EpisodesSuperstarsApathy?Brawlers On A Budget

iAd vs. MWA (MST3K 1.9)

Yer, yer, dis is da funny here

[The theatre in the SOL. Seth, Crow and Tom are tossing around a Nerfball as Comabot threads up a fan-fiction for their imminent MSTing. I have no idea HOW you thread up a fic, but Coma appears to be managing quite nicely.]

Comabot: We have contact at eighteen meagafinkles, Captain! Engage the dishwashers, we're going in!

****In Her Eyes
by TyTaker****

Crow: Hide the men's wear, the Tie Taker is on the loose again!

****Let me tell you a story,****

Seth: (George Thorogood) ...'Bout the house rent blues! And believe me, we might NEED one bourbon, one scotch and a beer to get us through THIS warped fantasy!

****this is my story****

Tom: Only the names have been changed to protect the incompetent...

****I geuss its hard to say really why I even have what I have left in this warped little mind of mine.****

Seth: Yeah, good guess...

Crow: It's hard to understand the meaning of that line, that's for sure.

****I can't even really remember what I look like anymore yes,****

Seth: (Yoda) Forget my own name next, I will, hmmm, yes!

****I've been down here in the hole to long. This little 2 by 4 foot hole. The smell of dampness imtrudes on everything****

Tom: Man, his spelling could use a little inprovenemt, stat!

****I do not that I can do much but sit and stare at the wall.****

Seth: I think this fic need subtitles...

****When they come down here its to either to put someone in another hole simaler to mine, or to take one out.****

Crow: And shake 'em all about... Then they do the hokey cokey and they turn about...

All: And that's what it's all about! Hey!

****They I belive have forgotton about me. You ask who is they.****

Seth: No, I wouldn't ask "Who is they?"... and if I did, check me for a concussion, okay?

****They are my captiers...they are the evil manavolent****

Seth: Oooh, he tried for an impressive-sounding adverb and just ending up sounding stupid...

Tom: Well, it wasn't the first time he said something stupid, and I doubt it'll be the last!

****power controled by one Vincent K. Mcmahon. They are the NWO.****

Tom: Led by their Evil Overlord, Kevin Nash's Perfectly-Maintained Hair!

****There isn't much time left really to throw these words down for someone to see****

Crow: (Narrator) ...Sprinkling the words with random punctuation and assorted misspellings!

****and know the truth behind the grungy walls of these towers that I am so tightly held captive in. But, its okay I don't mind not one bit....****

Seth: (Narrator) Because I'm a bit mental, you see. Tweet, tweet, there goes Mr Tyre-Iron! Narf!

****I'll be truley happy when its all over, then I can be a peace again.****

Crow: A piece of what?

Tom; A piece of extra-nutty fruitcake, judging by what I seen so far...

****I can truely say I was free at one time. Yes, one time...like I started...****

Seth: (Narrator) ...This sentence, which I'll never bother to fin...

****Let me tell you a little story about a man named Vinnie Mac and his corpration.****

Tom: If you must...

****There really isn't a meaning for a discription or meaning for where I was or what I was doing on the day of my capture****

Seth: There also isn't a meaning for the gibberish he just wrote, either...

****and final abadonment deep in the celler of the Towers. But, i suppose it is a mandatory ediquit****

Tom: Could we get Ty Taker a dictionary, please... one with large, colourful pictures of doggies and bunnies would be best!

****so you can possibly avoid it in the furture.****

Crow: Avoid the furniture? Why, does it have Dutch Elms' Disease or something?

****I was in the ring with my father maybe you know him Hell maybe you remember me.****

Seth: Oh, I see... the Detached Narrator has Tourettes' Syndrome... NOW I get it!

Tom: (Narrator) So, I was walking with my BULLSHIT dad in the LOUSY GODDAMN PECKERHEAD park one COCK-NOCKER day...

****His name is Stone cold steve Austin. I was just Alicia Austin. I was daddies little girl,****

Tom: (AA) Until Debra got custody following the Domestic Violence conviction...

****I was Vince's way to my father. I was how Vince planned to break my father.****

Seth: (AA) Then it turned out Vince Russo WAS my father, and things got slightly complicated...

****Shortly after the new year of 2002 started Vince brought in three men to try and destroy a icon, Ric flair,****

All: WHOO!

****this small group was known as the NWO****

Seth: Because their pay-Per-Views were Not Worth Ordering!

****famouse it was for bringing the down fall of the WCW.****

Crow: A MOUSE brought down WCW? And here I was thinking it was piss-poor management, bad angles, and having Davd Arquette as their champion...

****They tried everything beating my father branding him****

Tom: Repeatedly flicking his nipples...

Crow: Calling him hurtful names...

Seth: Making him watch Mark Henry matches for hours on end....

****but he was the Texas Rattelsnake. He was the toughest Son of a Bitch in the WORLD WRESTELING FEDERATION.****

Seth: Stop playing with the volume control, Comabot!

Comabot: Poink?

Tom: Man, how sad is it when the guy writes a wrestling story, but can't even SPELL "wrestling"?

****He was a force to recon with.****

Crow: (AA) He could spot Charlie at a hundred paces!

****But, when it came to me he was a softy. He instead of being a Texas rattelsnake he was a Big Teddy bear and would do anything for me.****

Crow: Oh, please don't let this be an incest fic...

****Maybe I shouldn't of gone to the ring that night to fight against Hall.****

Seth: (AA) At least, not without taking a six-pack or two to distract him...

****Maybe I should of stayed backstage in Dad's dressing room, Maybe maybe maybe there are a lot of maybe's to what I should of and shouldn't of done.****

Tom: For instance, should have paid attention during Remedial English classes...

***BUt, I went to the ring and dureing the match while Dad was distracted, Kevin Nash came down. I rushed around the ring to keep the big man occupied but with simple ease he grabbed me by my hair and****

Seth: (AA)....Asked me what conditioner I used!

****grabbed an arm twisting it behind my back. I couldn't move I saw my dad look in my direction and start to climb from the ring. Hall was right behind him and next thing I saw was my dad sprawled out on the mat possibly unconcious****

Crow: Or possibly preparing himself for one of Scott Halls' "Special" bodyslams...

****as Kevin dragged me back stage. All I knew is this wasn't planned****

Seth: Because wrestling is real, the Easter Bunny exists, and George W Bush is a GOOD president! So there...

****So I knew something was up and that something was going to be bad.****

Tom: Namely, a bad sado-masochism fan-fic!

****I struggeled kicking and screaming all the way out of the arena, Into the limo, and as the car speed away I continued fighting Nash every inch I gained he would shove me back and beat me down. With every passing mile my hopes this was just some prank fell.****

Crow: Hey, ALL the best pranks end with a gang rape, right? This is REALLY getting creepy, Seth...

Seth: We're dealing with a twisted mind, I'm afraid... (Costner) We're through the looking glass, people!

****The Limo stopped and Nash Yanked me from the Car knocking me to the cold grown in his haste to move me I scrapped my hands and knee's on the ground.****

Seth: (AA) These hands and knees have had it... how much to sell them for scrap?

Crow: I'll give you twenty bucks!

Seth: (AA) Sold!

****" Hurry up brother Austin's gonna be here any minute!" Hogan yelled.****

Tom: (Hogan) And I have an appointment at the Hair Club for Men in twenty minutes, brother!

****Things were just getting worse, as I was dragged along by my hair another vehical pulled up and Hall jumped out. He jogged over.
" Damn Kev, I didn't think you were ever gonna come out there!" he shouted.****

Seth: (Hall) I was pumping away at your bitch ass for hours, mang!

****I Struggeled and yelped as Nash slapped me. " be still idiot!" he snapped at me.****

Tom: (Nash) Don't struggele, or I'lle hit you with my cudgelle...

****I looked around and saw the most horrifying sight.****

Seth: Hogan without his shirt....

****The plane, I reconized it instently it was Vince's personal Jet. I had been in it only once and thats when Dad was working with Hunter. I sobbed and struggeled harder. I managed to break free and my hopes raised.****

Crow: (AA) If I ran fast enough, I might not have to demean myself by appearing in a badly-written group sex scene!

