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iAd vs. 360°WE (MST3K 1.8)

Powerbombing Little Girls Since 2002!

THE DISCLAIMERS: We are not affiliated with 360°WE. And if we were, we'd deny it to our graves. We have no connection to Best Brains, Inc, but we love their work. This MST contains lots more profanity than usual. Be warned. It's justified, though. Trust me.-Skeeter and Leary.


[Trey Vincent runs in with a tape.]

TV: This is the greatest video ever guys! You've gotta watch this.

Seth: Are you sure about that?

TV: Well, I spent most of the time spinning around in a circle....I figured you had to find entertainment by doing that. I know it worked for me. This show's good when you're equilibrium is off-kilter. All right, the show isn't good, but it makes you feel really buzzed.

Seth: What EXACTLY made you feel buzzed?

TV: Umm....Comabot! Kick that shit! Yup. It's time for more Mystery Sports-Entertainment Theatre! Tonight's mystery: where's the sports entertainment?

****360 Wrestling Enterprises
Heatstroke
The scene opens in a dark arena. All of a sudden organe pyro shoots from everywhere****

TV: It's "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," part 360! Look out for flying gall bladders!

****and "Miami" by Will Smith starts to play.****

Seth: If this event is bad enough I'll show them my displeasure with a Moon Over Miami...

****The lights come on in the American Airlines Arena.****

TV: Racial profiling has made sure that no suspicious individuals will come in and hijack the arena.

****Thousands of fans are on their feet cheering loudly.****

TV: (Fan) Hey, I caught an appendix! Yeeeeeee-haw!

**** The scene cuts over to Jact dfd Roper and Nina Chung who are sitting ringside. ****

TV: Looks like somebody tripped over the keyboard.

Crow: They hired JOHN RITTER to commentate! This should be a doozy!

Seth: Does "dfd" stand for "Dumb F'n Dude"? You'd have to be to work here...

****Jack Roper: Ladies and gentlemen...Welcome To Miami! And Welcme to 360°WE HEATSTROKE!****

Tom: Because if you build it... they wilcme!

****I am sitting alongside of Nina Chung. I know you all feel sorry for me!****

TV: Since you work for such a pathetic federation and all.

****Nina Chung: Shut up Jack!****

TV: Oh boy, the wit is gonna be suffocating tonight.

Seth: It's early, but I'd already like to suffocate Roper...

****We have a great night for you all! Jay Cash will step in the ring tonight and try to accomplish his life long goal.****

Tom: Not sucking!

TV: I wish I had such simple goals as to step into the ring. Damn.

****But it isn't gonig to be easy.****

TV: No it ist'n.

Crow: Wasn't Gonig a character on "Voyager"?

Seth: I think his spellchecker i'mplode'd.

****He is fighting Tarrant. However, no world champ has came out of a Pay-per-view the champ. Tarrant promises to be the first.****

Seth: And if we're lucky, this card'll be the last these guys subject us to...

***Jack Roper: Other matches include X-Rodd taking on A-bomb for the Eternity Title.****

Tom: In a Q-Tip on a T-Square Match. O-kay?

****Bud will defend his title against Blade Ransom in a Sadistic Mix Match!****

TV: Umm, sounds tasty. I could for a snack. Hey Servo, serve me. Go get me some Sadistic Mix to snack on.

Tom: Sure, Trey... HEY!

****Nina Chung: And don't forget that Pola Bare will pick a random fan tonight to try and win the tag team titles from Illegal Alliance.****

Seth: Now that's unique booking... stupid, though certainly unique.

****Right now however, we are going to go to the back. Where Lenny Watkins is standing by!****

Crow: Standing by what?

****The camera fades into a parking garage near the American Airlines arena where Lenny Watkins and former 360 WE superstar and Hall of Famer, Psychowolf,****

Crow: Oh, standing by a loser!

****are seen standing beside Psychowolf's small Delorean.
Lenny Watkins: Hello 360 fans.****

Seth: There's an ironic statement... This place couldn't scrape up 360 paying fans if they had the first ever "Nude Jell-O Orgy Match"!

****Tonight's Heatstroke pay-per-view should be yet another huge night to remember.****

Crow: More like a night we'll try desperately to forget!

TV: Just so everyone's aware, Dr. Vincent says that 360°WE Heastroke, in addition to incurable apathy, may cause unconsciousness, paralysis, headaches, vertigo, confusion, high fever, vascular collapse and coma.

Comabot: Poink?

Seth: Not you, Coma...

****Right now I'm here with former 360 WE Heavyweight Champion and Hall of Famer, Psychowolf.****

Seth: There's a pinnacle... I know I'm dying to be in the 360 Hall of Fame. Not.

****Psychowolf, how does it feel to be here tonight knowing that you're not gonna be involved in action here tonight.****

Crow: Excessive verbosity is unneccesary at this juncture, so please dipsense with the verbiage, Lenny.

****Psychowolf: Lenny, when you've got the sport running through your veins****

Tom: (PW) Not to mention all the steroids...

****it always comes as a disappointment when you know that you're not able to be apart of the action. I've been in this sport for many years.****

Crow: (PW) Boring crowds shitless from coast to coast!

****I walked that aisle. I entertained the fans night in and night out, but when I retired from the game just about a month ago I knew for sure that my time in this sport was up.****

TV: Ya think? Most people who retire do stop working. Except for jackasses like Hogan.

[Everyone makes the sign of the Evil Eye]

****Tonight, whether I want it that way or not I'm just a spectator and I wish***

Seth: (PW) ...I was watching something entertaining!

****all the guys that are keeping 360 WE ontop the best of luck in their matches.****

Seth: Which we'll never get to, because we're having boring interviews like this one for the rest of the night...

****All of a sudden The Violence walks towards them with an uncharacteristic grin on his face and his Louisville Slugger in hand. Psychowolf and Lenny both look at him in surprise. ****

TV: Was there a change in the script?

****Lenny Watkins: Whoooooa. I didn't expect to see you here tonight, Violence.****

Seth: (Lenny) Not after the possession charges and all...

****The Violence: Lenny, each and every night is a DoD night.****

Tom: No, this is 360WE... that makes it a D-U-D night...

****You think I'd miss Heatstroke? No chance. T- roC's squarin' off against Skywolf to prove which one of 'em's the better man in the DoD, Brock's defendin' the Cruiserweight strap, and 'The Whole Package' Jay Ca$h is prepared to claim the 360 WE Heavyweight title.****

Crow: Violence is a regular Mr. Exposition, isn't he?

****[The Violence laughs to himself.]****

TV: Then, realising where he is, begins to cry to himself.

****The Violence: But to make the night even sweeta we got the Hall of Famer, Psychowolf on hand. ***

TV: (PW) Hey, you can't hit me with that bat. My name's not Louie.

****Psychowolf: I'm not looking for trouble tonight.****

Seth: (PW) I'm looking to get the HELL out of this fed...

****I know my departure from 360 and DoD might've been a little sudden, but I had to do what I had to do.****

TV: (PW) One more bump and my dick would've fallen RIGHT off.

****The Violence: No way. There ain't gonna be any trouble tonight. You and I may have had our difference in opinion on your decision before, but that's the past.****

Seth: (The Violence) That was then, this is now, you're the disease and I'm the cure... wait, where was I?

****I respect you and I hope retirement is treatin' ya good.
The Violence turns and exits the parking garage.****

TV: Wow, never seen a smaller parking garage in my life.

****Lenny Watkins: I don't trust him. I can never trust him.****

Seth: (Lenny) Not after our brief but torrid affair!

****Psychowolf: Violence has his times.
All of a sudden the sound of a cellphone ring can be heard.****

Seth: Cell phones still ring? How last century can you get!

[Seth produces his cell phone. The tinny tones of the "Star Wars" theme ring out.]

****Psychowolf pulls out a small cellphone and answers it.****

Tom: (PW) What? What am I wearing? Who is this? MOM?

****Psychowolf: Yes? What!? I'll be right there!
Lenny Watkins: What's going on?****

Crow: Bad angle development.

****Psychowolf: I have to leave!****

TV: (PW) I left the stove on and my cake is about to blow.

****Psychowolf hops into his Delorean and tries to start it up, but the car won't start.****

TV: Try starting to start it up. That usually starts my starter when I start.

Seth: If he hits 88, you reckon he'll end up wrestling Dick the Bruiser in 1958?

****Psychowolf slams his fist on the dashboard in anger.****

TV: Dashboard no-sells it.

****All of a sudden Lenny turns around to see****

TV: Squiggy. Laverne, Shirley and the rest of the idiots from that crappy show.

****the headlights of an extra large, black Ford truck as it speeds into the parking garage and slams into the side of the Delorean.****

Tom: Five bucks says Vince Russo's at the wheel...

****Lenny Watkins: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!!? ****

TV: A truck just drove into a car. Is he blind?

****The driver can be seen wearing a black ski mask on his face.****

Seth: As opposed to wearing it on his crotch, which would be wrong, though oddly warm and comforting.

****He quickly backs up and repeatedly rams the Delorean over and over again.
Lenny Watkins: WE NEED SOME HELP OUT HERE QUICK!! SOMEBODY HELP!****

TV: Viewers are clogging up the Internet, disgusted at the lack of originality. (Trey logs on to a laptop computer.) Yep the site's been overwhelmed. One post. Subject: 360WE SUX -- posted by Staigtgsy. Post says if I wanted to watch bad angles, I'd pop in a tape of Seth Harker matches! Oh, man, that's cold! Sorry Seth. But....at least they're talking about you?

Seth: (To camera) Fair comment, Staigtgsy. Thanks for the thoughts. (To Trey) Log his ISP number, I'll find the SOB and ram a bad angle up his...

****All of a sudden the black truck whirls around and speeds out of the parking garage****

Tom: Mighty good turning circle on that truck, huh?

****leaving Psychowolf's Delorean a wreck. All of a sudden the EMTs come running into the parking lot****

Crow: Because ALL good EMT's hang around parking building just in case of events like these.

****and try to attend to the banged up Psychowolf who is laying there dazed and confused after the attack.****

Seth: No, 360, referencing Led Zeppelin songs will not make you appear cool.

****All of a sudden****

Crow: We realise that "All of a sudden" has been beaten to death and try "Abruptly" instead...

****The Violence comes walking back into the parking lot, sees the banged up Delorean, and comes running over to Lenny.
The Violence: What the hell just happened here!?****

TV: You mean, besides the severe lack of imagination and angle-theft.

****Lenny Watkins: A truck came rushing into the parking garage and just totalled Psychowolf's Delorean with him inside!****

Seth: But WHO WAS DRIVING THE...?

[Trey hits him over the head.]

****The Violence slams the Louisville Slugger on the ground in fury.
The Violence: WHAT!? HELL NO! SOMEONE'S GONNA PAY AND THEIR A$$ IS GONNA PAY TONIGHT!!****

TV: Ha-ha. His ass had dollar signs and it's gonna pay. Now THAT's original.

Seth: So he's challenging someones' ass to a match? That's kind of...

All: Gay.

****The Violence storms off as the Rescue Squad finally shows up on the scene to try and get Psychowolf out of the wrecked car.****

TV: Weren't there just EMTs there?

Seth: Yes, but the Rescue Squad was tardy... geez, it took them, what, ninety seconds to arrive on the scene. Slackers.

****The camera fades out.
Jack Roper: Here we are with the opening match of the night!****

Tom: (Roper) Notice how I skilfully ignore that entire attempted vehicular manslaughter thing! Let's see Ross do THAT! Ha!

****T roC will take on fellow DoD member, Lord Skywolf, in a match to start off Heat Stroke!
Nina Chung: That's right, Jack. These two men are teammates, so one has to wonder how they will decide to face off against each other.****

Crow: Probably with a manly group hug, then, oh... I don't know, maybe some wrestling? Would that be too much to ask from this WRESTLING Pay-per-View?

****Jack Roper: Well I'm hoping that they put on a good show, last thing we need is to see some crappy lovefest between two men who refuse to throw a punch because of being on the same side.****

TV: I think I just got an idea for the next BOB pay-per-view (he says rubbing his hands together villain-style).

[Seth looks nervous.]

Seth: Uhhh.. I may have,... ummm.. BSCW commitments that day, Trey. Honest.

****Nina Chung: Don't think you have to worry too much about that. Skywolf is a great athlete, and even though he lost the chance to take the Brutality Title,****

Crow: (Nina) He'll still get a chance at the Sadomasochistic Title and the Crappy Lovefest Belt.

****I don't think he'll pass up the chance to make an impact tonight. As well, T.roC has not made a great showing lately, and he will be looking to change that.****

TV: You sure he doesn't like being sub-par? After all, he chose to work for your company.

***Jack Roper: Well, let's head to the match!****

Tom: (Roper) But first... eighteen more interviews and a pregnancy angle!

****The silent crowd erupts as gun shots are heard throughout the arena.****

TV: Hey, did they shoot the bookers? It's about time!

Seth: The crowd had been stunned into silence by that over-used opening angle, I think.

****"roCTV" is seen across the screen as "Ether" by Nas, plays on the PA. T roC comes out of the backstage area with tall Machine walking behind him.****

Seth: If T roC has a tempestuous break-up with his buddy there, would it be Rage Against the Machine?

****Machine throws his arms in the air****

Tom: (Machine) CATCH!

TV: Well, he manages to throw one, but he has a tough time getting the other one off....

****as T roC lunges to his right side and flexes his arm as pyro shoots off from the stage. T then turns to tell Machine to go back to the locker rooms,****

Crow: (T roC) And take your arms with you, someone could trip on them!

****as roC then walks down the ring aisle and enters the ring. T roC stands on the second ring rope and poses for the fans as his music fades.****

TV: And he does the old spread your legs and touch your toes, pointing his ass toward the camera. Thank God he has tights on.

****Jack Roper: Looks as if roC wants a fair match between him and Wolf, because he just sent Machine to the back.****

Seth: (Roper) To fetch his sledgehammer and patented Blinding Powder(™).

****Nina Chung: This will hopefully become a great match between two men who have a load of respect for each other.****

Crow: Or more likely, another 360WE suckfest!

****"Hell Raiser" by Motorhead****

TV: Ugh. Ozzy's version is so much better. Lemmy's a bad singer technical-wise, but give that man a cool riff and he's a great growler. (Singing) It's all about the game...and I'm not playing....it's all about--

Seth: Trey, STOP! You are not here to sing! Besides, Lemmy's best song was "The Ace of Spades." (Sings) But that's the way I like it baby, I don't wanna live forever!

TV: Seth, STOP!

Seth: Sorry.

****begins playing as Lord Skywolf steps onto the stage, pyro exploding from the sides.****

TV: Bet he ate some nice chilli last night.

****He raises his hands into the air, and on the Titantron****

TV: Uh oh. Talk about oopsies. Vince is coming after you. And he wants his Tron back!

****a symbol ¥ appears****

TV: It's the Blair Witch!

Seth: Lord Skywolf is a yen? Well, at least he's a freely-convertible currency if nothing else.

****, as well as flames rising from the ramp. Skywolf makes his way down the ramp, the flames dying down as he steps towards them, and finally makes his way into the ring, removing the cloak from his body. ****

TV: Good thing. He could've gotten lyme disease from that cloak.

****Nina Chung: Well, Skywolf has left Al in the backstage area, and this match will be an even oneonone contest.****

Seth: I think I wrestled Oneonone in Japan once... hell of a submissionist...

****Jack Roper: The two men are now facing off in the ring, eyeing each other down.****

Tom: (T roC) You're looking good!

Crow: (LS) Have you lost weight?

****Skywolf and T.roC stare at each other, neither man making a move, until Wolf makes the first action.****

Seth: (T roC) You blinked, I win!

****Extending his hand, he looks at roC, as T looks back at him, and the two men shake hands as the bell rings to start the match.****

Crow: you can't start the match yet, the Pay-Per-View has only been running for 37 minutes! Stall, dammit, STALL!

****Nina Chung: What a display of sportsmanship between the two men. They may talk a lot about each other when it comes to the fight, but the fact remains they are still on the same team, and still share a lot of respect.****

TV: Same team, eh?

****As the two men back off and walk around the ring, Skywolf tests the ropes, as does roC.****

TV: (Skywolf) If there are four sides of a ring and three turnbuckles in corner, what is the total number of turnbuckles in a ring?

