EpisodesSuperstarsApathy?Brawlers On A Budget

Seth Harker vs. XCF (MST3K 1.2)

Severe loss of vowel control!

Disclaimer Time: I have no connection to Best Brains, the WWF or the XCF, XPW, the XFL or any other acroynm with an X in it. I do watch the "X-files", but that's a different story. -Skeeter.


[We fade in on the Satellite of Love. Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo are present. Crow is adorned with a glittery feather boa and a hot-pink cowboy hat with an 18-inch feather in it. Tom is decked out in canary-yellow and red, and wears a headband with some blond tufts of hair protruding from it.]

Crow: Oooh, yeah! The MistiePowers are back together!

Tom Servo: That's right, brother! And with all my little Servomaniacs, and the power of the Macho Crow, we'll take this place by storm!

Crow: Ooh, yeah! But who's this? It's our worst enemy!

[Seth Harker enters the shot, tassles dangling from each arm. A yellow smiley-face has been painted on his face.]

Seth: (Monotone) Fear me. For I am the war-yah. Fear my dangly tassles and my incomprehensible rantings.

Tom: Sethhhh! You're ruining it!

Crow: Yeah, emote, you putz! Breathe heavily through your nose!

Seth: I feel stupid...

Tom: Well, that's a start...

Seth: Do I have to do this?

Crow: Sure do, buddy... If you're going to make us sit through another one of those horrible wrestling events, you're doing it under OUR terms!

Seth: Swell... I do have another one, though. It's slightly better than the THWF event.

Crow: Yeah, that's a stretch... That thing made the XPW look like Wrestlemania 17...

Seth: It's shorter, too...

Tom and Crow: YAY!

Seth: So I brought two of them... and their introductionary statement as a short feature...

Tom and Crow: NUTS!

Seth: So I'm a sadist...(The red light begins to flash) We got WRESTLING SIGN!

[Six doors later, we're in the theatre.]

Seth: Crow, lose the feather, you're blocking the screen... Okay, Comabot... Roll 'em!

Coma: Neep!

***Xtreme Championship Federation****

Crow: (Announcer) The XCF.. for over fifty years, the worldwide leader in sub-par, badly-spelt sports entertainment.

Seth: Okay, remember guys, let's maintain kayfabe... in other words, try not to critique his spelling too much...

Crow: Check!

Tom: Can do...

***Ladies and Gentalmen ***

Crow: Oh, boy, this is going to be tough..

***welcome to Xtreme Championship Federation ***

Tom: That name doesn't roll off the tongue very well...

Seth: Rob Black is warming up his lawyers as we speak...

***This is an efed which will be Great if you all Co-operate. Seth: (XCF President) Just do what I say, and no-one gets hurt! ***

Tom: (Cartman) Respect my authoratah!

Crow: (Some German Guy) XCF uber alles!

***The only thing similar to this efed is that we have the same Superstars. ***

Tom: "The only thing similar to this efed"? What the heck does that mean?

Seth: I think the tape skipped...

Crow: Yeah, he should have said "The only thing similar to this efed is getting jabbed in the scrotum by a red-hot poker."

Tom, Coma and Seth: OW!

***We do NOT have the same shows. ***

Tom: We do not have the ability to complete our sentences.

***Also we do not have Rip off of the shows such as "XCF Raw" Or "XCF Smackdown". ***

Crow: We do serve waffles in the XCF cafeteria on Thursdays!

***They will be our own shows. ***

Seth: And they will suck.

***One will be posted on Monday and the other will be posted on Wednesdays. ***

Tom: (XFC President) The card on Monday will be called Friday Night Thunder just to confuse people.

Seth: And the card on Wednesdays will be listed in the TV Guide as a documentary on West African Drumming.

***Please, no Shitty Roleplayers. ***

Crow: You'll detract attention from our top-notch bra-and-panties matches and awe-inspiring home-video-esque production values...

***If you are a bad Roleplayer then it will lead to a suspension. ***

Seth: (XCF President) Over a pit of starving king cobras... Do you hear me??!! I'm in charge, damn it! I am your GOD!!

***If you follow up with another bad roleplay you will be Permanently Banned form The XCF. ***

Crow: A third bad roleplay and we'll make you change your name to "Billy Gunn" and adopt a Gay Bodybuilder gimmick...

