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iAd vs. bestofallwwf! (MST3K 3.1)

D-Von! Get the poultry!

DISCLAIMER: We have bad brains. That's as close as we come to being affiliated with Bad Brains. We are thankfully not affiliated with any federations herein and we use their material with implied oral consent, because they're not making any money of it, and neither are we. (Heh, I wrote oral...) -Skeeter & Leary.

[Some cheesy opening music plays as we get a shot of the Satellite of Love. As we go along through the lyrics, there are various shots of Seth Harker, Trey Vincent, Tom, Crow and Comabot doing all sorts of funny things from past shows and looking at old sports entertainment shows in the theatre.]

Skeeter: In the somewhat distant future
Shortly after this song
Seth Harker and his buddy Trey
Are in a world that's oh so wrong
Taunted by some guy named Ed
A guy that both of them want dead
He packed a ton of gimmicks in his bag
And makes them watch shows from federations
That always make them gag

Ed Tenta-Shaw: What's my gimmick?

I'll send them crappy wrestling
The worst I can find [LA LA LA]
I'll make them sit and watch it all
Until they all are blind [LA LA LA]
Now keep in mind they can't control
When the crap begins or ends
They'll have to keep their sanity
By making fun of their robot friends.

Leary: Robot Roll Call! Comabot!

Comabot: Poink!

Leary: Flatline!


Leary: Tom Servo!

Tom: And our brave hero roasts the disabled man!

Leary: Crooow!

Crow: Soylent Green is made from people!

Skeeter: If you wonder why they're all so mean
And other stupid facts [La La La]
Repeat to yourself it's the iAd's show
So shove it up your ass!
For Mystery Sports-Entertainment Theater 3000!

[And the door sequence is back, baby! 1....2...3....4...5...lookout for the cockroach...6...hello Satellite of Love. Trey Vincent is seated at the main bench area when all of a sudden Seth, Tom and Crow all pop up from behind him.]

Seth, Tom & Crow: Surprise!


[A magazine that Trey had been reading goes flying up in the air, but lands back down on the bench.]

Tom: We sure got you, Trey.

Crow: Boy is YOUR face red.

TV: That would be from the crippling anger...

Seth: Aww, relax Treyster. Just testing your reflexes. You know, they say people who drink a lot lose their reflexes.

TV: You know what else they say, Seth? They say that robots who sneak up on sports entertainers are 60 percent more likely to get turned into scrap metal. And fucking cruiserweights are 76 percent more likely to get stuck with the booze bill at the end of the night.

Tom: What has you so testy?

TV: Nothing. Just the usual state of sports entertainment. Look at this crap. (Trey picks up the magazine.) Do promoters have no self-respect or brains any more?

Seth: What have you got there? Piss Poor Sports Entertainment Illustrated?

TV: Nothing I'm going to plug for free. But look...you thumb to the back and they've got all these classified ads for, I guess, out of work sports entertainers. Who is going to work for them. I mean, look at this one..."The KWF. A New Version of the Karnage Wrestling Federation. Runned by the same people and better then ever!" I reckon I could runned a fed better than that scrub. Or how about this one... "the WXW. I know that our site my not be all that great now, but if you join us and stick with us, we guaranteee you'll be rewarded." Who wrote this, Lash Leroux? I guaranteee! "A domain name purchase may be coming in the future......." Yes, it shall be located at www.totalfncrap2004.com.

Seth: You can't be serious (he says, taking the magazine). Let's see here..."The extreme Wrestling alliance. We have been around for 7 months now, we are still going strong and would love to have you as a member. We have 4 singles titles and one working Tag devision." Good, I guess the plumber finally got around to fixing that leaky division. Now if only the pipes were in the same condition....

[He holds up the magazine over for Crow.]

Crow: Hmm...."Outsiders Wrestling Federation. Awesome Staff, Great Competition... Come Join our Family!" Ah, this must be Charlie Manson's new federation. (Manson) Quit being an outsider, man. Become an outsider.

[Seth holds up the magazine for Tom to pick out an ad.]

Tom: "Killer Chsampionship Wrestling!" Ah, I get it, they're killing the English language! Neat! "KCW, good layout, no big roster yet, but a push guaranteed if u join! make us famous!" Kind of sad when a fed needs a star to make the company famous. Of course, it worked for WCW there for a couple years...

Seth: Let's see what else we've got here. Ahh. Here's a winner. "DRWF.
The most X-Treme Federation on the planet for 3 years straight, has returned from the grave and is now better than ever! Go check it out." Still going strong aside from that death we had there for about two years and six months...

TV: And then there is "PRIME. Uses the 1SW principle, a new concept breathing life into an old format. Talented roster, 3 titles, 1 show, 2 Asian owners... PRIME." I don't know what the 1SW principle is, but heck, they have two Asian owners! How could I go wrong?

Crow: Let me see those again. (Seth holds up the magazine for him.) "Global Wrestling Organization. A new fed opened for busines..." The GWO. Leave off the last "S" for suckage!

Tom: Bring that back over here, Seth. Let's see here... "Mental Ward Wrestling. New E-Federation. No Rules just Kickin Ass To the Extreme. Tryign to get members to get good angels and a good base." Yep, no grammar rules, no punctuation rules. They are extreme alrighty.

Seth: What's up with them trying to get angels?

Crow: I'm stuck on if they want an Army base, or if they just want a baseball plate...

Tom: It's a mystery. Ohhh! "Ultimate Xtreme Federation." Now there's a unique name. "UXF, memberz needed badly... we have actual Title Belts, actual Music, and soon we'll have actual videos... check us out." One thing they'll never have, sadly, is actual fans.

TV: But here's my favorite, guys (he said taking back his magazine). "best of all wwf." There's a name that just rolls off your tongue, huh? "this efed is all for the benifit of the people out there and you,"

Seth: Hey! I think that classified ad just insulted me.

TV: "this is the best efed going and if you dont join then your making a big mistake,because this is the best of all wwf,and thats why it has its name,"

Seth: Well, that, and because the owner is a complete, blithering moron, no doubt.

Crow: Does anyone suddenly have respect for feds with eight letter acronyms, like the TCDAEAWF or RZGXZQWE?

All: NO!

TV: Wait, there's more... "so please join his efed,im trish in this efed and if ya need to contact me with any difficulys or enquireys or problems them just email me at and i will get back to you as soon as possible,this efed also has another owner and he goes by the name of Terry Stratus,and you can also email her and he will get back to you as soon as possible as well" Now, you see what happens when chicks run feds...

Seth: I hope they really ARE chicks, and not guys pretending to be women. Because that would be far more disturbing.

Crow: Oh, c'mon, Seth. Who hasn't on occasion pretended to be a sexy woman?

[VERY awkward silence. A red light begins flashing.]