****They both move in, each man trying for a tieup, but neither of them commit to it as several attempts are broken up.****

Seth: Yeah, some guys can never commit to anything...

TV: Story of my dating life. Except it's with chicks instead of two guys...y'know. *Ahem*

****Both attempting a lock up once again, they exchange power over each other.****

Tom: (Jennifer Connelly in "Labrynth") You have no power over me!

****Skywolf takes the advantage first, pushing roC downwards, but T counts,****

Seth: (R roC) One, two free... duh. Five?

****pulling Wolf into a side headlock. Lord pushes out, throwing T into the ropes, but is knocked down by a shoulder block. T runs the ropes, as Skywolf drops to the ground and roC hops over him,****

Crow: Lord, Roc, T, Skywolf... Be consistent!! I feel like I'm watching a tag-match!

****coming off the opposite side of the ring, straight into a hip toss.
Jack Roper: This match has started off as somewhat of a technical match up. Each man using old school techniques.****

TV: BOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRING.

****Skywolf drops down to one knee, pulling roC into a sleeper hold as he holds him on the ground.****

Seth: A sleeper hold! He'll be main eventing on RAW in no time!

***But T pulls himself up to his feet, then quickly drops down, hitting Wolf with a chin crusher. ****

TV: And the ref calls for the DQ due to the use of a foreign object. And then the term foreign object becomes a giant controversy, lawyers swarm the ring and the show is cancelled. And the iAd lives happily ever after. Good night everybody!

****Nina Chung: Great move by T.roC to counter that submission.
Skywolf stumbles back, and T comes charging forward, but Wolf sidesteps and sends him flying over the top rope to the outside.***

Crow: (T roC, singing) Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away... THUD!

****Cringing in pain, T clambers to his feet, only to be met with a flying clothesline from wolf, who had climbed to the top rope. Both men come crashing to the ground, as Skywolf rolls back to his feet and begins stomping on roC.****

Seth: It's the Riverdance of Death!

****Nina Chung: What an awesome display of technique from the big man, showing he can fly.****

Tom: (Roper) Yep, he got higher than X-Pac on that move!

****Jack Roper: It was impressive, a cruiserweight move from a heavyweight superstar!****

Crow: I think you mean, "deadweight," Jack.

****Wolf pulls roC to his feet, and attempts a right hand, but it's blocked by T, who hits a right hand of his own. Reeling Wolf back with rights, roC pushes him back against the steel guardrail, before hitting a clothesline that sends Skywolf into the crowd.****

Seth: (Monotone) E-C-dub. E-C-Dub. Yay.

****Security rushes in to keep the fans away, as roC follows Skywolf into the crowd, stalking him with rights and lefts.****

TV: His rights and lefts were later served with restraining orders.

****Skywolf counters with a knee to the gut, then drags him towards the guardrail, throwing him back over to the ringside area.
Jack Roper: The match is now moving back to the ring, after being in the crowd for several seconds.****

Crow: (Roper) I timed them! Look! 12 seconds! A new all-time record for "Shortest Pointless brawl!

****climbs over the rail, walking towards roC, but T attacks with an elbow,****

Seth: Presumably one of Machines...

****knocking Skywolf into the steel steps. T charges towards Wolf, but Lord moves out of the way, and T.roC flies hard into the steps.
Nina Chung: Now that has to hurt!

Crow: (Nina) ...Or else wrestling is nothing but a big fake and that'll destroy me!

****Jack Roper: T roC committed himself to that move, and it cost him.****

Tom: (Roper) $49.95, plus tax to be exact!

****Skywolf grabs roC from behind, then rolls him back into the ring. Climbing to the top rope, Wolf awaits roC, and finally comes flying off with a huge clothesline,****

TV: I'm still waiting for the day I see a little clothesline.

****but T moves out of the way, and hits a high angle spinebuster on Wolf.****

TV: And a low angle spinebuster would be great.

**** Pulling Skywolf into position, T climbs to the top rope and calls for the end, as he connects with a 450 splash.
Jack Roper: This could be it…****

Crow: It's the end already? Huh, we should be so lucky...

***Nina Chung: The referee is making the count…
1…. 2…. No!****

Tom: YES!

Crow: NO!

Tom: YES!

Seth: What are two doing?

TV: The Zodiac, I think...

****Jack Roper: Skywolf got the shoulder up at the very last second!
Nina Chung: Now that takes determination, and roC looks a little upset.****

Tom: Awww, poor widdle roC got a pouty face...

****T lifts Skywolf to his feet, then whips him into the ropes, hitting a spinning heel kick on Wolf as he comes running back.
Nina Chung: roC making the cover again…****

Seth: This is so exciting I think my testicles just imploded.

Crow: God, I hope that was sarcasm...

****1… 2… Kick out!
Jack Roper: Skywolf kicks out again, what will it take to keep this man down?

TV: Get a chick with a mouth. Teeth optional. See if that works.

****Nina Chung: Well, T seems to have the idea, he's signaling for The roCing Horse.****

Tom: Ahhh, the finisher that was voted "Wussiest Move Name" three years running...

****RoC picks Skywolf up, pulling him into the move, but Wolf manages to drop down behind T, pulling him into a Dragon Sleeper, before lifting him into the air, then slamming him hard onto his back with The Crush.****

Seth: (Wolf) Oooh, you got my spine, you got my orange Crush... dude.

****Jack Roper: The Crush! The Crush! It has to be over!

TV: Hey, why don't we branch out a bit and put on a MOVIE. I suddenly have the urge to watch that Alicia Silverstone movie. Ah, what a hot 14-year-old she was. What the fuck happened to her?
Seth: Batman and Robin. That's what.

****Nina Chung: He's made the cover!
1…. 2…. Kick out by roC!
Jack & Nina: HE KICKED OUT?!

TV: Didn't T.roC do the song "Bust A Move?" Look who I'm asking (he says looking at Seth).

[Silence for a moment.]

Seth: (Sings) The Ace of Spades! The Ace of Spades!

TV: *sigh*

[Trey pulls out his cell phone and calls Sleazy-C. Amazingly, there is a camera in the recording studio, where the J.W.A. are chillen at the moment.]

Sleazy: Yo, hoo diss?

TV: It's Trey.

Sleazy: Yo SE, whuzzup?

TV: Quick question. Did T.roC do the song "Bust A Move."

Sleazy: No homez. Youre thinkin of Tone Loc. But Tone Loc didnt do "Bust A Move." He did that song Ooooooh babeeee uuuuuuuu, gut what I neeeeedddd....but u say he's just a friend....say he'z juzt a friend.

TV: No, no, no. That's just wrong. That was Biz Markie dumbass.

Sleazy: Yeh. And "Wild Thing." With that phuckin riff from Led Zeplin. Hmm. Oh, maybe it wuz MC Hammer.

TV: No. He did "Humpty Dance," don't confuse all these songs.

Sleazy: "Humpty Dance"? That was by Young MC, what you talkin bout dawg?

TV: Well, I guess we'll never get it right. Later J.

Sleazy: Cya!

Seth: (Almost as an afterthought) Maybe it was T Rex?

*****Skywolf looks frustrated,****

Tom: He's not the only one! Look at the fans, man! They're still frustrated you started with a "Hummer" angle...

****as T.roC manages to get his shoulder up before the three. Pounding the mat in anger, Wolf runs the ropes, attempting a leg drop, but T moves and Skywolf hits the mat hard.****

Tom: He got hard trying that move? Icky!

Seth: Bang goes the PG rating for _this_ MST...

****Stumbling to his feet, Skywolf is slammed down by The roCing Horse from T.roC. roC pulls himself onto Wolf,****

Crow: Rape! Rape! or as they call it in the WWE... "Hazing"! "Hazing"!

****as the ref begins counting. 1…. 2…. No!
Jack Roper: Skywolf had his leg on the rope and the ref saw it!****

TV: And you only gave it one exclamation point! Damn.

****Nina Chung: T roC is starting to lose his temper now, he thinks he should've won it.****

Seth: He also thinks that Jimmy Hoffa killed Kennedy, NASA faked the moon landings and that this is a GOOD fed. So who's he to judge?

****Jack Roper: If only he would've hooked the leg, it would be over!T picks Wolf to his feet, looking for The roCing Horse again,****

Tom: (T roC) Where's my goddamn rocking horse? I swear I just put it down a second ago!

****but Skywolf hits a kick to the gut, followed by a sitdown powerbomb. roC hits the mat hard, and both men lay there, breathing heavily.***

TV: (Skywolf) Was it good for you?

****Nina Chung: This match has taken a lot out of both men.
Jack Roper: The end is coming soon, I can feel it! ****

TV: (Nina) That's my thigh!

****Finally getting to his feet, Skywolf slowly climbs the turnbuckle, taking longer than usual,****

Seth: (Wolf) I knew I shouldn't have used those crap Chewable Steriods before this match...

****as roC gets to his feet. T climbs up the front of the turnbuckle, cutting Skywolf off at the pass****

[Cut to Harvey Korman in "Blazing Saddles"]

HK: "Head 'em off at the pass"? I HATE that cliche! (Shoots his henchman in the foot.]

****as the two men exchange punches. roC takes the advantage, and sets Skywolf up for a top rope DDT.
Jack Roper: T going for the win.
Nina Chung: But Skywolf hits one last punch to the kidneys of T, forcing him to release the hold.
Jack Roper: Skywolf pulls himself up, and he's grabbing roC…****

TV: A lot of groping going on here tonight. 360WE: Everything but the orgasm!

Seth: (Wolf) Whoa! Now I know why they call you "roC"...

****Skywolf and T.roC both come flying down hard to the mat, as Skywolf hits a modified spear on T from the top rope.****

Tom: And if the gods are merciful, both will suffer a career-ending injury because of this...

****Laying across the fallen body, the ref makes the count as Wolf hooks the leg.
1…. 2… 3!!
LORD SKYWOLF WINS
Jack Roper: It's over! Skywolf has won the match, as Heat Stroke is just getting started! ****

TV: Momma always said if you watch bad sports entertainment you'll go blind.

Crow: Who said that?

****Nina Chung: What a great showing by both men, this could've gone either way.****

Seth: It could have been boring, or just not very intersting.

****But in the end, Skywolf took that leap of faith to win.
Jack Roper Well, that was great match Nina, but...****

Crow: (Roper) ...I'm lying.

****All of a sudden, The arena grows dark.****

TV: (Doctor) You might want to see someone about that abnormal growth.

**** Jack Roper and Nina Chung are cut off. Then in an echo, Jay Cash's voice blares over the intercom.****

Seth: (Jay Cash) IS THIS THING ON? HELLO? TESTING!

****Jay Cash: You want new music? Here it is...
Til I Collapse by Eminem comes on over the PA System and blue strobe lights flicker as purple smoke and fog covers the entrance of the ramp.****

Seth: Well, at least his overblown entrance was color-co-rdinated...

***Static Electricity lights from the rafters to the stage spark down****

Tom: First sign of a cheap wrestling fed... when they're having to rub long-haired cats to generate the power needed for the show.

Seth: Trey, insert the requisite "Pussy" joke here...

TV: Nahh, the moment has passed.

****in an orange glow. When The music picks up, Jay Cash makes his entrance.
The fans go crazy and start clapping to the song.****

TV: Uh oh. And now one of them is talking to his chair about his pet leprechaun named Stu who tells him to burn things.

****Cash raises his hands as he pauses at the entrance..surrounded by smokeand fog and bolting lights.****

Crow: The lights are bolting! It's an illumination STAMPEDE!

****From what we can make out he has a mic with him.****

TV: I hope that's a mic.

****And we were right.****

Seth: Good for us!

****As he starts walking down to the ring he talks as the music keeps going****

Tom: Meaning only lip-readers get to find out what he says.

****Jay Cash: RAISE THE ROOF MIAMI!!!!!!! TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT... KEEP DOIN IT!!! ****

TV: Yeah boy, keepin' it real up in dis beyooootch.

****Cash starts walking around the ring, slapping hands of all the fans around the ring.****

Seth: Both of them, huh?

****Then he shakes hands with Roper and gives Nina Chung a hug.****

Tom: He's gonna need a Chapstik after kissing that much ass.

****Cash makes his way up the stairs to the ring, and enters it. He runs to the opposite corner from which he entered the ring, and stands on the middle turnbuckle, clapping his hands along with the crowd to the song.****

Seth: Points for enthusiasm... 50. Points for originality or talent? Five.

****Jay Cash: OH HELL YEA..****

Seth: Make that Minus Five for originality.

****Keep goin, keep goin... ****

TV: Is he talking to the viewers or the fans in attendance? Cuz I'm about ready to go.

****Until the roof...The roof comes off...Until my legs....Give out from underneath me...****

Tom: (Jay) And my knees give out from ensuring my continued push!

****I, I will not fall..I will stand tall.. FEELS LIKE NO ONE CAN BEAT ME......KEEP CLAPPIN YA HANDS... HELL YEA...WOOOOO... ****

TV: Throw your hands in the ayer!

Seth: And wave 'em around like awthehellwiddit...

****The song fades out, and the crowd gives a big applause to Jay Cash. Cash gets off the turnbuckle and stands in the middle of the ring.****

TV: (Cash) Aww, you're too kind, I suck!

**** He motions for the crowd to quiet down, and they do.*****

Crow: (Fan in Back Row) YOU SUCK!

****He speaks.HOW THE HELL IS EVERYONE???****

Crow: (Fan in Back Row) BORED!

****MIAMI!!! Yea.. Tonight is the night. and already it's been huge..****

Seth: (laughing) What card is HE watching?

****Full of surprises.. .But no match on this card..no match happening any where in the world tonight is more important and bigger then the match between me and tarrant for the world title TONIGHT!****

Crow: That's TONIGHT! In case you didn't guess! TONIGHT!

Tom: When?

Crow: TOMORROW!

****HELL YEA BABY!... The Fact is tongiht is either my best night ever... EVER... Or the
worst night of my life.. ****

TV: (Comic Book Guy) Worst. Night. Ever.

****I have asked for ONE MATCH... ONE CHANCE..****

Seth: (Dr Evil) One MILLION dollars!

****ONE SHOT at being the World Champion, and tonight I get that Chance...Tonight I get to prove to the world, That Tarrant is NOTHIN compared to me.****

TV: He's not even worth using a 'g' on!

****HE IS OUT OF MY LEAGUE!! And Tonight I get to prove that I AM THE WORLD CHAMP. That title he holds back stage belongs around my waist.
All I have been wanting to do is have the chance to sit on top of the world,****

Tom: (Sings) Lookin'.. down on creation and the only ex...

Seth: No more SINGING!

Crow: Spoilsport!

****and I have goitten it. And I will take total control of it, and achieve it. You can never fail at something you really wanna do,****

TV: *Cough*algore*cough*

****and to tell you the truth.. THIS IS WHAT I WANT.. THAT WORLD TITLE... A chance to make a difference..****

TV: Bwahahaha. Yeah, winning a fake title will change the world.

****And I'm going to get that chance. Tarrant is jack compared to me.****

Crow: I'm getting confused! What does Jack Roper have to do with the price of fish in Okalahoma?

****And tonight the world is tuned in. ALL EYEZ ON THE TWO OF US...****

TV: Yeah, rape 2Pac's corpse. This guy is stealing from every rapper who ever recorded a CD I think.

****MIAMI, FLORIDA....NON STOP til one of us DROP...****

Seth: I'll give him a thousand bucks to drop RIGHT now and spare us this crap.

****NO INTERFERANCE... TONIGHT IS DOD's NIGHT.. And I see alot of you with our merchandise on and with signs reading our names..****

Tom: (Cash) Nice to see they let you out of the institution for the night! Hi, Mr Boneparte, nice hat!

****Cuz all of you know.. The Thug Cliq of 2002 in 360° Wrestling Enterprises is THE SHIT.****

Seth: Delete that last "the" and you have my opinion of the Thug Cliq...

****And This is live Pay Per View, Viewers across American..Across the world... Will see that I'm a giant in this federation.****

TV: Yet pondscum in any other federation.

****And I will win that title and take Tarrant out of the game. I will end his title reighn tonight.****

Seth: Or, would, if this coma-inducing interview segment hadn't eaten up all of our air-time! Goodnight everybody!