***If you copy any story Lines from the WWF Such as the NWO You will be banned. ***

Seth: If you copy any storylines from the WCW, we'll be out of business in a month...

Tom: If you copy any storylines from ECW, your name is probably Paul Heyman...

Crow: If you copy any storylines from XPW or WWA, you should get your head examined...

***There is 1 owner to the XCF, Shawn Michales. Crow: Shawn Michales? He's Mexican? ***

Seth: I guess the WWF still owns the copyright on the name "Michaels"...

Tom: Either that or SAT averages have slipped again...

++++++++++++++++

XCF Monday Xplosion

++++++++++++++++

***JR: Hello everybody and welcome to the First ever showing of the XCF!!! ***

Tom: (JR) The wrestling show for people who just don't care anymore!

***King: Thats Right JR!!!, And tonight we have some great Matches booked!!!. We got Kane Vs Van Dam for the Hardcore Championship!!!. ***

Seth: Whoops, Vince got custody of the name "Rob" as well, I see...

***We got Supercrazy facing off againsed X-pac for the XCF International Title!!!. ***

Crow: Hey, the line fell off that exclamation mark at the end!

Tom: (Texan Accent) C'mon down to Crazy Earls House of Puncuation!!! We've got so many exclamation points, we're practically giving them away!!! Free period with every three ordered!!!.

Seth: Kayfabe, guys, kayfabe...

***And also, My Favourite......A little Wrestlemania Preview!!! ***

Tom: Wrestlemania? Isn't that a WWF idea?

Seth: (XCF President) Damn it, you're right! I hereby suspend myself from the XCF for one month!

Tom and Crow: Hooray!

***JR: Thats right!!!!. Tonight there will be a Tag Team Match!!!!. Austin & Lita Vs Michales & Trish!!!!!!! ***

Seth: (JR) Trishs' breasts will be banned from ringside...

***King: And at Wrestlemania, it will be Lita vs Trish for the womans championship ***

Crow: (Lawler) In a special "Who's Got The Least Actual Wrestling Moves Match?"!

Seth: Trish wins...

***and also Michales Vs Austin for the XCF Heavyweight title in a ladder match!!!!! ***

Seth: Oh, the president is booking HIMSELF in the heavyweight title match... what'll be the odds on him winning it for a cheap ego boost?

Tom: Sure sign of someone who didn't get hugged enough as a child...

***JR: Lets get our first match Underway. ***

...................................................................... ......................................................................

Crow: Tear along dotted line to separate this insipid introduction from the craptacular matches...

Tom: Do not fold, spindle or mutilate this federation...

***JR: The next match is for the International title. ***

Seth: J.R's doing the ring intro? Geez, how bad does your fed have to be for The Fink to refuse to participate?

***It is gonna be Super Crazy Vs X-pac. ***

Crow: So THAT's where X-Pac has been hanging out these past few months...

Tom: Let's hope he stays there...

***X-pac's Music hits as the crowd boo. ***

Seth: And there we have it... even fans stupid enough to pay for XPW tickets are smart enough to hate X-Pac....

Crow: Doesn't that give you a warm feeling of hope for humanity?

***He makes his way down to the ring and gets in. ***

Tom: No easy feat considering the massive ammounts of medical marijuana he smoked to curb the effects of his hangnail...

***Supercrazy's music fills the arena. Everybody turns towards the stage to see the Arival of the Crazy one. ***

Crow: (Speedy Gonzales) Andelay, andelay... Arival!

***Nobody comes out..... ***

Crow: Nobody? Jim Neidharts' in this fed?

Seth: No, Niedhart was "Who"...

Tom: Neidhart was who?

Seth: Yes, exactly...

Crow: What?

Seth: No, Who...

Tom: I don't know, who?

Seth: What?

Crow: AHHHHH!

***JR: King, Hey look King!!!, it's Supercrazy!!! ***

Seth: Where?

Tom: What?

Crow: Who?

Seth: Don't start that again!

***Supercrazy runs throught the crowd. Jumps over the Comemtators table. ***

Crow: Catches a foot on J.R's cowboy hat, breaks an ankle, no match. The end.

****He then jumps into the ring and Attacks X-pac from behind making this Match Official ***

Seth: ..ly better than the Hardcore Evening Gown Match and the Kennel From Hell put together...