TV: What's that?

Seth: A blinking red light.

TV: (Uninterested) Ohhh...should I touch it?

Tom: Ed must be calling.

TV: Now I really don't want to touch it...

[Cut to Ed Tenta-Shaw's lair.]

Ed: Say, Trey, that was a very interesting ad you were just reading. The best of all wwf, was it?

TV: Uhh, yeah?

Ed: Funny thing. It just so happens that I have a copy of not one, not two, but THREE of that great federation's shows on tape.


Ed: Oh yes. Through my works of evil tape trading, I've grown quite a collection here. Now, you two iAd boys might never join a fed as crappy as that...

TV: Well, Seth might...

Ed: Regardless, you boys better get into that rollercoaster. It's gonna be a hellaciously bumpy ride today! Mwahahaha.

[Lights are buzzing and the camera is shaking on the SoL.]


Seth: Sports Entertainment Sign!

[Door sequence...6...5...4...3...2...1...the boys and bots enter the theatre and take their seats.]

****Raw is War****

TV: The worldwide last place finisher in entertainment value since 11-year-olds got computers.

Seth: Nuts, I much prefer their "Heat is Taeh" show...

****The night kicked off at the soled out raw is war arena in bufalo new york****

TV: The entertainment no doubt will be more worn out than this arena's shoes.

****the blonde bombshell is here hits and out walks terry stratus
then time tp play the game hits
then it just feels right hits****

Crow: Then someone hits the soundguy.

***then daffney music hits
then debra music hits****

TV: I think WE all need to take a "hit" after those introductions.

Seth: Hit me with your rhythm stick! No, seriously, someone hit me, I'd rather be unconscious than watch this show.

****before the match starts terry stratus calls out trish***

Tom: She's "outing" Trish? Wow, Gratuitous Lesbian Action already!

***the blonde bombshell is here hits and out walks trish looking confused****

TV: (Trish) When did I end up in hell?

****Trish: y am i out here****

TV: (Trish) And y m i talkin n AOLese?

Crow: Great, the entire card must have been written on the guys cell-phone.

Seth: Vodaphone Presents: "WWE Rw r Wr".

****Terry: i wanted u to be here when u witnessed ur sister win the womens title
trish": ok****

Tom: She took that rather well.

Seth: Trish had her emotions surgically removed before the show, I guess.

Crow: Either that or we're coming from the heart of the Neutral Zone.

****She goes over their and sits next to paul heyman****

TV: (Trish) This truly IS hell.

****Paul: trish i have always been ur fan i love u i think ur the hottest of them all in the back****

Seth: I'm sure this "Ur" woman is very pleased to hear it.

****Jr: such a suck up anyway lets get back to the match****

TV: Oh, like JR doesn't want to cover her in barbecue sauce and lick it off every inch of her rack.

****the match starts off when terry and steph are fighting and steph tries to throw terry out but terry throughs steph out but steph feet never touches the ground****

TV: Steph doesn't even sell for gravity.

Seth: (Vader) The force is strong in this one...

****steph flips hereslf back over and goes after lita they begin to fight then terry and daffney r battling in the ring as trish stares on looking confused****

Crow: Join the club, Trish. What the hell is going on here?

TV: I'm just waiting for the narrator to pass out from this marathon sentence.

****then debra runs over and tries to hit a stunner on terry but she moves and hits daffney****

Tom: Who did what, where and why to who now?

Seth: This match is the wrestling equivalent of instructions found in Korean-made kit-set furniture!

****then terry grabs debra from behind****

TV: The ass grab of doom. There's a lawsuit.

Seth: Speaking from personal experience, Trey?

****and throughs her out****

Crow: Coming throw! Uhh, through!

****Trish: gets amic now****

TV: Who is Amic?

Seth: Cool, she's getting Amish with her bad self! All the Menonites in the house say YO!

****i know all the fans out there r enjoying ur women in ur underwear****

TV: Yer yer...

Tom: (Trish) And if you are enjoying women in your underwear, then put some pants on, you freaks!

****fans cheer trish trish trish trish****

TV: Show your trish! Show your trish!

Seth: This, this, this...

Crow: Bites, bites, bites!

****Then trish gets up and goes over to debra and gives her the bulldogg****

Tom: Davey-Boy Smith later denied all knowledge of the incident.

****then she hits her with the womens title belt****

TV: (Maxwell Smart) She just fell for the old give her a puppy and then hit her with a title belt bit. The oldest trick in the book.

****daffney hits a ddt on smh****

Seth: I get the feeling that's the sound coming out of the writers mouth at the time. "Smh. Duh. Yur." He must have dictated the match.

***and goes for the pin but only gets a 2 count then terry comes over and slapps steph continusly****

Tom: (Terry) Slap, slap, slap...

Crow: (Ponderously) Seven years later...

Tom: (Terry) Slap... pant, pant... slap... boy, I'm tired... slap.

Seth: What the hell IS Terry Funk doing in this match, anyway?

****and then lita grabs terry and suplexes her and trish looks on getting very angry****

TV: (Trish) Somebody slap me.

[Seth slaps the back of Trey's head.]

TV: Hey!

****lita gets a 2 count terry gets up and she slams lita and pin as she puts her feet against the rope the ref never seen it****

Seth: Typical referee... deaf, dumb and blind. I hear he plays a mean pinball, though.

****but lita kicks out then terry rolls her up and starts to hit her continusly in the face then she takes off lita btoom which was another pair of thongs****

TV: I can't help but feel I should be aroused, but instead I'm terribly confused...

Tom and Crow: B-TOOM! Shake the room!

Seth: Dig it.

Tom and Crow: B-TOOM! Shake the room!

TV: Word up.

****terry picks lita up and throws her outside the ring****

Seth: Run, Lita! Escape while you still have a shred of dignity and self-respect left!

****debra comes over to lita and starts to kick her continusly trish comes over and gives debra the suplex and goes back over there to paul and jr****

TV: (Paul) You should have hit her with a


Seth: What do we think of the match so far?


****daffney is battling steph in the ring terry goes for a dive at steph****

TV: Ah, I always had my suspicions Terry liked to dive on women.

Crow: Dive on Steph’s chest these days and you're risking a major injury.

****but misses and hits her head****

Seth: Good God. I haven't seen this many blown spots since "Partially-Sighting Wrestling" went out of business.

Tom: (Groucho) Neither have the partially-sighted wrestlers.

****terry was out then steph went for the pin but daffney broke it up then terry and daffney slaps hands****

TV: (Daffney) AHHHH! Way to break up the pin! AHHH!

****and continusly beats up smh****

Crow: Ahh, the star of that wonderful film, "Mr Smh Goes to Wshngtn".