****I only made it a yard or two when a huge weight slammed into me from behind slamming me hard into the cement. A blow to the back of my head sent my world spinning and dark.****

Crow: Now she knows how WE feel after being beaten with the Sledgehammer of Bad Storytelling...

****Don't touch her!"****

Seth: (Nash) She has cooties!

****" why not, she's out isn't she?"
" Vince wants her untouched for now."
" Oh for now huh?"
" yeah, so don't touch her Scott."****

Tom: I wasn't touchng her Scot... in fact, I don't even know where her Scot is located....

****" yer no fun Kevin."

" Just doing what are boss wants."****

Seth: (Nash) What are "Boss Wants"?

Crow: (Alex Trebeck) I'm sorry, Kevin... you didn't phrase the answer in the form of recognisable English!

****" I mean she's pretty messed up already, whose gonna know any difference if I have a little fun with her."
" WILL you SIT YOUR ASS DOWN SCOTT!"****

Seth: Coma, will you stop frigging about with the volume back there!

Comabot: Poink! Yo mamas' so phat! Neep!

****" geeze yer no fun Kevin."
" Are you sure that straight jacket is tight enough brother?"
" I don't think I could of made it any tighter."****

Seth: (Nash) It's tighter than Scott Hall after a Friday night at Juvy's place!

****"Ow,"
" Shit!"****

Tom: (Groucho) And the secret word of the day is "SHIT!"... which kinda sums up this story so far!

****" Idiot she's just waking up not likes its some monster of the deep!"****

Seth: Say what? I think someone's been dipping into X-Pac's stash....

****" With an Austin ya never know."
Laughter filled the silence as I came to.****

Tom: Technically, it wouldn't actually be "silence" if there's audible laughter.... It'd be... well...

Seth: "Not silence"....

Tom: Yeah...

****Pain met my intial attempt at opening my eyes. I struggeled again and finally I could see the ceiling of the plane. I struggeled to sit up****

Seth: I struggled to find a line I didn't use the word "struggeled" in....

****but my attempt was swarted by the straight jacket wrapped tightly around my body.****

Crow: "Swated"? Whoo, Dyslexia Rules, KO!

****I would come to know this jacket well in the time to come.****

Tom: (AA) I named him "Ernie"!

****A face jumped into my still bluery vision.****

Seth: (Sings) I'm blue, dah be dee, dah ba doo....

****" You gonna play nice Austin?" Nash asked me.****

Tom: (Nash) If so, I'll be "Bad Austin", and we'll interrogate Hogan! It'll be fun!

****I growled and spit in his face. Not original I know but it was the only thing I could think of.****

Seth: I think the author is breaking the fourth wall to admit his own shortcomings as a writer...

***He narrowed his eyes and slapped me then yanked me to my feet and slammed me into a seat. " Stay put or else!"
" Or else what?" I snapped.****

Crow: (Nash) Or I'll keep making you stand up so I can slam you back into the seat again!

****He leaned down and smirked coldly. " Or else I'll let Scott take ya in the executive Suit."****

[Seth explodes into fits of giggles, sliding gently off his seat.]

Tom: Anyone else get a strange mental picture of Scott Hall trying on formalwear?

****I huddled away from this man, a man I could of years ago called a freind but not now not ever.****

Crow: Ty Takers Rules of Writing... Number One: Never use one word when you can use two, three, four, lots, plenty, quite a few.

****I sat there watching the three men silently. The plane flew silently through the night****

Crow: Hey, a Stealth Jet!

****leaving all hope of ever being saved further and further behind. I Huddeled up tighter fighting tears that I knew would come soon enough.****

Seth: Yeah, as in "Bored to Tears"...

****As stupid as this may seem I fell asleep,****

Seth: Doesn't seem any stupider than the rest of the story...

****I was awoken by Nash yanking me to my feet and shoveing me towards the door off the plane. As I stumbled off the steps****

Tom: (AA) I realised the ground was still 20,000 feet below us. Splat. The End.

****I reconized the New York skyline. Tears blurred my vision after that as I was shoved into the backseat of a car.
The drive to where ever it was we were going was silent except for Hall who was****

Seth: (AA) ...Bombed out of his skull and singing a song about a hedgehog...

**** purposely sitting next to me placed a hand on my face. I think I almost removed his finger. The screaming and curseing was enough t make me happy until Nash slapped me hard.****

Tom: Ahhh, some refreshing violence to women... that's what this story was missing!

****My ears were still ringing as I was yanked from the car and to my ever growing horror reconized where we were.****

Seth: (AA) Cleveland? Oh, my God..... NOOOOOOOOOOO!

****Titen Towers. The head quarters of the WWF Proveing then and there that Vince had something to do with it.****

Crow: Yeah, the whole "Vinces' Private Jet" thing COULD have been a red herring after all....

****I gave in then I knew I had no chance of escape at least not then.....
-------
So, I've started my story****

Tom: And it's great, ty! Honest! Somebody shoot me before chapter 2 arrives!

****I grow tired I get warn out rather quickly lately thats why I think I don't have much time left. Not much space to curle up here and sleep,****

Seth: (AA) So we play shuffleboard instead!

****come back tommarow night I'll tell you some more.****

Crow: Yes, it's Marrow night at Wrgley Field! Watch the Cubs lose, while enjoying your FREE marrow!

****I hate this world I am stuck in......****

Seth: Awww, I love a happy ending like that....

[Seth, Tom and Crow are still chuckling about the Executive Suit, as Trey Vincent comes into the scene. Silence.]

TV: Are you guys still mad at me for the last MSTie?

[Seth looks around, a puzzled expression on his face.]

Seth: What was that? Tom, did you hear anything?

Tom: Nope! Not a thing!

Crow: Me neither!

TV: I thought we were SUPPOSED to watch bad sports entertainment shows!

Seth: Bad, yes... Mind-numbingly tedious? No. Watching virtual child abuse? Don't remember THAT being in my contract! Listening to Jack "OH MY GOD!" Roper for three fucking hours? NEVER AGAIN!

TV: OK, well, is there anything I can do to make up for this?

[The group mumbles out something that kind of sounds like maybe.]

TV: Well, I got you all some gifts.

Tom: Trey, you shouldn't have!

Seth: Yes, he should!

Crow: Agreed! Hand 'em over, pal!

[Trey puts a medium-sized box wrapped in shiny dark green wrapping paper with a big white bow on top on the table in front of Crow. He then helps him unwrap the box. It is a Mrs. Crow T. Robot.]

TV: And the best part? She's got an on/off switch!

Crow: Oooooh! If anyone wants me, I'll be in my den!

Tom: You don't have a den, Crow...

Crow: I'll build one!

[Trey then puts a second medium-sized box wrapped in shiny dark green wrapping paper with a red bow on top on the table in front of Tom. Trey unwraps the box. It is a Mrs. Tom Servo.]

TV: And she's VERY good at serving, from what the box says.

Tom: (Reading box) Hey, variable speed controls! Nifty!

[Trey then looks at Seth.]

TV: No, I didn't get you a robot. But I think I got you something you'll definitely LOVE.

Seth: If it's another inflatable sheep, you're in BIG trouble!

[Trey hands Seth a small little object. Seth unwraps it. It's a videotape! Uh oh!]

Seth: Why do I feel another period of depression and melancholy coming on?

TV: This is GREAT. I swear. And besides, we have to watch it anyway. That's what this show is!

Seth: D'oh! Foiled again.... We've got wrestling sign!

[The six doors open. The boys are still in the theatre, of course.]

Seth: Well, that was a pointless special effects scene....

Tom: Hey, we paid for that footage, we HAVE to use it!

[The caption for the show fades up on-screen.]

****ROLEPLAYING FOR DUMMIES!****

Seth: Wha....?

TV: See? See?

****Please read this fully and carefully, taking into account everything. Remember, Roleplaying is what wins you matches...*****

Crow: Constant kissing of the bosses backside will help in the event of a tie!