***Supercrazy starts to Pummel on X-pac delivering thunderust shots to the Head. ***

Tom: (sings) You've been... thunderust!

[Seth does a quick Angus Young airguitar duckwalk.]

***He picks him up and Suplex's him to the outside. The match carries on ***

Crow: ...sucking

***with Supercrazy delivering a Cross Body from the Top rope to the outside. ***

Tom: (Stoner X-Pac) Whoa, wait a minute, Crazy, I dropped my stash...

***He picks up X-pac and Throws him into the Steel Post. He throws him back into the Ring. ***

Seth: X-Pac throws a tantrum, then throws up.

***He then Dlivers a Leg Drop. ***

Crow: D-Liver? Wasn't he one of Biggie Smalls' posse?

Tom: Maybe D'von Dudley sneaked in to D'liver the Leg D'rop?

Seth: If he did he'd get a D'cisive D'scion...

Coma: D'poink!

***He picks him up. ***

Tom: I bet that's not the first pick-me-up X-Pacs' had tonight...

Seth: Are we on a roll with the drug references or what?

Crow (The Mask) Smmmmm-okin'!

***Supercrazy goes up to the Top Rope. He jumps off but only to be nailed by the X-Factor! ' ***

Tom: I find it ironic that X-pac's the stoner, yet D'Lo Brown used the "Sky High"...

***1........2........3!!!!!!! Here is your winner......and New International Champion.....X-Pac!!!!.

All: (Monotone) Hooray.

***As X-pac is celebrating in the Ring Triple H comes from behind and Attacks him. ***

Crow: (HHH) You little bastard, I've told you to stop trying to mainline my steriods!

***He goes to the Outside, picks up a Steel Chair, throws it tono the Ring ***

Crow: Tono? The rings' name is Tono?

Seth: Croooow...

Crow: I know, I know... We're not English teachers, here... but still, that wasn't even in the ballpark...

***and Peddigree's X-pac right Onto it. ***

[Seth winces]

Seth: Okay, guys, forget what I said about not criticising his spelling... A "Peddigree"?

Tom: That makes me want to have a few ddrinks and go to bedd...

***Triple H stands over him and shouts at the top of his Voice... ***

Crow: (HHH) STOP STEALING MY UNDERWEAR, PUNK!

***Triple H: X-pac, I wan't your Ass ***

All: Ewwwwwwwwww!

***at Wrestlemania for the International Championship!!!. ***

All: Phew...

Seth: I hear Billy and Chuck want X-Pacs' ass as well...

Tom: So Triple H is actually REQUESTING a program with X-Pac? Isn't that usually considered a punishement?

Crow: Steriod abuse must affect the brain...

***JR: Good God!!! ***

Crow: (James Brown) Good Lord!

...................................................................... ......................................................................

Tom: Sign on the dotted line if you want this card to end...

Crow: Got a pen, Seth?

***King: Jr, we got another title Decision going on right Here!!!. It's gonna be Van Dam going one on one in a No Holds barred, anywhere Falls Crow: Exploding Electrified Dumpster... ***

Seth: Shirts versus Skins...

Tom: Make The Other Guy Say "Hamdinger"...

***Hardcore title Fight Againsed the Big Red Machine Kane!!!!
Van Dam's Music fills the Nivarda Arena as the crowd goes Nuts. ****

Seth: Either he just invented a new state, or they're naming arenas' after Seattle grunge bands now...

Crow: Yeah! Nirvada ROCKS!

***He makes his way down to the ring with a Steel Chair in hand. ***

Tom: Which he uses to batter the writer into a bloody pulp with. The end.

Seth: Nice try...

***Kane's Music hits as the crowd boo. He walks down to the Ring looking for some Action. ***

Crow: Hey! Billy and Chuck obviously ARE in this federation!

Tom: (Billy Gunn) Looking for some action, ya Big Red Studmachine?

Seth: (Porno Music) Wakka-chikka-wakka-chikka...

***Both men stand face to face in the middle of the Ring.***

Tom: Because if only one of them tried to stand face-to-face, he'd just look weird...

***The bell sounds as the match gets underway. Van Dam throws the first punch, then Kane, then Van Dam again. ***

Seth: Do you believe this intense action! It's like Steamboat/Savage all over again! Not.