****then daffney goesd for the pin****

Seth: (Writer) Look, mommy, I done writted my own wrestle match. Can I goesed to the park?

Tom: (Mom) Yes, honey, but take your Ritalin first. That's a good boy.

****and picks up the 3 count then terry sneaks daffney from behind with a slam but daffney gets up and tries to suplex her buut****

Crow: Hey, a Butt-plex! Haven't seen one of those before!

****terry goes to dive at daffney****

TV: Terry goes diving again on Daffney. I think she has the hots for that little goth girl.

Seth: Well, she can wait in line, I'm afraid.


Seth: What? You've never dated a screamer, Trey? Besides, at least our outfits would match.

****but daffney ducked and terry went straight through the ring to the outside****

Tom: Terry "David Copperfield" Runnels.

****and the ref raised her hand and victory****

TV: Who won then? Victory?

Seth: I'll give that match a "V" for victory. (Holds up two fingers)

Crow: I think you've got it round the wrong way, Seth.

Tom: I don't.

****after the match debra tried to hits terry when trish,lita,daffney, and steph all attacked her and trish grabbed a mic****

TV: Hey, that's not a mic!

Seth: But Paul Heyman isn't going to tell her to let it go.

****Trish: i told u never to mess with the blonde bombshells****

Crow: Or Dame Judi Dench is going to kick your ass!

****next up was tag team turmoil****

TV: I think I just got whiplash from that jump cut...

****! The Hardy Boyz, Dudley Boyz, Edge & Christian and Jericho & Benoit were focused and ready****

Seth: Then they passed by X-Pac’s locker room and ended up all UN-focused and giggly.

****as they headed to ringside, with furniture surrounding the ring!****

TV: Ah, it's a couches, coffee tables and lamps match.

****Edge & Christian were the clear favorites to win the bout, having won the first two TLC matches, and having won the Triangle Ladder Match at WrestleMania 2000 -- held in the very same arena as SmackDown!****

TV: What in the hell does that have to do with Raw is War? And didn't that happen in a REAL federation?

[Seth's cell phone rings.]

Seth: If this is Kay Fabe, so help me, Trey...

****From the opening bell, the fight was on, as all eight men duked it out in the most brutal match in sports entertainment!****

Tom: At least until BOB decides to hold a "Brutal Brutality Battle Royal", that is.

Crow: So, until Thursday, then?

Tom: At the latest.

****E&C tried to set up a ladder and pull off a quick win, but they were quickly knocked from the ladder.****

Seth: (Sings) Ohhh Canada.. I maim myself for thee!

****Jeff soon threw a ladder at Bubba Ray's skull,****

Crow: He missed, seeing as Bubba had cunningly hidden it under a layer of skin and flesh.

****and the Hardys hit Poetry in Motion on D-Von -- and Bubba threw the ladder right at Jeff's skull! Moments later, Benoit suplexed Bubba onto the ladder!****

Seth: Okay, I suggest a compulsary chug every time we hear the word "Ladder" used in this match.

[Hiss of beers being opened.]

****D-Von was hurled head-first into another ladder, and E&C used the ladder to clothesline Benoit.****

Crow: Hoo, boy. Better fire up the Sober-Mat 4000, Tom.

TV: Canadians beating up Canadians. I see nothing too horrifying about this.

****E&C then dropped Jericho head-first into a ladder.****

Seth: (Edge) Oops. Butterfingers, eh?

****E&C again tried to climb to the titles,****

Crow: What are they, joined at the hip?

Seth: Canadian Conjoined Twin Wrestlers with detachable feet. Nice gimmick.

****but Matt Hardy powerbombed Christian off the ladder, and as he went up to fight Edge, Benoit knocked over the ladder, with both men on it!****

TV: (Edge) Eh, you tryin' to knock my feet off again, eh?

Seth: Maybe it's the beer, but this match is pretty good. Suspiciously good for THIS miserable excuse for a fed.

****Benoit went up top and went for a diving headbutt outside the ring, but he missed his opponent and instead went gut-first through a table, seemingly knocking himself out cold!****

TV: Wait a damn second...this match seems VERY familiar to me.

Tom: No wonder why it's actually making some semblance of sense.

TV: I think Vinnie Mac should know that we're ripping off results from a fed that's ripped off all the spots from a match from his fed.

Seth: He ain't gonna give you a job, Trey.

TV: Yeah, screw Vince. And too bad Ed didn't notice he accidentally taped over the crap with a real match. Rejoice fellas...

****Back in the ring, Jericho and Jeff Hardy set up two ladders, and the Dudleys tried to sneak up the ladders!****

Seth: (Monotone) Come to Crazy Larry’s World of Ladders. We've got so many ladders, we're nearly giving them away! By tossing them at your skull.

****Jeff and D-Von knocked each other off one ladder, while Jericho bulldogged Bubba Ray off the other ladder!****

Tom: The ladders, feeling used, proceeded to team up and beat the tar out everyone involved.

****Tazz then went to check on Benoit, who hadn't moved since diving through the table.****

TV: You gotta love selective caring.

****EMTs came out to take Benoit away, and still, the Wolverine wasn't moving.****

TV: And neither are his shirts. Toothless Aggression? Please!

Seth: Oops, looks like the EMTs are having trouble, because no-one will push the guy. Typical.

****Back in the ring, Edge was all alone in the ring, climbing the ladder. But Y2J snuck up from behind and laid Edge across the top of the ladders.****

TV: I really don't want to see Edge get laid by Jericho EVEEEER, AGAYNE!

****Jericho then locked Edge in the Walls of Jericho on top of the ladders! Luckily for Edge,****

Crow: His feet fell off and he was able to squirm free.

****Christian snuck up from behind and knocked Y2J off the ladders. E&C looked like they were about to win the bout, but the Dudleys and Hardys snuck up from behind and knocked the seven-time former champs from the ladders!****

Tom: This all is completely irrelevant, unless Edge and Christian were also the best of all wwf's seven-time Ultimate Buttmunch Champs, of course.

****The Dudleys and Hardys slugged it out on top of the ladder,****'

Seth: ...With real slugs, even!

****and D-Von hip-tossed Matt off one ladder, while Bubba suplexed Jeff off the other ladder!
At that point, Michael Cole announced that the word from the backstage area was****

Tom: "Ocelot"

Crow: Good word.

****that Benoit might have suffered broken ribs -- but suddenly, the Wolverine walked back to the ringside area!****

TV: Luckily, Jesus was backstage and is a big Benoit mark.

****The Wolverine set up a ladder mid-ring, but Edge pulled Benoit off the ladder. The Wolverine fought off both E&C, until Christian started pounding on his ribs.****

[Comabot dubs in xylophone music.]

****E&C hit the con-chair-to on Benoit's ribs!
The Dudleys snuck into the ring, knocked Christian out,****

Seth: Because Mama Dudley said so.