****NO DOUBT!I achieve my destiny tonight.. My childhood dreams will come true tonight.****

TV: Yes, ever since I was a boy, I dreamed of winning the championship of a company that will close three months after it opens.

**** then I can start to make a change.. Wether you think its positive or not.. Tarrant you mess up my night, I'll end your days....Tarrant gets KO'd tonight! PEACE. ****

TV: As Sleazy would say, wurd to tha muthaphucka.

****The Music comes back on as Cash and The Crowd continue clapping. the fans are going crazy giving applaud to the struggling to do something Jay Cash.****

Seth: Huh?

TV: Doing stuff is.....hard. Speaking, so is.

****The scene clicks over to Jack Roper and Nina Chung****

Crow: Jack removes his tongue from Ninas' ear and says...

****Jack Roper: WOOO...JAY CASH IS MY IDOL!! HE IS GOING TO KILL TARRANT TONIGHT!!! WOOOOO... ****

TV: And Flair would SUE if he had a CLUE who in the BLUE hell YOU are. WOOOO.

****The lights dim, as the crowd awaits to see what is happening...****

Seth: Eventually, the security guards arrive to clear the arena. I TOLD you that interview ate up too much time...

****After a few seconds of silence, suddenly, they turn themselves into a mob of hatred.****

Tom: Abracadabra!

TV: Everyone beware, the mob of hatred is here! Bwahahaha.

****"I Stand Alone" by Godsmack blaring over the speakers, as the crowd lets Porter know its disapproval of his attitude.****

TV: I'm holding my nose in protest. Then I'll be touching myself. Hey Tom. Why'd you look when I said that?

Tom: HEY! I dropped my Skittles, okay!

****Porter comes out of the back, focusing completely on getting to the ring, and being ready for the match.****

TV: Then a rude fan yells out "487" and totally throws off his concentration.

****He walks up the steps and gets into the ring, then begins stretching as he awaits Morris. The music stops, and Tama Porter's attention begins to focus on the entranceway; the lights begin to flicker a bit.****

Seth: The Pay-per-View must have been shot in California during that power shortage a few months back...

****"Youth of the Nation" by P.o.D. begins to play, and the crowd begins to roar into cheers.****

Tom: Rarrrrrgh!

[Trey and Seth open beers.]

TV & Seth: Cheers!

[Clink!]

****Nina Chung: CW Morris, in the little time he has been in 360º, has stirred quite a ruckus in the fans, he has become one of their favorites already.
Jack Roper: He's a chump if you ask me. ****

TV: Scrub if ya ask me.

****From the back a gigantic man steps out, Ice Box, and makes sure the coast is clear.****

TV: Ah, good to see 360 putting illegal Mexican immigrants to work. Is he a luchydore?

Seth: No, just an unemployed kitchen appliance, apparently. Ice Box?

****He then turns his back to the ring, and awaits CW Morris to come.****

TV: (Morris) Got a Penthouse I can borrow?

**** It is only a few seconds before he steps out,****

TV: Wow, he most be a hit with the ladies. The few second man.

****and immediately the crowd is in cheers. He raises his hand and waves to the fans as his walk down the ramp begins. Ice Box stays closely in front of him, to make sure there are no crazy fans or random attackers.****

TV: Yeah, watch your shoulder blades and kneecaps.

Seth: Crazy fans? You'd _have_ to be crazy to shell out money for this places' shows...

****CW slides into the ring while Ice Box resides by the steel stairs, and the bell finally rings.****

TV: Ice Box has a new home. Stairs. Good for him. And they say there's a low-income housing shortage.

****Nina Chung: The ref hooks the strap to Porter's wrist****

TV: Whoa, this is a strap on match?

Seth: The following match has been rated TV-14 for general smuttyness! You've been warned...

****and walks over to hook it to CW's, but Porter pulls the strap away and hits CW in the face with a right hand!
Jack Roper: Whoo! That knocked him right off of his feet!
Nina Chung: Porter with the cheap shot. That is just not fair.
Jack Roper: You gotta do what you gotta do, Nina.****

Crow: 'Cause if you don't do what you gotta do, then what you gotta do won't get done... and that would never do. Ummm.. Just do it?

****Nina Chung: Porter starts to slap the strap across the back***

TV: This is whick whick whack, ain't it Jack?

****of CW, while laying kicks into his midsection.****

TV: Okay, who wrote their initials in his midsection? I just laid my kicks there!

****CW starts to cough as the wind leaves his lungs, and Porter bends over****

Tom: (CW) Porter, what are you doing? There's no time for that here!

****and hooks the strap to CW's wrist. CW gets payback on Porter by pulling on the strap and flipping him through the ropes!
Jack Roper: Ah, but not complete revenge...****

Seth: More like a revengette.

****Porter may well be laying on his back on the outside of the ring, but CW almost got slingshot right into that rope across his neck, and he is down too.****

Tom: Good. Count 'em both out and let's go home...

****Nina Chung: Porter quickly gets back to his feet and hops up on the apron as CW is getting to his feet. CW falls on the mat after Porter drapes him across the top rope by his neck. Porter touches the first turnbuckle and rips the pad off of it,****

Tom: (Porter) Duh. Oops.

Seth: Boy, he's a hamfisted SOB, aint he?

**** before climbing to the top. CW is in the right state of mind to climb to his feet,****

TV: His incredible depression about his life passed just in time. Thank God.

****and tug on the strap, pulling Porter down from the sky, and off the turnbuckle.
Jack Roper: Porter gets the first turnbuckle!!****

Seth: Eh? In regular strap matches you have to TOUCH the buckles... in this one you have to COLLECT them? They've gotta stop dropping acid in the Booking Meetings...

****Nina Chung: And CW gets the first point from me after that intelligent move!
Jack Roper: First POINT? What is this, chess?? ****

TV: Chess has points? I thought chests has points. And they were called nipples. Talk about a random brain, uh, tangent?

****Nina Chung: Shut up Jack.*****

Crow: First intelligent thing she's said all day...

****Morris watches Porter slam against the mat, and he folds the strap up in his hand and brings it down across the back of Tama!****

TV: And Ice Box is under a sombrero, taking a siesta.

****It looks like Morris is giving Tama some payback for what he was doing to CW earlier in the match!****

TV: Boring everyone?

****Jack Roper: That kind of stuff should be illegal!****

Seth: This federation should be illegal! Section 34, Paragraph 2. "Conspiricy To Imitate Entertainment"

****Nina Chung: You are such a hypocrite, Roper. Red marks surface on Tama's back as he screams in pain. Morris walks over and touches one corner, then a second! He's now ahead of Tama, and he's going for a third!****

TV: Screw a third, I need a fifth.

****Jack Roper: But Tama stops him with the strap! Wow, that was too close! Tama gets to his feet and gets himself balanced, and pulls Morris away from the third corner. Morris loses his footing and falls towards Tama, giving Tama enough slack to touch his second corner, tying it all up at two!****

Seth: They're just kind of inventing their own strap match rules, here. Paging Deus X Macheena, we need you to kill this match!

****Nina Chung: Morris continues with his momentum and just clotheslines Tama over the top rope. Tama falls to the outside and Morris follows him. Morris goes between the top and middle rope and hops down on the floor. Suicide body splash right onto Porter! ****

TV: If I were Not Keith, I'd wonder if somebody used a chainsaw editing this show. But I am not Not Keith. I'm Trey Vincent.

****Jack Roper: No! Get up Tama! It's a good thing CW didn't connect with that too well, man that was close!****

Seth: So he blows an easy move, and Roper is right there to point that fact out for us. Nice going, Jack, you putz!

****Nina Chung: Tama gets to his feet and backs away from Morris, who comes running at him.****

TV: Yeah, that sensation of running with those tight sports entertainment attire is too much for some guys.

Seth: This match is now rated TV-16, with the emphasis on "TV".

**** But Morris gets stopped when the strap tightens around the top rope, because Tama went over the top, and Morris went between the top and middle.****

Tom: Great, maybe they'll choke each other out and we can end this boredom...

****Morris gets pulled onto his back and Tama takes advantage by lighting him up right and left hands.
Jack Roper: Haha, it's like CW is caught in his own spider web, what a bafoon!****

Crow: For those unfamiliar with the trem "bafoon", it refers to a baboon playing a basoon during a monsoon.

****Lefts! Rights! CW is getting his ass handed to him right now by Tama!****

Seth: (Porter) Here, you dropped your ass...

TV: (CW) Thanks, man!

****Nina Chung: Tama picks him up and throws him into the ring apron back first, before wrapping his end of the strap around him four or five times.****

TV: I have this funny feeling this is a strap match. But I'm not positive.

****Jack Roper: CW's arms are tied down to his side, and Tama lays punches into him!
Nina Chung: But wait, here comes Ice Box!****

TV (Ice Box): Do you have any tequila essa?

****Tama is obviously a little intimidated by this mans size, as he stares down Porter intently. This gives Morris just enough time to roll slowly back into the ring.****

Crow: Too slow! You're making this crap last longer! BOO!

****Jack Roper: NO! Forget about that big goon, Porter, and get back in after CW!
Nina Chung: Well, I guess he heard you because he just turned his head away from Ice Box and is back in the ring.****

Seth: I'm still trying to decide if Ice Box is ripping off ice Train or William "Refrigerator' Perry...

****Morris is still down, trying to recover but Tama puts a stop to that, stomping him while he is down! He taunts Morris into getting up, but Morris outsmarts him****

Tom: Yeah, I bet THAT was a chore...

****and ducks behind him and wraps the strap around his neck, before tossing him over the top rope!
Jack Roper: Oh God ... NO!****

Tom: (Roper) I just saw my pay check! Why, God, WHY?

****Porter, what have you gotten yourself into? Arrrgh!
Nina Chung: TAMA PORTER IS BEING HUNG FROM THE TOP ROPE BY CW MORRIS!

TV: Oh good, let's get the rest of the roster out here and finish everyone off.

****The breath is being drained out of Porter, as he hangs with his feet just inches from the floor! Looks of extreme pain run across the face of Tama who is trying to scream, but can't!!!****

Seth: Phillip K. Dicks' "I have No Career, But I Must Scream!", out now in paperback!

****Morris is relentlessly choking the life out of the much stronger Porter now with that strap right over the top rope...
Jack Roper: He's trying to kill him! That's illegal! You can't kill a man in the ring,****

Tom: Yeah, the Hart fmily have been telling Vince McMahon that for quite some time...

****call for the bell Ref! DISQUALIFY CW MORRIS!!!
Nina Chung: Tama Porter is trying to find someway to fight it off and ... he 's grabbed onto the strap? WAIT! He's tugging down on the strap!!****

Crow: (High-pitched CW Morris) That's NOT the strap! Quit tugging it!

****Jack Roper: He is trying to pull his way out of this, and OH MY GOD! HE JUST SENT CW MORRIS OVER THE TOP ROPE AND HARD INTO THE CONCRETE! YES!!!****

Seth: (Roper) I just had an on-air orgasm! What a moment in sports entertainment!

****THAT'S WHAT THAT CHEATER MORRIS GETS!!!
Nina Chung: He just pulled the mass of CW Morris over the top rope crashing to the floor!! CW is laid out on the floor holding his back in pain as Porter adjusts his throat from CW's move there ...****

Tom: "Adjusts" his throat? Man, another kit-set wrestler in da HOUWSE!

****Jack Roper: Porter quickly turns the attention around though, and he picks up CW to his feet and now he takes him by the arm and now a whip into the steel steps! Whack!!

TV (Ice Box): Hey, my um, what's Spanish for home? Damn it. (Trey logs on to the Internet again.)

****CW takes the full brunt with his shoulders and the top set of stairs comes loose!***

TV: And it was a multi-level, um, still looking…

Tom: Isn't it "Manos"?

Seth: Insane House? I don't think so...

*****Nina Chung: Porter sees that and gets an awful glare in his eye ... He walks over to the steel steps and he pulls it off the top and now he sees CW lying next to the rest of the stair ... BUT HERE COMES ICE BOX! ****

Seth: (Ice Box) Hey, esse, stop tearing apart my... quickly, Trey...

TV: CASA!

****Jack Roper: NOT SO FAST! ICE BOX JUST GOT LEVELED IN THE HEAD WITH THOSE STAIRS! GOD YES!****

Crow: (Roper) I'm so excited I think my nipples just imploded!

****NOW THE ODDS AREN'T ON CW'S SIDE AS BLOOD TRICKLES DOWN THE FOREHEAD OF ICE BOX!

TV: And that is…cerradura de casquillos abuse. Just a little something for our Spanish viewers.

Tom: Que?

****He collapses, Ice Box is out cold!!****

TV: Ah, the irony.

Crow: That's not irony. Irony would be if Ice Box was hot as hell!!

Tom: Or this fed had the word Entertainment in its name.

Seth: Yep, that'd be ironic... dontcha think?

TV: Break into song, Seth and I'll hurt you...

**** Now Porter, quick, turn your attention back to Morris! YES! He raises the stair high above his head and now PORTER COMES DOWN WITH THE STAIRS ACROSS THE WAIST OF MORRIS!!!****

TV: Aye, chihuahua.

****CW is now starting to cough up blood! YEAH!****

Crow: (Roper) Internal injuries ROCK!

****Porter drops the stairs and picks CW up and rolls him into the ring. Porter rolls in after him and picks him up and throws him off the ropes. CW comes back and gets slammed with a sidewalk slam in the center of the ring! Porter's plan is foolproof!****

Seth: Unless CW is one of the New Generation of Fools...

TV: He signed with 360°WE, didn't he?

Seth: Point taken...

****Nina Chung: Porter gets to his feet and tries to walk over to slap another turnbuckle, but CW gets enough of his head back together to grab onto the ropes across the ring from the turnbuckle.****

TV: 360°HD: Humpty Dumpty.

Seth: (Quietly sings) Where's your head at, at, at...

{SLAP!}

Seth: Ow!

TV: I warned you!

****Porter stretches, but comes up short,****

Tom: But size doesn't matter, does it?

****so he decides to turn his attention back to CW. Porter walks over and pulls CW to his feet, who in turn tosses Porter into the ropes and back body tosses him over the top rope.****

Seth: They've spent more time on the arena floor than a popcorn vendor. END already!

****The strap tightens and pulls CW over the top rope with it, and he falls to the floor on the outside.
Jack Roper: Now these two are sprawled on the outside going at it with furious punches! This is one hell of a match!****

Seth: No, this match is like BEING in Hell! Endless, painful and it makes me wish I'd been a better person!

****Nina Chung: CW is being tossed around by Porter and Porter takes CW… WHACK! Right into the ring post!! Porter now pulling apart the announce table, looking to hurt CW beyond belief…****

TV: He is so desperate to hurt CW that he took everything damaging off the table.

****Porter turns back towards CW and takes hold of him, setting him up for a big ride here…***

TV: Wheeeee!

****WAIT!****

TV: Oww, my teeth!

****CW uses the strap to hold himself down as he wraps it around the legs of Porter!!****

Tom: Hey, bondage and discipline! There's fun for the whole family at 360°WE!

****Porter goes down****

Tom: (CW) HEY! Didn't I say there's no time for that!

****and CW now needs to get something going on the return! CW takes a hold of a good portion of the strap…. WHACK! Shot from the strap right to Porter' s bare chest!!****

TV: You know, I think I've said this before, but sometimes, these shows read like an unintentional gay soap opera.

Seth: (Sings quickly) C'mon baby, make it hurt so good!

TV: QUIT IT!

****CW again with more force as he leaves welts on the chest of Porter! CW picks up Tama and now rams him into the steel steps at ringside!! The only way to keep him down is by hurting him, if you can even do that!****

Crow: (Nina) What the hell am I talking about? I don't know, either! It's time for my blue pill!

****Tama now is thrown back into the ring by CW… CW taking hold on the bigger man and hitting him with some forceful punches! CW taking Tama now… POWERBOMB!!****

TV: Erik Kelly is about ready to sue for move yelling infringement.

****It wears the two of them out to a degree! CW hits the powerbomb and certainly has the advantage… Can he capitalize?!****

Seth: I hope so, this match is rolling into its' second hour, already!

