and your gonna be in trouble!***

TV: (Singing) Hey-la, hey-la, my girlfriend's back.

Tom: The Leader of the Pack's on Crack...

***Charles: Shes your girlfriend man?***

TV: (Crow) Did I tell you I elbow dropped her last night?

Crow:

Seth: Shit, Crows voicebox is on the fritz... Hand me that screwdriver, Trey.

*Clonk* *Scrapppe* *Bang*

Crow: Quit it!

Seth: Got it!

***Joe Ice: oh yeah! we went out yesterday at around 6 to a fancy resteraunt!***

TV: It's so fancy, it's not called a restaurant. I think it was French.

Tom: Joe's been dropping the GOOD drugs tonight.

***Charles: How can she be in 2 places at once? i saw her working out at the gym around 6.***

Seth: What the fuck are these guys talking about?

TV: The ring announcer must have announcer her.

***Joe Ice: ...I hate you.***

TV: You gay homosexual.

Crow: Jobless piece of jobless shit.

***Segment with RJ Ripper and Logan!

Writer: D. Kirchner***

Seth: Hey, Corporal Kirchners' booking!

***Logan and Ripper are seen backstage.***

TV: (Logan) Here we are.

Crow: (Ripper) Yep. Great segment, huh?

***Logan: So Ripper... your ex-tag team partner made the main event... whats up with that?***

TV: (Ripper) Must have been blowing the bos...oh, is that camera on still?

Seth: (Loagn) Now, when exactly did I become the Hurricane?

***Ripper: Shut up and eat a cookie, I'm trying to concentrate...***

TV: He's got the post-smoking munchies. Bad short term memory and hunger.

Crow: (Ripper) Stuff is hard. Duh.

TV: (Ripper) Cookie wookie...

***Logan: on what?***

Seth: (Ripper) I'm concentrating on not getting fired...

Tom: (Ripper) And the next line of this stupid segment.

***Ripper: well this damn connect the dots fucking thing in your new "cookie book for children"...***

Seth: The dots are fucking? Now THAT's Trippy

TV: It's Penthouse Dots.

***I don't understand it. How can 1 go to 2 and still make a star? It looks like a bunch of scribbles when you complete it!***

TV: (Stoner) You know what you need to do? Get higher, man. That'll solve, everything!

Crow: (Ripper) *toke* Hey, it DOES look like a star now! Thanks, man!

Seth: This fed must be written by Rob Van Dam and X-Pac.

***Logan: You idiot! 1 goes to 3!***

TV: Their monthly magazine is High Times.

***Ripper: Dude!***

TV: (RVD) Whatever.

***connect the dots rules are supposed to be, 1 goes to 2 then 2 goes to 3 etc. not 1 goes to 3 and 3 goes to 5!***

Seth: Good Lord, this segment's like Higher Mathmatics for Monkeys!

TV: PWA: We're Fucked Up!

***Logan's merchandise Agent walks in.***

TV: (Agent) You're FIRED!

Tom: (Agent) Is this a bad time? Should I put some pants on? Could YOU put some pants on? Sign here! Thanks, goodbye!

***Logans Merchandise Agent: Logan bad news... Your new book sells have dropped by 10%...***

Seth: What he only sold 9 copies this month?

TV: I didn't know zero can go down by 10 percent? I guess the 10 people who bought them are returning them.

***supposedly kids are saying that the star in the connect the dots section turns out to be scribbles... and the maze section... thats just trippy.***

TV: PWA. The P stands for Utter Crap!

Crow: (X-pac) Dude, this is the funniest shit EVER!

Tom: (RVD) Yeah, dude! killer!

***The scene cuts off to Charles and Joe Ice. Charles is drawing or coloring or something.***

TV: This would be a great kids show if not for all the drug references.

Seth: Even thier Disembodied Announcer no longer gives a shit, you notice that?

Crow: Yeah, the only thing this place needs to really cater to kids is Cheta The Molesta

***Joe Ice: What are you doing?!***

TV: If the answer is jerking off, this fed has gone too far.

Tom: (Charles) Dude, I'm stoned, stop asking complicated questions like that...

***Charles: Trying to figure out this maze in Logans children book... his agent said it was trippy so i had to try it.***

Seth: Look, Trey if you could just shoot me in the head, right about here... I'd really appreciate it about now.

TV: That sounds trippy, Seth...

***Joe Ice: Give me that! is it that complicated?! Look... ok he has a fence here... which in normal mazes means you cant go through...***

*drum roll as we wait for the punch line*

*** but logans a wrestler so wrestlers are strong and you kick the fence over.***

*feeble kazoo parp*

Tom: These are the jokes, folks. Sorry.

[Trey gets up and starts pacing back and forth.]

***and see... the finish line is there right? you jump over the river that blocks the finish line.***

TV: I see it! *Runs* Owww. Hey, the fence didn't break. What the...

***Charles: Dude... that is sooo trippy. ***

Seth: I am going to hunt this motherfucker down, Trey. Wanna help?

TV: Sure do. *Takes his seat again* I'll bring the Catch A High Moron kit.

Crow: Well, maybe we'll get a match free from drug references this time?

***THC v.s. Carnage contract match
Writer: Payne***

Tom: And so much for that hope.

***>>Smoking Herb again hits the PA system as THC comes out passing joints to teenagers and goes in the ring and smokes a joint to himself well waiting for his opponent.***

TV: Is it too late to call the cops and have everyone arrested and beaten to death?

Seth: This fed is the best anti-drug advert I've ever seen! Would YOU want to end up like these guys?

***Wicklund: Now in the ring weighing in at 250lbs***

Crow: Plus his stash...

TV: And his bong.

Tom: The PWA, written by DARE groups nationwide!

***THC!***

Crow: Only two letters shy of the very descriptive "THiCk"...

TV: And pretty close to CROthc, oh wait, nevermind..

***>>All the teenagers cheer and all the parents boo.***

Seth: And all the MSTers cry.

***>>Now the Halloween Theme song plays over the PA system as Carnage comes down to the ring ***

TV: Hey, maybe Mike Myers will kill him!

Seth: Wishful thinking, Trey...

***getting mixed reactions from the crowd.***

Crow: (Fan) Hmmm, I can't decide if he sucks or blows...

TV: Yes, a mixture of apathy and not giving a crap.

***He enters the ring and starts taunting THC***

Tom: (THC) Whoa. Like, who said that? Man.

TV: (Carnage) I stole your stash! Neener neener neener..

***but THC pays no attention as he finishes his blunt.***

Seth: Great, he'll probably leave the ring halfway through the match for a munchie run.

TV: Their president must be a huge drug dealer. Everyone's got drugs. It must be how he pays his employees.

***>>Now making his way to the ring weighing in at 320lbs Carnage!***

Seth: Even the ring announcers suffering from Stoner Lag.

TV: GI Slow-time.

***Charles: Who does this guy think he is taunting a stoner.***

Crow: A loser in a crappy fed.

***Joe Ice: It's trippy cause I hear Carnage is a stoner as well***

Tom: Wow, THERE's a shocker!

TV: Man, if Jesus Christ popped in here, he'd be a stoner too, I bet.

***Charles: Stop stealing my line bitch***

Seth: ZING! Or whatever passes for it, here in the Pathetic Wastrels Association.

TV: (Ice) But I needed it for drug money.

***Joe Ice: Its my line faggot you stole it from me.***

TV: (Charles) Douchebagsayswhat?

Crow: (Joe) Uhhh... what?

***Charles: uh maybe I'm to fucked to right now to remember,***

TV: No! Really?

Seth: (Charles) Stoned people are funny. Huh huh huh.

***but what the hell makes you think Carnage is a stoner?***

Crow: The fact he just tried to powerbomb the ringpost?

***Joe Ice: Because he blows a lot of hot smoke out his ass!***

TV: I used to know a chick who did that. Though it wasn't her ass...