****it's the most important thing you'll have to do in an e-fed...you want to be the greatest, don't you?...****

TV: If I wanted to be the greatest, why would I choose your fed?

****LESSON 1 "Basics of a Rp"
Now the basics of a RP include:****

Seth: Three cups of flour and a fresh egg...

****1. An entrance****

TV: Dur, what's an entrance?

****2. A small, reasonable amount of showboating.****

TV: Because lord knows, we don't want you to offend your opponent and send him crying away from this industry forever.

Tom: (Dummy Wrestler) Whoo! I'm potentially almost the greatest, though there's probably someone slightly better than me, but I'm sure I'll give his ass a reasonably severe kicking at some mutually convenient time in the future! Yeah!

****3. Getting to the point and not exaggerating (Although at times could be good).****

Seth: For instance, calling the MWA a "good" federation might be construed as gross exaggeration...

****4. Give input from crowd and possibly (with permission) other wrestlers.****

TV: I think your RPing sucks! That's my input.

****5. Exit****

Cro: ...Stage left, persued by a weasel!

TV: They forgot to mention, start looking for a new fed because this one will be closed in a couple of weeks.

****LESSON 2 "Roleplay Structure"
The structure is very close to what was put up there.****

Seth: Close... but no cigar!

****But there are many ways of putting one together and many ways of showing action. Some people use parentheses () others use stars ** or you can even use italics if you know the html code.****

TV: Did everyone get all that? I know it's a lot to take in.

****Actions such as:ex. *Joe Blow enters the ring* or (Joe Blow enters the ring)****

Tom: Joe blows the ring? That's an image to boggle the mind...

****After you make an entrance you should have your wrestler perform something to make the crowd rowdy with the same two things () or ** ****

TV: They'll get rowdy rowdy and…bowdy, bowdy?

Seth: Joe Blow: Your easy-listening wrestler.... (Joe Blow) For my next number, I'd like to perform "Feelings"... and a-one and a-two.... JACK!

****After this is done, you may want to have your wrestler talk by announcing your wrestler's name like so: Joe Blow: *****

TV: Ok. Joe Blow: What cruel asshole created me just to put me into this hellhole federation?

****After you let everyone know who your wrestler is, say your speech.ex. Joe Blow: Hello, I am gay.****

TV: And the crowd would respond with: Booooooo's.

Crow: Gotta give him props for honesty, though...

****When you are through making your challenge, statement,****

Tom: ...Or your public admission of your sexuality....

****or whatever you want to do, you can choose to rowdy up the crowd or just exit using the
() or ** ****

TV: (Sgt. Slaughter) Follow these rules maggots.

****Make sure that when anyone is talking to you, announce who it is talking and hand the mic back and forth.****

TV: Hi Seth.

[Hands Seth mic.]

Seth: Hi Trey.

[Hands Trey mic.]

TV: Doesn't this suck?

Seth: Hey, you forgot to hand me the mic.

[Hands Seth mic]

TV: D'oh!

Seth: Hey, I have the mic! (Space Ghost) Shut up! Stupid.

****THIS IS NOT MANDATORY, BUT TRY TO AVOID BUNCHING OF WORDS****

TV: It's not mandatory, BUT FOLLOW IT OR DIE.

Crow: (Joe Blow) ButwhydoIhavetoavoidbunchingofwords?

****ex. (Joe Blow enters the ring and takes the mic)****

TV: (JB) Where should I take it?

****Joe Blow: Hey everyone I have something to say and I want you all to listen `cause I am the best BLOWER around. (He then exits the arena)****

TV: As a group of gays want to see if what he said was true.

Seth: Don't knock Joe, he cuts a better promo than every single EHW wrestler I can name...

****These kinds of RP are often hard to read and find the point if others are talking in your RP that is hard to identify.
ex. (Joe enters the ring and takes the mic)
Joe: Hello everyone
(Joe hands the mic to Bob)
Bob: Hi people, I am Bob.****

Tom: (Bob) And we're glad to be gay! Joe's going to change his name to "Neil", so we can be the new tag team of "Neil and Bob"!

****(Bob drops the mic and exits with Joe)
This kind of RP is much easier to identify.****

TV: And of SUCH high quality. Man. If only my promos were half as thought out as that, maybe I'd be a champion right now. Oh wait. I am.

Seth: So am I, Trey... And so is Coma... what's your point?

****LESSON 3 "Avoid Short RP's"
Now in closing. People, I must say, "Please do not, I repeat, Do not just put a RP on the board saying:
ex. I am going to kill you Bob!****

Seth: Ooh, Joe and Bob's affair was brief, though bitter....

****This is a waste of other people's time and allows you to make more and more lame RP's.****

TV: Yes, because long, lame RPs are much more appealing. You know, there is such a thing as pushing people too far when they're only capable of so little.

Crow: For example...

All: X-PAC!

****If you spend about 10 minutes on a RP, you will enjoy it alot more and you will feel proud that you put together such a master piece.****

TV: Ten minutes? Masterpiece?

****As an award winning RPer,****

TV: He won at the 23rd annual Imaginary RP Awards Show.

Seth: (Joe Blow) You like me! You really like me! Come back, Bob, I miss you!

****I once was a crappy RPer and I discovered the right way by getting chewed out and fired. So I began to look at the structures of other RP's and I found out how to make a good RP.****

Crow: Me write much good now. All better. Yur.

****But PLEASE, PLEASE, Do not waste space. Nobody likes an unintelligable RP. ****

TV: Or an unintelligible guide. Well. How did MWA's program work? Just look at these results:

****megg's deput****

TV: BWAHAHAHAHA.

Tom: The Adventures of Deput... y Megg: this fall on CBS!

****eminem-with out me hits
pisture of a beautyful blonde shows on the screen!****

TV: Aww, she so beautyful.

Seth: So, she was pissed and put out to pasture, huh?

****then she enters the crowd shocked at why she wasnt a model cheers ****

TV: I'm shocked she wasn't a brain surgeon personally.

****she is wearin leather pants and a white tank-top
megg enters the ring grabs a mic and says****

Tom: (Megg) Hi, I'm gay!

****"hey everybody i'm megg!"****

TV: I'm an alcoholic, thus my poor annunciation.

****the crowd chants "megg,megg,megg" smiles****

TV: Why is the crowd smiling?

Seth: Who can tell... I'm just surprised they didn't chant "Meeg, mege, Meggg"!

****"i'm here to be the best diva and nothing else" *****

TV: Luckily her brain will help her out with her goal.

****flips her blonde hair back ****

TV: (Valley girl) What EVER.

****smiles and waves at the crowd her music hits and she leaves the ring.****

Crow: That's it? Yeah, THIS guy spent ten minutes writing himself a masterpiece, all right...

****back stage all the guys smiles and wink at her whispering to their friends.
her shirt says bootylicious!****

TV: Hey look, her shirt says bootylicious. That means her booty tastes good!

Seth: Mmm-mmm! That's GOOD booty!

TV: But yes, that definitely was not short and pointless. Yeah. Moving right along…

****Tidal wave!!!****

Tom This roleplay is sponsored by FEMA!

****the way i am hits over the p.a system as the crowd goes wild when Volcom sk8er comes down the ring****

Crow: so wild, they forma lynch mob and string his worthless carcass up from the rafters...

****with a mic.he begins to talk**
Volcom sk8er: Now ill just skip ahead to my point.*****

TV: My name is retarded and this place sucks. Good night.

****Tidal Wave i know you were watching me the other day kick vipers ass.Ive
asked you once to go to the ring and give me a title shot and you havent listend.****

TV: I'm sure he listened, it was probably a comprehension problem.

****And since you didnt listen then lets just that wath you saw the other day is just a small preview of wath i will do to you when we have our match****

Seth: Good grief... This guy must have taken up wrestling after having failed the Photomat Booth Attendants exam....

****This time i aint leaving the ring till you come and give me your answer. so 1you better bring your ass down here you little wusy.****

Crow: A wussy? Whoa, them's fightin' words....