***Both men battle it out in the middle of the Ring but Kane prooved to Powerful of The Whole F'n Show. ***

Crow: And our writer proves to be ignorant of the whole science of coherant sentence structre...

***Kane throws Van Fam into the corner and delivers a running Clothesline. ***

Crow: Whoa, Robs' last name is having an identity crisis...

***He throws him into the opposite corner and Picks up a chair. He runs at Van Dam but Van Dam counters by lifting up both of his feet knocking the Chair right back into Kane's Dismantled face. ***

Tom: Oh, my God, the VanFaminator!

Crow: Someone dismantled Kanes face? Was he built from a kitset, or something?

Seth: They should ban that move... It could cave in his face!

[Five minutes later]

Crow: Hee hee hee... *snort*... okay, Coma. We're good...

***Van Dam throws Kane to the outside and Delivers a cross Body jumping over the Top Rope. ***

Seth: Must be a Japanese move... It's the Super Cross Body Jumping Dragon Bomb!

***Kane Catches him and Delivers a Fallaway slam through the Comentry table. ***

Tom: (Informercial Host) Yes, The Com Entry table... perfect for your next failed online business! Only $135.99!

Crow: Well, an actual commentary table would be unneccesary in this federation, anyway... notice how JR and Lawler haven't said word one since the matches started?

Seth: X-Pac probably bored them to sleep...

***Kane goes for the cover 1........2........Kane lifts up Van Dam's head so he can Inflict more Pain. ***

Crow: (JR) Oh, my God, he's pushing his head into a monitor and forcing him to watch "Friday Night In Hell"! Would somebody stop this maniac! This is not a work!

***He picks him up and Throws him through the Crowd Banner. ***

Seth: They're restraining the crowd with PAPER? How low-budget can you get?

***They battle it out into the crowd and end up backstage. ***

Tom: (RVD) X-Pac, better lose the doobie, there's a camera here!

Seth: (Stoner X-Pac) Oh, wow... thanks, man...

***Van Dam gets a hot mug Of Coffee and Throws it over the 7 Foot Monster. Kane screams in pain and falls to his knees. ***

Tom: Hey, that's the Jericho/Kane angle from Raw!

Seth: (XCF President) Damn, I did it again... *ahem*... For once more stealing ideas from the WWF, I hearby ban myself from the XWF for one year!

Tom and Crow: Hooray!

***Van Dam hits the Drop Kick. He knocked the wind out of himself becvause he landed on his back on concreate. ***

Crow: Ooh, the scriptwriter lost control of his vowels, there...

Tom: Ewww.. oh, VOwels...

***Van Dam and Kan both get up. Van Dam attempts the Van Daminatoir, ***

Seth: That's the French version of the Van Daminator, in case you were wondering...

Tom: Oui.

***Kane ducks and Grabs RVD By the throat. He lifts him up and Chokeslams him through the Table where the coffee was laying.***

Crow: (Kane) Cream and sugar THIS, Bitch!

***1.....2........3!!!!!
Here is your winner.....And new hardcore cahmpion...Kane!!!!! ***

Crow: Seth, can we go cahmping? I'll bring the marshmallows and we can make S'mores!

...................................................................... ......................................................................

Seth: Look, a visual representation of the lines of coke that X-Pac is snorting in the backstage area...

***King: Well Jr, it's here....It's finally arrived...The match we have all been waiting for.... ***

Crow: Lita versus Stacey in a Naked Jell-O Pit Match!

Seth: Now there's an image that'll be in my head for a day or two...

***The Wrestlemania X8 Preview!!!. ***

Tom: He DOES know "X-8" stands for 18, doesn't he? I mean, since this is only his first card, calling it that seems a tad optimistic, huh?

***It's Michales & Trish Vs Austin & Lita!!!!
The smashing glass fills the arena ***

Tom: Resulting in six maimed fans, two fatalities and a buttload of lawsuits...

***as the crowd stand up and ***

Crow: ...run for the concession stands...

***Cheer!!!. Austin and Lita make there way from behind the curtain and Pose on top of the stage. ***

Crow: That was much better than the time they tried to pose UNDER the stage...

***They walk down to the ring and get in. They look towards the Stage to see there opponents. ***

Tom: Where opponents?