Tom: More info than I required! Initiating "Anti-Perv" circuits

***>>Mean while in the ring the bell has sounded***

TV: Both guys immediately light up to celebrate the milestone.

Seth: That's very in terest ing. Good night every body!

***and Carnage and THC lock up trying to gain the advantage on each other. ***

Crow: Or possibly, TAKE advantage of each other. They're too stoned to realise they're both guys.

TV: (Carnage) Dude, that's my foot, we were supposed to do a collar and something tie up thing.

***Carnage seems to be winning but THC low blows him with a kick to the sack.***

Seth: Ooh, he injured Santa Claus! Bastard!

TV: (JR) THE CARNAGE! THE CARNAGE!

Tom: (Carnage) The bruising! Owie!

TV: (THC) Have a blunt, you'll feel better.

***The ref sees this but clearly does nothing to stop it.***

Seth: Nahh, no point. weeed makes your nuts shrink. No harm, no foul.

TV: It does?

Seth: You never heard that? Sorry, buddy.

Crow: Put that ruler away, Trey...

***THC starts pounding away with rights and lefts to the top of Carnage's head bringing the big guy down to his knees.***

TV: (THC) I hid a blunt in my pants, wanna find it?

Seth: X-Pac MUST be booking! If THC shouts "Suck It!", we'll know for sure.

***Pissed off Carnage gains his composure after a while***

Tom: THC pissed on him? That's a DQ if I ever saw one.

TV: It took him a while to notice though, slow response time.

***and battles back through all the punches to grab THC around his neck. ***

TV: Choking him ain't gonna work. If the smoke can't do it, nothing will.

Tom: Choke him out with a roach clip, that'll work!

***Now the ref intervenes making Carnage break the hold.***

Crow: For a bunch of stoners, this match is overly complicated. Why not just drop a blunt, let him smoke it, roll him up and end it. He won't even notice.

Seth: (Ref) Stop it, this chokehold is far too exciting for our fans. Now start punching again. Good.

***Carnage just looks at the ref with a "what the fuck" look on his face.***

Tom: Treys had that expression since we started today.

***Right when Carnage turns around THC pokes him in the eyes blinding him,***

Seth: (Carange)Great, now I have to get a stoned guidedog. Thanks, man!

TV: Man, these are some, 0-star matches.

***but again the ref says nothing.***

Crow: Blind wrestler, mute ref, dumb fans. This place has it all!

TV: This match is brought to you in Stoned-A-Vision. Very slow and boring, unless you're high. So go get high!

Seth: Yeah, mon.

***THC runs over and climbs the middle turnbuckle and waits for Carnage to stagger towards him.***

TV: And pee his pants.

Tom: (Carnage) Where are you? You blinded me, you shit! Is this the right turnbuckle?

***Once he is in range THC leaps off hitting Carnage with a head scissors take down.***

Seth: He's stoned and pulling ranas? I think OSH needs to hear about this....

TV: That was no Seth Harker rana. Although, that did look like that one time we went out partying before that BSCW show.

Seth: Was that where I accidently hurricanrana'ed the parking attendant? I still say he looked like Rey Mysterio...

TV: Sure, Seth...sure.

***When Carnage hits the mat THC runs over to him***

Crow: Falls over him more like...

TV: If he starts taking advantage of him, I'm SO outta here.

***and wraps his hands around his neck choking the shit out of him.***

Tom: I hope he brought a mop...

*Comabot dubs in some farting sounds*

TV: I think Carnage has been wearing diapers for a while. The drugs killed his plumbing.

***Slowly but surly Carnage passes out.***

Seth: Typical stoner, huh?

TV: He wasn't even watching The Matrix. Weird...

***The ref lifts up Carnage's arm once and lets it fall,***

TV: (Ref) Whee, this is fun. Arm goes up, arm goes down.

***again and lets it fall, ***

Seth: (Ref) Uhh, THC, I think he's dead. Better stop choking him, buddy.

TV: If this guy gets cremated, THC is gonna smoke his ashes.

***then a third time and again it falls and the ref signals the bell.***

TV: The bell no-sells it.

Seth: (Bell) Ding. Big fucking deal.

***Ding Ding Ding***

Tom: (Prez) Bell? You're FIRED!

TV: You know, I am wondering where the presidential jobbing is? Was THC the president?

Seth: Actually, I think the president fired himself before the show. He'll have to re-apply for nxt weeks card.

***Wicklund: And your winner is THC***

TV: Your losers, all of us.

Crow: And the crowd goes to the bathroom.

***Charles: See look I told you that Stoners always win! Where's my 20 dollars bitch!***

Seth: (Charles) How can I snort this drain cleaner without a twenty!

TV: There are nothing but stoners in this fed. That's a rigged heel phrase.

*** Joe Ice: Well where's my 50 fucker***

TV: She's over there. The one with the gray hair, saggy everything and scabs.

Tom: What? Why are they discussing angles they never mentioned before? Maybe if e smoke some weed, this will make more sense?

TV: Hmm, I wonder if a robot can get high? I sense an experiment, Seth.

Seth: I'm willing to take you up on that...

TV: You're buying, then.

Seth: On BOB's paycheck? It'll be a brief experiment, then...

***Charles: For what? Joe Ice: I told you that Carnage was blowing smoke out of his ass.***

TV: Did I mention I knew a...

All: Yes!

Crow: (Carnage) Dude, I turned my ass into a bong!

***>>Charles and Joe Ice are both cut off by Rick walking down the ramp in his nice expensive business suit. ***

TV: Gee, who could this be?

Seth: It's the President! Hail to the Chief Stoner!

***He makes his way to ring side just as Carnage comes to.***

TV: Uh oh. Five finishers should take care of him.

Seth: Oh, man... Don't come in the ring, we just had it cleaned!

***Rick: Carnage ... that was one pitiful match.***

TV: (Rick) YOU'RE FIRED!

***I can indeed say you are the worst piece of shit here.***

Seth: (Rick) You're FIRED again!

***Your stinking up this fed my man so I have no choice but to call in the pooper scooper***

Tom: (Rick) You're possibly fired, or possibly reduced to pickng up dog crap. I'm not sure which.

TV: It's time for a gimmick makeover. Meet Carnage The Pooper Scooper.

***As of now you are officially FIRED!***

Everybody: HOORAY!

TV: That was a bit of a surprise. Didn't see that coming 10 minutes ago.

Seth: I love this guy! I'm going to join his fed and get fired on a daily basis!

***And no third chances this time big boy.***

Seth: Like Carnage obviously is. THIRD chances?

TV: He hires stoners and then acts all high and mighty...sheesh. Have a blunt, boss.

***Remember you should only talk the talk if you can walk the walk.***

Tom: (Rick) And smoke the smoke.

***>>A very pissed off Carnage now throw the biggest Temper tantrum that anyone has ever seen.***

TV: (Rich) Didn't I FIRE YOU? Why are you still here?

Crow: Biggest tantrum since the last post-Oscars party at least...

***THC gets out of the ring along with the ref.***

Seth: (Ref) Uhh, am I fired? Should I leave now?

TV: (Rich) That's it, YOURE FIRED!

*** THC now passes a few joints over to the ref of the match.***

TV: Because 10 just aren't enough.

Crow: Here's your going-away present from the boys, ref.

***Charles: Ah ha I see now. It's all so clear ***

Seth: (Sings) I can see clearly now, I've smoked my bong...

TV: Hmm...let's see..it's about time for "it's trippy."

***Joe Ice: Bullshit your world is nothing but clear its all a big cloud of smoke, now where's my 50 fucker!***

Seth: (Skanky Ho) 52-fucker now. I got bored.

***(commercial advertising "PWA Final Destination" video. "relive the greatest PPV in history")***

Tom: Overhype much? Yes.

TV: Next month, join us for Down To The Last Joint, only on pay-per-view!

Seth: It's the only Pay-Per-View where the ringbell goes "Bong" instead of "Ding"...