Seth: Insults provided by Peewee Herman!

****yeah i called you wusy, why?****

TV: (Vs) Cuz I can't spell wussy. That's why!

****cause you wussed out of coming out the other day when i told you to give me a title shot.
**crowd cheers as volcom sk8er waits for tidal wave*****

Tom: Hopefully, the tidal wave will wash this guy out to sea, and we'll never have to hear him speak again....

****Volcom sk8er:oh and another thing im not asking you to come to the ring i am TELLING YOU TO COME TO THE RING.****

Seth: But he forgot to say "Please"....

**volcom sk8er continues to wait**

TV: And he's still there as we speak. Well I'll give him that. He's a man of his word.

Crow: And the word is...

All: LOSER!

TV: OK, next up.

****interveiw
**The Xtremist Is Shown In His L/R With Dm Holding A Microphone*****

Tom: Hmmm.. Interview by Acronym... And it's DOA, so we're SOL!

**The Xtremist Is Wearing Ared Tanktop With Flames Riding Up The Side*****

TV: Whoa, that's gotta hurt. He really is the Xtremist.

Seth: Nahh, he ain THAT Xtreme... You want Extreme? I got your Extreme RIGHT HERE!

****And A pair Of Black Shorts** ****

TV: And some silk stockings.

****DM: What Do You Think Your Chances Are of Winning The European Title Tournament?
The Xtremist:You Really Wanna Know?****

Crow: (DM) Not particularly... but then, neither does anybody else in the universe....

****DM: Well... I Guess so, Thats Why I'm Here
The Xtremist: The Truth Is... Well, It's Gonna Be One Hell Of A night And Whoever Comes Out On Top In The End Deserves It *****

TV: Oh, the anal sex match is this week? First man to blow his load wins.

Seth: And once again, this MST is rated TV-14, thanks mainly to Trey Vincent! Goodnight, kids!

****DM:You Seem Pretty Serious About This
The Xtremist: Well, I Am... This Is A Huge Chance For Me To Prove Myself In This Promotion****

Tom: (Xtremist) .. To start, I'll prove what a bonehead I am By Adding Unexpected Capitals To Every Word I Say! Then, I'll reAlLY stARt to MesS WITH PeopLes HEAds!

****DM:Any Thoughts On Your Loss To Perfecto ****

TV: It was kinda like when El Psychico told me he was gonna beat me but I didn't believe him.

**** **The Xtremist Gets A Mean Look On His Face** *****

TV: (Xtremist) Why you gonna bring facts into this interview? Who's writing your scripts? I want a rewrite!

****The Xtremist: Get The Hell Out Off My L/R Jerk BeFore I Kick Your Ass ****

TV: (DM) What's an L/R?

Seth: And how do you jerk it?

***** **The Xtremist Slams The Door In His Face** *****

TV: OK kids, enough promos, it's time for the show.

*****MWA
Maze's Wrestling Association
Triumph # 8****

Seth: And I'm guessing it'll be pretty damn far from a triumph in anyone's books!

****Live from Naples Arena, Florida
Attendance = 19,455 *****

TV: Are you ready for some YELLIN'?

****PYRONS BLAST OFF AND TRUIMPH MUSIC PLAYS****

Tom: What the hell's a pyron? A Chinese pylon?

****DM: WELCOME FOLKS ITS TIME FOR T R U I M P H
GW: THAT SPELL TRUIMPH FOR ALL YOU LOT OUT THERE WHO CAN'T SPELL*****

TV: What, like you?

Seth: (GW) Duh. Shut up, poopie head. Me smart!

****DM: WE HAVE A GREAT NIGHT OF WRESTLING TONIGHT
GW: SURE DO, WE GONNA SEE GOLDEN BOY AND MEGA D BEAT THE HELL OUT OF DDT AND SLADE ****

TV: Yeeeeee, dawgies! It's gon be grrrreat.

Seth: I'd rather eat Mickey D's and listen to Slade....

****DM: YER YER ALSO WE HAVE SOME DEBUT MATCHES ASWELL****

Crow: You need ointment for that swelling?

****GW: THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT TONIGHT ****

TV: Did we mention it was gonna be great. Tonight. In case we didn't tonight is going to be great tonight. Tonight is gonna be so great, tonight is.

****DM: AND ALSO WE HAVE HEARD THAT WILLCOX, CJ COOL AND SOLO HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE NIGHT OFF
GW: PROBARLY RESTING****

Seth: No, we fired them! They cut long, coherent promos, and made Megg and Volcom Sk8ter feel inadequate!

****DM: YEP, ALSO WE HAVE ARE 4 MEN FOR THE TOURNAMENT
GW: SURE DO THEY ARE SLADE
DM: STONE COLD STUY****

Crow: Stone Cold Stuey? The baby from "The Family Guy" is wrestling tonight?

****GW: STEVE EAGLE
DM: AND THE XTRMIST****

Crow: One's a Native American! One's EXTREME! Together, they fight crime!

****GW: THIS IS GONNA BE A GOOD TOURNAMENT, I HAVE THIS FEELING *****

TV: (GW) It's new. And a little scary. But DM. I think I love you, man.

****DM: BUT REMEMBER WHO EVER WINS FIGHTS WILLCOX GW: AND OF COURSE WILLCOX WILL
WIN THAT MATCH
DM: YER YER...****

TV: Is he Swedish?

Seth: Possibly... And I hear Wilcox is from Bangkok! Either that or he bangs cocks... (checks his script) I think this is yours, Trey!

TV: D'oh!

****GW: AND THE 4TH GUY MIGHT HAVE TO FIGHT FOR THE SPOT *****

TV: Not a liver spot, not my dog Spot.

****DM: YEP THATS RIGHT... WELL LETS GET THIS NIGHT UNDERWAY
MATCH 1
SINGLE MATCH
DEBUT MATCH****

Tom: Match and Win!

Crow: Game, Set and Match!

****XTREMIST
VS
TWISTER*****

TV: It's so nice these two singles could get together. The long awaited anal sex match.

****TWISTER MUSIC HITS AND HE RUNS DOWN TO THE RING,****

TV: It's a twister, it's a twister.

Seth: Auntie Em! Auntie Em! Get Toto indoors!

****EAGER TO FIGHT THEN XTREMIST MUSIC HITS AND HE STOPS AT THE TOP OF THE RAMP AND PRYONS GO OFF****

Tom: More of these Pyrons? What the hell ARE pyrons?

Seth: I think they were some sort of mythological creature... Ummmm... Head of an eagle, body of a mongoose!

**** THEN HE STOLLS DOWN TO THE RING, TWISTER CAN'T WAIT TO FIGHT AND ROLLS OUT OFF THE RING
GW: LOOKS LIKE TWISTER WANTS TO GET THIS MATCH STARTED FAST****

Crow: (Twister) Just punk me, pay me amd let me be miserable in peace, man...

****DM: SURE DOES ****

TV: (GW) Um, hmmm. Ayup.

*****TWISTER RUNS TOWARDS XTREMIST AND CLOTHESLINES HIM DOWN. TWISTER THEN
PICKS HIM UP AND PUNCHES HIM THEN ROLLS HIM IN THE RING.DING DING****

Tom: The ring ding ding? How musical! It makes me want to dance a Highland Fling Ding Ding or something ding ding!

****GW: HERE WE GO
CROWD CHEERS THAT THE NIGHT HAS STARTED.****

Seth: (Guy in Front Row) Yay! Only two more hours of this shit and I can go home!

****THE MATCH STARTS AND TWISTER GETS SOME HIGH FLYING MOVES IN ON XTREMIST,****

Crow: ...Which we're not going to describe! Bwa-ha-haaa! We are so EVIL!

****AFTER A WHILE TWISTER GOES FOR A MOON SAULT BUT MISSES.****

TV: Wow. I think somebody should make a Show Writing For Dummies for this place next.

**** XTREMIST THEN SUPER KICKS HIM DOWN. XTREMIST THEN CHUCKS****

Seth: Oooh, he blew chunks all over the rings! What a mess!