****and hit the "wassap!" on Edge.****

Tom: If this WAS a "best of all wwf" match, it'd be the "wha'the'hell?".

****Bubba Ray then told his brother to get the table!****

TV: Bubba wants some dinner.

****As D-Von got the table, Bubba Ray dropped Edge face-first onto a ladder. The Dudleys set up the table in the ring, but Jericho knocked out both Dudleys with a steel chair. But then Christian snuck up behind Y2J and nailed him with a steel chair of his own!****

Seth: The WWE is getting cheap if guys are having to bring their own chairs, huh?

****Christian set up a groggy Bubba Ray Dudley on the table, and set up a ladder.****

TV: Will the table and ladder hit it off? Tune in on next week's edition of Blind Date.

****But D-Von caught Christian, and the Dudleys gave Christian a 3-D off the ladder through the table!****

Tom: If you didn't already have you 3-D glasses on, that probably looked terrible. But hey, you snooze, you lose.

****The Hardys then pulled Bubba outside the ring and smacked a TV monitor against his head.****

TV: And he responds by smacking him with an antique vase.

Seth: Trash Wars: The Pay-Per-View!

****Jeff Hardy then set up a 20-foot super-ladder next to the announce table,****

TV: Hope he doesn't trip of the super ladder's cape...*snort*

****with another ladder behind it.****

Crow: Then he set up three more ladders around, two on top of it and one in the next building, just in case.

****Matt set up Bubba Ray on the table, and Jeff jumped off the smaller ladder over the 20-foot ladder, and legdropped Bubba Ray through the table!****

All: (Apathetically) Holy poop. Holy poop.

****Back in the ring, D-Von and Matt started climbing ladders, and Matt gave D-Von the Twist of Fate off the ladders!****

Seth: Man, I really hope these Ladders, Ladders and Laddders matches catch on.

****Matt then began climbing, but Jericho knocked over the ladder, and Matt spilled to the outside. Jericho began climbing another ladder, just as Edge started climbing a ladder of his own. Edge then speared Y2J off the ladder!****

Crow: I hope they do a ladder spot next. I can't get enough of those!

****Somehow, Chris Benoit climbed back into the ring, and set up a ladder.****

Crow: Yay!

****With his right arm dangling at his side, the Rabid Wolverine pulled down the Tag Team Championships, as he and Chris Jericho retained their titles in one of the most memorable matches in World Wrestling Federation history!****

TV: We now return you to the utter crapulence that is the best of all wwf.

****next up the rock and undertaker vs h}{h and austin
the match kickede off with a right hand****

TV: And then punched itself out with a left foot.

Seth: Look, potential e-fed owners... here's a little unsolicited advice. Write your first match. Then run it through a spellchecker. If the spellchecker LAUGHS at you, print out the match and set fire to it. Then do the same to yourself.

Tom: Seths' reaching breaking strain!

Crow: Wow, look at that eyelid twitch!

**** to the rock by austin austin then continusly kicked the rock as he fell to the ground****

TV: Yep, he's stomping a midhole and welking it dry.

***then he went for the pin and undertaker came in and broke up the pinfall then austin got up****

Crow: ...In our area.

****and gave the rock the stunner then the rock forced himself to tag in the undertakerb****

TV: And no-sell even better than the Dead Man himself in the process.

****the deadman got in and austin ran to h}{h asnd taggged him in****

TV: And then Austin turned into a complete pussy.

Seth: (Austin) Save me from the nasty dead man, Trip!

****he looked scared as the deadman brought it to him****

Tom: (Taker) here, I brought you THIS!

Crow: (Trip) What is it?

Tom: (Taker) Beats me, the narrator wouldn't tell me...

****then h}{went for the pedigree on taker****

TV: Man, that ego is getting a tad out of control for Game-boy. In the move for two seconds and going right for his finisher?

Seth: *snort* Game-Boy. I like that...

****but out ran trish from behind with a chair she hits h}{h cold in the face then austin ran after trish the rock ran after austin****

Seth: (Racing commentator) RACING this time, Trish jumps out to an early lead, Austin is hampered by his worn-out knees and is fading fast, the Rock pulls out of the race to shoot a dodgy action flick...

****leaving the deadman and h}{h taker gave h}{h a chokeslam then followed by a last ride undertaker pinned h}{h for the 1 2 3!****

TV: It's short, but pointless. I give it a thumbs up. But it gets negative-five stars in my book.

Crow: It amazes me how "best of all wwf" can cram enough stupidity for an Iron Man match into three minutes. We'll have to invent an entirly new law of physics for these guys.

****Jr: thats all the matches for tonight stay tunned to see what happenes on smackdown!****

TV: And try not to blink, or else you'll miss them there too.

Tom: I'll blink as long as it takes to miss this crap. (beat) Damn, no eyelids!

****Copyright provded by Best of All Wwf 2001!****

TV: And the WWF. But shhhh!

Seth: Let's get out of here.

Crow: (High-pitched "Delta Knights" guy) I'm COMMMMM-ING!

[The boys get up as the show fades out and then there is a door sequence. 1...2...3...4...5...6...Back on the SoL, Seth Harker is standing with his cell phone.]

Seth: Yep, that's right. His name is Ed Tenta-Shaw. I'm sure he's on your watch-list, you know, for insane guys who conduct weird experiments on cool heels and robots? Good luck. (He hangs up.)

TV: Who were you calling, Seth?

Seth: Well, I was trying to get Ed busted for knowingly screening a copywritten WWF match without written consent.

[The red light flashes. Seth hits it.]

Ed: What did you say about me screening a WWF match?

Tom: Oh yeah, it's true, Ed. It looks like somebody taped over your tape with a real match.

Crow: It really made us realize just how awful what we were watching truly was. Not that we needed much proof.

TV: Me and Seth are just shocked that you showed us copyrighted material without getting permission. I just hate people who steal results and use them for their own purposes...

Ed: But you idiots have been doing that for two years.

Seth: Yep, but we never broke the golden rule of sports entertainment. Never steal from Vince.

Ed: They'll never find me. I'm in my secret lair after all.

[Somebody knocks on Ed's door.]

Lawyer: Ed Tenta-Shaw. We know you're in there. Open up!

Ed: Bah! Have no fear boys, I'll get out of this situation. Because I'm evil. And I'll come up with an evil plan. But for now, you all have more crap to watch. So get back in that theatre!

[Flashing lights and bouncy camera mean...]

Seth: D'oh!

TV: Sports entertainment sign!

[6...5...4...3...2...1...the team heads back into the theatre and takes their seats.]


Seth: Which we will be SHOUTED AT YOU for your viewing pleasure.