***Steel v.s. Krazie
Writer: Payne***

TV: Ah, great, more pain coming...

***>>Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park blasts over the PA system as Krazie makes his way down the ramp and into the ring.***

Seth: You belong in HELL! Or BOB, which is the nearest thing on Earth.

TV: And where is that "I Belong" song playing? I can't tell.

***Wicklund: In the ring weighing in at 215lbs KRAZIE!!!***

Crow; Oh, it's a cruiserweight match. This is going to suck!

Seth: Excuse me?

Crow: Oops.

***>>Krazie doesn't receives a few cheers here and there from the crowd but not to many.***

TV: He doesn't receive a few cheers? So, what, he got, none then?

Tom: Memo: Send Payne a greeting card. Message reads: Dear Payne, Don't write anymore. Don't even try talking. Yours, Tom Servo.

***>>Krazie waits a few moments before The Real Slim Shaddy hits the PA system by Eminem***

TV: He's Shaddy, homez.

Seth: 'Cause I'm Slim Shaddy and I'm driving in my Caddy! Peace!

TV: Word life.

Crow: Is that that Emineminemineminem guy?

***and Steel comes through the entranceway.***

TV: (Steel) Yay, I found the ring.

***Steel walks down the ramp and climbs into the ring by stepping over the top rope.***

Seth: It's the Undertoker!

TV: Stoned Man Walking.

Crow: The Brothers of Doobiestruction.

Tom: Bonger red.

***Before the bell can even sound Krazie rushes Steel with a diving closeline.***

TV: Close, but not close enough.

Seth: I can't wait till someone uses an openline.

***Steel stumbles back a few steps but bounces off the ropes behind him.***

Tom: The American StonedAss...

***Steel shakes it off as Krazie gets to his feet and goes for a drop kick***

TV: I'm about ready to go for a 36-back of beer.

Seth: Get me one too...

Tom: I'll take a six-pack of WD-40, Trey.

***but is just swatted away by Steel.***

Crow: (Girls Voice) Are you Stoned?

TV: (Steel) Be gone, cruiserweight.

Seth: (Sings) Keep tokin', tokin', tokin', tokin'! Keep...

***Steel looks down at Krazie like ... well like he is crazy.***

Seth: (Steel) Someone get my urn... I hid my stash in it.

TV: You so crazeee, Krazie.

***Krazie jumps to his feet and tries taking the big man down with blows to the gut***

Tom: He's not a candle! Stop blowing on him!

TV: (Krazie) Man, I'm much better at inhaling.

***but it has little to no effect.***

Crow: Through hellfire and hallucinogenic smoke!

TV: (Steel) I've been blown by better men than you.

Seth: The Phenom of Pot...

***Steel grows tired of this and clubs Krazie down with an elbow to the top of his head.***

Seth: Oh great, another fed that's pissing on the cruiserweights. Fuck you, PWA!

***Krazie falls to his knees and Steel fallows up with a knee to the face.***

TV: Limited offense. Yep, he might as well start driving a motorcylcle stoned.

***Krazie goes down holding his face while Steel stomps away.***

Tom: He's Riverdancing! Stop him, somebody!

Crow: Yep, this is a Boot-scoooting Boogie town...

***Slowly Steel leans down and picks Krazie up by the hair.***

TV: (Moe) Niagra falls!

Seth: (Steel) Whoa, his hair is talking to me... funky.

***Charles: God this isn't a match its a fucking massacre.***

TV: If by massacre, you mean crapfest, sure.

Tom: It's a boring fucking massacre, at that.

***Joe Ice: Shhh ... not while I'm smoking.***

Crow: Dennis Leary does color commentary...

***Charles: Bitch are you getting into my stash now?!?!***

Seth: (Joe) Well, I already smoked my stash. And the presidents stash. And my script. And a potted geranium.

TV: If there are any terrorists watching, well, I usually don't encourage that, but, hell, bomb these guys, huh?

***Joe Ice: *just sits back puffing on a joint* ***

Crow: Thus ensuring he has the most fun of anyone in the arena.

TV: His brain must be about the size of a marble by now.

Seth: And as for how big his nuts must be... yeesh.

***Charles: Fucker ill kill you!***

Tom: Yeah, you be illin' and shit.

TV: (Charles) im harkdoor an siht

***>>Mean while in the ring Steel has picked Krazie up in a choke hold holding high up off of his feet.***

Crow: The Prince of Dopeness!

TV: Steel, the biggest grass smoker in the yard.

*** Doing the only thing he can Krazie***

Seth: .Wiggles about like a landed trout, then passes out...

TV: PWA, the P stands for Choke holds.

***kicks Steel in the face causing Steel to drop him.***

Crow: (CNN Finacial Reporter) Steel dropped in early trading, while the PWA remained high, high. high!

***Krazie sits there coughing***

Seth: He's gotta switch to filter-tipped joints.

TV: (Krazie) Whoa, man, I must be tripping. It looks like I just coughed up blood. Cool!

***trying to catch his breath but somehow manages to recover before Steel.***

TV: Come here you pesky breath. Get back in my lungs!

Seth: There's one good thing about this match. It reminds me of how good "Sapphire and Steel" was. Think I'll go watch a few episodes...

TV: Siddown!

***Again he goes for a drop kick this time it has some effect making Steel Stumble back into the corner.***

Tom: Steel Stumble: International Man of Marijuana!

TV: How many moves have we seen tonight? Punch. Kick. Choke. Dropkick. Varied offense, thy name is PWA.

*** Krazie jumps to the middle turnbuckle and begins pounding away at Steel's head

Seth: Punchapalooza '03, live on Pay-Per-View!

TV: (Referee) Uh, buddy, Steel is in the other corner. You're hitting a turnbuckle.

*** The crowd counts along with every punch delivered by Krazie.***

Tom: ONE! ...................... Hey, he's not even trying, is he?

TV: One. Two. Three. Four. Repeat..

Seth: Oh, look... Steel made a cute little bong out of tinfoil. Now that's OLD SKOOL!

TV: They rool.

***Crowd: 1,2,3,4,5***

Crow: don't think we'll get outta here a-live! Yayyyyy, team!

TV: The entertainment's yet to arrive.

***>>Before Krazie can deliver his 6th punch Steel grabs him up in a power bomb then slams his down hard against the mat.***

Seth: Killing him instantly. I guess Steel was trained by Sycho Sid.

Tom: Hang on, he slammed his "down"? Krazies' a duck?

TV: Or a pillow.

Crow: Pillow-BITER, I think.

***Krazie lays there motionless. Steel slowly gets down to the mat to make a cover.***

TV: (Moe) SLOWLY I bend, inch by inch, knee by knee...NIAGRA FALLS!

Seth: Oh, right.. NOW, I get the reference. Thanks, Trey.

TV: I must get you a TV with cable inputs.

***Ref: 1 ... 2 ... and a narrow escape ***

Tom: Hey, leave the commentary to Dumb and Dumber, ref...

TV: Or Stoned and Stoneder.

***>>Steel shakes his head and picks Krazie up.***

TV: (Steel) Why my head rattle?

Seth: He's going for the Last Bong!

Crow: Dead Man Smoking.

***Steel throws Krazie into the ropes and waits for him to come back.***

Tom: Krazie gets lost on the way, so the match fizzles out into a time-limit draw.

***When Krazie comes running back Steel delivers a big boot to his face the echoes through out the arena. ***

Seth: SUCKuckuckuckuckuck......

TV: The old face the echoes maneuver.

Seth: Face the Echos? Didn't they tour with the Flock of Seagulls?

***Steel is quicker this time to make a cover.***

TV: Onetwothree and it's finally over.

***Ref: 1 ... 2 ... 3

Ding Ding Ding***

TV: YES!

Seth: Thanks, Trey!

***Wicklund: And your winner is Steeeelll!***

Tom: Steeellll stoned!