Seth (Marty Feldman) There opponents. There castle.

***Michales Music hits the arena ***

Tom: Sustaining a serve concussion from the impact...

***as the crowd Boo!! Michales and Trish sppear from behind the Curtain ***

Seth: They speared the curtain? Nice entrance...

***and start to tormeant the Crowd. Crow: Much like this card has been tormenting us...
They make there way down to the ring and everybody Sqauares off. ***

Crow: (Squaredance Caller) Well, take your partners, do-si-do! Stomp a mudhole, there you go! Alaman left, alaman right! All in the mddle for a big fist-fight!

Seth and Tom: Yee-Haw!

***Trish and Lita make there way to there corners. ***

Tom: "I " before "E" deosn't apply if you forget the frickin' "I"s I see... Austin starts to walk back to his corner but only to be attacked my Michales

Seth: (Tom Jones) My, my, my... Mich-al-es...

Crow and Tom: Ole!

***JR: That son of a bitch!, he had to get the cheap shot in. He wouldent even let The Rattlesnake get back to his corner. ***

Crow: Hey, J.R's mic's working again!

***Michales starts to stomp on Austin and Teases him. ***

Seth: (Michales) You fight like a girl, Austin. Baldy! Is this bothering you? Huh? Huh? I'm not touching you...

***He picks him up but Austin hits him in the Gut, throws him againsed the ropes and hits him with a Spine Buster. As the match goes on ***

Tom: The audience falls into a deep, catatonic slumber...

***Michales and Trish keep tagging in and out whilst not letting Austin make 1 tag at all!. ***

Seth: While doing what to Austin? What is this, audience participation? Descriptive text would help, Mr President!

***Trish tags in Michales. Michales starts to laugh at Austin as the Texas Rattlesnake attempts to make it to his feet. ***

Tom: (Stoner Austin) Hey, this stuff is great, X-Pac.. whoa.

***As Austin is about to stand up Michales Kicks him in the lower Abdimon. ***

Seth: I think that's some sort of Pokemon knock-off...

***He picks him up, attempts a clothesline. Austin ducks and nails the Stunner!!!!. Both men fall down. ***

Tom: (singing) They both fall down, but they get up again... You're never gonna keep them down...

***After about 20 seconds they start to move. They both slowly make there corners. They both manage to tag out. ***

Seth: They both consider seeking employment in a federation that doesn't suck like an Electrolux...

***Lita and Trish both jump in the Ring. Lita takes Trish ***

Crow: WOO-HOO!

Seth: What, here in front of everyone?

***down with a spear and starts to hit her with slaps. ***

Seth: Or, more accurately, "slaps" her with slaps...

***Trish and Lita both stand up but Lita takes her down with a snapmare. 1......2......Trish Kick out. ***

Seth: Hey, an actaul wrestling move... I'm impressed...

***Lita picks her up and delivers the Twist of Fate. She goes up top and hits the Moonsault on Trish!!! 1........2........Michales splits up the 3 count. ***

Crow: (Michales) So that's one for you, Trish... One for Lita, and I'll armwrestle Austin for the one left over...

***Michales stands Lita on her feet and Delivers the Sweet Chin Music!!!! ***

Tom: (Sings) Strangers in the niggghttt...THWACKO!

***JR: That son of a bitch!!!!!. That son of a bitch just assaulted Lita. ***

Tom: J.R's got a real potty mouth tonight...

***Michales turns around but only to be knocked over the top Rope by Austin. Austin turns around and Delivers a Stunner to Trish!!!!
JR: My God!!!!!, this match is getting out of Hand!!!! ***

Crow: Yeah, it's nearly breaking the Apathy Barrier....

***Austin puts Lita on top of Trish!!! ***

Crow and Tom: WOO-HOO!

Seths: Focus, guys...

***1.........2.........3!!!!!!! ***

Tom: Incoming puncuation marks! Duck!

Crow: I'm hit! A stray exclamation mark got me! MEDIC!

***Here is your winner....Austin and Lita!!!!!
Austin and Lita celebrate as Xposion goes off the air....... ***

Crow: Well, that was abrupt...

=======================

XCF Thursday Night Pain

=======================

Seth: I love how honest they are about this show... Even they know watching it causes pain and suffering...