****Jack Roper: ARGH! NO! GET UP TAMA! CW pulls himself back to his feet… Tama is getting up again as well… The two of them exchanging fists in the middle of the ring…
Nina Ching: CW taking that strap and using it to chop Tama across the chest!
Fans: WHOO!!****

Seth: Hey, I'm just popping down to the Circle K. Anyone want a Slurpee or something?

TV: Sit your ass down, Seth. If I have to sit through this shit, so do you!

****Jack Roper: But WAIT! Tama now turning around and doing the same thing to CW…
Fans: WHOOO!! ****

TV: BOOOO!!

****Jack Roper: Tama takes CW and slams him down on the canvas!****

TV: And somebody will buy that masterpiece for ten grand.

****Nina Chung: But this is not going to keep CW down for long! He gets back up and quickly starts to hammer away on Tama once again. Tama with a cheap eye rake****

Crow: It was on special!

****and now CW counters… LOW BLOW!!!
Jack Roper: AGH! NOT FAIR!****

Seth: (Roper) Wanna teddy! Waah!

****Nina Chung: CW goes after his third turnbuckle!****

TV: Is that like a third nipple?

****Jack Roper: but Porter is already up and fighting! CW turn around and Tama pulls him at him!
Nina Chung: CW DUCKS! HE REACHES AND HITS THE THIRD TURNBUCKLE!! ONE MORE
TURNBUCKLE!! That's all Morris needs and he can win this match!!****

Seth: look, if it helps, I'll spot him the turnbuckle! I'll buy him one! Just kill this tedium already!

****Jack Roper: Come on Tama! He still has one more, you're not that far behind ... You can do it!****

Crow: (Porter) I think I can, I think I can...

****Nina Chung: I think he can do it! CW is almost there… Just that last turnbuckle!!
Jack Roper: No! No!!!
Nina Chung: CW IS PULLING TRYING TO MAKE IT TO THAT EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE!!****

Seth: (CW Scott, Engineering) I cannae do it, Captain! I dinnae have the POWER!

****It's the last buckle before CW has this match wrapped up, but Porter is able to use all the power he has within him to hold down the strap and keep CW inches away from the final turnbuckle... Wait!! What the hell ...Porter...!!

TV: (Porter) Yes ma'am?

****HE JUST PULLED THE STRAP TOWARDS HIM WITH A GREAT TUG AND NOW HE HAS CW IN HIS GRASP!!****

Tom: (Roper) I just wet my pants in excitement! OH MY GOD!

****MASSIVE SPINEBUSTER!! HE MUST HAVE DRILLED HIM THROUGH THE FLOOR...****

TV: TALK ABOUT GETTING EXCITED OVER NOTHING!

****Porter gets right up on his feet, and let me tell you, that man is a beast, he looks over at the exposed turnbuckle...he could tie this up here...****

Seth: THEN DO IT! I'm growing a beard, here!

****Jack Roper: Yeah! Come on Porter! Take care of Morris, just touch that one, and then reach over and grab the last one!****

Seth: Yep, there's dialogue from that gay soap opera again...

****Nina Chung: Well, Tama Porter got the one on the exposed turnbuckle but just barely!****

Tom: Is Nina making sense to ANYONE? I think she's tripping...

****CW Morris is back up from that incredible Spinebuster and he's pulling Porter back into the middle of the ring.
Jack Roper: Fight it Porter, go for the last one!
Nina Chung: Wait, Porter now has a smile on his face, he lets his resistance go and takes a swing at Morris!****

Tom: (Nina) No resistance! No war! Peace, baby! (Sings) oh when the moooon... is in the seventh house! And Jupiterrrr... aligns with Mars....

****Jack Roper: YES! I mean ... NO!!!****

Seth: (Roper) I mean... oh, who gives a crap at this point!

****Nina Chung: Morris ducked it! Morris was ready for Porter's stunt! CW now with the Irish whip, Porter comes running back at him...CW goes for a huge kick!****

Seth: Match too long. Brain... turning.. to pudding. Shoot me.

****Jack Roper: Ducked! YEAH! Porter ducked it! Porter ducked that idiot CW's attempt at a superkick!
Nina Chung: Now both men are running at the ropes ... and they both take off headed straight for each other!****

TV: In slow motion, ready to embrace like in all those love movies. Awww, how nice.

****Jack Roper: OH GOD! WHOA!****

Seth: Oh, man... someone get Roper a Kleenex, stat!

****Nina Chung: Both men went for a flying elbow on each other, and both men connected!!! Tama and CW lay on the ground, CW fidgeting and Porter motionless!****

Seth: He's not the only one fidgeting! I am soooo bored! *twitch*

****Jack Roper: It looks like Porter took a shot to the temple! AGH! CW TRIED TO
KILL TAMA PORTER! ISN'T THAT ILLEGAL???
Nina Chung: Sadly enough, nothing is illegal in 360º. ****

TV: Yes, rules do not exist because how can there be morality in a society living in a big piece of crap.

****Jack Roper: I can't believe this, both men are out cold!****

Crow: And every member of the audience is in a boredom-induced hibernation.

****Nina Chung: No, wait! Porter rolls over, and CW is slowly trying to push himself up! They can't do it, they are both too tired from this brutal match to get back up. ****

TV: Can't even do one push up. Bwahaha.

****Jack Roper: YES! PORTER IS CRAWLING TOWARDS HIS LAST TURNBUCKLE!!!
Nina Chung: But CW Morris is crawling to HIS last turnbuckle! It is across the ropes of Tama's, on the same side of the ring!****

Crow: Can you feel the dramatic tension?

All: NO!

****Who is going to take this match?! ****

TV: Take this match, PLEASE.

Seth: Yeah, take it out and shoot it!

****Jack Roper: Porter, Tama Porter ****

TV: Agent Double-0 Zero.

****has this match ALL THE WAY! He is at least a foot ahead of CW Morris! He is about to grab the rope!!!
Nina Chung: Morris is further back, and he sees this, HE TAKES A DIVE FOR THE EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE!!!****

Seth: If this things over, I'm gonna dance a jig!

****Jack Roper: There's the bell, AND TAMA PORTER WINS! TAMA WINS IT!****

Seth: YES! (Leaps up and starts Riverdancing)

****Nina Chung: No, not so fast, CW MORRIS TAKES THE MATCH!****

Seth: GodDAMMIT! (Sits down again)

***Jack Roper: Huh? No, really, who did win? I could've sworn Porter had the turnbuckle first.
Nina Chung: Well, we are waiting for an official decision from the ring announcer. ****

TV: Uh oh, I think the undisputed champion of boredom is now in dispute!

Seth: Great, so 360 steals the Hummer angle, and now they're ripping off the Hart/Luger's Royal Rumble finish! I HATE these guys...

****"All Along The Watchtower" by Jimmi Hendrix starts to play loudly and the fans erupt into loud cheers.****

Crow: Yes, Hendrix is back from the dead and hiding out in 360°WE!

****Out from the back steps Joe Beck, onto the ramp with a mic.
Joe Beck: Well, I am sure you are all wondering how this match ended,****

Seth: Not particularly... I'm just glad it HAS ended...

****but first. Let's give it up for these two men, what an incredible match they just put on for us!****

TV: Did I miss that?

****The crowd bursts into cheers for the two men in the ring, breathing heavily as they look intently to the ramp.****

Crow: (Fan in the Back Row) GET ON WITH IT!

****Joe Beck: To tell the truth, it was too close of a call for me. So ... I have decided that BOTH of you have won this match, and that you are now co#1 contenders for the 360º Cruiserweight championship!****

Seth: JESUS! Now they're stealing Jericho and Chynas' co-championship angle! Y'know, sensible people would steal the GOOD angles!

****A confused look comes upon everyone's face, and Beck begins to grin.
Joe Beck: That's right, both of you will face the winner of the BUD/Blade Ransom fight in a triple threat ... LADDER MATCH!!! That is all, now enjoy.****

TV: A ladder match full of cruiserweights and a ladder. Sounds like such potential for one Seth Harker.

Seth: Hey, I'm good, but I'm not good enough to carry those two jerks to a decent match.

****MATCH ENDS IN A DRAW MORRIS AND PORTER WILL TAKE ON WINNER OF BUD/RANSOM IN A LADDER MATCH IN TWO WEEKS ON BLACK SATURDAY****

TV: Who said that?

****Nina Chung: WHOA! WHAT A HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT!****

Seth: Yeah, watch as I give 360°WE a hearty round of apathy!

****The crowd begins going nuts, as Tama and Morris begin looking at each other, while the referee removes the strap from them. Suddenly when it is off they get into each other's faces, and then begin pushing each other.****

Tom: Cool a Geeky slap-fight is breaking out! Go get him, Poindexter!

****Suddenly they begin swinging at each other.****

Crow: Hey, they're trapeze artists, too! Bravo!

****Jack Roper: THAT ANNOUNCEMENT HAS LIT A FIRE UNDER PORTER! HE AND MORRIS ARE STILL GOING AT IT!****

Seth: (Roper) AND I'm STILL SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS! WOO! YEAH! And other annoying catchphrases...

****Nina Chung: They are fighting in the back. Well, it is time to go to the next match to see who they will fight in two weeks.
Jack Roper: As you all see, the specially constucted cage is coming down now!****

TV: Shoddy construction, shoddy grammar. Any wonder why?

****People said that nothing could be more dangerous that WWE's Hell in the Cell!****

TV: Funny, I always thought C4 Explosion Matches were a little more dangerous.

Seth: Or the Tank Full of Ravenous Moray Eels Matches can be a tad dangerous, too...

****Well we are going to prove them wrong tonight.****

TV: Yup, all the 10 year olds who have never seen any hardcore sports entertainment better shut up.

****Nina Chung: That is right Jack. We are adding the newest kind of match to the 360°WE History books. A sadistic mix match.****

Crow: Performed by a sadistic DJ. Booyeah!

****There will be a steel cage enclosing the ring area and part of the ramp. Outside and inside the ring are tons of tables, ladders, and chairs. ****

TV: Oh my!

****Jack Roper: The match will begin in the ring. The wrestlers will fight up the ramp and exit the cage. Then once outside the wrestlers will fight up the cage. On top of this fifteen foot cage is more tables ladders and chairs.****

Tom: (Brightly) And a monkey!

****The Cruiserweight belt will be suspendend above the cage about thirty feet over the top of the cage. There is a twenty-five foot ladder up there that they must use to climb up and get the belt. ****

TV: And then they have to climb a tight rope while juggling flaming bowling pins.

Seth: (Roper) 360°WE: Wildly Overbooked? Not remotely! RELEASE THE TIGERS!

****Nina Chung: And whoever get the belt wins the match.****

TV: And whoever takes the big bump from 50 feet in the air knows how to fall, no matter what Jim Ross tells you.

****Okay, that sounds simple enough lets get to the ring for the action.****

TV: And I thought a standard match was simple.

****Pamela Roberts: Ladies and gentlemen this match is for the CruiserweightTitle and will be held inside the Sadistic Mix Cage!****

TV: This portion of the show is brought to you by Nabisco's new Sadistic Mix. Eat the food while you watch the match!

Crow: Mmmm... Sadistiliscious!

****Introducing first, the challanger..."Broken" Blade Ransom!!!The fans start to boo.****

TV: And then stop, suddenly realising they don't care enough.

****Blade comes out and walks down to the entrance of the cage. He looks around and walks through the door. Blade walks down the ramp and slides into the ring. He bounces off the ropes.****

Seth: He bores me silly simply walking to the ring! That takes talent!

****Jack Roper: Well, Blade looks very focused for the match and he better be.****

Tom: (Roper) ...Or the monkey's will get him!

****The lights in the arena start to flick and a loud bang is heard as a womens voice is heard over the pa.

TV: (Yokel) Hey ma! I just heard a womens voice over pa!

****"Welcome to high time indrusties sponsered by the dod"

TV: dod: hoo nedz a edacachun.

****You better be ready to get burnt out by the future and to go for the ride of your life" A picture of bud shows up on the circatron and BUD's video starts to play as ride of your life by neurotica plays and smokes file the entrance way ****

TV: Huh?

Seth: Wow, Blades' entrance may have bored me, but Bud just shut down Treys synaptic functions! Come back to the light, Trey!

TV: Mother?

****Pamela Roberts: And now...The 360°WE Cruiserweight Champion....Your hometown hero...BUD!!!
The fans start to****

Crow: ...Make plans to move to another town.

****cheer for their hometown hero. The music gets louder as the sparks start to fly out of the ramp turning into a fire work of green and black.****

TV: Hey! Those are MY colors, pal!

****BUD finally walks out from the smoke and has a joint in one and and a glass ash tray in the other.****

TV: This guy's putting douja to shame.

Seth: Yep, a pothead dropout... that's who _I'd_ like to be my hometowns' hero. I'm so glad I come from Parts Unknown. We have cool heroes...

****He takes a few puffs and puts the join in the ash tray as he blows smoke rings. He holds the cruiserweight title up high as he enters the cage.****

Tom: Title isn't the only thing that's high around here...

****BUD places the ash tray in the corner of the cage and walks down the ramp. BUD gets in the ring****

Seth: ...On the third attempt.

****and the bell rings.
Nina Chung: And they are off.****

Tom: Really? They just got here!

****The two men lock up. Bud sends Blade into the ropes...Oh nice head scissors take down, into an arm lock. ****

TV: And BUD is looking for some Twinkies and Doritos.
Seth: I think he's X-Pacs sparring partner...

****Jack Roper: Listen to this Miami crowd. They are going crazy Nina.****

Crow: (Fan in Back Row) FREEMASONS RUN THE COUNTRY!

****Most of the time, the fans would be booing Bud, but since this is his home they
are going crazy. ****

TV: It's just like Canada! Without all the Canadians, and a bunch of old people.

****Nina Chung: Well, both men to their feet now. The lock up once more, and this time it is Ransom sending Bud into the ropes.****

Tom: Which, being made of hemp, he attempts to smoke.

****He goes for a drop kick, out Bud stopped and all Blade connects with is the mat. ****

TV: Much like his love life.

****Jack Roper: This match is off to a good start. Bud slides under the ropes. He grabs a chair and slides back in. Bud tosses the chair to Blade.****

Seth: ...Who's standing around like a dummy waiting for something to happen.

****OH! A Spinning Heel kick to the chair and Blade goes down.****

Crow: Ooh, a VanMoronAnator!

****Nina Chung: That was a hell of a move and now Bud is going up top. He signals for the Swanton Bomb...OUCH!****

TV: My thoughts exactly. Think up your own god damn names for your moves!

****Blade gets out of the way and Bud lands right on that steel chair.
Jack Roper: Yes Nina, that could not have felt good.****

Tom: (Roper) Unless you really dig pain... just like me! Mmm-mmm, leather, whips and chains, oh my!

****Now it looks like Blade has control of this match. He picks Bud up and sends him over the top rope. Wait ... WOW! What a move! Blade dives through the ropes and spears Bud.****

Seth: With an actual spear, thus killing him and ending the match. The End.

****Nina Chung: Blade picks Bud up again and whips him into the cage. He runs after him but Bud picks him up and slams him face first into the cage.****

Tom: (Stoner Bud) Sorry dude.. I was aiming you at the door, man. Wow.

****Jack Roper: Damn that must have hurt! I am surprised that Blade isn't busted wide open.****

TV: That is rather ironic if you think about it. Will Blade blade?

****Now Bud is getting Blade into...yes...The Figure Four lock!
Nina Chung: Now, keep in mind that there are no submissions. But it does make sense to use these moves.****

Seth: NO IT F@#$%ing GODDAMN DOESN'T!

Tom: Nice choice of tape this week, Trey. I think Seths' patience for this crap just ran out.

TV: Ya think? Breathe, Seth, breathe...

****If a person can not walk, they will not be able to climb the cage. Bud is up now, and picks up a ladder. What is he doing with it? He sets it up.
Jack Roper: Now what is he searching for?****

Crow: His stash!

****Wait, I see! A table! Bud sets the table up and picks Blade up. He sends blade into the steel stairs.
Nina Chung: This match is action packed Jack!****

Seth: I hate to quibble, but so far it's a bunch of unrelated brawling, leading to an overused, gimmicky spotfest. But whatever...

****Jack Roper: It sure is Nina. Bud is now setting Blade on the table. He climbs the ladder. Oh no I can't watch! ****

TV: Neither can anyone else.