Seth: And this show steellll sucks.

TV: The winner, the Weed Growers of the World United.

***>>Joe Ice and Charles are both see baked out at the announce table.***

Seth: (Joe) Thanks, WGotWU!

TV: They've done so many druugs they've turned into fish cakes?

***Joe Ice: What just happened? Charles: What?***

TV: (Charles) We got stoned?

Crow: (Joe) Adouchebagsays...uhhh, I forget.

***>>They both just look at each other and bust up laughing so hard they start to tear for no apparent reason.***

Seth: Don't do drugs, kids. Especially before you write.

***Segment with Twizted/Payne
Writer: D. Kirchner***

TV: I bet they have a foam bong as merchandise here.

Tom: And you should see what you can buy at the concession stand...

***Payne and Twizted walk in the door with shovels.***

TV: (Payne) Dude, we gotta stop getting stoned and running over people.

Seth: Hey, it's Payne... The guy who wrote the last two matches. KILL HIM!

***Payne: I'm not so sure about this man... I mean do we really have to kill them?***

Crow: Oh, great, just what we need, a wrestler booking matches. No wonder this fed sucks.

Tom: (Twizted) Joe and Charles? Trust me man, it's a mercy killing...

TV: (Twizted) You know, you're right. In that sentence I realized the error of my ways. Let's go get baked.

***Twizted: Do you want to stick with me and win the tag titles or not?***

Crow: (Payne) Doesn't matter, I'm booking the shows, I'll win them one way or another.

Seth: (Payne) Uhhh. Is this a multi-choice question?

***Payne: Well I mean I love to see people in pain but... killing, isn't that going a little too far?***

Crow: In 49 states, yes. In Alabama, possibly not.

***Twizted: Fine, we'll bury them alive.***

TV: Ah, compromise. The key to a healthy partnership.

Tom: Just like Bianchi and Buono! Only stoned.

***Twizted runs into The Diamond.***

TV: (Diamond) BANG!

Seth: (Twizted) Ow, I cut myself on your razor-sharp edges!

***Diamond: What are you looking at?***

Tom: (Diamond) It DOESN'T MATTER what you are looking at!

Crow: (Twizted) That HUGE joint. They paying bonuses early this month?

***Twizted: An ass whoopin waiting to happen... I'll let torture girl take care of that though.***

Seth: Torture Girl? I think I own that manga...

TV: Torture Girl?I think my sister had that toy. Whips and chains. She had a lot of fun.

Tom: Christmas at the Vincent house must have been a TON of fun....

***Diamond: You just think your hot shit don't you.***

Seth: Well, you're HALF right...

TV: (Twizted) What about my hot shit?

***Twizted: Not really... but I've never met a stoner who could do more then sit on his seat and watch MTV... laughing at Carson Daleys dumb jokes...***

TV: Carson Daley *tells* jokes?

Tom: (Beavis) Huh huh huh...

Crow: I though he just told stories about getting head from Christina Aguliera.

TV: Hey, I think that was MY line.

Crow: So it was.

Seth: Head.

Tom: (Beavis) Huh huh huh.

***Diamond: Are you dissin on the stoner connection?!***

Seth: Now who's he talking about? That could be anyone on the roster!

TV: Oh crap, does he have a sock he calls Mr. Bongo?

***Twizted: oh yeah... i forgot, you stoners made the front page of the magazine... ***

TV: High, High, High Times.

***Scene cuts back to joe ice and charles.***

Tom: Must we?

TV: Why not cut to the closing credits?

***Joe Ice: Have you read this months magazine yet?***

TV: (Charles) No man, I made a BONG out of it.

Seth: No, but I smoked a few pages... D'OH! Beaten to the riff...

***Charles: Hell yeah mofo! PWA High Times...***

TV: If you don't read the magazine, you're FIRED.

Seth: Whoa, trey guessed the magazines' name... that's...

***Trippy... just plain trippy.***

TV: The P stands for Predictablity.

***Joe Ice: OK, thanks for your opinion.. now I know not to buy it.***

Seth: (Scott Keith) Oh, TAG!

***Steve Fritz v.s. Sgt. Jorge
Writer: Steve Fritz (i let him write his own match due to Sgt. Jorges not RPing).***

Crow: Hmmm... I wonder who's going over in this one?

TV: Let the punches, kicks and chokes begin. Again.

***Charles: This match should be trippy...***

Tom: And punchy and kicky and chokey...

***Joe: What shouldn't be trippy to you.... ***

Seth: Anyone else got the sudden urge to punch out a stoner?

[Trey raises his hand.]

***Charles: Your face shouldn't be so trippy. I didn't smoke that much.***

TV: I'm getting the feeling this show was produced by some anti-drug company to show what losers stoners become.

Crow: It's working!

***Joe: Calling me trippy?***

Seth: Shut. Up. You. Bastard.

TV: I'm glad this writer picked up on the subtle interplay between the commentators...christ.

*** Charles: No I was emplying you are ugly.***

TV: Aww, can't they make up and laugh together like the last match?

row: U! G! L! Y! I wish this fed would up and die! It's UGLY!

***Joe: I can't take it!***

Seth: Neither can I! FUCK UP!

TV: (President) If you can't take it, YOU'RE FIRED.

Setjh: GOOD!

*Seth storms out of the theatre*

TV: Seth, you just became Swedish!

(Off-screen Setjh) Fucken sie uppen, Trey!

TV: Well, that was overly dramatic. For a fucking cruiserweight.

***Charles: Shut up... Take this joint.***

Tom: Oh, right... the show's still playing.

TV: The joint bones's connected to the, finger, the finger's connected to the hand...

***(Charles hands Joe a joint.)***

Crow: Is there any room left for oxygen in the arena?

TV: Good lord. His lungs must be an ashtray.

***Charles: Wow this should be a trippy one.... Take it away Sarah!***

*Seth returns to the theatre*

Seth: GodDAMMIT! Ed's playing Spice Girls songs on the PA!

TV: That son of a bitch.

Tom: Feeling better, Seth?

Seth: Is the show finished?

Tom: Not yet.

Seth: Then my answer would be "No"...

***Sarah: This match is scheduled for onefall.***

TV: And a lot of stumbling

***("Shut Up" by Trick Daddy hits the PA system as Jorge walks to the ring talking smack to some fans.)***

Seth: Oh, great.. he's trying to buy smack off the fans.

TV: (Jorge) So, buddy, where can I get some strong heroin?

Crow: Did anybody else notice they changed ring announcer, or am I just trippy?

Seth: A little of both...

***Sarah: Making his way to the ring standing at 6'2" and weighing in at 245pounds this is Sgt. Jorge!***

TV: Head of the Pot Squad.

***Joe: Isn't that one of those..Umm..Major....Asswads?***

Tom: Ummm. Pardon?

TV: One of the many this company employs, yep.

*** Charles: Where have you been? Watching our war with Iraq?***

TV: (Joe) Yeah, man, it was trippy...all the explosions...doood.

Seth: Nothing like a shitkicking of a badly-armed nation to keep a stoner amused.

***Savage is gone! Biggest PWA let-down yet.***

TV: Ohhhhhhhh YEAH! Randy is gone!

Crow: He was FIRED!

***Joe: Duh. we are at war with France.. What a dumbass.***

Seth: What the FUCK is Joe talking about?

TV: We only destroy countries that'll help us in the future. So France is fine.

***("Damn" by Fabolous hits the PA System. Steve comes out and stands at the top of the ramp for a couple of seconds.***

TV: Jorge vs. Steve. Dooood.

Tom: The theme music makes a succinct commentary on the commentators. "Damn! Shut up!".

***He is wearing a t-shirt that says "Sexy Man 4:20"***

Crow: Ooh, a drug reference. Didn't see that coming...

TV: Which means he only looks good when you're stoned.

***and has a picture of a skull with bloodshot eyes and a pot-leaf on it.***

Seth: Stoned Cold Steve.