****TWISTER OUT OF THE RING, HE CHUCKS HIM INTO THE STEEL STEP THEN GOES OVER TO THE
ANNOUCER TABLE****

Tom: Annoucer? DM may not be Swedish, but whoever wrote this show sure was.... And it's lost something in the translation!

****AND HITS TWISTER HEAD ON IT 3 TIMES THEN ROLLS HIM BACK IN THE RING. XTREMIST THEN HITS HIS FINISHER ON TWISTER****

TV: The Anal Invader!

****AND PINS HIM FOR THE 1..2...3****

Crow: What the hell? I blinked and missed the entire match! Meggs' promo lasted longer!

****GW: WELL XTEMIST SURE DID SHOW WHO WAS THE BETTER MAN****

TV: (GW) While I continue to fkc up the language.

****DM: HE SURE DID: WELL WAIT WE GETTING SOME FOOTAGE****

TV: Go get that there footage.

****GOLDEN BOY IS WALKING BACKSTAGE****

Seth: ...Searching for a way OUT of this waking nightmare of a fed!

****WHEN HE SEES THE SAME GIRL WHO HE SAW ON MONDAY AT A DRINK MACHINE AGAIN! ****

TV: Hey Seth, can you turn up the noise controlling device so I can properly hear this program that appears on the big show viewing screen?

*****DM: HAHA, ITS THE GIRL WHO POURED PEPSI ALL OVER HIM****

Tom: Uhhh... Pepsico? Might wanna talk to your product placement guys....

****GW: YER YER
GB: HOLLY CRAP, NOT HER AGAIN ****

TV: Her name is Holly Crap? Wow, for puns, that's kinda, crappy.

*****GOLDEN BOY SLOWLY TRIES TO WALK PASS HER WHEN SHE TURNS AROUND AND SEES HIM
GB: AAARRR CRAP****

Crow: Hey, it's Long John Golden Boy! Arrr, Jim lad! CRAP! Arrr! Where's me fookin' parrot?

****LADY: LOOK WHO IT IS , GOT MY DRINK THIS TIME **SHOWS CAN** *****

TV: Nice can. I'd like to pop your top sometime, honey.

****GB: YER OK HA HA, I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THEN STAND AROUND TALKING TO YOU ALL DAY****

TV: (GB) Yer yer, I could be roleplaying badly.

****LADY: SAME HERE, I AM MEETING MY SWEETIE IN A MIN
GB: **QUIETLY** YOUR BLODSY SWEETIE.****

Seth: (Lady) I beg your pardon? I'm sorry, I don't speak Fuckwit....

****AWWWW, YOUR LITTLE BABY !!!
LADY: WHAT DID YOU SAY****

Tom: Geez, lady, are you deaf? He's only speaking at 115 decibels, like everyone else on this show!

****GB: NOTHING ** QUIETLY ** DEATH BITCH
THEN MEGA D COMES INTO THE PICTURE****

Seth: (Mega D) Oh, yeah... Got a cigarette, GB?

****MD: ALRIGHT GB HOWS IT GOING **SHAKES HIS HAND** ****

TV: (GB) Well, I'm in a lousy fed and I sound like one of the announcers, yer, yer.

****GB: YER YER ****

TV: BWAHAHAHA. So predictable!

****MD: SEE YOU MEET MY MUM
GW: MUM !!!
DM: HAHA
GB: YOUR YOUR MUM .. WHAT DA..****

Tom: I'll see that "What da?" and raise you a "Get the hell out of here!"... What did she do, conceive him while still in the womb?

****MOM: YOU KNOW HIM
MD: MUM, THIS IS GOLDEN BOY MY TAG PARTNER AND 5 TIME INTERCONTINATAL CHAMPION !!!! ****

TV: Now can you dig that? Yer-YERRRRRRRRR!

****GW: THATS RIGHT 5 TIME. THE GREATEST I.C CHAMP IN THE MWA****

Seth: Yeah, and with the talent pool the MWA has, that's.... pathetic!

****DM: YER YER WHAT EVER****

TV: What is he, a Swedish valley girl?

*****MOM: HE IS YOUR TAG PARTNER, THE GUY YOU SAID WHO IS THE GREATEST
WRESTLER
MD: YES MUM****

Seth: (MD's Mum) You're an idiot, and I'm disowning you for tagging with this putz...

****MOM: WELL HE IS NOTHI........
GB: YER YER YER, THATS ME, WE WERE JUST TALKING AB.....
MOM: DID YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID ???****

TV: It's The Old & The Talentless. A new soap opera from the producers of the MWA.

****GOLDEN BOY GRABS HER AND PULLS HER TOWARDS HIM AND WHISPER****

Crow: Rosebud!

****GB: DONT SAY ANYTHING,
MOM: BUT *****

TV: Bad mommy. Now he's gonna have to spank you.

****GB: PLEASE, BTW YOU LOOK BEAUITFUL MRS D****

TV: You are so pertty I can barely look at you. You're just gogerous.

Tom: Bored now. More wrestling, less inane babble from Golden Boy...

*****MOM: FINE, BUT JUST CAUSE U SAID THAT
GB: Y MRS D I DONT LIE, YOUR ARE****

Seth: Freaky... it's an Interview Text Message! Y U tlk so bd, BG? U ass mnky!

TV: I think GB took romance lessons from XXXtreme Machine.

****MOM: I GOT THE PICTURE.
DM: HAHA
GB LET GOES OFF THE MUM****

Grow: Well, he shouldn't have been ON her in the first place!

****MOM: YER, HE IS SUCH A CHARMING LAD****

Seth: Awww, like mother, like son! Yer.

****MD: MUM
MOM: WELL MY SWEETIE PIE
GW: SWEETIE PIE!!! HAHAHAHA****

TV: Wow. Have we gone back in time? Is this WCW? Is this family sports entertainment?

Seth: Is this the biggest load of crap sine Fat Bastard took a dump in "Austin Powers II"?

****MD: MUM NOT INFRONT OFF MY MATE *****

TV: Wow, she's humping him good!

****MOM: AWWWW. DONT WORRY
MD: YER MEGA ** LAUGHS A BIT ** I DONT MIND****

TV: (MD) Go ahead and bang my mum, yer, yer.

****MD GIVES GB THE EVILS
MOM: MUMS GOTTA GO NOW. I SEE YOU LATER****

Seth: Not if the iAd see you first, losers....

****MD: BYE MOM
GB: BYE **WHISPER** AND DONT COME BLOODY BACK
MD: HUH, YOU SAID SUMTHING****

Tom: ...Stupid. Wait, EVERYTHING you said was stupid!

Seth: (Space Ghost) Shut up!

Crow: (Zorak) Stupid!

****GB: NO NO NO !!!
MD: OK, LETS GO****

Crow: I feel a Ramones song coming on... HEY HO! Let's GO!

****GB: I MEET YOU IN A MIN.. **LAUGHS** SWEEITE PIE **CRACKS UP**
MD: SHUT UP*****

Tom: (Zorak) Stupid!

TV: You big meanie!

*****MD WALKS OFF AND GB GOES THE OTHER WAY. BOTH SUPERSTARS GO DIFFERENT WAY,****

TV: And as they go their different ways, they go their separate ways and remain separate as they are on separate paths to different places in places not placed near each other.

****CAMERA THEN GOES BACK TO GW AND DM****

Seth: ASAP, OK?

****DM: HAHAHA, I DONT BELIEVE IT, THAT WOMEN IS MEGA D'S MUM
GW: ITS BLOODY FUNNY****

TV: We'll be the judge of that. Man, this guy must be amused by the wind.

Seth: Trey?

TV: Yes?

Seth: You're forgiven for 360WE...

TV: Thanks, bro...

*****MATCH 2
SINGLE MATCH
HARDCORE KID VS THE EXECUTIONER****

Crow: If I slip the Executioner some cash, you'll think he'll behead the writer of this thing?

Tom: Ding ding.

****MATCH GETS UNDERWAY WITH EACH OFF THE EXCHANGING BLOWS.****

TV: Is this joke getting too old? Well, do we REALLY need to see that in a sports entertainment event?