TV: Sadly, a drunk, retarded monkey was grading those roleplays, but good luck anyhow!

****Stacy vs terry stratus womans title****

TV: Ah, looks like Terry got married a couple times since last we saw her.

Tom: She must have gone drinking with Brittany Spears again. "Whoops, we accidently got hitched... silly us! Hee hee."

****Stacy music hits and out she walks then Those stratus b!tches hit out walk terry stratus with her new womens title she looks confused****

TV: She is blonde, after all.

***like she's wondering y would trish put her ni a match****

Seth: How dare they go "Ni!" at an old lady!

Crow: Yes, I hear she has a bum knee.

***but she gets in the ring and stacy shocks all of us when she continusly whips terry's ass****

TV: I'm not shocked at all by this. Now if she stuck a chicken's head up her ass...
Tom: Yes, THAT would be shocking. Or oddly titilating.

****then trish shows up on the tt****

Seth: Trish Stratus is in the worlds most dangerous motorcycle race? Now THAT'S extreme!

****sorry terry but i am still ur sister and we r still the blondebombshells****

Crow: (Trish) Even though we did have to sell the spaces in our teams name.

****but i think it's only fair that she deserves a title shot and terry babe i wish u good luck from ur lovely sister terry stratus****

TV: I think Trish is feeling a tad blonde at the moment. She can't even remember her own name.

Tom: After watching fifteen minutes of this, my brain is going numb too.

****with that it allows stacy to get the roll up
New womens champion: Stacy Keilber****

Seth: Geez. This show was amusingly bad for the first couple of minutes. Now I have a weird urge to go out and punch a nun.

****Lita vs smh bra and panties****

TV: She fighting her own bra and panties? She must have had too many snacks this winter.

****its just feels right hits out walks lita she gets in the ring and waits for steph****

TV: The added weight from those breast implants slows you down, I'm sure.

****then it's all about the****

Tom: Benjamins!

****game hits****

Crow: Sorry, Tom, but thanks for playing!

****and out walks steph she comes out witrh her head up high****

TV: Screw her head, let's see them fake boobies.

Seth: If the fake boobies get any bigger, you won't be able to SEE her head.

****she gets in the ring and swings at lita,****

TV: When did this turn into a playground death match?

****lita dunks****

TV: (Marv Albert) YES!

****and grabs steph and suplexes her then she goes for the pin and she gets a 2 count,****

Tom: (Lita) Wrestle faster, Steph, we haven't managed to break the sound barrier yet!

Crow: Suplexsuplexsuplexonetwothree!

****then h}{h comes out****

Seth: ...Awards himself a title belt, no-sells everything short of a nuclear blast, blows out his quad and has sex with a mannequin.

Crow: A full, fufilling day in the life of Triple H.

****and watches the match and lita looks at him with the destraction h}{h points to steph****

Tom: (Trip) The left one is deflating!

****and lita turns around and the ref is out****

TV: The ref is gay?

Seth: Apparently the ref fainted spontaneously due to the mere presence of Game-Boy. I sense Vince will be using that finish in the future.

****then steph hits lita with the chair and h}{h runs down to the ring and pedigree's lita and he rolls the ref over and slides out the ring as steph pinned lita for the 1 2 3
The winner: Steph****

TV: Man, getting punked out by both of the writers. It's funny because it's true...

****h}{h vs vs undertaker inter. Title****

TV: That whole Intercontinental title name too long to type out?

Crow: No, the belt probably has it's own website. Inter Dot Title Dot Com.... It's sad when they try and appeal to Web-geeks.

Tom: This fed is perfect for people with short attention spans and no taste whatsoever.

****keep rollin rollin rollin hits and out walks the undertaker****

Seth: Shouldn't he be rolling, rolling, rolling?

****then it's all about the game hits and out walks h}{h with his wife stephanie he gets in the ring and him and the deadman exchange blows****

TV: Fitting since this whole fed blows.

****they go at it and eventually undertaker****

Tom: ...No sells. The Trip no-sells. Then the audience switches over to American Idol. The End.

****out does him then steph chants h}{h name on the side****

TV: (Stephanie) Let's go h, uber-bracket, uber-bracket, h!

Crow: That'll never fit ona T-shirt.

****and undertaker knocks h}{h out and steph gets on the ropes****

TV: All her practice of getting on men pays off at last.

****and the ref is distracted and behind the ref h}{h nails him right with the sludge hammer****

Seth: SPLAT! (Taker) Oh, man... this is never going to come out!

TV: (Singing) Oh let me be your sludgehammer.

****h}{h then pedigrees him and goes for the pin and gets the 1 2 3****

Seth: Game-boy no-sells and beats Taker clean. This isn't "Best of all WWF", this really IS the WWF!

****after the match lita comes out and gives steph the hurricana****

TV: She better see a doctor about that.

****Winner: H}{h
hardy's vs dudgley's table match****

Tom: This match comes direct from Dudgleyville! Your announcers, Micheal Coldge and Tazzdg.

****The hardy's music hits and out comes matt and jeff then the dudley's music hits they come out with tables the match is begigging to start****

TV: As the viewers beg for it to stop.

Seth: Yo. We be be'giggign. And we don't even knows what be'giggin means, yo. Shizzle yo nizzle.

****dvon and matt r fighting in the middle of the ring when matt does the twist of fate on dvon matt sets the table up in the corner****

Crow: Seth and Trey run screaming from the theatre and tom hides in the corner and crow continues to mock this massive runn-on sentence.

Seth: This whole SHOW has been one big sentence!

****jeff knocks bubba ray of the turnbuckle then they get in the ring and do the poultry on dvon****

[Trey falls to the floor laughing hysterically.]

Tom: Now THERE'S innovation!

Seth: (Sings) Do the Rooster! Everybody do the Rooster! Move your head like a rooster! Yeah!

****dvon grabbed matt and tried to put him through a table but jeff****

Crow: Was still trying to work out what to do with the chicken.

****grabbed dvon and gave him the twist of fate right through the table
The winner: Hardy's****

TV (From the floor) D-von! Get the poultry!

****kane vs benoit vs no.1 contnders match inter. title
The crippler crossface music hits out walks benoit then fire hits and out walks kane****

Crow: These ring entrances a re boring. Why can't someone tango on out?

****he gets in the ring and starts to work on benoit with that broken arm****

TV: And the stupid award goes to Kane for inflicting pain on his broken arm in an attempt to defeat Benoit. I've heard of ring psychology before, but never ring reverse psychology.

****benoit goes for the crossface but kane reverses it and gives him the chokeslam he goes for the pin but only get a 1 count!****

TV: (Benoit) I can no sell too, eh?

Seth: Wait, the writer used both their signature moves at once! Now what will he do?

****Kane gets up and goes for another chokeslam****

Seth: I think I'm going to cry...