***JR: Hello ladies and gentelmsn and welsome to the first ever Shwoing of Thursday night Pain!!! ***

Crow: Whoa, sounds like ol' J.R has been hitting the joy-juice!

Tom: (Wayne) Party on , Garth!

Seth : (Garth) Party on, Wayne! Both: Schwoingggg!

***King: And tonight we got a great match lined up!!!. We got Michales & Triple H Vs Austin & Booker T!!!!
JR: And theere will be a Womans match!!!. It's gonna be Trish Stratus Vs Chyna!!!***

Tom: Hey, what's Chyna doing in a womans, match? Lets get our first match Underway!!!

All: Must we?

....................................................................... .......................................................................

Tom: Watch out for those soldier ants...

***Supercrazy's Music hits as the crowd goes wild. He comes from behind the curtain ***

Tom: Ewwww! That's disgusting!

Seth: Better put the children to bed, people...

Crow: (Yakko Warner) Goodnight, everybody!

***and walks down to the ring.
Look out!!, theres a Hurricane comin through!!! ***

Crow: Oh, man, everyones' coming tonight...

Seth: The show's not THAT exciting...

***The Hurricane's music gits as the crowd go wild. ***

Tom: (Redneck) You just git music, ya hear? And dontcha come back, ya goldurned varmit...

***He walks down to the ring and gets in. Seth: Mucho heroic entrance, Mr Helms... ***

Tom: Yep, I think the "slow walk" intro has been done to death in this fed...

***The bell sounds as we get our first official match of Pain underway. Both men tie up trying to prove who is the Strongest. ***

Crow: This should be a good match... I hear the loser has to wrestle X-Pac at the Pay-Per-View...

Seth: That'd work for me... I'd work my ass off...

***Hurricane proves more Stronger and gets Supercrazy in a head lock. He throws him againsed the rope and hits him with a clothesline. ***

Crow: Again with the "againsed"... unless he's trying for "agonised"?

Tom: The way this guy spells, he could be trying for "canteloupe"...

***As the match goes on ***

Seth: The butt-lazy fed-head once again reneges on his duties to provide an adequate description of unfolding events...

***Hurricane keeps the advantage up on the Crazy one. Hurricane picks him up and delivers a suplex. He goes to pick him up again but is nailed with a shot to the head. ***

Tom: Sniper in the balcony! Everybody down!

***Supercrazy jumps to his feet and takes down the Super hero with a leg sweep. Supercrazy goes up top!!! 1......2.....3 moonsault!!!. Supercrazy hits Hurricane with a Triple Moonsault 1......2......3!!!!!!! ***

Seth: Is that even possible?

***Here is your winner.....Supercrazy!!!!. After the match Michales, Van Dam and Triple H all attacks Supercrazy. Kane comes running down and Clears the ring ***

Crow: (Kane) Damn, it guys! Why am I always cleaning up your mess! That's it, no-one gets ice cream tonight!

***JR: King!, these 5 men will go at it on Xplosion!!! ***

Crow: Winner gets sole possesion of that rogue comma...

....................................................................... .......................................................................

Tom: An aerial view of the crowd returning hand-in-hand from the concession stand...

***Trish's Music hits ***

Seth: (Caey Kasem) ...an all-time high of 37 on this weeks Top Forty!

***as the crowd boo. She walks down to the ring and gets in. Chyna's msuic hits but nobody appears??!!?? ***

Tom: Chynas' music hit so hard it got mangled...

***JR: King...where's Chyna?? ***

Seth: (JR) And why does every sentence have multiple question marks?? Huh??? Any ideas????????

***At that very moment Chyna jumps over the banner from the crowd and Attacks Trish from behind as the match starts. ***

Crow: AGAIN with the paper guardrail...

Seth: It's okay, for the good of the world they made it out of recycled copies of the Playboy Chyna posed for...

***Chyna picks up Trish and Delivers a snapmare take down. She then delivers a leg drop 1....2......Trish kicks out. The match continues as Trish tries to fight back againsed the 9th wonder of the World but to no avail. Chyna picks Trish up and sets her up for the Powerbomb!!!. She lifts her up and Gets it!!!! 1........2.......3!!!!!! ***

Seth: Best Chyna match, ever...