Seth: No, we do not! Let's stick to pleasant family entertainment! Like Gravy Bowl matches!

****THEN EXECUTIONER HAVING THE EDGE, EACH TIME HARDCORE KID GETS UP HE KNOCKS HIM DOWN,****

Crow: (The Executioner) Just JOB already, you little maggot!

****THEN EXECUTIONER GOES FOR A POWERBOMB BUT HARDCORE KID GETS HIS WAY OUT OFF IT****

Seth: Huh? Man, whoever wrote this was way out of it... Higher than X-Pac, I'll wager!

****AND HITS HIM WITH 2 GERMAN****

TV: Wow, innovative offence here as he uses Germans as an offensive weapon.

*****SUPLEXS. HARDCORE THEN ROLLS OUT OFF****

Tom: OF! OF! Learn the word!

Crow: Tom snapped first!

****THE RING AND GETS A CHAIR.*****

TV: Those Germans were heavy. Gotta rest.

*****HE IS ABOUT TO HIT HIM WITH IT WHEN THE REF GRABS IT OFF HIM AND THEN EXECUTIONER SPINS HIM AROUND AND SUPER KICKS HIM****

Seth: Uhh, Vanna, I'd like to buy some punctuation....

****HARDCORE KID GOES FLYING INTO THE REF AND FALLS DOWN. KNOCKING THE REF OUT OF THE RING.****

Seth: Oh, wait! There's the punctuation... Granted, it's in the wrong place entirely, but it's a start!

****SUDDENLY XTREMIST RUNS DOWN THE RING WITH A CHAIR AND ROLLS IN THE RING AND DIVES AT EXECUTIONER AND HITS HIM WITH THE CHAIR.*****

Tom: And mugs and poses and uses the word "and" more times than is strictly necessary. And then...

TV: Aww, he should've tried hitting them with some hardcore roleplaying! That would've REALLY hurt them.

****THEN HE GOES TO HIT HARDCORE KID BUT HE KICKS HIS FEET IN THE AIR****

Seth: And THAT's what 360WE was missing! DETACHABLE FEET JOKES!

Crow: Ain't THAT a kick in the head...

****AND HIT THE CHAIR INTO XTRMIST FACE AND HE GOES FLYING OUT OF THE RING.****

Tom: MWA: You'll believe a moron can fly!

****HARDCORE THEN GETS UP AND PICKS UP EXECUTIONER AND HITS HIS HARDCORE DDT ON HIM****

Seth: Boy, he put a lot of thought into his finishing maneuver, huh?

****AND PINS HIM. THE REF THEN ROLLSIN THE RING AND COUNT
1...2....3****

Seth: ...Cha cha cha!

***DING DING
GW: WELL ITS OVER****

Seth: Shaka Zulu, let's go get some beers!

****DM: HARDCORE KID GETS A WIN
GW: YOU COULD SAY A WELL DERSERVED WIN****

TV: Or you could tell the truth.

Seth: (Brightly) You COULD say the match sucked the sweat off a hyenas' scrotum!

****HARDCORE KID THEN ROLLS OUT OFF THE RING****

Tom: OF!

****AND WALKS UP THE RAMP BACKWARDS POINTING AND CUSSING XTREMIST AND EXECUTIONER !!! *****

TV: I'm so out of this fucking place you jobber motherphuckers!

*****GW: THERES GUY ARE ALREADY HAVING WORDS WITH EACH OTHER****

Crow: (GW) Badly-spelt words at that!

****DM: WELL HARDCORE DOES HAVE THE ADVANTAGE BEING IN THE FED LONG THEN THE 2 *****

TV: Brain, turning, to, mush.

*****GW: I SURE CAN TELL YOU THIS AINT OVER****

TV: As much as we wish it were.

****COMMERICAL BREAK****

Tom: (Infomercial Announcer) Buy MWA: TEH MOOSIC VOLUM FREE! It good! Yer!

****PROMO
** I WAS THERE **
WOMEN1: I WAS THERE
MAN1: I WAS THERE****

Crow: I was there when Joe Blow said he was queer!

****WOMEN2: I WAS THERE WHEN THE CULT OF ABYSS WAS BORN****

Seth: I was there when MWA put out an Abysmally Boring show!

****MAN1: I WAS THERE WHEN THE RPA BECAME TAG CHAMPIONS
WOMEN1: I WAS THERE WHEN G SEX BECAME GRAND SLAM CHAMPION****

Tom: I denied it later, of course...

****MAN2: I WAS THERE WHEN MAZE LEFT ****

TV: I was taking a piss while all this shit was going on, and being far more entertained at the time.

****MAN3: I WAS THERE WHEN Y2A AND WILLCOX BATTLED IT OUT IN A HELL IN A CELL****

Crow: I was there when DM first said "Yer"!

****WOMEN3: I WAS THERE WHEN GOLDEN BOY BEAT COUNT HANDSOME TO BECOME I.C CHAP****

Seth: (Englishman) Jolly good, old chap!

****VOICE: YOU CAN BE THERE TO. ORDER TICKETS TODAY AND YOU CAN BE THERE 2 !!!
**BACK TO TRUIMPH** *****

TV: Be where?

Seth: In a living hell called MWA!

****DM: THATS RIGHT, YOU CAN BE THERE
GW: WE ARE OF TO CANANDA FOR VOLTAGE****

TV: Because in Cananda, nobody cares how bad you speak the language, eh?

Tom: Wait a second... Did he say "Of" to Canada? OF! OFF! OF! It's a conspiracy to drive me mad! AHHHH!

[Sparks fly from Tom as he abruptly overheats. Seth quickly shuts him down for a few seconds.]

Tom: Bzzt. Online. Resetting Idiocy Tolerance levels to maximum. Thanks, Seth... I needed that!

****DM: BACK TO THE OLD HOME OF MWA****

Crow: Until they ran us out of town for giving them a bad reputation!

****GW: WAIT A MIN****

Seth: (DM) Y R U abbrvi8n ur words, GW?

****FOOTAGE SHOWS OF DDT AND SLADE BACKSTAGE TOGETHER ****

TV: Why is he on his knees?

****DDT: YOU DO YOU PART AND I DO MINE****

TV: Question, answered.

*****SLADE: YER YER *****

Seth: Ooh, deja voodoo!

TV: Bwahahahaha. Is YER YER everyone's catchphrase?

Crow: Yer.

****DDT: YOU REMEMBER THE PLAN RIGHT
SLADE: YES YES YES

TV: (Slade) Unzip your fly and pretend you're a Popsicle?

Tom: (DDT) Hey, stick to the script.. "Yer, Yer, Yer!"... got it?

Crow: (Slade) Yer.

****DDT: WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME
SLADE: I AM
DDT: THIS MIGHT BE HARD !! ****

TV: That's usually how you get the best results.

****SLADE: NO THIS WILL BE A WALK OVER, I BEATEN THEM BEFORE AND IDO IT AGAIN *****

TV: (DDT) But masturbating is a little different than what we're about to do.

****DDT: OK FINE!! **CHUCKS THE TOWEL** LETS JUST HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING****

[Trey falls to the floor.]

Seth: Did anyone else find that a shade disturbing?

****GW: WELL LOOKS LIKE THEY ARENT GETTING ON****

Tom: Actually, it sounded like they were about to get it on...

****DM: WELL THEY BETTER CAUSE THEY GOTTA BE A TAG TEAM TONIGHT

PROMOS FOR MWA SHOPZONE****

Crow: (Infomercial Announcer) Welcome to MWA Shopzone! Yes! Now you can own some authentic pieces of MWA's Limited Edition Merchandise! Call 1-800-BIGSHOUTYCAPITALS to order! Including...

Tom: The Official MWA "Yer, Yer, Yer" T-shirt! One size fits all, one shirt refers to everyone on the roster!

Seth: Also available! "Roleplaying For Dummies!" Now in Paperback, with easy-to-follow diagrams for the hard-of-thinking!