TV: Potman?

***He is also wearing a pair of black EcKo jean pants.)***

Tom: Bong-otic Redneck?

TV: Guys, I don't know if I mentioned it. But I'm wearing a pair of Wranger jeans.

Seth: Well, it is nice to see you wore pants today Trey. Glad you got the memo.

Trey: Yeah, it's amazing I got away with that for so long.

***Steve: Hello ladies! This is the PWA Champion you are looking at!***

Crow: Until I traded the belt for a kilo of hash.

TV: Tremble in fear of....Steve.

***(Steve then looks down at his waiste and see's no title around it.)***

TV: I don't remember eating that.

***Steve: I mean ex-PWA Champion.. But I'm completely over it!***

Seth: (Steve )God, my life sucks.

TV: (Steve) I passed the torch. And a blunt.

***The nice smooth texture, the shineyness, the meaning of it...***

Trey: (Steve) I miss you BABY!.

Tom: Hoo boy... we have to get this guy laid, I think.

***But it can be replaced.. Tonight I have a meeting with some chicks.***

TV: Ah, he's into animals. I see.

***There names are Handgelica, Handgelina, Alexhandra, and Palmela.***

Setjh: Okay, WHY is he admitting this? Whywhywhywhywhy?

TV: (Steve) Dude, I'm gonna fuck my hand.

Tom: Playin' a tune on the trouser flute.. and it's a solo piece.

Crow: Hey, Swedish Setjh is back!

Seth: Will you get out of here!

Setjh: Soory..

Seth: God damn.. we're riffing ourselves! This show will NEVER end!

TV: It's trippy!

***(Steve then runs down the ramp and attacks a waiting Jorge.)***

Tom: (Jorge) I waited so long the Prez fired me twice!

***Charles: I love his enterance music! Joe: Well hes not gonna have it for long.***

Crow: His music got fired today...

Tom: That's right, the record company is going to sue us for using it in such a crappy fed. We'l settle with joints and blunts and stuff.

***Charles: What do you mean? Joe: Am I the only one that notices this?***

TV: (Joe) I have hands! Isn't that wild!

Seth: (Charles) That we're suddenly not stoned any more? Yep, noticed that. Trippy.

***Charles: That he has cool music? I know that!***

Tom: (Steve) Uhh, has our match started yet? Guys?

TV: You know what this fed is like? It's like a trip to the dentist's office. You laugh when they're fucking morons, like when you get gas, and then all of a sudden, the dentist starts digging and you're in excruciating pain.

***Joe: He switches his music everytime he comes out! He could have a greatest hits!***

Seth: Or greatest "Hit" at least.

TV: And he's not talking about the songs.

***Charles: I don't believe you. Name some songs hes had! Joe: I could but it would take all night.***

Crow: This show IS taking all night!

TV: If they talk, then the guys will have to pause in the ring, apparently. Life stops when the commentators speak.

***Charles: That would be kind of trippy.***

Seth: And that was the punchline, apparently. ba-doom-ching.

TV: (Cartman) Screw you hippie!

***(Steve and Jorge have been battling outside for a while. ***

Tom: (Steve) We got bored waiting, sorry.

TV: They just realized that as the smoke blew past their faces.

***Steve has been dominating Jorge.***

TV: (Steve) Who is your master?

Seth: They said "Bring out the Gimp", and the entire roster showed up...

***Steve then throws Jorge into the ring.***

TV: And scarfs down a Twinkie.

***Steve then picks him up and sends him flying into the corner. Steve gets up and gives him puches.)***

Crow; Oh, the amazing offense being shown. Be still, my beating cicuits.

TV: One down, three moves to go.

***Fans: 1......2......3......4......5.....6.....7....8....9...OUCH!***

Tom: Did everyone just stub their toe?

TV: I think their brains exploded from counting so high.

***Charles: OMG***

Seth: I'm suddenly talking in acronyms!

Tom: F U PWA...

***HE HIT HIS.... Joe: Balls?***

Crow: Hmmm... Punch, lowblow. I call "Choke" as the next move!

TV: I call kick.

***Charles: You are so unhip. We call it sticky-dick now a days!***

TV: A WHAT?

Seth: Yes, that's because you're a fucking moron, Charles....

TV: I thought a sticky dick was after you banged a woman?

***(A lady then comes charging from the crowd at Jorge)***

Tom: (Woman) I heard that, Trey!

TV: I hope that's not Steve's mother.

***Obsessed Fritz Fan: You hit his sticky dick!***

Seth: I think it may very well be...

***Jorge: Shut up.***

TV: Haha! Such wit.

***Obsessed Fritz Fan: I think you broke it!***

Crow: Obviously Steve's dinky is made of balsa wood...

TV: Hmm, her initials are OFF. I think she should fuck OFF.

***Jorge: Uh Huh. Ok whats up SHUT UP! ***

TV: Just shut up! Shut up shut up shut up!

Seth: I'm going to kill this guy for the good of humanity.

***The obsessed Fritz fan grabs Jorge in the sticky-dick.***

TV: Ewwww. She's gonna make it even stickier.

Tom: I'm sensing a theme here...

***She then twists it and security comes out.***

Seth: Fuck, how did they fit in THERE?!

***Then then tasor the bitch and bring her backstage.)***

Crow: Now taser steve and Jorge. Please!

TV: That bitch is so FIRED.

***Charles: Right in the..... Joe: Sticky Dick! Charles: That was so twenty seconds ago! Unhip bastard!***

TV: She's got a sticky dick too? She's a man, baby.

***Jorge and Steve are both in the ring holding there groin.***

Seth: There's a pleasant image.

TV: (Jorge) Do you know how to sew a dick back together?

***First one to get up is Jorge.. ***

TV: NO!

***Because obviously he has no balls since he requested this match and didnt even rp.***

Seth: Kayfabe, meet PWA.

TV: Gaaaaaad damnit!

*Trey runs out of the theatre*

Seth: Enjoy the music, Trey!

***Jorge then picks Steve up and puts him in a piledriver set up.***

Seth: Head in the sticky-dick, huh? Mighta guessed.

***Steve reverses it and kicks Jorge in the groin.***

Tom: It's really sticky and bloody now.

Crow: This is getting a little too gay, even for me.

Seth: I've never seen a match so obsessed with guys genitals. Not since Russo stopped booking, anyhow.

***Well for Jorge the vagina***

Seth: Sgt Tranvestite!

*Trey runs back in the theatre*

TV: What about vagina?

Seth: Down, Tiger... just some booker-assisted personal abuse.

TV: Russo?

***and picks him up and hits a ddt.)***

Crow: Whoa, a new move.

Seth: That's not a kick! You're FIRED!

***Charles: Amazing! He kicked him right in the sticky-dick!***

Tom: If I had tear ducts, I'd be ready to cry right about now...

TV: This is so British.

***Joe: Nah uh! Thats so unhip! Charles: Didn't anyone tell you. Sticky-dick is back in style.***

TV: (Singing quietly) I'll tell ya what I want what I really really want..

Seth: Trey, don't. Just don't.

***Joe: Damn it!***

Tom: Blink 182 is in the house?

***(Steve picks Jorge up and powerslams him. He then goes to the top rope.***

Seth: Stoner, top rope. Top rope, stoner. Anyone else see a problem there?

TV: This better be a dropkick coming up.

***He goes for a Pop Goes the Cherry.***

Crow: That's one of Treys' moves, isn't it?

TV: Yeah, I've mastered that one.

***He slips.***

Seth: Well, no surprises there.

TV: I never slip when I'm doing that move.

***It was probably from Jorges greasy body. But who knows.***

TV: Or his mangina.

*** Steve then lands on the rope. His groin is on the turnbuckle area.)***

TV: Further hurting his balls and shredded penis.

Tom: Oh, just come out of the closet, Mr Writer. You know you want to...