****Nina Chung: Bud goes for a moonsault and OH MY GOD! Blade gets out of the way! Bud crashes through the table....and OH! The ladder falls on Blade.****

Tom: The monkey was slightly injured. Film at eleven.

****Jack Roper: Well, that was a hard hit that Blade took from that ladder but I believe that Bud got the worst of it. Come on Bud! Get up!****

Crow: (Stoner Bud) I thought I was up, dude! Whoa... gravity works...

****Nina Chung: Blade is now making his way toward the ramp Jack! Wait, but is starting to move again.****

TV: No, now he's not. Oh wait, there he goes, no, oh yes, he is moving, but then stops moving again, but is starting to move again now.

****Jack Roper: Good, Bud is up again, but Blade is heading up the ramp! Budjust spotted him. He runs, OH! Nice clothesline!
Nina Chung: Considering he blind-sided him. Ha.

Crow: Hey, Nina made a funny!

Tom: Really?

Crow: No.

****Jack Roper: Bud swings at Blade, Blade blocks it, and puts Bud in the sleeper hold! This isn't good! ****

Seth: I tend to agree.

TV: Plain awful. A sleeper in a cage match? Is JJ Dillon booking this shit?

****Nina Chung: Hold the phone Jack, Bud is fighting out of it! But OH! Blade just slammed Bud's head into the cage and is now grinding his head like a piece of cabbage!****

Seth: What an interesting metaphor... Maybe this match is being fought under Coles' Law?

****Jack Roper: That man is sick! That opened up a nasty cut on Bud's head! I hope he is alright.****

Tom: He's a stoner, how much pain do you think he's feeling?

****Nina Chung: Well, the door is open and they are heading out to the top of the ramp, outside of the cage! This is where it is going to get interesting!****

TV: We want carnage (clap, clap, clapclapclap).

Seth: BLEEP carnage, I'd settle for some plain, old entertainment right now...

****Jack Roper: Shut up Nina...the whole match has been interesting so far. OH! Blade just DDTed Bud on the steel ramp! Look Nina! Blade is heading up on the Circa-Tron!

Seth: For the first of the Moron Bumps!

****Nina Chung: That could be dangerous. He goes for a 450 splash! WHOA! He just met the steel with his own body as Bud moves out of the way!
Jack Roper: Man Nina, none of these guys high risk moves are paying off!****

Crow: And none are making me want to watch another 360°WE event again, either.

****Nina Chung: Bud is climbing the cage...But Blade is finally moving again! He is up and sets up the ladder! And he starts climbing it! ****

TV: What'd ya think he was gonna do with it? Lick it?

Seth: Well, Bud'd probably try and snort it...

****The ladder is a faster way than the cage! He has already caught up with Bud.
Jack Roper: Wait! ha ha ha! Bud kicks the ladder..it is rocking...Blade dives and grabs onto the cage just as the ladder falls. Man this match is intense!****

Seth: To quote one "Scott" Keith... this is like two seniors fighting over the last cup of pudding!

****Nina Chung: You got that right! Both men are now fighting as they are climbing up the cage! Whoa! They about fell but held on with one arm. They kick each other OH NO! They BOTH FALL! RIGHT ON THE STEEL! And both men are down!!!!****

Tom: Down and out, more like. They'd have to be to work for 360°WE!

****Jack Roper: Ladies and gentlemen...since both guys are down...we are told that two guys are disturbing some things in the back.****

TV: How timely. I hope you have a camera back there too.

**** Lets take a look as Bud and Blade tries to recover from that horrific fall!
The Circa-Tron switches to backstage where two men are seen destroying a car in the parking lot. The camera moves around and former 360°WE members Rez and Pat Rafter are smashing a limo.****

Seth: PAT RAFTER? What the hell is an Australian tennis pro doing in this shithouse federation?

Crow: Slumming.

****Officials finally get out there and stop the two gentlemen, but the damage is already done. One of the tires is flat, the front and back windsheilds are busted out and their are dents all over it. Secrurity Guards escort Rez and Rafter out of the building.****

Tom: Tere you go. More action in one backstage vignette than in the entire strap match. Isn't THAT ironic, dontcha think?

****Nina Chung: What the hell! Why were Rez and Rafter back there? And whose car was that?
Jack Roper: I don't know Nina, but lets get back to this match!****

TV: We don't have any time for angle development.

****Both men are pulling themselves up on the cage. They are now slowly climbing the cage!
Nina Chung: One thing is for sure Jack. When this match is over, there is not going to be a winner.****

Seth: No, that was the last match. This time, there had BETTER be a winner, or I'm posting a letterbomb to 360°WE. And no jury would convict me!

****These guys have beaten the hell out of each other.
Jack Roper: Yes and this match isn't done yet! They still have to get to the top of the cage and then up that 25 foot ladder! It is still going to be some hell!****

TV: Seth, is this our punishment for having success in BOB? I forget what the concept of this show is.

Seth: I think it's karma, dude. We punked out one too many jobbers, overbooked too many main events... and now we're being forced to watch THIS! We're in HELL!

****Nina Chung: Okay, now they are finally at the top of the cage. Both men are on their feet.****

Tom: I'll alert the media!

****Bud gets Blade into a headlock. Both of these guys seem out of gas.****

TV: Can we get these boys some chili so the farting portion of the match can begin?

****Jack Roper: Look they both are fighting to their feet....Oh! Nice move by Blade. He flipped Bud over his back and onto the cage. They make their way down the roof of the cage until they get to the part that cover the ring area.****

Seth: My God... they even make a Cell match boring in this fed. Pass the Prozac, Crow...

****This is where all the weapons are..hahaha!
Nina Chung: I don't know about you Jack. I think that you need some major mental help dude.****

TV: (Cliché surfer) Gnarley.

****Anyways, both men are exchanging some right hands. Bud blocks one, andnails an inverted DDT on Blade. Blade's face rakes the top of the cage and starts to bleed.****

TV: Ah, now THAT'S irony.

****Jack Roper: Yes, and now both men are busted open but that isn't slowing them down any.****

Crow: ...Because otherwise, this match would be in suspended animation.

****Bud picks Blade up and then sets him up for a piledriver. OUCH! That move must have hurt. This match is great!
Nina Chung: He picks him back up...but wait a reverse and Blade executes an hip toss on Bud and Bud comes close to the end of the cage. I hope no one falls off because if they do, they will land right in the crowd and hurt someone!****

Tom: (Nina) They might hurt their widdle toesies!

Seth: Nina Chung: The Lost Powerpuff Girl!

****Jack Roper: Very true Nina. Blade picks up a chair. But NO! Bud spears him. Bud now sets up a table. But wait, Blade is back to his feet. The locup k and Bud gets Blade into a vertical suplex. And slams him down barely missing the table.****

Seth: (Stoner Bud) Dude, there's like... three tables. Whoa. I'll aim for the middle one next time.

****Nina Chung: Bud sets up a 15 foot ladder. I hope he knows he can't reach the belt at that height. He is climbing it!****

TV: He's stoned, he doesn't care.

****Jack Roper: Bud reaches the top and signals to the fans. OH MY! A Frog Splash off the top of the ladder!!! Blade is hurt! ****

TV: Why? Did Bud hit the move? Must've blinked.

Seth: Or dropped off. *yawn*

****Nina Chung: Yes, but Bud didn't exactly come away without getting hurt. ****

TV: They should rename this show But. It's today's secret word.

****Jack Roper: Bud is back to his feet. He goes over...YES! Bud is going for the 25 foot ladder. He has it and is setting it up under the belt!
Nina Chung: This match could be over Jack! Look, that table was in the way. But****

TV: But.

****needed to slide the table over a tad.
Jack Roper: A tad? What the hell is a tad?

Tom: (Roper) Lick my pole! Get it? Tad! Pole! Hahahahahahaa!

****Nina Chung: Shut up! ****

TV: Ah, the wit is flowing now. She couldn't say if you could afford a dictionary, you'd know. Nah, that'd take two seconds of thought.

****Jack Roper: Anyways, Bud is starting his climb! Ladies and gentlemen I think we are going to have a winner!****

Seth: Nahh, no matter who gets the belt, they're both career losers in my book...

****Bud is just an outstanding cruiserweight and has completely destroyed the rankings! ****

TV: If he's so great, why hasn't he ever faced Seth Harker?

Seth: Because I have STANDARDS! And this guy doesn't even register on the Harker Radar...

****Nina Chung: Yes, but keep in mind Jack, that if Bud does win tonight...then in two weeks he will have to fight a triple threat ladder match against C.W. Morris and Tama Porter! Who were out here earler and gave it there all!****

TV: Eh, to easy too fault them on they're grammar.

****Jack Roper: IF? Look Bud is at the top of the ladder almost.****

Seth: Only took him twenty minutes, too!

****He is going to win this match and then he will destroy Morris and Porter! Look he is reaching for it.****

Tom: (Stoner Bud) Nearly got it. Whoa. Almost. Man, am I wasted...

****Nina Chung: Yeah but ****

TV and Seth: But.

****LOOK! Blade just kicked the ladder. It is shaking. A ladder that tall isn't that stable anyways!

Crow: (Roper) Epecially with the cheap-ass ones WE buy!

****OH MY! Bud just fell 25 feet to the top of the cage! That couldn't have felt good Jack!****]

Seth: (Roper) No, it didn't! In fact he's paralyzed! What a match!

****Jack Roper: That SunuvaBitch!****

Seth: HEY! I wrestled Sunava Bitch in Mexico City once! Hell of a nice guy, too!

****Bud had this one wrapped up!
Nina Chung: Well, he must not have wrapped it tight enough! Well, the two bloody messes are crawling toward the ladder! Blade is the first to reach it. He starts the climb! ****

TV: This is what sports entertainment is all about. Two idiots bleeding like pigs in a pathetic attempt to get over since they have no skills that matter. You may be able to fool some of the hardcore marks all of the time, but you will never be able to fool the sports entertainment marks, and all Trey Vincent's fans.

****Jack Roper: Yeah, but Bud is right behind him! They are neck and neck Nina! This is going to be great!****

Tom: Roper keeps telling us things are going to be great, but I've seen precious little evidence of that so far tonight...

****Nina Chung: They are about half way up the ladder now! The ladder is shaking a little! Okay good it stopped!***

TV: Oops, there it goes, no, it stops, but there it goes, but it stops, but there it goes again before it stops. But it could start again.

****But they are still dead even!
Jack Roper: They are at the top! Who is going to get the belt! Oh! A right hand by Bud! And one by Blade! They are exchanging punches on the very untable ladder.****

Seth: Okay, it's not a table, it's a ladder. Everyone got that?

****Bud Just spit in Blades eye! AND OH MY GOD! A MASSIVE RIGHT HAND! BLADE IS HANGING ON!
Nina Chung: Bud nails him again! BLADE GOES DOWN! He is falling from that 25 foot ladder!****

Seth: If he injures himself on this idiot Bump, it'll make all this orture worth it...

**** OH MY GOODNESS! BLADE JUST LANDED THROUGHT THE TABLE! WAIT! THE CAGE JUST TORE! BLADE IS NOW FALLING BACK TO RINGSIDE! HE HITS ANOTHER TABLE! OH! That sickening thud! Blade is hurt! Blade is hurt.****

Seth: Thank you...

TV: Uh oh! And now the floor is giving out. He's in the basement! And that floor gives! He's in a sewer pipe. OH NO. The sewer pipe gives out! He's still not done falling! He's deep in the earth. And there is the Mole People's lair! But he's still not done! He's is in the earth's core! He's being devoured by LAVA! Oh the humanity! But he's still falling! We'll get back to you when he falls off the other side of the earth and goes into space and hits every planet before finally evaporating in the sun.

****Jack Roper: That was a very horrific scene! But on the upside..Bud can win the match now!****

Crow: Yeah, there's always a silver lining. I'm sure Blade will be happy for him once he comes out of the coma.

****He reaches up. AND GRABS THE BELT! BUD HAS JUST RETAINED HIS CRUISERWEIGHT BELT!!!
BUD WINS THE MATCH AND RETAINS THE CRUISERWEIGHT BELT****

TV: Huh? Who won the what now?

****Nina Chung: Oh my god look Jack! Bud is signaling to the crowd! You don't think! HOLY SHIT! A Shooting Star NO A FROG SPLASH! ALL THE WAY DOWN AND ONTO THE LAID OUT BLADE RANSOM! WHAT A MOVE! WHAT A MOVE!****

TV: Wow, he hit him just before Blade went to Venus. Now that's a 10,000 star frog splash if I've ever seen one.

****Jack Roper: Why did he do that for! That was stupid! There were easier ways to get down Bud!****

Crow: Ahh, the big pothead probably just fell off...

****Now he is hurt! Someone get out here and help Bud! He could have some major internal problems!
Nina Chung: He some courage!****

TV: Um, fire, warm!

Seth: Tree pretty.

****Bud has just won my respect! Look! He is refusing help.****

Seth: (Dubbed-In Voice-Over, Badly synched to his lip movements) look! Godzilla is attacking the city!)

****Bud is getting up by his self! That is one tough son of a gun! Bud is walking out of here on his own two feet! Listen to these fans! They are going crazy! There hometown hero Bud has just retained the Cruiserweight title in what might have been the most painful match of his career!****

Tom: Yeah, it was painful to watch.

****He is bloody!****

Crow: ...Stupid!

****His opponent is bloody!****

Crow: ...Lucky to be alive.

****But only Bud came away with the belt!
Jack Roper: Yes, and he will go on to Black Saturday in two weeks and defend the title against C.W. Morris and Tama Porter in a triple threat ladder match! MORE LADDER!****

Seth: (Roper) Oops. Brain hurty. MORE BEER!

****You have to think that Bud won't be 100%! And he is going up against the King of Ladders...C.W. Morris and also Tama Porter is a very bright young superstar! WOW!
Nina Chung: WOW is right Jack! That is all there is to be said about that match!****

TV: It is? Shit. We should have just fast forwarded through it then.

****Owen Meany by Lagwagon starts to play over the speakers. The fans and announcers are confused who is coming out because they've never heard this music before. inally you see Jonny Kewl. Jonny Kewl is still on crutches and his right leg still in a cast.****

Seth: But since 360°WE is EXTREME he's probably in the main event in an EXPLODING NAPALM DEATH MATCH!

****He greets the fans as he walks out. He climbs into the ring and grabs a mic and begins to talk.
Jonny Kewl: Wow, it's amazing to see how much 360 has grown since I was last here.****

Tom: (JK) There's gotta be, what? Forty, fifty fans in attendance? KEWL!

****I'm just out here tonight to let you guys know how I'm doing. My knee is getting better, slowly but surely. I've had a couple setbacks because I was wanting to be back 2 weeks ago but it didn't recover as well as we had hoped. I don't know when it'll be completely healed but when it is I'll be right back in here trying to get my title back.****

Crow: (JK) in the meantime, I thought I'd come out here and waste valuable PPV airtime by talking about myself. Memememememememememe!

****00Pimp has had some things happen that's he's had to take care of before he can come back. His arm is healed but there are some things going on in his hometown that he's trying
to help out with. We had a blast on the cruise and it was great that Beck and Mitchell came up with the idea to give the wrestlers a week off.****

TV: Ah, one of THOSE cruises. Not a woman in sight. Um-hmm.

****I don't have too much to say tonight,****

Seth: So fuck off and stop wasting everyones' time!

****I just wanted to let you guys know how I was doing and when I'd be back and everything. Thanks for all the letters and cards and everything, they've meant a lot to me. You can keep up
with my progress and everything at my website, www.jonnykewl.com

TV: Oh good, let's go MST his site. Fuck the rest of this show.

****Once again, thanks guys.
The crowd gives Jonny a standing ovation as he climbs out of the crowd and goes back up the ramp. He greets some more fans and then continues to the back.****

Seth: Well, that's another five minutes of my life I'll never get back. Damn you, 360°WE!

TV: Huh? The specified server can't be found. Damn. We actually have to finish this show! He lied. He's SO dead. If he ever gets into a quality fed and I'm there, I'll so give him the sports entertainment lesson of a lifetime.

****Jack Roper: Wow. This has been an action packed night. And things are about to get hotter. Up next, Pola Bare and a little girl will team up to take on the tag champions.****

Seth: Ex-fuckin'-scuse me? Are we serious?