****but benoit gives him a low blow****

TV: So THAT's how he really lost that tooth...

****benoit then works on kane bruised arm****

TV: I'm not a doctor, though I sometimes do play one in the bedroom. But...I'd dare say there's a difference between a bruised and broken arm.

****benoit does a variety of suplexes on kane****

Crow: (Monotone) German. German. German. Deustch. German. German.

****then goes for the pin but get a 2 count then he takes of kane bandage****

TV: I think I read that book in high school. Of Kane Bondage. Pretty boring book from what I remember. Not as much S&M as I had hoped for...

****then he works on that arm kane suqeals in pain****

Seth: (Dyslexic Redneck) Suqueal like a gip, boy...

****then benoit sat on kanes arm and the ref counted for the pin!****

Tom: Weirdest. Pin. Ever.

****The winner: Benoit
ice cube vs spike****

TV: (Rapping) Straight outta Compton, crazy muthafucka named Ice Cube! From the gang called Niggaz With Attitudes!

****In dew to the fact that little spike isnt feelling well there will be no match bettween spike and ice cube!****

Seth: That's the best news I've heard in WEEKS! Probably saved us, what, thirty-five seconds of ring-time?

TV: Poor Cube. His album sales are in the toilet and a little five-foot scrub won't even show up for a match with him. How the mighty have fallen.

****rock vs scsa wwf title
The glass shatters****

TV: As viewers everywhere destroy their televisions, not wanting to ever see this sort of crap again.

****out walks stone cold steve austin then those stratus bitches hit and out walks the guest ref trish stratus then if ya smell what the rock is cooking hits the rock****

Crow: (Rock) OW! Which of you jabronies threw my theme music at me?

****doesnt seem to happy about all of this****

Seth: Oh, please, he's in "best of all wwf", what's NOT to like about the situation?

****it cuts the music and austin begins to speak****

TV: Hey, they got Cousin Itt from the Addams Family doing their music. I hear Eddie Munster will be showing up as special timekeeper next.

****austin: Rock in case you havent noticed Trish Stratus is now in MY corner****

TV: What?

Crow: He said Trish is in his corner, Trey.

****Rock: so trish ur leaving me for him?****

TV: What?

Crow: Trish is leaving the Rock for Austin, Trey...

****Trish: nope im just his manager and ur girlfriend ok****

Crow: What? No, seriously, what?

TV: Oh man, Rock's lost control of his woman.

****then trish smiles and the rock runs over and begins fussing at her, austin hits the rock and kicks him into the ground repeatly****

Tom: Austin trained with the LAPD, apparently.

****then he throws him into the corner and begins to kick him trish just poses and salutes the crowd****

TV: Since she is nothing but a sex object for us to drool over. At least they got this bit right.

****the rock then gets up and grabs her****

TV: Good god, I don't even want to know that the Rock "got up" as he grabbed her.

****austin gets a chair and hits and tries to hit the rock with it but he hits trish,****

TV: Sex, violence and bad grammar. It's bestofallwwf.

Seth: My brain hurts.

****trish is knocked out austin tries to pick trish up and apoligzes the rock hits austin with the championship belt****

Crow: It's a "Let's Hit Each Other With Random Items" match! Joy.

****and he comes over to trish and picks her up****

TV: (Rock) The Rock says if your left leg is Christmas and your right leg is New Year's, would you mind if The Rock spends some time up between the holidays?

****austin turns rock around and STUNNER then austin kicks him into the ground and gets chair****

Seth: Oh, God, it's turing into a primitive text-based adventure game! Get chair. Open door. Hurt bestofall wwf writer with chair.

****and drives it through the rocks heart****

TV: Is the Rock a vampire or something?

****the rock is out then austin puts trish on rock and smiles then he moves trish and pins the rock,****

Tom: So putting Trish on top was just a cheap, smutty visual, huh?

****he pulls trish over and makes her count fast then he picks her up after winning the match and french kisses her right in front of the rock and then he grabs her and his belt and runs to the back as smackdwon goes off the air!****

TV: All bitches ain't shit.

****those was the results****

Seth: And you're welcome to keep them, loser.

****copy rights reserves bestofallwwf****

TV: Ironically, the copyright symbol refused to allow it's image to be used in this crappy show.

****Welcome to sunday night heat everyone and we have some interesting matches tonight we have****

Seth: ...Some interesting matches did I already mention that oh well never mind let's see those interesting matches. *pant* Wow, that's harder than it looks.

***Smh vs Lita A leather Strap Match
Its all about the game hits
Out walks the billion dollar princess and hhh then****

Seth: Trips' on Sunday Night Heat? What fucking universe is this?

****It just feels right hits
and out walks lita****

TV: And realizing where they all are, out walks the entire audience...

****the match gets started when lita throws smh into the ref and the ref was out****

Tom: Lucky bastard. He doesn't have to watch this crap anymore.

****ok then lita gave smh the surplex****

TV: The technical term for a botched suplex.

****hhh got in the ring and held lita as smh slapped her in her face repeatly then hhh slide out the ring after a knock down by smh then lita kicked out****

Seth: Look,if I semnd them a check, will they PLEASE buy some fucking punctuation?

****then lita went for the hurricana and moved then smh gave her the ddt and then a suplex then smh did the womens special slap on lita repeatly****

TV: The women's special slap? That's the one where she calls you a bitch as she's slapping you, right?

****and then followed by a bulldogg and then pinned her lita kicked out again hhh tried tried to destract the ref****

Crow: Since the ref was still unconcious, the tactic failed to have much effect.

****as out came stone cold and then tried to hit lita with a stunner but lita gave him the huricana****

Tom: Which we cana spella very well.

****then its showed debra watching on the screen shocked****

TV: (Debra) I work here?!

****and then smh went for the count as the ref was destracted by hhh smh got made and slapped the ref****

TV: She's a full mafia member now too?

Seth: What exactly did the ref do to deserve this abuse? Apart from signing with the bestofall wwf, I mean?

****hhh smiled and then lita came and got smh from behind as she slapped smh repeatly then hhh got in the ring and tried to get lita but lita gave hhh the hurricana****

Tom: (WWF writer) Slap. Hurricanrana. Slap. Slap. Ummm. Slap. Wow, my best Lita match YET!

****then smh got up and when lita turned around and slapped her and smh looked frientened then lita drove her head into smh body and smh told the ref she couldnt breath****

TV: And HHH begins breakdancing at the thought of all the money he'll get if she croaks right now.

Seth: (Ref) So you knock me out, slap me for no reason, then tell me you're suffocating? DIE, BITCH!

****the ref said continue the match so then lita gave smh the****

Tom: Reverse Death Valley Driver?