***Joe: Right in the sticky-dick! Charles: Ummm...Sticky-dick is now uncool.***

TV: Phew, I thought he was just going to say uncut. If he said that, I was so out of here.

Seth: Anyone else think Darwin was wrong... no WAY these two should have evolved.

***Joe: Whats the new word then? Charles: Sticky-dicky.***

TV: You think we should try that onetwothree thing to end this nightmare?

Crow: When did the announcers go from stoners to homos?

Seth: Okay, survey time... Would you rather read Steves' writing... or that of a deranged orag-utan banging his head randomly on a keyboard?

Tom: Ook.

Crow: I'll pick the monkey...

*An orang-utan swing into the theatre and clobbers Crow*

Seth: They're apes, Crow.

Trey: Yeah man, what idiot programmed you?

[Cut to Joel in Australia]

Joel: Hey, shut up!

***Joe: Then he hit him in the sticky-dicky! Charles: UNHIP.***

Joel : You shut up too, Joe.

[Back to the theatre]

TV: Will somebody stick a dicky in Joe's mouth.

***(Jorge then goes to the top and superplex's Steve off the rope. Jorge then goes for the pin.)***

All: ONETWOTHREE!

****1.....2....Kick out* ***

Seth: FUCK IT!

***(Jorge then gets frustrated and picks Steve up and hits a powerbomb. Jorge goes for the pin)***

All: ONETWOTHREE!

*** *1....2....Kick out* ***

TV: We tried...

***(Jorge who is very aggravated picks Steve up and drags him to the middle of the ring. He goes to the top rope and hits a big elbow. He goes for the cover.) ***

All: ONETWOTHREE!

Crow: Oh, why are we even bothering? it's not like Jorge is going to win...

*** *1...2...kick out* ***

Crow: You see?

TV: Was Steve writing this match?

Seth: Yep.

TV: Aw hell...

***(Jorge then drags Steve to the corner he gets on top of the rope with Steve in a powerbomb position.)***

TV: Or sticky dicky licking position...

***Charles: No don't! Joe: Slay him! Die Steve Die! Charles: That would be trippy!***

Seth: A trippy sticky dicky?

TV: Yes, DIE, DIE, DIE! Hahahahahah, DIE!!!!

***(Steve then reverses the Article 15 into a frankensteiner but stays on the top rope.***

TV: And that's possible how?

Seth: Beats me... and coming from someone who can pull a 180 Springboard Twisting Moonsault, that's saying something!

***Steve then stands up and does his little Val Venis hip gyration***

Tom: The arena suddenly explodes. The end.

Crow: Rick Rude rolls in someone elses grave...

***and hits a Pop Goes the Cherry)***

TV: A cherry can only pop once. He better get it right.

****1.....2.....3* ***

Seth: (Weakly) Yayyyy.

TV: That much sucked. They're both FIRED.

***Charles: That was some straight up Matrix stlyle trippy illousional shit!***

Crow: It was?

Tom: Stylylylying!

*** Joe: That was trippy man! Really trippy.***

TV: I must be having an illi9llillouusional experience.

***(Steve exits to "C.R.E.A.M" by Wu-Tang) ***

Tom: Boo-yeah. With the emphasis on "Boo".

***Joe: See different music! Charles: No this is the same. You must be tripping!***

TV: Stick that drill in a little further, doc.

***(Commercial: 3rd commercial in the campaign advertising someones mom.) ***

TV: Do you like mom's? Betty Lou Harker could be the one for you! You've tried the rest, now try her!

***Joe Ice: Man... that MILF is mine! back off.***

Seth: And you can keep the ugly slapper, Joe...

TV: Mothers I'd Like Fuckin! Boo-yah.

Tom: Is THAT what it means? Should've guessed YOU'd know.

***Charles: No way... I called last thursday after the last commercial. I am now the official owner of the trippy mom.***

TV: He must get a doob for every time he says trippy. That's the only thing I can figure.

***Joe Ice: Then why are they still advertising her, huh?***

Seth: (Dylan) 'Cause EV'RYBODY must get stoned... including the production staff.

***Charles: Because its the only trippy advertisement campaign they had in 8 trippy stoner years.***

TV: In regular terms, that's one week.

Crow: Whoa, two "trippy's" in one sentance. Don't strain something, Charles...

TV: Trippity trip trip trip.

***Payne/Twizted v.s. Logan/Ripper
Writer: D. Kirchner***

TV: Please be the main event, PLEASE.

Seth: Oh, God. I just heard this guy talk... do I really want to see him wrestle?

Tom: Maybe Comabot spliced two shows together?

***Prayer" by Disturbed hits. Payne and Twizted come out to the ring.***

TV: Hey, I just said a prayer that this would be over. Spooky.

***They push whatever fans throw a hand out at them.***

Crow: I'd have thought they'd NEED handouts...

TV: Screw that soup. Stick that loaf of bread up your ass.

***Payne gets in the ring as one read light shines on Twizted.***

Seth: (Mr Thicky) Light read good. Yur.

TV: Ah, a reading light. That's nice. Now he can start on the Dr. Suess books, if they're not too advanced for him.

***He slides into the ring and runs to one corner and jumps on the 2nd rope and raises his hand as fans boo.***

Tom: (Fans) You're not a stoner! Boo!

TV: Where are the shovels?

***Wicklund: Now making their way to the ring, in a rematch Tag match from Final Destination, Payne and Twizted!!!***

Seth: I see Sarah was fired in between matches...

Crow: Big hand for Wicklund. I hope he(?) never puts his hand on a hot stove.

***Joe Ice: YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!***

Tom: Joes either having an episode, or an orgasm...

TV: Hehehe, Orgasm.

***Charles: Well this match is going to be trippy because we seen it before.***

Seth: So why are we watching it NOW?!

TV: They reuse old scripts like BOB does!

***Joe Ice: OK except for the spotlight was on the spotlight hog Machine.***

Crow: (Infomercial Announcer) The new Harley Spotlight Hog! 0-100 in 3.4 seconds! Harley-Davidson! Screw your helmet laws!

TV: You too can own the hand hot dog maker. Simply raise your hogs and then let them walk into the blades. Instant hog dogs!

***Charles: Is that a porn magazine?***

Seth: Oh, Christ, I WISH he'd stay on-topic for more than a second...

TV: Oh, please, just show porno pics for the last half hour of the show.

***Joe Ice: *hides the magazine* N - No...***

Tom: Nice comeback, Joe.

TV: Oh, it's a "blue" magazine. I see...that's why he's hiding it.

***Charles: well... let me see it! Just because I'm a stoner doesnt mean I don't like porn.***

Seth: It just means I can't concentrate on it for too long. Then I get hungry.

TV: Does anyone NOT like porn besides ugly women?

Crow: Even I like it.. and I'm a robot!

***Joe Ice: Well... It's actually nude pictures I found of Claudia...***

TV: Claudia Pussy?

Seth: Claudia Schiffer?

***Charles: Trippy... Damn... look at them... ***

Tom: No, Claudia Trippy...

TV: (Charles) Look at those nipples. Just like eyes. Looking at me...trippy.

***before charles can finish,***

Seth: Before he can finish WHAT? Icky!

TV: Dude!

***"Always" by Saliva hits.***

TV: How long has this fed sucked? Saliva has the answer.

Tom: Goes with Charles'es drooling over the magazine, I guess.

*** Logan comes out doing his Bret Hart copy off clapping hands with the fans as Ripper follows close by him.***

TV: His copy of Bret Hart is more over than Logan.

Seth: Then Payne does his Goldberg knock-off by kicking Logan in the head and ending his career.

***Wicklund: And their opponents... Bret THE HITMAN... oh wait... I mean... HULK LOGAN and RJ RIPPER!***

TV: I hope Hulk has a crash landing. At an airport in Boston.

Crow: Oh, don't tease the fans by promising Brett Hart. Or scare them by making them think Hulk Hogans' arrived.