TV: Uh-huh.

****Nina Chung: That is crazy! This girl probably weights less than the bench!****

TV: Wow. I wonder if she's ever been a hardcore champion?

****"Dancing Queen" by Abba begins to play. Smoke pours from the stage as Pola Bare comes racing down the ramp in his little Barbie car. Jenny walks down the ramp behind the barbie car holding the hand of a little 10 year old girl.****

Tom: Anyone else finding a pre-teen and a guy named "Bare" just a TEENSY bit creepy?

TV: Hey, she's a 10-year-old girl! She's got to be up to world title material by now.

****Pola Bare hops in the ring and holds the rope. Jenny and the little girl get in the ring.****

TV: Where's Chesta the Molesta when ya need him?

Seth: Trey! You're gonna loose us our cable deal...

****Pola Holds the little girl up above his head and poses. The fans cheer..
Nina Chung: This is just stupid****

Seth: And illeagal in 48 states!

****Jack Roper: Pola is such a goof. What the hell is he thinking? The Illegal Alliance will eat that kid up and spit her out. This is great. Just what 360 needs. Another law suit.****

TV: Hmm. Something to consider for BOB?

****Takeover by Clipse featuring Fabolous begins to play throughout the arena. The fans rise to their feet and cheer loudly for the tag team champions. A chant of Rosco, Rosco, Rosco****

Seth: (Ricky Ricardo) Lucy, Lucy, Lucy...

****begins as the Illegal Alliance steps onto the stage. With their tag titles on this shoulders, the champions calmy walk down the ramp. They roll into the ring and stand opposite Pola Bare****

Tom: Incidentally, the winner of the "Worst Pun in Pro Wrestling" three years running...

****and the little girl. The Illegal Alliance stares at Pola partner and begin to laugh histerically.****

TV: Then the 10-year-old starts laughing at the detached narrator's spelling.

****They take their belts off and hand them to the referee. The bell rings and the match is underway.
Jack Roper: This is gonna be a massacre. But hey, at least it'll be kinda funny. Haha!****

Seth: We'll be the judge of that, thank you Mr Roper!

****Rosco Banks and Pola Bare start the match off. They circle each other and lock up. Rosco uses his size to overpower Pola Bare and force him into the corner.****

Seth: Where he begins to anally... no, I'm not even going to finsh that line!

****Rosco holds him there for a moment before the referee gets in the way and forces the break. But before Rosco lets releases Pola,****

TV: He takes a break to go to Babel Fish to finish the translation for the pay-per-view. But gives up when there is no Dumbese translator.

****he rears back and slaps Pola in the face. Pola's mask bounces from the impact. Pola Bare becomes enraged and runs at Rosco. He slides between Rosco's legs and executes a back suplex.****

Crow: Hey, there's one more wrestling move than I expected to see in this match!

****The back of Rosco's head is driven into the canvas. Rosco lays on the mat and Pola jumps high into the air and lands a huge leg drop across the throat of Rosco. Pola grabs Rosco by the
head and raises him to his feet. Pola places Rosco in a head lock and tightens his grip. Rosco comes to his senses and****

Tom: ...Quits 360°WE, then burns down the building on his way out.

****pushes Pola Bare with all his might. Pola flies into the ropes and races back towards Pola. Rosco drops Pola with a huge clothesline! A huge smack is heard throughout the arena!****

Seth: Bud, hearing the work "smack" comes running back to the ring with a syringe and a length of rubber tubing.

****Nina Chung: Whoa! What a clothesline by Rosco!
Jack Roper: That almost knocked that stupid mask off Pola Bare's head!
Rosco walks over to his corner and tags in Rob Johnson.****

TV: And breaks his collar bone and is out for the season. (He looks at Seth.) That was a football reference. Injury-prone quarterback. They don't have football in Parts Unknown, do they?

Seth: Not a lot. Know any good table-tennis references?

TV: *sigh*

**** Rob Johnson enters the ring. By this time, Pola is getting to his feet. Rob walks towards Pola, but Pola executes a drop kick to the knee of Rob. Rob screams out in pain and hobbles away. Pola follows up with a bulldog, sending Rob Thomas crashing to the mat.****

TV: Serves him right for getting in the ring without a proper introduction or spot in this match.

****Pola Bare kicks Rob Johnson a few times and then turns to the crowd. Pola Bare does a little dance and the fans scream wildly.

Crow: (Fan in Back Row) PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!

****Pola climbs to the top rope and leaps through the air with a frog splash. However, Rob Johnson gets his knees up in the nick of time. ****

TV: (Rob Johnson) Fuck Doug Flutie! I'm taller than him on my knees! Owww, my knee!

****Pola comes crashing down hard across Rob Johnson's knees!****

TV: Oww, my back!

****Pola rolls over holding his stomach in pain. Rob Johnson gets to his feet and picks up Pola Bare. Rob Johnson scoops up Pola and positions him upside down on the top rope. Rob grabs Pola's head and executes a neck breaker from the tree of woo position!

TV: Bwahahaha. The tree of woo! Look at all the little Flair's on the ground.

****Nina Chung: Huge move by Rob Johnson! Pola Bare is giving it all he's got, but I'm not sure if he can pull this off by himself. After all, his partner probably won't do him much good in this match.****

[Seth makes a comment, but the network censors him. There's some lines even MSTing does not cross.]

****Jack Roper: It's his own fault for picking a random fan. If Pola had a brain, he would pick an established 360 superstar such as the Abomination, Tarrant, or Jay Cash.****

Seth: Oxymoron of the Day: "360 superstar". Mutually exclusive, my friends.

****Pola looks to be in major trouble. Rob Johnson hooks the leg and goes for the pin. The referee counts 1..2...kickout! Pola gets the shoulder up.
Jack Roper: Pola BARELY kicked outta that one! Haha! Get it? Pola BARELY kicked out!! Oh, I kill me!****

TV: Come a little closer and I'll do it for ya funny man.

****Nina Chung: Ha....ha....ha.....wait a minute. That's not funny.****

Seth: NOTHING in this excuse for a Pay-Per-View is funny! Or entertaining! Trey, you do realise I'll have to punish you for this! I will have revenge, mark me well. I'll tape a months worth of EHW shows and make you watch them! In fact, I'll make you write ESSAYS about them! You'll pay for subjecting me to this dross!

****Rob Johnson raises up Pola Bare and wraps his arm around Pola's head. Rob Johnson drops Pola with a huge ddt.****

TV: So big, it's lowercased!

****Pola seems to be unconscious. He's not moving at all. An arrogant Rob Johnson turns to the fans to gloat. Taking his time, he walks to his corner and tags in Rosco Banks. Rosco comes over to Pola Bare and lifts him up. Rosco whips Pola into the ropes. Rosco lowers his head for a back drop, but somehow Pola catches himself on the ropes and kicks Rosco right in the face!
Rosco holds his mouth as a small drop of blood flows from his lip.****

Seth: Wussy-ass bladejob, huh?

****Pola dashes across the ring and leaps! Pola reaches out and tags his partner, the 10 year old girl!
Jack Roper: What the hell?! What is she gonna do?! ****

TV: Well, let's hope she doesn't have to blade.

****The girl is reluctant at first to enter the ring. Rosco Banks stands there and laughs at her. After a moment, she becomes quite angry at Rosco for laughing.****

Tom: (Girl) You big meanie!

****She runs at Rosco who is still laughing histerically. The little girl kicks Rosco in the shin! Rosco yells out and hobbles around on one leg.****

Crow: Whoa, Girl Power!

****The fans laugh. Rosco gets a sinister look on his face and walks towards the girl.****

TV: (Rosco) A bitch is a bitch!

****She tries to run out of the ring, but Rosco grabs her by her hair! Rosco pulls her back into the ring drags her to the center. Rosco positions her for a powerbomb!****

Seth: Okay, so he's got a ten-year-olds head between his thighs and I'M the one that got censored before? Jesus!

****The fans roar with excitement!
Nina Chung: No! Don't do it Rosco! She's just a 10 year old fan!
Jack Roper: Haha! Rosco's gonna kill her!****

TV: This is entertaining. And yes, I'm being dead serious. I have NEVER seen this before. At least not on TV.

Seth: And with luck, we NEVER will...

****Rosco lifts the girl high into the air and drives her into the canvas with a huge powerbomb! The little girl is all but destroyed. She lays there motionless.****

TV: I feel dirty. Why doesn't he just molest her while he's at it. Fucking hell.

Seth: What's worse. Somewhere, somehow... there's a booker who thought this was a GOOD idea. Don't do crack, kids... it's just not worth it!

****Rosco looks down at her and chuckles. He drops down and pins her. The referee counts 1..2... Rosco raises the girl up! Rosco isn't finished embarassing her yet.****

TV: Umm. I think he just embarrassed the fed more than anything else. I suddenly am having a flashback to Sinead O'Connor on Saturday Night Live. And we have to be funny now?

Seth: Trey, fuck funny and fuck 360°WE.

Tom: We're with you, Seth...

Crow: Amen to that!

**** Rosco raises her to her feet and walks with her over to Rob Johnson. Rosco tags in Rob. They both grab the little girl and set her up for their finisher! The girl is just about to be hit with the Illegal Alliance's patented finishing maneuver with Pola Bare rushes over to the rescue! He grabs Rob Johnson and spins him around. Pola spits a mist in Johnson's eyes
and then kicks him in the face!
Nina Chung: Pola-nator! Pola-nator! Pola-nator! Whoo-hooo!!
Jack Roper: Damn, calm down. You're getting too worked up.****

TV: Yeah.

****Johnson collapses to the mat. Rosco Banks sees what happened and charges at Pola. However, Pola sidesteps Rosco's attack and sends Rosco flying through the ropes to the outside. Pola Bare grabs the unconscious little girl and pulls her on top of Rob Johnson!****

Seth: Y'know, I think Russo must be booking this. The taste, the tact, the subtle undertones... all of them, completely absent from the match. It's Vinnie-Roo, all right!

****The fans roar loudly! The referee drops to his knees and begins the count.....1...2...3
POLA BARE & LITTLE GIRL WINS AND WINS THE TAG TEAM BELTS****

TV: Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse. God. Fucking Damn.

Seth: We're gonna need more beer to get through this one. Maybe some Scotch, too...

****Nina Chung: OH MY! Pola Bare and the Little Girl has done it! This is amazing!
Pola Bare grabs a microphone just as Rob and Rosco slide out of the ring.
Pola Bare: Hold on! Rosco...Rob..Hold on! Ha ha! I beat you guys. But wait, that is all I cared about. I don't care about these title.****

Seth: (PB) I don't care about the act of child abuse we just enacted in the name of Sports Entertainment.

****I care about the win and I haven't been beat yet. Even with fat guys and little girls by my side I continue to dominate. BUt anyways, the point is I don't want these belts. Here.. Keep them!****

TV: Burn the things. Please.

****Jack Roper: WHAT!?! Pola just threw the belts back to Illegal Alliance vwhat does this mean. Even Rob and Rosco looks stunned as Pola walks by them with the little girl following.****

TV: It means that little girl just took a powerbomb for no fucking reason!

****Rob Johnson and Rosco Banks looks at each other and shrugs they start walking toward the back. Rob gets slightley ahead of Rosco. Rosco raises the belt and whacks Rob in the head.****

Seth: Yep, a swerve. Let's add fuel to the fuck-up they just perpetrated...

****The crowd goes quite.****

TV: I'm about to join them in their going.

****Rosco beats the crap out of Johnson. Banks DDT's Rob on the steel and leaves him lying in a puddle of his own blood. Rosco takes Rob's title and walks back into the back as the fans boo.
Nina Chung: Wait, what just happened? I am confused.****

Crow: We all are.

Tom: I don't know, I'm more disgusted and bored than confused.

****Pola wins, but doesn't want the belts. He gives them back to Illegal Alliance but Rosco turns on Rob and keeps them hisself?****

TV: This is harder to follow than Chinese arithmetic.

****Jack Roper: That is what it looks like. Damn, that is weird. Anyways, Rosco is going to have to come right back out here to take on Trey Reed. ****

TV: What did he just say? Tell me I didn't just hear that a jobber shares my name.

****"One Step Closer" by Linkin Park starts to blast over the P.A. The fans errupt into loud cheers. Strobe lights start to blink on and off. ****

TV: Thus killing the 'strobe effect.'

****Nina Chung: Well, it looks like we are getting ready to hear from Jack Diamond. Earlier in the weekend, Joe Beck set up a match for next weeks, Black Saturday.****

Seth: Which was TWO weeks away less than twenty minutes ago, but who's counting, right?

****Jack Diamond will take on DoD member T-roC. roC had some bad things to say about Jack in an interview and Diamond caught wind of them.****

TV: After some Mexican food.

****Jack Diamond steps in the ring and smiles. He grabs a mic and waits for the fans to quiten and the music to die down. ****

TV: All the fans are quitting on this show. Do you blame them after what we've just seen?

Seth: Not at all.

****Jack Diamond: Thank You! I am glad to be here is beautiful Miami, Florida.****

TV: Woohoo! I know where Miami is! I'm totally marking out for him now! He's good!

****My home away from home! As a matter of fact I have a Condo down here.****

TV: He has a condom down where?

Seth: Down there...

****But nevertheless...Tonight is great! Mainly because I am here!
Jack Roper: That is right Nina. My night has gotten better now.***

TV: (Jack) I just took a cyanide pill and am getting out of this mess of a life.

****Jack Diamond: I told everyone I would be here. There is some business I must take care of. As you all know, I will have my debut match next week on Black Saturday. Against who? That sorry sunva bitch...T-rOC!****

Seth: Man, will they just sign Sunva Bitch to a contract, already! They keep dropping his name, it MUST be an angle!

****The fans boo...
Jack Diamond: Yes that is him. I mean, the guy couldn't even beat Lord Skywolf tonight. The king of jobber! Ha.****

TV: Me made funny. Hur hur hur.

****Anyways I am going to kick his ass next week. And I would like to state that in the next few weeks, I am going to put DoD through some major hell.****

TV: Even worse than the weekly hell that is televised here?

****They are going down. DoD will be DEAD!****

Crow: A witty man would have said "DoD will be DOA", Jack.

****The fans explode into cheers once more as "Once Step Closer" plays again. Jack Diamond tosses the microphone down and leaves the ring area. The fans start cheering and chanting his name.****

Crow: LOS-ER! LOS-ER! LOS-ER!

****Nina Chung: WOW! He seemed pumped up and that match next week will be great. Well, lets get to the next match. Rosco who was just out here will have to come out here once more****

Tom: (Nina) ...The go back in there, back out here and fight up there and round there, finishing down here.

Seth: Where?

****and take on Trey Reed. I don't think Rosco has what it takes!
Jack Roper: Me neither Nina. Rosco got the crap beat out of him by a little girl. I wouldn't be the same either.****

TV: *Sigh*.

****Red lights blink on and off, as blue lights join in,****

TV: And here come the talent police. They're about to arrest a lot of people for impersonating sports entertainers.

****they stop pyro goes off, and it stops.****

Seth: Gee, even their pyro up and quit in protest!

****"Run 4 Cover" By Redman and Methodman hits the system. The crowd erupts in boos, and begins to chant "Banks Yanks Wanks!"
Jack Roper: Banks Spanks Wanks? What's up with that? ****

TV: Those are masturbation references. Get with it.

****Nina Chung: What's up is that Rosco Banks is coming out here, and let's just say that he does not have the support of the crowd.
Rosco steps out from backstage accompanied by Clyde. Rosco has a smile on his face as he walks to the ring with both tag straps on his shoulders. He flips off the crowd as the boos escalate to an ultimate high.****

Seth: Ultimate high, huh? Bud and X-pac must be out there somewhere!

****Pamela Roberts: And introducing first in this Standard Match-Up. Weighing in
at 243 pounds and standing 6'3. Accompanied by Clyde, Rooosco Baaanks!
Jack Roper: Rosco Made history tonight.
Nina Chung: How's that.
Jack Roper: By becoming the first man that can say he is one WHOLE of the tag team champs.****

Crow: Yeah, I follow that logic. Not.