TV: On special this month... The autobiography of Joe Blow..."I'm Gay! Goodnight!"

Crow: Order now, and we'll send you "Slade and DD sing The Songs of The Circle Jerks" on CD, FREE! And a "Best of MWA" DVD! With over THREE HOURS of footage deemed "Too Hot For TV"! Find out what REALLY happened with Golden Boy and Mega D's mom!

***MATCH 3
HARDCORE TITLE MATCH
TIDAL WAVE VS VIPER****

Seth: So there's a Tidal Wave AND a Twister in this federation... Maybe they can claim Disaster Relief....

Tom: They've got the "Disaster" part down... the whole thing's been a disaster from the get-go!

****GW: THIS MATCH ALREADY STARTED BACKSTAGE****

TV: I hope it didn't involve towels and tag team action like the last guys.

****CAMERA GOES BACKSTAGE AND YOU SEE TIDAL WAVE BEATING THE HELL OUT OF VIPER CHUCKING HIM ALL OVER THE PLACE.****

TV: Chucking is the family entertainment term for it then?

Seth: Well, in England, the term "tosser" would be used....

****TIDAL WAVE WAITS FOR VIPER TO GET UP, TIDAL HAS A LADDER IN HAND,****

Tom: That's one light ladder...

TV: Yeah, but his ladder is really long and expands.

***** HE THEN HITS THE LADDER IN VIPER CHEST AND HE LANDS ON A BOX****

TV: That's where it's SUPPOSED to go!

Seth: Man, they're just ASKING for it, giving Trey easy lines like that one!

**** HE THEN CLIMBS THE LADDER AND GOES FOR A LEG DROP BUT VIPER SOMEHOW ROLLS OFF THE BOX. TIDAL WAVE HITS THE BOX HARD****

TV: Box, hard, GOLD.

****AND ROLLS OFF. VIPER THEN PINS TIDAL ONLY TO GET A 2 COUNT WHEN IT IS BROCKEN UP BY CHRIS CUTTER.****

TV: Uh oh. It's a government conspiracy!

Crow: I was SURE it'd be brocken up by Broke Lesnar!

**** CHRIS THEN CHUCKS VIPER THROW A PIECE OF WOOD AND INTO ANOTHER ROOM.****

Seth: It's "MWA Smackdown: Yer!"... coming soon for Playstation 2!

****CHIRS THEN HITS THE CUTTER BOMB AND PINS. 1..2...3...
GW: CUTTER WINS THE HARDCORE TITLE BACK.****

Tom: Big whoop. If he pawns the title, maybe he can buy a bus ticket to get the hell out of MWA!

****DM: WELL THAT IS SHOCKING
HE GRABS THEN TILL****

Seth: He's stealing the nights' takings? Now that's taking desperation to a new level!

****AND THE GOES THROUGH THE HOLE IN THE WALL WHEN BHAM.*****

TV: Bham Bhigelow picks him up and eats him!

**** 2 BY 4 WRAPPED IN BARBWIRE TO THE HEAD. CUTTER FALLS TO THE FLOOR, BUSTED OPEN, TIDAL WAVE THEN PINS HIM 1..2...3 AND GRABS THE TITLE BACK****

Tom: Hey, a ten-second match leading to a five-second title-reign!

Crow: MWA: True Value For Money!

****AND WALKS OFF LOOKING AROUND FOR ANYONE.****

Seth: Yeah, he's looking for anyone who gives a damn about his victory...

TV: Could be a long search, man...

****CAMERA THEN PANS TO A KNOCKED OUT CHRIS CUTTER.*****

TV: A gray alien walking away with a barbed wire 2x4 and an anal probe.

****DM: WELL TIDAL WAVE GETS HIS TITLE BACK
GW: BUT IN A BAD WAY****

Tom: You mean MWA has a GOOD way of having these insta-matches?

****CAMERA THEN LOOKS THROUGHT THE HOLE AND YOU CAN SEE****

[Seth and the bots brace for impact...]

TV: THE LADIES ROOM! WOOHOO!

****VIPER BEEN SEEN BY E.M.T'S
GW: WELL YOU NEVER SEE THAT****

[Seth waves a hand in front of his eyes.]

Seth: Funny, I could have sworn I just DID see that!

****DM: THE NEWCOMER IS BEEN SEEN TO !!
GW: DO YOU THINK HE BE BACK*****

TV: You damn right he be back in the hizouse!

*****DM: JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE
COMMERICAL BREAK****

Crow: (Commercial Spokesbot) MWA is sponsored by the country of Sweden! Ve Like MWA! Yer!

****MATCH 4
DEBUT MATCH
STEVE EAGLE VS STONE COLD STUY***

TV: Stone Cold, what?

Seth: More to the point, HOW do you pronounce that name? Stewey? Stoi? Maybe it's a contraction of "STUpiditY"?

***THE MATCH WAS THE FIRST FOR THE EAGLE AND A PRE MATCH CAUSE FOR THE EURO TOURNAMENT.****

Tom: A pre-match "Cause", huh? Man, this guy's inventing his own language... Dumbass-eese!

****EAGLE SHOWED SOME GOOD MOVES, SCS THEN GOT THE EDGE ON EAGLE AND START TO DOMINATE,****

Seth: Y'know, if they'd done ALL the matches in ultra-recap format like this, we'd have finished by now...

****SCS STARTED TO MOCK THE NEWCOMER****

TV: Look at him, flapping his wings. (SCS) You're no Eagle, I'm an eagle!

****AND SHOWING OFF SCS THEN SCS HIT THE POTTYS DOG ON EAGLE.****

[Everyone does a major double-take at the name of Stuys' finisher.]

Crow: That MUST be a typo, surely....

****BUT AMAZINGLY THE NEWCOMER KICKED OUT.
GW: OH MY! HE JUST KCIK OUT OF THE POTTYS DOG****

Crow: It WASN'T a typo? What gives?

TV: SCS must have been playing on the new game show, Name My Finishing Maneuver with Vince Russo.

*****EAGLE THEN STARTED TO KICK SOME BUTT SHOWING VARIOUS MOVES,****

Tom: Various moves, huh? Maybe the disembodied narrator would like to PICK SMOE next time! Lazy bastard...

****THEN EAGLE HITS HIS FINISHER THE VERTO-PLEX ( DEATH VALLEY DRIVER )****

[We cut to the abode of Steve Studnuts for his (pre-taped generic) reaction to a jobber using his move.]

SS: Jerkweed.

[Back to the theatre.]

****AND THEN GOES AGAINST THE ROPES AND ROLLS SCS IN A SMALL PACKAGE****

Seth: He then places a small explosive device inside the package, ties it up with a ribbon and posts it to the MWA writer... and so justice is done!

****FOR THE 1..2..3
DM: WELL THIS GUY HAS ONE ON HIS DEBUT****

TV: What has Juan won? One?

****GW: WHAT A GREAT MATCH IT WAS****

Seth: Yer. A masterpiece. I think I'm going to cry...

***DM: WELL NOW IT IS TIME FOR THE MAIN EVENT
GW: YEP. SLADE AND DDT VS GB AND MEGA D****

Crow: (The Count) The MWA was brought to you by ze letters "D" and "G", and ze number "zero"... as in ZERO! Zero MWA fans still tuning in, ha-ha-ha-haaaa!

****DM: THIS IS GONNA BE BIG*****

TV: AND HARD!

****COMMERICAL BREAK
MAIN EVENT
"MEGA GOLDEN****

Seth: ...SHOWER...

****CONNECTION" GOLDEN BOY AND MEGA DVS SLADE AND DDT****

TV: The introductions tonight? Flawless. Dare I even say, perfect?

Seth: Dare, dare!

****THE MATCH GOT UNDERWAY WITH MEGA D AND DDT****

Tom: ...stinking up the ring!

****BATTLING IT OUT ****

TV: Before battling it in, inside.

****AND GOLDEN BOY AND SLADE BATTLING INSIDE THE RING. GOLDEN BOY IN THE END****

TV: OHHHH!

Seth: Better put Grandma to bed, folks!