****and then got the leather strap and started whipping smh and then hhh got up and pulled lita foot which made her fall then smh got up and started whipping lita****

TV: Lita's stint in the doghouse just drags on and on.

****lita squeeled****

TV: I always thought she was a squealer.

****and then hardy's music hits and then run out****

Seth: And then the writers imagination ran out, so he blew off the match. Just like the BOB BigBOSS used to do!

****and hit austin and hhh then lita gave smh the huricana and went for the pin and got the 1 2 3****

Crow: She celebrated with a hurricanrana on herself.

****Trish Vs Daffney Guest ref The Rock****

Seth: who's Daffney Guest? Is she related to Christopher Guest?

****If ya smell what the rock is cooking hit****

TV: Bookstands later this month. Featuring all the Rock's favorite recipes. Poontang pie. Strudel. New York style tacos.

Seth: Y'know, screw this. MIDI death metal is nothing in comparison to bestofall wwf. Later!

[Seth walks off-screen. A door is heard opening, followed by the sound of Tom Jones signing "Delilah". The door closes again.]

Seth: DAMN YOU, ED! (sits down again)

TV: He's good, you gotta give it to him...

****Out walks trish and the rock then some strange music hits****

Tom: Tom Jones, ladies and gentlemen!

****Daffney's music hits
Trish stares in the ring and whisspers something to the rock****

TV: (Trish) Wasn't it funny when Stone Cold French kissed me?

****the rock smiles ok then daffney gets in the ring and the rock grabs a mic and says****

Crow: (Rock) Pie. Jabronie. Smell. Okay, I'm done, where's my check?

****daffney i know u dont know y im out here****

TV: (Rock) Or why I'm talking like a 10-year-old boy.

****but instead of terry stratus being the guest ref i am****

Seh: (Monotone) Gasp.

TV: Wow, what a shocking development I already knew about five minutes ago...

****and then daffney attackd trish while trish was facing the crowd****

Seth: Crowd? Yeah, right, if this place gets a trio I'd be surprised.

****the rock just stood there acting like he was smelling the air****

TV: The Rock must smell some tuna in the air.

****daffney went for the roll up and the rock counted very slow****

Tom: Onnnnnnneeeeee... camera zooms in... twoooooooo...

Seth: Hey, he's ripping-off my ripped-off bit!

****then daffney grabbed the rock's arm and slapped him and then trish got very fustrated and then did the bulldogg on daffney****

TV: That's a new tactic. Having sex with a dog on top of your opponent.

****the daffney got up and suplexed trish then the rock didnt count then he gave her the rock bottom****

Crow: (Rock) Here's my bottom. You know what to do with it.

Rollin Rollin Rollin hit
and out comes the brothers of destruction****

Seth: The Baldwins are here! Run before they destroy our box-off takings!

****and they give the rock a chokeslam and then daffney ddt's trish and undertaker uses the rocks hand****

TV: Dude!

Tom: Trey? Seth? Your sport...

Seth: We know. Gay.

****and counts for the 1 2 3
winner daffney****

TV: Uh, yay?

****Stone Cold vs Beniot no.1 conteneders match for the wwf
The glash Smashes****

TV: Hmm, the narrator seems to have developed a lisp.

Crow: And a stutter. "Conteneders"?

****Out walks austin and debra and then out comes benoit and then the match is underway when austin goes for the stunner****

Seth: (Austin) Fuck transitions, let's just get this match finished and hit the bar.

****and benoit stops it and tries to get the crossface but missed****

Tom: (Benoit) I already did. *hic* Schtop moving, Shteve.

****austin gave him the double middle finger and then benoit grabbed him and did the slam repeatly on austin****

TV: That sounds kind of dirty.

Tom: CoughGAYcough.

****Its all about the game hits***

TV: Man, HHH just needs his air time, doesn't he?

****out walks an ferious hhh from what happened earlier****

TV: He doesn't like being booked by teenagers. And I can't say I blame him.

Seth: So Trip is Ferrous, huh? Must be an IRONman match?

TV: Huh?

Seth: Never mind...

****austin stopped him and says no ur gonna mes this up hhh just keeps on walking****

Crow: I no-sell your gibberish, Austin.

****and when he gets in the ring he just stares at benoit then austin gets back in the ring when benoit gives him the crossface****

TV: (Austin) I wanted a crossBOW, not a crossface you damn Canadian!

****hhh then hits the ref with a chair****

Seth: AGAIN with the ref bumping? What happened, did he get caught wearing Stephs' underwear?

****and gets the chair and delievers chsirshots right to the rib****

Tom: Third rib down, left-hand side. Very specific, the bestofallwwf.

****then hhh holds him as austin gives him the stunner and another stunner to benoit, benoit was out cold but then the ref turns back around****

TV: Man, these referees need to learn the art of selling. If Hebner got hit with a chair, he'd be out for a week, damnit! If Hebner gets hit with a feather, he's down for 10 minutes. He's a pro!

****and hhh gets out the ring then austin gave him a crossface as benoit tapped out to his own move****

Seth: Despite the fact that Austin apparently put it on Triple H... Syntax Error. Fed does not compute. Please re-boot brain.

****and allowed austin to pick up for the victory
Ice Cube vs Spike Dudley****

TV: Time for some steady mobbin' yo!

****dudley's music hits and out walks spike with both of his dudley brothers they come out with a table****

Tom: ...Tennis table. At least THEY'LL be having fun while we suffer.

****then ice cube comes****

TV: Straight outta compton!

Seth: Straight into Hell.

****out and the match starts off as spike delievers a ddt to ice cube then the dudleys set the table up out side the ringspike****

Crow: A ringspike? Are they driving a ringrailroad through the arena?

TV: Why not? The booking is already a train wreck, adding an actual train might improve things.

****tries to put ice cube through it but ice cube reverses it with a suplex then ice cube delievers a pile driver to the heart of spike****

TV: I can honestly say I've never seen a heart piledriven before. When innovation combines with stupidity, you have bestofallwwf.

**** then spike does a move of the top ropes and misses him****

Seth: Ahh, the "What the Fuck Am I Doing-Sault"!

****ice cube tries to shake hands with spike but spike wasnt going for that little spike then gave him a suplex and then ice cube reverse it and does a pile driver****

TV: Already repeating spots one minute into the match. Nash is jealous.

****and tries to get him into the table but the dudley's move it then from behind out comes the hardy's they deliever a twist of fate to both dudley's****

Crow: WE WANT POULT-RY! *clap-clap-clapclapclap* WE WANT POULT-RY!

****and then ice cube puts spike in a submission and then ice cube throughs little spike over the rope into his own table and the ref called for the bell!****

TV: So, did Cube win?

Seth: (Ref) So long as no-one hit me with a chair, I couldn't care less.