****Everyone else was simply a half, even that damn Pola Bare.
Nina Chung: Yeah that Pola Bare that donated the belts to Rosco.
Jack Roper: Either way Rosco finally got smart and ditched his partner, the penis guy,****

TV: New gimmick idea there? Uh, maybe not.

**** and know he is going to end his losing streak. Look at Rosco looking the best I've ever seen him.****

Tom: (Roper) Which ain't saying much!

****Nina Chung: Looking a little tired, he'd better hope he can pull off two matches back to back.
"Forgot About Trey" by the Endgamers f/Dr. Dre, Eminem, Snoop Dog, Xzibit, Lil Romeo, Master P, P. Diddy, Biggie Smalls and Afroman hit it up yo!****

TV: Umm. Unless I'm completely out of it, isn't Biggie Smalls dead? How could he write this song? And this song would be an East Coast/West Coast gang war. This match needs to be thrown out just for the fact that I am the only Trey that matters kids.

****The lights dim and a blue spotlight appears at the top of the entrance ramp. Trey Reed steps out from the back with his head hung low and his arms crossed.****

Seth: ...His knees polished, his back shaved and his toenails painted cherry red.

****The crowd gives him a mixed reaction.
Pamela Roberts: And his opponent weighing in at 222 pounds and standing 6'3. It's the Last Action Hero, Treeeeey Reeeeed!****

TV: He's blaspheming my name! This is awful. He's named after the worst Arnold Schwarzenneger movie? Aside from Kindergarten Cop and his last few.

****Jack Roper: Here comes the man that's going to save us all, Trey Reed. Ican be your hero baby! I can take away the pain.
Nina Chung: What are you talking about?****

Seth: Nobody will ever, EVER know!

****Jack Roper: I was singing Enrique Iglesias.
Nina Chung: Anyway, Trey looks good and ready for the match. He seems to be the favorite here as well.
Jack Roper: It's hard not to be the favorite against Rosco. When's the last time he's won a match?
Nina Chung: I don't know but ti looks like Rosco is ready to put up a fight tonight.
Ding Ding Ding!
Trey Reed and Rosco eye each other down in the ring. Rosco Banks starts first as he comes at Trey Reed with a series of right punches. Trey is able to evade and sits laughing at Rosco.****

TV: This guy is trying to rip off my attitude I think. God. Damn. Him.

****Rosco comes again this time attempting a lariat, but Trey once again evades.
Jack Roper: Rosco is looking a little sluggish out there, all that alcohol seems to be taking an affect. ****

TV: I've had that problem before when I've sports entertained. Most embarrassing defeat of my life.

Seth: Rosco Banks IS Scott Hall in Neil Simons' "Only When I Drink!". This fall on FOX!

****Nina Chung: I think Rosco is just a little tired from his last match, Trey is at 100% still, he's really at an advantage here.****

Crow: Having stolen Treys Vincent's name and gimmick in a cheap attempt to fool gullible fans.

****Rosco comes at Trey a third time, this time Trey counters with a dropkick sending Rosco to the mat. Trey immediately goes for a halfcrab.****

TV: Aw, that's not right, leave the poor crab alone, hasn't he suffered enough.

****Nina Chung: Trey Reed can dip into a variety of styles.****

TV: Cool ranch. Cream cheese…

****It'll be interesting to see how Rosco responds to this.
Rosco reaches the ropes and trey is forced to break the hold. Trey backs off as Rosco manages to climb to his feet. Rosco tries to take a breather****

Seth: Well, that marathon effort in the Three Minites of Child Abuse Match really took its toll, huh?

****but Trey comes over and lands a ddt.
Nina Chung: This can't go on if Rosco wants to stand a chance. Trey is dominating this match so far. ****

TV: Well at least he's got THAT much right.

****Clyde comes over and manages to trip Trey Reed. The ref looks over and Clyde pretends as if he had nothing to do with it.****

Tom: (Ref) Watch that surface, Trey. Deceptively flat and featureless there...

****Jack Roper: You asked for it you got it Nina. Clyde just came to the rescue there.Rosco capitalizes and manages to get to his feet first.****

TV: And fails the capitalisation test. Should have been Manages To Get To His Feet First.

****He lands a few powerful stomps on the back of Trey Reed. Trey then manages to get to a knee, but Rosco hits a kick which sends Trey to the mat again. He then continues the stomping.****

Seth: Seth continues the napping.

****Nina Chung: Rosco is relentlessly pounding on Reed here.
Jack Roper: Reed isn't even getting a chance to get up, or breath for that matter.
Reed pushes Rosco away and manages to get to his feet. Rosco comes back strong with a kick to the mid section followed by a vertical suplex.
Nina Chung: Rosco has really turned the tides here.
Jack Roper: And Trey is drowning in them, what a nice move by Rosco.****

Crow: Mix metaphors much?

****Nina Chung: First you say he's no good now you are complimenting him?
Jack Roper: Hey, everyone likes a winner.
Rosco pulls Trey Reed to his feet, but is met by a punch. Trey throws Rosco 0into the ropes then hits a big swinging DDT.****

TV: Why was that swinging there?

****Nina Chung: Let me guess, now you are in love with Trey. ****

TV: You homosexual you.

****Jack Roper: No Nina, wasn't that you having a love affair with Trey a few weeks back? ****

TV: She ain't hot enough for me.

Seth: This commentary is turning into a grade-school argument here! Five bucks says Roper hits her with a plastic dump-truck and runs away!

****Trey Reed starts a submission maneuver on Rosco, however Clyde slides into the ring and nails the ref in the back with a chair. The crowd begins to boo.
Nina Chung: He just hit the referee, send him to the back or something.****

Tom: (Nina) Make him stand in the corner!

****Jack Roper: What are you talking about the ref slipped, the ring gets a little slick with all the sweat.****

TV: This isn't even funny pathetic any more. It's just pathetic.

Seth: How much more of this is left, Comabot?

[Gentle snores emanate from the projection booth]

Seth: Smart boy at times, our Coma...

****Trey turns around and sees Clyde with the chair. Clyde points at Trey with the chairlaughing at him.****

TV: Pot, kettle, black.

****Rosco Banks manages to get to his feet as Trey has his back turned to him.
Nina Chung: Trey is getting set up, there's a threat on both sides.
Jack Roper: Kind of like you Nina, getting "attacked" from the front and back at the same time. ****

TV: Ah, Nina is the meat in a human sandwich?

Seth: Sounds like it. Subtlety and taste, thy name is 360°WE!

****Clyde swings but Trey ducks and Clyde nails Rosco with the chair sending him to the mat. Clyde backs off from Trey, however Trey grabs him and hits a belly to belly suplex.
Nina Chung: That just goes to show that cheating never wins.****

TV: But cheatERS do win. The actual cheat assures nothing genius. Why are we still watching this?

Seth: It's like a five-car wreck on the Interstate, Trey. You know you should pause and rubberneck, but you just can't loom away!

****Jack Roper: And that was brought to you by our proud sponsor Nina Chung, call in today for her special after hours rates. ****

Seth: Jack, you bitch!

TV: Bwahahaha. Where's my cell phone.

****Rosco gets to his feet and grabs the chair. However trey sees this and drop kicks Rosco, the chair hitting him right in the face. ***

TV: A Van Treyminator, no doubt?

****Rosco stumbles back into the corner dazed, he bounces off and slowly begins to stumble forward,****

Crow: could someone deactivate me until the show is over? I've lost the will to live...

****Trey Reed seizing the opportunity runs at Rosco and springboards himself off the second rope then nailing a big inverted bulldog. The crowd erupts in****

TV: Vomit.

****cheers.
Nina Chung: That was quite the move by Trey Reed there. The crowd loved it.
Jack Roper: There's Rosco on his back again, almost as much as you Nina.
Reed locks in a double armbar, as Rosco cries out in pain.
Jack Roper: I don't get it, both his arms are locked, how's he going to tap?****

Seth: Not even Gene Kelly could tap in that position!

****Nina Chung: If Rosco isn't careful I guess you'll get the answer pretty soon.
Jack Roper: I guess he'll have to kick is legs or something.****

TV: Yeah, or maybe he'll scream out 'I'm your bitch.'

****Clyde comes again out of nowhere****

TV: There's a porno name I don't think I've seen. Nowhere. So many good movie titles there. Er…on second thought, maybe not. It's just, the word come is always next to nowhere. And from. Damnit, it sounded good before I said it. Edit this out later Coma!

****and stomps on Reed the referee still not recovered, Reed angrily gets up and Clyde again backs away. This time Rosco is able to save Clyde with a chair shot to the back. Rosco tosses the chair out of the ring and Clyde manages to revive the ref, as Rosco goes for the pin.
Nina Chung: Reed is about to get cheated.****

Seth: Anyone else now think English is NOT Ninas' first language?

****The referee administers the count but Reed manages to kickout. Rosco angered gets up and gets in the referees face. He turns around to meet Trey Reed who is rising to his feet. ****

Tom: (Rosco) Hey Trey.

Trey: Huh?

****Jack Roper: I'm suprised to see that Trey kicked out.
Nina Chung: I'm glad, Rosco doesn't deserve this win.****

Seth: And we don't deserve this torture! END, DAMN YOU!

****Reed attempts to gain control, but Rosco manages to nail a DDT.
Nina Chung: Rosco's coming back.
Rosco wastes no time as he picks Trey Reed up again. He then sets Reed up and powerbombs him hard down into the mat. Not satisfied he picks Trey up a second time. ****

TV: (Reed) Give me a girl! This is silly! This move is useless now. Hell, give me a baby!

****Jack Roper: Trey has taken over in this last few moments.
Nina Chung: Yeah and he did it all by himself. ****

TV: Is he toilet trained too?

****Jack Roper: Why do you have to say it like that Nina? Rosco did it all by himself.
Rosco punches Trey a few times and sends him staggering back. Rosco then sets him up again and powerbombs him, this time powerbombing him right into the turnbuckle.****

[Seth's cellphone rings]

Seth: Hello? Hey, "Not"! Just watching a PPV, buddy. You should have seen this. Some dick give his opponent a powerbomb into the turnbuckle. Nearly broke his back. What? 360°WE... Uh-huh. Yeah, red-hot poker time, all round. Later, buddy.

TV: You know "Not" Keith?

Seth: Friend of a friend...

****Reed is left sitting dazed, whit his back propped up against the turnbuckle.
Jack Roper: That one had to hurt.
Nina Chung: I have to agree with you. Trey got slammed right into the post.
Jack Roper: Well Trey likes jumping off of it a lot, I guess it got mad and decided to do something about it. And it might have indeed done Trey in for this match.
Rosco starts to choke Trey with his right leg. He then props himself up on the bottom rope for more leverage.
Nina Chung: Nina! This is a a position you are used to, gagging on something! Help him out Nina!****

TV: Bwahahaha. Now THAT'S funny.

Tom: Especially since she appears to be insulting herself!

****The ref forces Rosco to break the hold as Trey holds his throat and the crowd erupts in boos. Rosco hearing this starts to flip the crowd off.
Jack Roper: I smell a Brooklyn Back Breaker coming on!****

TV: Or did Nina just fart?

Seth: Rosco calls for the Brooklyn Back breaker and a 300-pound guy called "Vito" turns up.

****He's already almost snapped that back of Trey's right in half.
Nina Chung: First he's going to have to stop concentrating on the fans.****

TV: Is he trying to hypnotise them or something?

****Jack Roper: He's sending them a message, shut up. I think he needs to send you that same message. ****

TV: Shut off your television!

****Rosco Banks climbs to the first rope and flips off the fans more. Trey Reed staggers to his feet and makes his way over to Rosco who has his back turned. Reed grabs Rosco from behind and executes a German****

TV: In an ironic twist, a German is executed by a Jew. I assume.

****suplex sending Rosco to the ground.
Nina Chung: Rosco felt that one, he was pretty high up.****

Tom: (Roper) Not as high as Bud!

****Jack Roper: He was only on the first rope Nina calm down.
Nina Chung: It was still a huge move, and look Trey Reed is going to the top rope.
Trey Reed ascends the ropes as the crowd waits in anticipation.****

TV: (Fan) When will this shit be over.

****Nina Chung: He is going to do a huge move, Reed is always performing acrobatic feats.
Trey Reed jumps and performs a 450 Splash landing on Rosco Banks and the crowd erupts in cheers and blinding flash photography.****

Seth: (Sings) Blinded by the light...

TV: You're lucky I'm too apathetic right now to hit you...

****All of a sudden Johnny Kewl appears at the top of the ramp applauding. Trey Reed ignores Rosco and stares at Kewl.
Jack Roper: What is Johnny Kewl doing out here?! Isn't he busy Katknocking or something?

Crow: WHAT knocking? Is that some weird sexual euphemism?

Seth: Well, whoever wrote this was definitely a cock-knocker, so I guess so.

****Nina Chung: Read up on your history Jack. Reed and Rosco used to be friends back in their NEW days. They were partners back in Profit$.
Jack Roper: That was then and this is now Nina.
Nina Chung: Yeah, but maybe Johnny Kewl is inviting Reed into the Cartrocking Alliance. They need to come back strong after being absent, and I see Trey Reed as a good addition personally.
Jack Roper: Shut up you Trey Reed mark.****

TV: (Nina) No you shut up bitch!

****By now Johnny Kewl has descended the ramp still on his crutches. Now Trey Reed stands in the ring eyeing down Kewl, who only returns the glance.
Nina Chung: The suspense is killing me.****

Seth: But you're the only one who cares, Nina...

****Jack Roper: I hope it hurries and kills you Nina, you are getting on my nerves. ****

TV: Toss everyone here into a U-Haul with cut brake lines and let's take 'em to a cliff.

****Rosco gets to his feet, he moves up behind Trey who is leaning on the ropes. Rosco yanks Reed's feet lifting them into the air sending Reed flipping over the ropes landing right in front of Johnny Kewl.
Jack Roper: I forgot about Rosco there.
Nina Chung: Obviously so did Trey.****

Tom: ...And the entire paying public!

****Johnny Kewl looks down at the fallen Reed, he then extends a hand to him. ****

TV: Coughheelturncough. Stevie Wonder just called.

Seth: Yep. They didn't just telegraph it, they made copies and e-mailed it to all their friends.

****Nina Chung: I told you they were friends.
Johnny Kewl helps Reed to a knee before letting go. However he then grabs on of his crutches and cracks reed across the head with it, sending him down to the ground. He then he then exits up the ramp as the crowd boos. Rosco goes for the pin...1...2...3.
ROSCO BANKS WINS THE MATCH****

Seth: Hooray for him. Is it over yet?

****Jack Roper: Rosco Banks Just Got the WIN!!! WHAT THE HELL!*****

TV: Make up job.

****Nina Chung: Yes, with a little help from Jonny Kewl. I thought Reed and Kewl were friends. This is strange.****

Seth: Suddenly, Nina sounds as bored as I am...

****Well, Rosco won a singles match and is still the tag champs. What a great match. Rosco slides out of the ring and lifts Trey to his feet, he then executes the Brooklyn Back Breaker, before going up the ramp as well. Clyde follows with the tag belts in hand, stomping on Trey as he goes. ***

TV: But his foot eventually stops hitting his body and he just looks silly.

****Jack Roper: Everyone is getting a hit on Trey, I guess I should too. I bet money on that boy! Now I'm too broke to even buy you Nina. ****

TV: Man, he's getting a couple good lines finally. Took long enough.

****The circa-tron cuts on and Pola Bare is walking around backstage.****

Seth: Dangerous Animal on the Loose Mauls 10-year old Girl In the Name of Sports Entertainment! Film at 11.

TV: (PB) Where's the snow?

****He bumps into Lanny Watkins.
Lenny Watkins: Pola Bare. What didn't you keep the tag team belts. I mean, you won that match and tecnically you are one half of the tag team champs.
Pola Bare: What do you mean? I'm not half of the tag champs.
Lenny Watkins: You defeated the Illegal Alliance, everyone saw it.
Pola Bare: I didn't see it. You'd think I would remember something like that.****

Seth: Hey, this isn't fair! if I have to remember seeing that shithouse tag match, so should HE!

****Lenny Watkins: But the tag titles, and..
Pola Bare: Tag titles? What would I want with those? You are confusing me, if you'll excuse me I need to go get ready. I got me a fugitive to bag tonight.
Pola Bare then walks off leaving Watkins confused.****

TV: He finally going to get that Richard Kimble.