Tom and Crow: *snores*

***here is your winner....Chyna!!!! ***

Crow: With Vietnam a close second, three lengths to Taiwan, and Japan was scratched...

....................................................................... .......................................................................

Crow: (Movietone Newsreel Announcer) And here we see the first ever Puncuation Picket Line... these periods are claiming discrimination and harrasment in the workplace...

Tom: (Teamster) Yeah, dey put four or five of dose brown-nosing exclamation marks in every line. Dey only puts us in once inna blue moon. And den we're in da wrong place...

***King: Jr, this is a rematch from Xplosion!!!. It's Van Dam once again going one on one with the big red Machine Kane!!! ***

Seth: (JR) Why, King? Did the first one not suck enough?

***Van Dam's music hits as he walks down to the ring with a chair in hand. He gets into the ring and waits for his opponent to make his arrival. ***

Tom: (Stoner) Whoa... I'm having Xplosion flashbacks...

***Kanes music hits as the crowd cheer. He gets in the ring and straight away knocks Van Dam off his feet with a leathol right Hook. ***

Crow: (David Attenborough) And here we see the timid Leth... cautiously leaving his Lethol...

***The bell sounds as the match starts. Kane tries to end the match early by setting Van Dam up for the chokeslam but Mr PPV Hits him with a low Blow and then a Van Daminator!!!.Van Dam goes up top and attempts the 5 star frog splash early in the match but Kane rolls out of the way. ***

Seth: Early? The echo of the bell ringing hasn't died away yet! It's like wrestling designed for ADD sufferers here!

Crow: The quicker the better, in my opinion...

***Kane picks him up and knocks him back down with a Back elbow. Kane grabs him by his feet and Catapults him to the outside!!!!!!!!!!!. ***

Tom: Where he is impaled on a dozen or so extraneous exclamation points and dies. The end.

***Kane goes over the top rope and Throws Van Dam into the steel Post. Kane takes Van Dam to the comentators table and Grabs him by the neck. ***

Seth: Ahh, copy-and-paste wrestling again. Now I feel at home...

***He lifts him up for the Chokeslam until..... ***

Crow: Billy and Chuck appear with a dog collar and a large bottle of baby oil.

Tom (Igor) Don't run away! Do you find us repulsive?

***JR: King!!!, King it's the Undertaker!!!. What the hell is the Undertaker doing in the XCF?. ***

All: NO-SELLING!

***I never knew that he worked for us!. I never knew that machales gave him a contract!!! ***

Seth: I never knew the President had become Scottish...

Tom: And joined the navy...

***As Kane has got Van Dam in the air Taker nails Kane in the bafckj of the head ***

Crow: Doctor, this man has a compound fracture of his bafckj!

Tom: I think he's just throwing random letters out now and admiring the patterns they make...

***with the Steel chair forcing Kane to let go of the Chokslam setup. Taker constantly beats on Kane ***

Seth: Typical big brother... always picking on his sibling.

***and then throws him onto the Comentry table. He shouts something at the Whole F'n Show. ***

Crow: (Undertaker) THIS F'N SHOW SUCKS!

***Van Dam jumps on the top rope and looks dwn at Kane.
JR: Van Dam don't do it!!!!!. Don't do it you son oif a bitch!!!!! ***

Seth: (JR) Doin't make me take thefe marblef out oif my mouff! Van Dam leaps from the top rope with a 5 star Frog Splash to the outside through the Comentry Table!!!!

Tom: (Informercial Host) Yes, Comentry Inc. now produces a wide range of disposable pressboard tables!

Crow: Comentary Inc. is a division of 3M! Making your world just that little bit better!

***JR: Good God almighty!!!!. That son of a bitch!!! ***

Seth: Hey, J.R, your mommas' watching!

***Van Dam dosen't move but the Undertaker soon throws Van Dam on top of Kane!!! ***

Tom: How soon?

Seth: Not soon enough for my liking...

***1.......2........3!!!!!!
Here is your winner.....And New Hardcore champion.....Rob Van Dam!!!. ****

Crow: (RVD) Whoa. Gnarly. I think I'll go celebrate with X-Pac.

....................................................................... .......................................................................

Seth: Ummm... I'm all out of jokes about the page breaks, guys...

Crow: Me too...

Tom: I'm tapped.