****Dudleys vs Hardy's Table Match****

TV: Isn't this the third tables match between these teams we've watched today?

Seth: It's still 'today"? I feel like we've been here for a month!

****before the match started is showed austin and hhh on an interview****

Tom: Triple H ran over Austin with a car, then had sex with him in a coffin. He's said to be "pleased" with the angles' development so far.

****they said that they promised that the hardy's match with dudley's would be hell****

Seth: They've obviously been watching the show, then.

****because the requested with the wwf commish to be added to that match and that their match was requested****

TV: The request they requested was requested.

****then out came the hardy's and then followed by the dudley's and then the new 2 added to the match was stone cold and hhh along with debra and smh, both looked upset****

Crow: (SMH) I haven't had my face on screen in MINUTES! Look at ME!

****and went to lillian garcia and snatched the mic smh: lita get out here right now so i can kick ur ass like i did earlier****

TV: I'd love to put this fed's Lita and Stephanie into a spelling bee stripoff match.

Seth: Yeah, but who needs another 10-second long match, even with T and A?

****but lita didnt come out so smh said " since u wont come out here tonight i will make sure that u pay tommorrow on raw"****

TV: In a hardcore lingerie match.

****matt got a mic and said :shut the hell up"****

Seth: Barry.

TV: Yes, all of you, do that. And jump off a cliff while you're at it.

****then hhh gave him a pedigree then he picked him up and went for a suplex but matt gave him a twist of fate****

TV: All finishers, all the time.

****then hhh tagged in austin****

Tom: I call a Stunner!

****austin got in a tried to get a stunner****

Tom: YAY!

****but matt did an unsurprising move he did the hurricana****

Crow: I was surprised... surprised it didn't involve poultry in any way.

TV: I should not be missing arm grapevine submissions as much as I am right now.

Seth: Yeah? Well, I should not be missing dental surgery as much as I am right now.

****and then tagged in jeff the dudley's being fustrated made themselves get in and all 6 men were fighting and then from behind came lita and hit smh and debra with a chair and then got in the ring and hit austin& hhh and the ref saw it and called for the bell****

TV: Wow, a disqualification in a tables match. Bestofallwwf. We is mighty confused!

Seth: Tom, take a letter. Dear bestofall WWF. You win, we give up. Yours in agony, Seth Harker.

****hardy's and lita ran out of the arena and then they bursted****

Tom: Ooh, spontaneous human combustion, live on television!

****into trish's office and requested some matches and trish said dont worry she had everthing under control.*****

TV: Except the English language.

****Shane vs Undertaker
shane came out and explained that he didnt have to participate in that match tonight seeing as how he was the commish and how he didnt want to wrestle****

TV: And how much the fed sucks.

****and then****

Seth: Nothing happened. Nothing interesting, anyway.

****Rollin hits
taker explained that he didnt care if he wanted to be in and that he was gonna be in it and then got in****

Crow: Did we all get that? Yes? Can someone who did please explain it to me, then?

***the ring and delievered blows to shane then a low blow from behind****

TV: Dead Man Blowing...

****then he went for the chokeslam but shne battled back then taker gave shane the last ride and trish watched in the back as the rock just stared as he layed on her lap injuried****

TV: He's hurtified.

****and then****

Tom: The last remaining audience member straps explosives to his chest and blows up the arena for the good of humainty.

****If ya smell what the rock is cooking hits****

TV: Wow, either he has super speed or bad editing is to blame here.

****The rock got in the ring and gave taker the rock bottom which then the rock got a chair and hit him repeatly then****

Seth: ...Seth Harker stood up and screamed FUCK YOU at the screen. I feel better now.

Tom: The show isn't over yet...

Seth: I feel depressed again.

****shane got a mic and said oh yea i forgot to tell u this match is a disqualification match and then shane got the steel steps and hit undertaker with it****

TV: Soooo, Shane just got himself disqualified, giving him the victory?

Crow: No, Trey, that would be far too easy.

**** then he went for the pin and picked up the 1 2 3***

TV: Riiiiiight...

****Y2J vs Kane
before the match they went around asking if anyone seen the rock or shane****

Seth: Yeah, they were just out at ringside, like, three seconds ago, guys.

**** and then kevin kelly came up to kane and asked how did he feel about what happened to his brother****

TV: (Kane) Whatever. We've been fighting on and off since 1997, it's lost all impact on me, Kevin.



****then he kept looking for the rock and kk called kane****

Crow: Kane, it's the Klan calling for you... They're out of crosses, so are you free to be set on fire on some black guys lawn friday Night?

[Everyone gasps]

Seth: Ooh, that's a dodgy line. I better reprogram Crow later...

Crow: Hey, you fed me the line in rehearsal, Seth!

Seth: Yeah, you think I was going to say it?

Tom: It's a good thing we're off Geocities. Otherwise our plug would have just been pulled quicker than a Jew going into an oven.

[Everyone gasps again.]

Seth: You're getting reprogrammed too.

Tom: Trey told me to say that...

****and tried to tell him the rock and trish left the building but****

TV: Kane forgot to carry his cell phone with him.

****kane kept on going a few moments later terry came out and said that the match with her and debra was cancelled****

Seth: Good. More cancellations=Less bestofall wwf show to watch. Cancel them all, dammit!

****because debra was injuried because of that attck from lita and she also copngradulated****

TV: That sounds painful.

****lita on hitting debra with a chair and then said that if kane wasnt down to the ring in 5 mins that she would have him suspeneded for 2 weeks****


Seth: Tree pretty.

****a few moments later kane music hits and out comes the big red machine****

Tom: Okay, who painted the zamboni?

****he said that he wasnt in a modd for a match and that he was still looking for the rock****


****then terry came out and laughed and said they already left the building and then he chased after her as it went off the air!****

Seth: (weakly) Hooray.

TV: I feel like I have been beaten with a dumb stick for the last two hours.

[The boys get up and we have our final door sequence. 1...2...3...4...5...6...the bots are on the counter and Seth and Trey are in the middle, standing.]

TV: Say, when we were watching that Benoit, Austin match, I had a thought. Didn't Benoit nail Debra in WCW.

Seth: No, that was Mongo.

TV: Benoit nailed Mongo?

Seth: No, Benoit nailed Woman.

TV: Woman? Oh, right, Kevin Sullivan's former wife. But I thought Austin nailed Benoit's ex-wife?

Seth: No, I think that was Chris Adams' ex-wife.

TV: That Kronik guy?

Seth: No, wrong Adams. That was Brian Adams.

TV: The singer?

Tom + Crow: THIRD BASE!

TV: Well...I guess Ed is still busy explaining himself to the man. So, for Tom, Crow and Seth, this is Trey Vincent saying, go entertain your own damn selves.

[Fade to black.]


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