****The whole arena becomes dark, and then the lights on the circatron lights flashes rhythmically to the bells of "Rap Superstar" by Cypress Hill. Pyros go off and X-Rodd is seen at the top of the ramp making his way to the ring.
Pamela Roberts: This next matchup is for Eternity Title gold.****

TV: OH, we finally have a fitting name for this fed's title. Yes.

***Introducing first the contender. Weighing in at 249 pounds and standing
6'6, he is X-Rooooooddddd!!
Jack Roper: Look it's X-Rodd out to get his hand assed to him again.****

[Trey falls over and is hysterical. Seth slides down in his seat in similar fits of giggles. We hear Trey pounding on the floor and BWAHAHAHAing away and trying to draw in breaths very loudly.]

****Nina Chung: His hand what?
Jack Roper: I'm just saying. Abomination has put X-Rodd away several times already here in 360. Doesn't he know when to give up?
Nina Chung: They said the third time is a charm and X-Rodd is here to fight tonight.****

Seth: *snort* well, that didn't make up for the tag match, but it's a start, huh?

****The lights cut out as Slipknot's "Left Behind" plays through the arena. An eerie green light is cast upon ringside as the Abomination appears on the ramp.****

TV: Is there a pretty shade of green? (Trey asks, getting back to his chair with one last snort of laughter.)

****Jack Roper: Maybe but he his fighting this man.
Pamela Roberts: And the Eternity Champion, weighing in at 320 pounds and standing 6'10. He is the Abomination!****

TV: Yet another fitting name.

Seth: Yeah, this whole fucking nights' been an abomination!

****Nina Chung: And he is a giant. X-Rodd is going to have a tough time mounting..
Jack Roper: MOUNTING?!
Nina Chung: Mounting a win Jack. Get your mind out of the gutter.****

Crow: Roper would need a stepladder just to get his mind INTO the gutter!

***Jack Roper: Folks, what Nina is trying to say is that Abomination makes even X-Rodd look like some little midget.****

TV: (Jack) Who is the perfect height for certain acts.

Seth: I guess he clarified that statement so we don't think he's talking about a Big Midget, huh?

****Abomination slides into the ring and X-Rodd begins attacking, stomping Abomination right back out of the ring. ***

TV: And the crowd breaks out in an X-Pac sucks chant oddly enough.

****Nina Chung: X-Rodd coming out of the gates quickly.****

Tom: What, no foreplay or anything?

****Jack Roper: It's the only way he stands a chance, Abomination is just so menacing and powerful one blow for him and you are done.****

TV: Uh oh, I sense some sort of blow job joke…

****Nina Chung: Sounds like you speak from experience Jack.
Jack Roper: Nina, stop trying to be like me.
X-Rodd slides out of the ring where Abomination is still recovering. X-Rodd knees Abomination right in the side knocking him against the ring. X-Rodd climbs up onto the apron, he waits for Abomination to get up before he dropkicks him off the apron right into the ring steps.
Nina Chung: Abomination is getting punished early on in the match. X-Rodd not even showing a hint of slowing down.
Jack Roper: Abomination not even showing a hint of getting up, he'd better pull it together.
Nina Chung: Why don't you pull it for him? You name isn't Jack for no
reason. ****

TV: The punk card has been tossed. Will he stand?

****Jack Roper: Nina you are getting a little mouthy tonight. What's wrong?!****

Seth: (Nina) I'm in this fed and I hate my life!

****Nina Chung: I'm just giving you a little taste of your own medicine.
Jack Roper: If you gave me a taste of your medicine your boobs my boobs would get bigger.****

TV: And your brain, my brain would work.

****Nina Chung: If that's even possible, no back to the match.
The referee has come to the outside and is forcing X-Rodd to go into the ring. Abom follows.****

Crow: In movie terms, this match is going to be "A bom", all right...

****Jack Roper: Aww the ref is going to cost X-Rodd the match.***

TV: Man, is kayfabe too much to ask for? Uh. When it's not us. *Snicker*.

****Nina Chung: How?****

Seth: (Nina) ...Paleface. You smoke um peace pipe with Bud and X-Pac?

****Abom walks over to X-Rodd. X-Rodd lands a few punches but they don't take an immediate affect.****

Tom: They're special time-release punches from 3-M!

****Abom then throws X-Rodd across the ring by the neck.
Jack Roper: Just like that, X-Rodd can't afford to let up offensively.
Abom walks over to X-Rodd and effortlessly picks him up by the neck. He doesn't let go and lifts X-Rodd to his feet, still holding on to the neck.
Jack Roper: X-Rodd is getting tossed around like a rag doll, or beat around like that little whore Nina.****

Seth: Y'know, I think I liked Jack in his more subtle phase at the start of the card. When was that, four, five hours back?

****Nina Chung: Or passed around like Jack Roper at the rainbow cafe. I can't take this anymore, I've been listening to your crap all night. ****

TV: She was finally winning? Why's she leaving all of a sudden?

****Nina gets up and starts walking to the backstage. Abomination in the ring still has his hands around X-Rodd's neck. He then lifts him up and chokeslams him out of the ring taking out Nina Chung in the process.****

Seth: Oh, Good fucking God!

****Jack Roper: Wow! Someone finally killed Nina Chung! I think Abomination might have killed X-Rodd too. ****

TV: Ah, now I get it. Verbal abuse of women is not enough here in, what was the name of this fed again?

Seth: I no longer give a crap, Trey.

TV: Well, wherever we are, it's not enough, it must be verbal and physical. Expect some protesting yentas.

****X-Rodd manages to get to his feet rather quickly and climbs back onto the apron.
Jack Roper: Nina must have broken his fall!
Abom runs over and nails a clothesline on X-Rodd who is still on the apron. X-Rodd flies off and once again nails Nina Chung who was just picking herself off the ground.****

Tom: C'mon, do the world a fvour and squish Roper, too! And the booker!

****Jack Roper: This is just incredible!! Nina is down, X-Rodd is down, Abomination smells. It's chaos!****

TV: Um. Yeah. I've had it. Somebody get me a razorblade, please.

**** I can't wait until Nina crawls back over here, she'll never hear the end of it.****
Abomination walks over to the outside of the ring. He gets on the apron andX-Rodd is nowhere to be seen.****

Seth: Yeah, I'd walk out too. This fed needs a stake driven through its' heart!

****Jack Roper: He's going to eat you Nina. Crawl away! Crawl away!****

TV: (Nina) He's going to eat me? Well let me spread my legs then! Wooga!

****X-Rodd comes out of nowhere with a dropkick to Abominations legs. Abomination tumbles down off the apron. X-Rodd takes control as he lifts up and slams Abom's knee into the ground. He then proceeds to do the same to the other knee leaving Abomination holding both knees in pain. ****

TV: When's the eating gonna happen?

****Jack Roper: I almost forgot Nina was missing.****

Tom: Yeah, it's been at least twelve seconds since you mentioned it!

****X-Rodd with a few nice moves, he's going to cut down Abomination at the knees, then maybe they will see eye to eye.
X-Rodd raises Abomination to his feet. He then manages to nail a standing swinging****

Crow: ...Shaking, Shimmying, Circulating...

****DDT and Abomination goes head first into the ground. The referee forces X-Rodd into the ring once again, as Abomination is left laying.
Jack Roper: There goes he referee messing with X-Rodd again.
Abomination gets to his feet and pulls himself up to the apron. X-Rodd then sends Abomination into the ring with a monkey toss.****

TV: Leave that monkey alone! I'm gonna tell, uh, PETA?

****Jack Roper: Nina come back I hate doing move by move commentary.****

Seth: So fuck up, already!

****Abom manages to get to his feet. X-Rodd goes for a move but he messes up and is met with a big boot right to the face.****

All: YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP!

Tom: ...the moment you signed a 360 contract!

****Jack Roper: NATE with a big boot. Wow that was Amazing. Best boot I've ever seen.
Abomination exits the ring. He reaches under the apron and grabs a table. The referee runs out of the ring and tries to rip the table from Abomination's hands. Abomination then nails the referee with the table.
Jack Roper: Too many non wrestlers are getting hurt this match.****


Seth: And Roper's still untouched. Life is just not fair at times!

****But I'm glad someone finally took zebraman out.
Abomination sets the table up and slides back into the ring. Nina Chung makes her way back over to the announce table. X-Rodd punches Abomination hard which sends him staggering back into the ropes. X-Rodd then charges at Abomination trying to knock him over the ropes through a table, however Abomination moves and X-Rodd almost falls over himself.

TV: Gee, don't strain yourself on play-by-play Jack.

****Jack Roper: How's life Nina?
Nina Chung: Shut up.****

TV: And life is back to normal.

****X-Rodd then stops himself and turns around but he is met by Abomination.
Abomination knees him then lifts him up above his head before powerbombing him down out of the ring and through the table on the outside.
Nina Chung: Wow what a move by Abomination. That was something you could only pray to see in a hardcore match.****

Seth: This is something I'm praying I'll never have to see again!

All: AMEN!

****Jack Roper: X-Rodd just keeps getting knocked out of the ring again and again.
Nina Chung: X-Rodd is in a hole.****

TV: (Jack) And speaking of being in holes…

****Abomination has changed this match into a hardcore one which he knows how to fight in, and he already has a size advantage.
Jack Roper: Look at that X-Rodd just rolled under the ring.
Nina Chung: Maybe he has something up his sleeve.
Abomination goes over to inspect the damage. For the second time he doesn't see X-Rodd. He decides to climb back into the ring.
Jack Roper: He learned his lesson, X-Rodd got him good last time.
Nina Chung: I guess he's just going to wait for X-Rodd.****

Crow: Because there's only so many moves you can fit into a nine-hour event! Let's all stand around for a while!

****X-Rodd slides out from under and the referee gets up at this time.
Jack Roper: I guess X-Rodd was just getting a breather.****

Seth: Yes, it WAS pointless! And your point?

****X-Rodd slides into the ring. Abomination swings and misses, X-Rodd manages to get behind Abomination and hit a one handed bulldogg. X-Rodd goes for the pin but he comes up short.
Nina Chung: Nice kickout by Abomination, showing that he is still in this match.****

Seth: More than you can say for me.

****Both men now are on their feet. X-Rodd strikes first catching Abomination off guard with a gordbuster.

TV: Who you gonna call?

Everyone: Gordbuster!

TV: When there's something boring, on your TV screen, who you gonna call?

Everyone: Gordbuster!

****Jack Roper: I don't know which pill X-Rodd popped while he was under the ring, but he's come back stronger than ever.****

Seth: Oh. tell me they're not stealing the "Duelling Doinks" bit, are they?

****Nina Chung: Abomination seems to be overwhelmed, he is taking several good slams from X-Rodd.
X-Rodd gets to his feet and he drags Abomination to his. He then Irish Whips Abomination into he turnbuckle. X-Rodd backs up and charges, but Abomination counters with a big boot. X-Rodd stands groggy as Abomination makes his way to the top rope.
Jack Roper: X-Rodd in trouble here.
Nina Chung: You are actually right for once.
Abomination goes for a flying clothesline but X-Rodd sidesteps it. Rodd then capitalizes by stomping mercilessly on Abomination.****

Crow: If anyone's got a comment, shout it out. I'm done with this.

Tom: I'm dry.

Seth: Neeeh.

****Jack Roper: Abomination is the one in trouble now.
Abomination staggers to his feet still taking in kicks from X-Rodd. He is kicks back into the ropes which he uses to get up.
Nina Chung: You have to be strong to get up when someone is kicking you like that.****

Seth: My brain hurts.

****Abomination pulls himself to his feet with the ropes but he cannot fend off X-Rodd's assault. X-Rodd then delivers a knee to the midsection which leaves Abomination kneeling over.
Jack Roper: Abomination is taking a lot of damage,
X-Rodd with all his might then lifts up the heavy Abomination.
Jack Roper: Come on X-Rodd. Be the train! I think I can, I think I can!!****

Crow: HEY! Don't steal my riffs, Nina!

TV: This match is more like AMTRAK. Derailed.

****Nina Chung: I don't know if he can pull this off. Abomination is heavy.
X-Rodd then manages to land the X-Driver sending Abomination down hard to the mat.
Jack Roper: CHOO CHOO!! X-DRIVER. ABOMINATION IS OUT COLD.****

Seth: So's Trey...

TV: *Zzzzzzzz*

****X-Rodd goes for the pin and gets the 1-2-3. The crowd gives their new eternity champion a mixed reaction as he quickly ascends the turnbuckles raising his arms in victory.
X-RODD WINS AND IS THE NEW ETERNITY CHAMPION****

Tom: ...And it only took an eternity to do it. Huzzah.

****Nina Chung: He did it! He beat Abomination, one of the top men in this fed. X-Rodd has moved a mountain of a man tonight. He deserves the belt.
X-Rodd grabs his belt and makes his way up the ramp rather jubilantly. He leaves Abomination still laying in the ring.
Suddenly Police Sirens are heard.
Nina Chung: What the?!****

TV: She told me she was legal. (Trey wakes up and looks around.)

****Jack Roper: You can only avoid the police for so long. Abomination is going to jail a loser tonight,****

TV: The crime. Incurable apathy. This guy gives Apathy a bad name.

****X-Rodd disappears backstage and just as he does Pola Bare speeds out of the back with his Barbie jeep rigged like a police car.
Jack Roper: What in the world?
Nina Chung: He said he was going to arrest Abomination.
Jack Roper: I didn't know he was serious!
Abomination still in the ring gets to his feet just eyeing Pola Bare angrily.
Nina Chung: Abomination doesn't like Pola Bare. I think it's something about jealousy.
Jack Roper: Who's jealous of Pola Bare.****

Seth: JUST FINISH THE FUCKING SHOW, ALREADY!

****Nina Chung: He does have Jenny.
Jack Roper: Then I guess I am jealous.
Pola Bare parks at the base of the ramp and exits with a megaphone.
Pola Bare: Abomination, he have you surrounded. Come out, with your arms up, wait make that arms down, I don't want to smell your armpits.****

Crow:Ha. Ha. Ha.

****Abomination gets mad and makes his way over to Pola Bare.
Pola Bare: Wait Wait I told you that you were surrounded. I can have you taken down with the snap on a finger.
Jack Roper: What is this idiot doing?
Nina Chung: About to get hurt.
Abomination starts to exit the ring, at the same time the RTFA members slide in. One nails Abomination from behind knocking him down in front of Pola Bare's feet.
Pola Bare: You thought I was lying? Cuff him boys!****

Seth: (Irish Cop) 360°WE, is it? Nothing to see here, folks, move along!

****The RTFA members slide out of the ring, they collectively pin the manbeast Abomination to the ground and they handcuff his massive arms.****

TV: They've got the manbeast down on the…

Everyone: FLOOR! FLOOR! FLOOR!

****Pola Bare: Abominable Snowman, for eating people. For annoying me, and for just being you, you are under arrest. Yo have the right to remain silent, not that you ever say anything of interest to begin with.****

Seth: Which makes him perfect for this place.

****Jack Roper: This is insane, vigilante law. ****

TV: This is insane booking! Fuck the law.

****Pola Bare: Abomination I sentence you to...hmmm..to a shower!
The arena erupts in cheers.
Nina Chung: He's helping Abomination not hurting him.
Jack Roper: No Nina I think Abom fears soap and water.
The RTFA drags abomination backstage as Pola Bare follows in his Barbie jeep.
Pola Bare: Move along people, there's nothing to see here. Hey Abominationits shower time!
The RFTA with Abomination disappear backstage.****

TV: Hopefully never to be seen again.

****Nina Chung: Well, Pola just took Abomination away to shower him.
Jack Roper: I know it is horrible. A-bomb won't ever be the same.****

[The picture begins to flip. The sound disappears and there is an odd squealing sound coming from Coma's booth.]

TV: I think the machine just committed suicide out of boredom. Well, I'm not a big supporter of suicide, but in this case…Though we did miss the highlight of the show. A sports entertainer getting his head put in a toilet full of poo from a fat woman.

[There is a long, silent pause.]

Seth: Normally, I'd think you were joking, Trey... But this time... I've got a horrible feeling you're not.

[Seth slowly slides off his seat to the theatres floor and huddles in a foetal ball. We fade to black.]

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