Seths: Nuts...

***King: Well JR This is it!!. The final match of the night!!!. This is DX Vs Booker T and Austin!! ***

Tom: DX was a WWF gimmick, wasn't it Seth?

Seth: (XCF President) Drat! For constant stealing from the WWF, I hearby ban myself from the XCF for life! And let that be a lesson to me!

***DX's music hits as Triple H and Michales wake there way down to the ring. ***

Crow: Well, the cards' been as much fun as a funeral... I guess holding a wake is the next logical step...

***Austins music hits as the crowd goes nuts!!!. Austin turns around and points to the curtian to see Booker T make his entrance. Both men run down to the ring. ***

Crow: That's the first time someones' moved faster than walking pace all night!

Seth: (Irish Cop) All right, lads, where''s the fire, then? There's a speed limit in this town, ya know...

***Austin Squares off with Michales and Booker T squares off with Triple H. Booker T and Triple H walk to there corners. Austin turns his back to go to his corner. ***

Tom: Exhausted from his nine seconds of effort in the ring...

***Michales runs toward Austin to attack him from behind. But the rattlesnake had it scouted knowing that it happened on Xplosion. ***

Seth: Hey, continuity! Who would have expected that!

***As Michales is running Austin turns around and Nails him with a clothesline as the match gets underway. Austin starts to taunt Michales and making fun of him. ***

Crow: (Austin) Get up ya little sissy! I gotcha nose! Crybaby! Crybaby!

Seth: Great offense, Steve... how about giving him an Indian Burn while you're teasing him...

***He picks him up, bounces him againesed the ropes ***

Crow: That word is his Archilles heel, isn't it?

Tom: It's more like his Archilles Entire Body...

***and hits him with the Louthez Press. ***

Seth: "Lothez"? I think I'm gonna cry...

***Austin runs againsed the ropes ***

Crow: AGAINST! AGAINST! Look it up, pal!

***and hits the Elbow into Michale's Chest. As the match Gradually ***

Seth: Degenerates into an unwatchable mess...

***goes on Michales hits Austin with Several Suplex's. The Texas Rattlesnake counters with a low blow behind the reffs back. Both men crawl to there corner. They both tag out leaving Triple H and Booker T the legal men!!!.***

All: (Monotone) Hooray.

***They both go at it square in of the ring. ***

Tom: Sentence that does sense much not make...

***Triple H hits Booker T with the Face crusher and then the jumping knee. The Game kicks him and sets him up for the Pedigree. Booker T counters with a Back body drop. Austin & Michales battle it out outside the ring. The Reff tries to Dismantel the mess that they where making. ***

Crow: After which he dismantles Kanes face and packs it away for the night...

***Booker T hits Triple H with the scissor kick!!! he gets the cover but the reff is on the outside!!. Booker T stands up and shouts at the reff. At that very moment for some reason Chyna dives in the ring. Booker T turns around. Chyna kicks him and delivers the Chynabomb!!?????!!!!??? ***

Seth: Okay, now he's just taking the piss, puncuation-wise...

***JR: What the hell was that all about???. ***

Crow: It's a SWERVE! They swerved us! Vince Russo is a frickin' GENIUS!

Tom: Take a pill, Crow...

***Chyna throws Triple H on top Of Booker T????? ***

Seth: I did NOT need to see that...

***1.......2.......3!!!!!! ***

[The tape suddenly comes to an abrupt end.]

Crow: What, no post-game show?

Seth: Nope...

Tom and Crow: GOOD!

[Back out in the main area of the SOL. Crow and Tom enter, stage left.]

Crow: Well, that wasn't that bad... Not exactly a world-beater by anyones' standards... but we've faced worse..

Tom: Manos.

Crow: Space Mutiny...

Tom: Friday Night In Hell...

[Seth enters, stage right. He's in full Warrior get-up, complete with facepaint, tassles, and copious amounts of sweat.]

Seth: I am the WAR-YAH! *snort* And I shall take this satellite to Parts Unknown, with all my little War-yahs... and we shall take MiSTing to a place... *snort*... that it has nevahhh been!

Tom: Sorry, Seth... but we're through that phase...

Crow: Nice tassles, though...

Seth: (Deflating) I hate you guys...

[Fade Out]

Parody Banner Ad