****AFTER EXCHANGING PUNCHES GOT SLADE INTO THE CORNER AND NAILED HIM WITH A****

Crow: ...Nailgun, thus killing him and sparing us from watching the rest of this crap!

****SUPERPLEX. BY THEN MEGA D AND DDT WHERE IN THE DIFFERENT CORNERS****

Seth: Where WHAT in the corners? Sense the show makes the not....

****READY FOR A TAG.. GOLDEN BOY THEN STOMPED AWAY ON SLADE. GB THEN CHOCK TOSS SLADE ARCOSS THE RING*****

TV: You guys ever played chock toss?

Seth: If that's some sort of weird sexual euphemism, Trey, I'm taking the fifth....

****AND TAGGED IN MEGA D. MEGA D AND GB THEN HIT A DOUBLE SUPLEX ON SLADE.
GW: LOOKS LIKE THE MEGA GOLDEN CONNECETION ARE DOMIANTING ****

TV: They are unpottsable!

****DDT THEN TRIES TO GET IN THE RING BUT THE REF HOLDS HIM****

Crow: (Ref) You need a hug, DDT!

****BACK AND THEN SLADE GETS DOUBLE TEAMED EVEN MORE. *****

TV: (Ref) Save it for the porno movie, boys.

****GOLDEN BOY THEN GETS OUT OFF THE RING****

Tom: OF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Falls off chair)

****AND MEGA D STARTS TO NAIL SLADE DOWN EACH TIME.****

Seth: Hey, it's turned into a wild, zany Crucifixtion Match! All right!

****THEN MEGA D HITS A HARD SCOOP SLAM ON SLADE AND PINS HIM FOR THE 2 WHEN DAN BREAKS IT UP.****

TV: Dan who?

Seth: Dan Rather... he's there doing an expose on how SAT scores are plummeting these days...

****GB THEN TRIES TO GET IN BUT THE REF HOLDS HIM BACK,****

TV: Hey, he shouldn't be holding him there.

Crow: This ref is WAY to touchy-feely...

****SLADE THEN LOW BLOWS MEGA D.****

Seth: (Quickly) DON'T go there, Trey!

TV: Spoilsport!

****SLADE THEN GOES AGAINST THE ROPES AND MEGA D AND SLADE GET HIT WITH A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE. BOTH MEN ARE DOWN.
GW: GET UP MEGA D GET UP****

Crow: (GW) You gots to get funky wit'cha bad self!

****DM: WILL U PLS SHUT UP !!!****

TV: This show is brought to you by AOL Instant Messenger. The only place this show would make sense. Sort of.

****SLADE AND MEGA D CRAWL TO THE CORNERS AND SLADE GETS A TAG BUT MEGA D IS TO****

Toms' Voice From The Theatre Floor: ....Toooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****LATE AND DDT PULLS HIS LEG****

TV: (DDT) Hey Mega, I've been screwing your wife!

****AND GETS A ANKLE LOCK IN ON MEGA D. GB DOESNT LIKE IT****

TV: And asks for a butt massage instead.

****AND GETS IN THE RING. THE REF HOLDS HIM BACK BUT GB JUST KNOCKS HIM DOWN. GB THEN DIVES AT DDT AND SPEARS HIM DOWN.****

Seth: (Pro Bowling Commentator) GB makes the spare! Get that fat bastard another beer and some nachos, we're going to extra frames!

****GB THEN HITS A TALULA SLAM ON DDT AND ROLLS OUT****

Everyone: OF! OF! OF!!

****OFF THE RING.****

Tom: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

****MEGA D PINS DDT THE REF GETS IN AND COUNTS 1...2...KICK OUT
DM: OH MY. KICK OUT****

Seth: (Monotone) I'm so excited. And I just can't hide it. Whatever.

****GW: HOW THE HELL DID HE DO THAT !!! *****

TV: Something involving muscles and physics, I think. Not sure.

****MEGA D SLAMS HIS HANDS ON THE MAT AND CLIMBS TO HIS FEET. PICKS UP DDT AND HE GOES FOR A MEGA BOMB****

Crow: (Siskel) MWA: It's not just a bomb...

Seth: (Ebert) It's a MEGA-BOMB!

Both: Two thumbs down!

****WHEN ALL OFF A SUDDEN HE FALLS BACK!!!
GW: WHAT JUST HAPPENED****

TV: He slipped on a banana peel.

****MEGA D HIS BUSTED OPEN. THEN U SEE DAN PUTTING AWAY A PAIR OFF BRASS KNUCLKES,****

Seth: (50's Movietone Announcer) Nnuclke Energy: The way of the future!

**** THE REF LOOKS AROUND AND THEN TELL THE MATCH TO GO ON.****

TV: Meanwhile, the match no-sells the call.

****GB IS SHOCKED AND STORMS IN THE RING AND STUNNER THE REF. HE THEN TURNS AROUND AND BHAM SLADE HITS THE INTO THE DARK ( WRAPPED ARM DDT) ON GB.****

Seth: He DDT'ed Great Britain! Now THAT'S Sportz Entertainment!

****AND ROLLS HIM OUT OFF****

[Muffled thumps echo around the theatre as Tom begins to bang his head repeatedly into the wall.]

****THE RING. DDT AND SLADE THEN HIGH FIVE EACH OTHER****

TV: (DDT) We're SO cool!

Seth: (Slade) I love you, man!

Crow: (Joe Blow) Hey, that's what you said to ME last night, you slut!

****AND DDT PICKS UP MEGA D AND HITS HIS FINISHER ON MEGA D. SLADE THEN CLIMBS THE TURNBUCKLE AND HITS THE RITUAL SACRIFICE ON MEGA D****

Seth: Yeah, rip his 'nads off and burn at the stake, like the Celts used to do...

****GW: NO NO NO
DM: YES YES YES,****

Tom: ECHOechoecho....

***HURRY PIN
GW: GET UP GB GET UP!!!!!
SLADE ROLLS OUT OFF THE RING AND DDT PINS MEGA D. THE REF SLOWLY GETS UP AND COUNTS
1..****

Crow: ...Sponsor still willing to fork out money to this bunch of licensed idiots...

****2..

Crow: ...Fans still watching at home!

****GW: NNOOOOO
..3
DING DING ****

TV: (Emotionlessly) Yay.

*****SLADE THEN ROLLS IN THE RING AND THEY CELEBRATE. MEGA D IS BUSTED OPEN THEN ALL OFF A SUDDEN GOLDEN BOY ROLLS IN THE RING WITH A SLEGDE HAMMER****

Seth: (Sledge Hammer) Trust me... I know what I'm doing! (Mimes shooting the set) DIE, MWA!

****AND HITS DDT OVER THE HEAD WITH IT.
GW: YOU GO GB****

TV: Crack his head open like a watermelon girlfriend! Yer, yer.

****SLADE THE SWINGS AT GB AND HE DUCKS AND HITS SLADE WITH THE SLEDGE HAMMER HAS WELL. GB THEN LOOKS DOWN ON SLADEW.****

Crow: Man, he hit him so hard even his name got mangled from the impact!

****HE SPITS ON HIM AND RAISES THE SLEGDE HAMMER IN THE AIR
DM: THIS IS JUST TERRIBLE ****

TV: Ya think?

Seth: Terribly unoriginal, that is...

****GW: WELL, I DONT THINK IT IS, GB IS SHOWING WHO IS BOSS
THE SHOW GOES OFF THE AIR,****

Tom: Hopefully forever!

****LAST PICTURE HIS GB RAISEING HIS I.C TITLE IN ONE HAND AND THE SLEDGE HAMMER IN THE OTHER!!! WITH SLADE, DDT AND MEGA D DOWN !!!!****

TV: And they all lived apathetically, ever, after.

Seth: Whew... thanks, Trey.... That was MUCH better than 360WE! Mind you, that's NOT saying to much...

Tom: TOO! TOO! TOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seth: I couldn't resist...

[Fade out.]


© 2002 iAd: It hurts us more than it hurts you…really!

parody banner ad