***The bell rings. The 4 quickly go at it.***

Seth: Not watching that. Not looking... averting my eyes from the four-man orgy.

TV: Too much payne to bear.

***Logan takes on Twizted and Payne takes on Ripper.***

TV: (Singing) Take....on....me...take me on...

Crow: (Ripper) Just call me "Jack"!

***Logan clotheslines Twizted out of the ring***

Tom: No, CLOSElined! Can't you spell?!

***and Ripper drop kicks Payne out of the ring.***

TV: Now toss each other into a huge garbage disposal and be blood.

***The 2 start taunting the crowd as the crowd stands up and cheers loudly!***

Seth: Whoa, the crowds' so stoned they forgot who's the face in this one.

TV: (Fan) Woo, taunt us guys, yeah!

***Ripper gets out of the ring and Payne jumps in.***

TV: (Tom)A nearby pool filled with pirahnas, the entire crowd falls asleep, the end.

Crow: Welcome to PWA: Wrestle-go-Round!

***Logan grabs a rope and starts stomping on Payne.***

Seth: Then hangs himself to the delight of wrestling fans everywhere.

TV: It must be his security rope, he feels all lost without it.

***Twizted grabs Logans other foot and trips him down. Payne goes for a pin. 1..2.. kickout.***

Crow: (Stoner) Whoa. Cool.

TV: Trippy.

***Charles: Thats trippy!***

Seth: He's stealing your lines, Trey!

TV: He's on the list.

***These 2 obviously came into this match planning to cheat!***

Tom: Gee, THAT'S never happened before! I'll call the papers!

TV: Extra extra! Heels cheating! First time ever!

***Joe Ice: Over reaction much?***

Seth: It's Joey the Vampire Toker!

TV: He's got the chosen bong.

***can't a partner help another partner out?
Charles: whats that sticky-dicky?***

TV: Yours when I chop it off and stick it in your mouth for being a retard!

Crow: Here we go again! If it was stupid the first time, it's going to be funny the second. Honest!

***Joe Ice: Hah! Your stupid for once! It's still sticky dick mr. so 5 minutes ago.***

TV: Stoners are stupid? Noooo!

Tom: (Joe) You big Doo-doo-head!

TV: Stoners are stupid? Noooo!

Tom: (Joe) You big Doo-doo-head!

TV: Gnarly, dude

Tom: And Phat and Stoopid and... neat-o!

***Charles: Radical? dude... the 80's are over...***

TV: Not according to VH1.

***get over it.
Joe Ice: but...***

Seth: (Joe) *toke* The 80's are over? Are you sure?

***Charles: Even the Teenage Mutant Trippy Turtles don't use that line anymore!***

TV: He still talks to them, I'm sure.

Seth: STOP PADDING THIS CRAP! End, damn you, END!

***A guy quickly puts up a sign that says "teenage mutant trippy turtles" with a picture of Raphael getting stoned.***

TV: Cowabonga.

***In other news, Payne puts Logan in a headlock. Logan taps... no he starts fighting back.***

Crow: Themn he does an armlock... no, a leglock... no, it's a full nelson... aw, whatever. Dude.

TV: (Schiavone) That's his MOVE!

***You didn't honestly think it'd end with a headlock did you?***

TV: You don't think you're at all funny, do you?

Seth: We live in hope, but life is disappointing...

***Logan throws Payne to the turnbuckle and does a stinger like splash. He tags ripper and they do a double piledriver on Payne.***

Tom: Ummm... how's THAT work?

TV: (Logan) Dude, your legs are in the way.

Seth: (Ripper) Get your head between BOTH our legs!

***Charles: You realize these two trip of a persons worked together in SCW?***

Seth: Supreme Championship Wrestling? NOooooooooooo!

TV: Not THAT SCW, with Big Fat Dan!

Tom: We BURNT that tape!

***Joe Ice: No, I didn't know that... I don't watch wrestling...***

Crow: (Joe) I watch THIS shit! it's definately NOT wrestling!

TV: (Schiavone) Other feds? What other feds? PWA is the ONLY fed in the universe!

***Ripper goes to the top rope. Hes going to land a leg drop but nah...***

Seth: ...He fucks up.

Crow: Badly.

TV: He is stoned, after all.

*** twizted trips him and he flips onto his back as payne goes for a pin. 1...2... kick out. ***

Seth: PWA: The "P" stands for "Please End!"

TV: I bet he's used to flipping on his back, I'm guessing.

***Charles: TRIPPY! HES STILL ALIVE! TRIPPY!***

*Seth tries to cawl under his seat*

Seth: Must. Dig. Escape tunnel.

TV: I have a spoon you can borrow.

***Joe Ice: Please... I've counted 65 "trippy"s from you today.***

TV: Like he can count.

***Charles: blah blah blah, do me a favor... umm... blunt out!
Joe Ice: Cowabunga dude! What do you mean by that?!***

Tom: I mean, get your blunt out of my ass... it's uncomfortable.

TV: I mean go to Iraq and wear a shirt with a target on it. That'll be a trippy trip.

***Charles: Well it means shut up but shut up is soo old...
Joe Ice: I just realized something... Medusa hasn't shown up yet...***

Crow: Lucky her.

TV: Hope she didn't look in the mirror. Or walk out of the fed with a title with plans to dump it in the trash...

***Charles: Maybe she's getting high with captain chronic.***

TV: I'd dare say there hasn't been one comment from these jerkasses that has mentioned drugs in some form.

Seth: That's a fairly high possibility. Pun intended.

***Ripper is worn out and needs to make a tag. Twizted picks him up and throws him against the ropes. ***

TV: That are made out of hemp, by the way.

Tom: (The Mask) Smmmmmokin'!

*** He picks him up and does a shoulder toss.***

TV: And look at that shoulder go flying. What's that, about five feet?

Seth: So Ripper just hit the ropes and fell over? Dude, lower your intake!

***He throws himself against the ropes and knocks logan off. he comes back and hits an elbow drop. pins 1..2.. kickout.***

TV: Why don't they just get needles full of heroin and try to stick each other. Now that would be entertaining.

Crow: I haven't seen this sort of exciting, high-risk offense since... umm, the last Hulk Hogan match.

***Logan gets back on the ropes. Ripper reaches for logan to make a tag but Twizted kicks his hand.***

Seth: (Twizted) Hey! Fresh!

TV: That is a tag though.

***Twizted picks Ripper up and throws him against the ropes again. Ripper flies back with a clothesline and throws himself at Logan!*

TV: (Ripper) I love you! I want you! Now and forever!

Crow: (ESPN Announcer) And the next compititor in the "Self Putt" is Twitzed... and there he goes, flinging himself a record 42 feet!

***Logan comes in and throws Twizted out! Payne comes in but is thrown out by Logan too!***

Seth: And we're back to where we started. Joy.

TV: The show's skip, skip, skip--

*** Logan goes wild taunting the crowd! Twizted comes back but Logan puts him in a leg sweep!***

TV: He's showing his titties! Put those away for God's sake.

Seth: Logan has the pure wrestling skills of a chimney sweep...

***The ref has his back turned keeping payne from getting in the ring and RICK VELOCITY COMES IN AND HITS LOGAN WITH A CHAIR!***

TV: He sure hit him with a lot of velocity there.

Tom: We thank you. And the world thanks you, Rick.

***Ripper comes in to help but is ALSO HIT WITH A CHAIR!***

TV: Dude, take a hit of this chair.

Seth: I like this Velocity guy. He killed a boring, boring match. You're my hero!

***Ripper flies out of the ring.***

Crow: He's REALLY high now!

TV: All guests fly via Crashalot Airlines.

***The ref turns his back to see Twizted covering Logan. 1...2...3!!! ITS OVER!***

Seth: You heard him, show's over, let's go!

All: Hooray!

***Charles: NO! Trippy bastard! YOU HEAR ME!?! YOUR A TRIPPY BASTARD!***

Seth: I don't care, Charles! Show's over....

TV: Ugh. It's time to FIRE THIS SHOW!

***Segment after match with Rick Velocity
Writer: D. Kirchner***

Seth: D'OH!

***Rick velocity grabs a mic.***

Crow: (Rick) I'm FIRED!

***Rick: and now... I will announce my first signing on the roster... MYSELF!***

Crow: (Rick) ...But I re-hired myself!

***That's right I am signing myself to the roster to side with Twizted and Payne!***

TV: Now let's celebrate by, ending the show.

Seth: (sings) They're all queer now... in the Dope Show!

***HAVE NO FEAR! CAPTAIN CHRONIC IS HERE! is heard and Captain Chronic comes out to the "because I got high" song.***

Tom: (CC) Yo, where da ring at? Li'l help here?

TV: Kids, try new Captain Chronic cereal! Green leaves, green leave and more green leaves! In stores soon.

***Rick: Oh what the hell are you going to do? Please! I need a laugh.***

Seth: Try watching OUR show instead of yours, then...

***Chronic: I'm going to save the world from your evil ways!***

Tom: (CC) You evil, sober man! Here, smoke this....

TV: A guy pushing drugs really should have no sayy in evil ways.

***Rick Velocity goes after chronic but chronic drop kicks him***

TV: (Rick) Wow, that weed is tough to fight.

Crow: The kick is up... and it's GOOOOD! Raiders win! Raiders win!

***and gets up and clotheslines rick out of the ring!***

TV: And capitalization too.

Seth: PWA: We love clotheslines! Tune into PWA: Clotheslinapalooza! Only on Pay-Per-Boredom!

***Logan comes in to help and so does ripper and soon the 3 clear the ring.***

TV: (Police officer) Move along, people, nothing to see here.

Crow: Not soon enough to save this segment from a tedious death.

***Rick Velocity is heard walking off "their going to pay for this. SeXtreme is going to pay for this."***

Seth: Even his thoughts are badly spelt...

TV: Big SeXXXy is in the PWA?

Tom: That would explain all the clotheslines.

***(Commercial advertising the next PPV Massacre, about 4 weeks away.)***

TV: We lost count, too much pot smoking.

Crow: Great, now they're putting school shootings on Pay Per view! Have these people no shame?!

***Medusa v.s. The Diamond
Writer: D. Kirchner***

TV: Diamonds are stones. So, Diamond must be stoned.

Seth: (Winetaster) Have you sampled the Medusa Very Superior? It's fruity, with a hint of lime....

***diamond shapes fly around the arena with green strobe lights and diamond gets in the ring.***

Tom: Well, if he's NOT stoned, that entrance will make him think he IS!

TV: (Singing) Strange, shapes within my mind...

***Wicklund: and now making his way to the ring... The Diamond!***

Seth: Have a heart! Someone club him! Then hit him with a spade!

Crow: I heard Cubic Zirconian might show up tonight.

***As Black and green pyros explode across the ramp,***

TV: Captain Chronic tried to light another blunt.

Seth: I'm sorry, BLACK pyro? I've worn all black in the ring for four years, and I'VE never had black pyros. Why? Because there's no such thing!!

*** A raven-haired Asian beauty makes her way down to the ring,***

TV: Now we're talking. Hot Asian Sluts. WOOO-HOO.

Tom: She's been to Ravens barber? Poor girl, she'll end up wrestling on Sunday Night Heat...

***adorned in a gold necklace (with two viper fangs in the center, hanging down into her exposed cleavage),***

Seth: HEL-lo! Now Trey's interested....

TV: Woohoo!

***a black leather breastplate***

Crow: Breasts, cleavage... PWA leaves the best to last, huh?

TV: This is a main event. More cans.

***and a black leather microskirt.***

TV: This is FINALLY good!

Seth: It's a Hooters Waitress Rumble!

***On her feet are black stilleto heels (which she does not hesitate to use as a weapon in her matches).***

TV: I call the bathroom after this show is over.

Crow: Someone's gonna lose an eye!

***As she walks down to the ring, taunting the crowd with her riding crop.***

Tom: Uhhh... did the end of that sentance slip out for a beer?

*** Meanwhile, "Be Your Slave" by Demented Are Go is playing in the background.***

TV: I'll be her slave.

Seth: Why did I guess you were going to say that?

***Wicklund: and his opponent, and world heavyweight champion! MEDUSA!***

Seth: World Boobieweight Champion?

TV: We need to form Cat Fight Sports Entertainment.

***Charles: Here comes our champion who didnt roleplay...***

Crow: And the fuorth wall goes crashing to the ground once more. Kayfabe is dead, thanks to PWA!

TV: It was a stormy night. Trey Vincent was horny. He saw an Asian chick with a riding crop...

Tom: Speed the film up, Comabot! Or else I'm switching seats with someone!

***Joe Ice: Dumbass... your not supposed to say that. man.. now everyones going to know E-Feddings fake.***

TV: It is? Crap. That's not what MY script says.

Seth: Oh well, if it IS fake, I guess I WILL add the 720 Reverse Blindfold Hurricanrabomb to my moveset...

***Charles: OK, I can't say roleplay but you can say E-Fedding?!***

Crow: (Prez) You two broke kayfabe! YOU'RE FIRED!

***Joe Ice: well the way you say it doesnt make it look realistic.***

TV: Try using sledgehammers. That usually helps.

Seth: Guys, forget the Komedy and just say your catchphrases, huh?

***Charles: True... Trippy, but true.***

Seth: Thank you.

***Medusa stops and then goes back to the locker room.***

TV: Oh no, here comes Vince Russo to call Medusa a piece of shit!

Seth: Bait, meet Switch. Tease the leather-clad dominatrix, then say "Nahhhh". Sorry, Trey.

TV: Huh? Where are those boobs going? Come back!

***Charles: That trippy bitch! She can't do that!***

Tom: I don't think she's coming back. On the plus side, it HAS sped up the show slightly.

TV: You promise?

***Joe Ice: Sure she can, shes the world champion. She'll just take a loss for the match and keep the title, thats all.***

TV: No, she'll be on Nitro in a week.

Crow: Uhh, Trey? Nitro is LONG gone.

TV: I know that. Stupid bot! Why I'll--

*He gets up and shakes his fist menacingly.*

Seth: PWA: Our Main Events Suck Slightly Less When We Don't Actually Have One!

***"The Ripper" plays and RJ Ripper comes out to the ring.***

Tom: Oh, great... now HE'S dressed in a leather microskirt!

TV: Hey, RJ, ripper top off!

***Ripper: Medusa, that's why no one likes you. But as for you Diamond... I'm going to give you the chance to get another match with medusa.***

Seth: Uhh, "another" match? Don't you have to have _A_ match, before you get "another"?

TV: It better not be tonight. Why I oughta *shakes fist at screen*

***Next Rampage it's going to be The Rippa v.s. The Diamond, 1 on 1!***

TV: Kelly Rippa is making her debut? Regis will be so excited!

***Winner gets a chance to fight the world champion Medusa at Massacre!***

Crow: This offer void in Utah, Nevada and Washington.

TV: Massacre. It'll suck just as much as our regular shows, but it'll be even longer! Trippy.

***The show ends with the 2 staring each other down eye to eye.***

Seth: Blunt to blunt.

TV: Bong to bong.

Tom: (Ripper) Dude.

Crow: (Diamond) Dude.

Seth: (Prez) YOU'RE FIRED!

[Door sequence. Back on the bridge, Seth and Trey are working on a project.]

Crow: Hey, what are you guys doing?

Seth: Well, we got inspired by that show... show him what we made, Trey!

TV: TAH-DAH!

Tom: (Bubbly voice) Crow, did they turn my head into a bong?

Crow: Uhh... yep! They sure did.

Tom: Whoa. Trippy.


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